Chapter 120: White Sneakers

Click.

Eun-gyeol’s room, which Han-geon carefully entered after turning the doorknob, was tidied just as it had been before.

As his mother had said, Eun-gyeol had often come and gone from the family home, so the room was not completely devoid of signs of life.

On top of that, his scent and even his pheromones were deeply embedded in the space.

Han-geon carefully sat down on Eun-gyeol’s bed.

His belly immediately erupted into another bout of commotion.

Watching the grape frolic about happily, Han-geon let out a small snort of laughter and complained for no real reason.

“Hey, Choi Podo.

Why do you seem even more excited here than when you’re in my room?”

Muttering something so trivial, Han-geon slowly lay down on the bed.

Just as Eun-gyeol had done in Han-geon’s room, he pulled the blanket up and brought it to his nose.

Cha Eun-gyeol’s scent.

Even though he had just received Eun-gyeol’s pheromones in full, the deeply ingrained trace of his body still brought a sense of calm to his heart.

He lay there for a while, staring blankly at the ceiling, thinking about the impulse that had driven him here just moments ago.

For some reason, he had wanted to come see the room without its owner.

Just as Eun-gyeol had waited for him for so long in a room without him.

They said that during childbirth, a large amount of one’s imprinted partner’s pheromones was needed.

Maybe he should take a few pieces of Cha Eun-gyeol’s clothing with him….

Thinking that, Han-geon let out a faint laugh, but the smile quickly faded.

The thought that he was reduced to scavenging even fragments of what Eun-gyeol had left behind felt ridiculous and miserable.

As Han-geon slowly sat up, his gaze drifted unconsciously toward Eun-gyeol’s desk.

The neatly arranged bookshelf and desk were still filled with traces of Eun-gyeol’s student days.

The writing utensils Eun-gyeol used often.

Monochrome planners and notebooks.

Books that had been read so many times they were worn and frayed.

Understanding Film.

Introduction to Theatre Studies.

Ideas and Expression.

Film Appreciation and Criticism.

As Han-geon’s eyes traced the shelves densely packed with such titles, his gaze stopped on a shopping bag he had never seen before.

The shopping bag placed in the corner of the wide desk looked fairly large.

It was something he had never noticed before.

Even though he knew he should not carelessly look through someone else’s belongings, his hand moved toward the bag anyway.

His chest began to pound with an unsettling rhythm.

If it was something private… like a diary or something, he could just close it right away.

But the moment he looked inside the open shopping bag, Han-geon’s face froze.

“…This is….”

Inside the large shopping bag were two boxes.

One was painfully familiar from having seen it so many times.

The other had the exact same shape, only smaller.

With faintly trembling fingertips, he took out the two boxes.

He carefully opened the larger one first, and inside was something he knew all too well.

The sneakers Eun-gyeol had bought for him a long time ago.

The very pair that was still sitting on Han-geon’s bookshelf even now.

They were the same as the ones he owned, except sized for Eun-gyeol.

With a more hurried motion, Han-geon lifted the smaller box.

The moment he opened it, his eyes flew wide at what lay inside.

Baby shoes.

The same design as his and Eun-gyeol’s.

The dazzlingly white sneakers stabbed into his vision like shards of glass.

Even when he squeezed his eyes shut a beat too late, the afterimage that had already seeped in continued to pierce sharply at his chest.

“…Ha.”

A hot breath spilled from his lips.

His chest burned to the point of being unbearable.

With still-trembling fingertips, Han-geon stroked the tiny baby sneakers and bit down hard on his lip.

His vision, filled with the two pairs of pristine white shoes, blurred and wavered.

The sneakers he had received as a gift from Eun-gyeol.

The sneakers he had never once been able to wear.

Although they were overlaid with the painful memory of Eun-gyeol crushing him with them right before his eyes, they were something he had never been able to throw away easily.

Even as Han-geon sorted through and severed every tie he had with Eun-gyeol, those sneakers had remained on his bookshelf, holding all the pain and happiness of his unrequited love, steadfastly keeping their place.

With what kind of heart had Eun-gyeol prepared these shoes.

With what expression had he imagined the future of the three of them.

And after being rejected by Han-geon, with what feelings had he returned home and taken these shoes out again.

Perhaps, like Han-geon, he had cried painfully while drawing in his heart a family plan that would never be realized.

Tears fell in drops, soaking the sneakers.

Han-geon wiped the stains off the surface with his fingers.

Even so, the merciless tears kept falling.

Hastily placing the sneakers back on the desk because he did not want them to be ruined, Han-geon still could not stop himself from stroking the small, beautiful shoes with shaking hands.

At that moment, his phone began to vibrate against his body.

It was Eun-gyeol’s father.

Han-geon quickly wiped his tears with the back of his hand and pulled the phone from his pocket.

The moment he answered, an excited voice burst through the line.

—Han-geon.

Eun-gyeol just now… he’s fully awake.

Han-geon’s eyes widened as he sprang to his feet.

—You spent over a week taking care of him and worrying so much, so I wanted to tell you first.

I didn’t call to ask you to come, so don’t misunderstand.

You don’t have to worry about it and just rest—

He had neither the presence of mind nor the time to reply.

His feet were already carrying him out of Eun-gyeol’s house and toward the taxi stand.

By the time he finally managed to say, “I’m on my way, Uncle,” the call had already ended.

As the taxi headed toward the hospital, his heart pounded frighteningly hard.

His vision swam, and excitement coursed through his entire body until it tingled.

Han-geon slowly repeated deep breaths, clenching and unclenching his fists as he tried to calm his thoughts.

If he were to distance himself from Eun-gyeol as he had originally planned, then as Eun-gyeol’s father had said, he should be satisfied with just the news that Eun-gyeol had woken up.

Eun-gyeol had safely awakened, just as he had wished for so desperately over the past two weeks, so there was nothing more to hope for and nothing more to worry about.

He should not go to that hospital anymore.

Just as he had decided before, they should live their own lives while wishing for each other’s well-being and happiness.

And yet…

The footsteps that carried him from the taxi and sent him running toward the hospital’s main entrance were irresistible.

He could not stop.

Tap tap tap.

With his breath hitting the back of his throat and his soles aching, Han-geon ran with everything he had.

As he went up to the ward where Eun-gyeol had been hospitalized, he stared at the rising floor numbers until his eyes hurt.

Faster.

Even faster.

He wanted to see, even one second sooner, Eun-gyeol opening his eyes in good health and moving again.

He wanted to confirm it with his own eyes.

Only now did Han-geon feel like he understood.

The name of the crystal that had formed in his heart.

The true identity of the thread he could never sever no matter how hard he tried.

It was something Cha Eun-gyeol himself had shaped inside Han-geon’s heart.

With his earnest remorse over his own wrongdoing.

With his fierce desire to heal, no matter what it took, the wounds he had inflicted on Han-geon.

With his desperate longing to take even one step closer to the child they had made together.

And with his love, with which he had tried to protect Han-geon at the cost of his own life.

Yes.

The name of that crystal he finally understood was love.

Eun-gyeol’s desperate sincerity moved Han-geon’s heart, which had seemed immovable.

It shattered the hardened resolve he had clung to.

It twisted and overturned Han-geon’s belief that it would be best for them to become complete strangers, to draw parallel lines in their respective places until the day they could calmly smile and greet each other without pain.

And Han-geon decided to respond to him.

He decided to turn back the back he had once completely turned on Eun-gyeol.

He decided to approach Eun-gyeol, who was still kneeling before him.

He decided to wipe away the tears from Eun-gyeol’s eyes as he bowed his head and cried.

Inside him, a voice continued to scold him relentlessly.

Telling him to come to his senses.

Asking what he would do if he got hurt the same way again.

Asking whether it was not enough that he had already done so many foolish, doormat-like things, and whether he really intended to repeat it once more.

Even so, Han-geon now held a firm conviction.

That from now on, they would be different.

That they would finally meet each other’s gaze, having faced one another all along without truly seeing.

That they would be able to hold the other wholly within that gaze.

That after ending their long, exhausting game of tag, they would finally reach each other and hold one another tightly.

From now on, they would stop wandering and turn toward each other.

The long, arduous time they had spent circling each other without realizing they shared the same feelings was now over.

It was time to believe, just once, Eun-gyeol’s vow to spend his lifetime cherishing Han-geon until every wound he had caused was healed.

“Hhk, hhk, huff….”

Standing at the entrance to Eun-gyeol’s hospital room, Han-geon bent forward, bracing his hands on his trembling knees.

For a moment, he panted harshly for breath, feeling as though his insides might spill out.

Then, through the slightly open door, he heard the voices of Eun-gyeol and his father.

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