Chapter 109: The Room Where He Still Waits

Contrary to how calmly he had steeled his heart, the moment the terminal came into view, his chest began to pound.

Han-geon closed his eyes.

The instant he took in the familiar scenery, far too many memories surged in like a tidal wave.

Trying to calm his roiling emotions, Han-geon slowly stepped down from the bus.

The middle-aged bus driver, who was stretching lazily and loosening up his stiff body, looked at Han-geon with a puzzled expression as he carefully and deliberately descended the steps.

Han-geon walked out toward the terminal with a composed face.

If he took just one city bus from here, he would be home in no time.

He boarded the rattling bus and stared blankly out the window.

It felt as though the last time he had been here was unimaginably long ago.

The familiar scenery felt, at the same time, strangely foreign.

As if it were pushing him away, telling him that this was not a place he belonged.

The bus spat Han-geon out at a well-known spot and disappeared.

Han-geon trudged toward his house.

At the taekwondo gym, where he wore loose uniforms because his belly did not show much, no one knew about his pregnancy, yet today his stomach looked conspicuously swollen to his own eyes.

What kind of expression would Mother make when she saw this belly.

The tension made it hard for him to breathe.

And yet, in another sense, he was composed.

No, he was trying to make himself be that way.

No matter what his parents said, his decision would not change anyway.

Standing at last in front of the house, Han-geon looked back and forth between the two homes with trembling eyes.

His own house, and Eun-gyeol’s house standing right beside it.

Taking a deep breath in and out, Han-geon closed his eyes for a moment and reined in his emotions.

Then, as if resolved, he firmly punched in the password with steady hands.

He slowly grasped the doorknob and pulled it open.

“…Mother, Father.

I’m home.”

Han-geon awkwardly called out toward the inside.

At that moment, his mother and father, who had been sitting in the living room, sprang to their feet as if jolted.

His father approached with unusually hurried, thudding steps, while his mother’s face flushed red and her eyes immediately brimmed with tears the moment she saw him.

“Han-geon, oh my baby….

Welcome home.

Welcome home….”

Aside from those trembling words spilling out, Mother could not say anything else.

Father was the same.

Mother abruptly pulled Han-geon into her arms by the shoulders and examined his face with shaking eyes.

The instant Han-geon’s gaze met hers, Mother broke down into a piercing sob.

“All this time… all this time, how hard you must have had it on your own.

Han-geon, my baby….

All alone… carrying a child, where were you, what were you doing, you….”

“…Mother.”

Han-geon grasped his mother’s delicate shoulders with steady hands.

“I’m okay.

Look at my face, I look fine, don’t I.

I’ve been doing well, so… please don’t worry.”

Han-geon forced a smile at his mother, but it only made her crying worse.

After shedding tears for a long while, Mother gradually calmed down with Father’s gentle attempts to soothe her.

Supported by Father and Han-geon, Mother staggered toward the sofa.

Soon, the three of them sat together in one place.

At the sight, so long unseen, a hazy longing washed over him, and Han-geon gently bit his lip.

Father was the first to speak in a calm voice.

“Han-geon.”

“…Yes.”

“…I heard everything… from Eun-gyeol.”

Hearing his father’s heavy voice, Han-geon fell silent.

Only after quite some time did he finally part his dry lips.

“…What did he… say to you and Mother….”

“That boy….

He knelt down and apologized.

He said it was his fault that you ended up like that….”

Following Father’s somber voice, Mother chimed in as well, her face still wet with tears.

“Everyone was so shocked and out of their minds….

I was bedridden for days.

Eun-gyeol’s father was crying too, and he beat that boy terribly right in front of us….

And he came to see us separately as well… saying he had no face to show, over and over again.”

“…..”

There was nothing he could say.

He had known, of course, that he had caused his parents worry, but hearing about everything so directly after coming home made his heart feel even heavier and guiltier, making it hard to say anything carelessly.

Only after a long while could Han-geon speak.

“Mother, Father….

I’m sorry.

I caused you so much worry….

I needed some time to sort out my feelings, so…

I couldn’t show my face, and I couldn’t call as often.”

“That’s fine, that’s all fine.

Just seeing your face is enough for me, Han-geon….”

Mother’s tear-soaked hand reached out and clasped Han-geon’s.

“It’s all fine, so tell us.

Where you’ve been living, what you’ve been doing… tell us everything, okay?”

With his head bowed, Han-geon briefly recounted what he had been up to.

Because he did not want Mother to worry, he left out the hardest parts and spoke only of relatively positive things.

That the goshiwon was small but comfortable in its own way, and that moving around and living here and there had turned out to be more manageable than he had expected.

He also added that he had recently been working as a taekwondo instructor, that the children were adorable, and that compared to his previous work, it was not dangerous at all, so he enjoyed it and felt good doing it.

After finishing his explanation, Han-geon paused, hesitating for a moment.

In truth, something he had been curious about this whole time tickled at the back of his mouth.

Unable to hold back any longer, he cautiously spoke.

“…Um…

Mother.

Has Eun-gyeol… come here since then?”

“Eun-gyeol?

Well… he comes often.

Every time he stops by his own house, he always comes over here.

Of course, I’m so upset with him that more often than not I don’t even open the door for him, but….”

Mother let out a deep sigh and continued.

“Strangely enough… he keeps begging, saying he just wants to smell you or something.

He asks me to please let him into your room.

At first I wondered what on earth was wrong with him, and why I should grant such a request, so I refused.

But he kept coming back with a face that looked half-dead, persistently begging….”

“…..”

“In the end, I just… half gave up and opened the door for him.

Then he went into your room and didn’t come out all day.

No matter how often I checked on him, he didn’t do anything.

He just sat there blankly on your bed, like a lost child… wrapped up in the blanket you used to sleep under.”

Listening to Mother’s heavy voice, Han-geon suddenly pictured that boy in his mind.

The image of Cha Eun-gyeol sitting alone on the bed in his room.

A sense of déjà vu washed over him.

That’s right, throughout their school days, Cha Eun-gyeol had waited for him like that.

As if it were his own room, he would naturally come in, read books, or take early evening naps, spending time that way.

When Han-geon came home after studying or exercising, filled with excitement, that boy would always greet him warmly.
“Welcome back.”

With a voice that always made Han-geon’s heart feel full.

With a smile so beautiful it made his chest ache no matter how many times he saw it.

Now he knew.

The difference between then and now, between the heart of that boy waiting for him in his room, was as vast as the edge of the sky and the dark bottom of the deep sea.

His own heart was the same.

The fresh and aching feelings of racing home, desperate to see Eun-gyeol even a moment sooner, were gone now.

What had taken their place was nothing but embarrassment and bitterness.

Even hearing that the boy was searching for him everywhere, he had not imagined it would be to this extent.

The Cha Eun-gyeol he knew was not someone who would bow his head or humble himself before anyone.

And yet, that man had come first, knelt before his parents to beg forgiveness, endured being treated like a shameless intruder, and still forced his way into Han-geon’s room to sit there blankly.

“…Mother.”

Han-geon worked his dry lips with effort.

He had hesitated countless times over whether to ask this question, but having come this far, he wondered what there was left not to ask.

“…How is he… really?”

Han-geon clenched his fist tightly.

What kind of answer was he even hoping for.

Considering the news he had heard earlier in the waiting hall, along with what Jinwoo and Mother had said, it was hard to believe that Eun-gyeol had completely forgotten him and was living a peaceful daily life.

And yet, Han-geon asked anyway.

It might have been a different, perhaps even rawer feeling than the words he had prepared to say to Eun-gyeol before coming here.

It was a pitiful emotion even in his own eyes, but if, by chance… if he were to hear that Cha Eun-gyeol was doing well, that he missed him and searched for him but was still managing somehow, and that he would eventually forget and be fine, he felt like he would get angry.

To be completely honest, that was how he felt.

Because unlike what he had told his parents with a forced smile, he had not always been at ease or happy.

There had been far too many moments of worry, tears, rage, despair, and resentment.

No matter how desperately he struggled to forget, it was impossible to erase all the countless, vicious traces Eun-gyeol had burned into his life like a brand, and in the end he had given up.

Yes, clearly, and yet.

“I hate to say this, but… that kid is completely ruined.”

His heart dropped with a hollow thud, sinking endlessly.

“He does nothing.

Other than sitting there endlessly in your room.

I’m not exaggerating, he really doesn’t eat, doesn’t move….

That’s how he is.”

Mother continued, her face dark.

“And then one day he suddenly disappears for several days at a time, only to come back and ask to be let into your room again….

One day I asked where he was going in such a hurry, and he said he was going to look for you….”

“…..”

“He says he has people out searching for you, but it’s hard to find you, and that he can’t just sit and wait, so he goes around searching anywhere he can think of.

He said he goes from time to time to that beach in Gangwon-do where you once went too.

He just… wanders around looking for you like a madman.

Like someone truly possessed….”