Chapter 83: Sleeping Beside The End

“You’re here?”

Through the narrow crack of the door, I saw Eun-gyeol’s beautifully smiling face.

Seeing him so cheerful, completely unaware of anything, made the center of my chest throb dully.

Lowering my gaze without realizing it, I stepped inside.

“…Mm.

I’m going to wash up for a bit.”

“Want to shower together?

I was waiting because I wanted to wash with you.”

A sweet voice.

At the same time, long arms reached out and gently wrapped around me from behind.

He rubbed the tip of his nose against the back of my neck, breathing in as if savoring the scent.

Every hair on my body stood on end.

I slowly clasped Eun-gyeol’s hand and gently pulled it away.

Hiding the stinging ache still lingering in my chest, I turned to him with a slow smile.

“No.

It’d be uncomfortable.

You go first.”

“I don’t want to.

I want to do it together.”

“…I’m kind of tired today…”

The words slipped out before I could stop myself.

Ah— I’d messed up.

“No, wait.

Let’s wash together then.”

Usually, it was easier to just give in to his requests.

But today, I really was exhausted.

Maybe because we were nearing the end, my body felt strangely heavier, more fatigued than usual.

I wanted to refuse more lightly, but—

As expected, the face that had been clinging to me in a pout instantly stiffened.

Eun-gyeol drew in a short breath and muttered,

“Choi Han-geon.

What’s with you today?”

“What did I do?”

We’re almost there.

Don’t mess things up now…

Before Eun-gyeol could say anything else, I spoke first, forcing a casual tone.

“What, it’s nothing.

I’m just really tired, that’s all.”

“…..”

“I couldn’t sleep properly last night… barely slept at all.

I just want to wash up and rest.

If we shower together, you’ll just start fooling around again.”

I said it lightly, smiling on purpose, as if joking.

Seeing me pretend everything was fine, Eun-gyeol couldn’t press further.

He bit down once on his reddened lips, and only after a long pause did he speak.

“…Alright.

Then you go first.”

That was all.

Thankfully, he backed off quietly, not seeming too shaken.

I went straight into the bathroom and turned on the water.

After I finished showering and came out, Eun-gyeol—now undressed—went in.

While he was washing, I lay blankly on the bed, listening to the sound of running water.

I didn’t know why my body felt so heavy.

Maybe it was because I’d worked late.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling.

A faint dizziness washed over me.

The fatigue I’d been feeling lately was only getting worse.

I kept feeling sleepy, and more than anything, my stomach felt off.

Bloated—like the lunch I’d eaten was still stuck right below my sternum.

Is this how it’s supposed to be once you become an omega?

They said the manifestation pains were completely gone… so why does it still feel like there’s something left?

Thinking that, I wiped my face with a heated palm.

My hand felt strangely warm.

Almost like Eun-gyeol’s.

“What are you thinking about?”

Eun-gyeol came out, only roughly drying himself, and walked straight to the bedside.

The way he slipped in and hugged my side the moment he lay down had become all too natural now.

“Ah, I was just…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence.

The instant his hand wrapped around my waist and his chest pressed against my back, a violent wave of nausea surged up.

I hurriedly covered my mouth with my palm and pushed myself upright.

It was a relief I barely managed to avoid retching.

“…Hah…”

“What?

What’s wrong?”

Eun-gyeol sprang up too, his face startled.

Wiping the cold sweat off my forehead with my sleeve, I shook my head.

“No.

It’s just—suddenly…”

And once the moment passed, the sensation vanished like a lie.

I was glad I hadn’t shown him myself gagging.

I didn’t want to make a fuss over nothing.

Completely drained despite doing nothing, I slid back down onto the bed.

“…I’m tired.

I should sleep.”

“Are you sure you’re not actually sick?

Where does it hurt?

I’ll get you some medicine.”

“No.

I’m really fine.

Just please… I want to sleep.”

My voice came out firm, almost harsh.

Eun-gyeol stayed still for a moment, then let out a short sigh.

“…Alright.

I’ll turn the lights off.”

He got up and switched off every light in the room.

In the pitch-black darkness, only a faint artificial glow seeped in through the curtains.

With my back turned to Eun-gyeol, I stared blankly at the empty bed in front of me.

This room, which I’d been using ever since filming began, originally had two single beds.

I couldn’t even remember when we’d started leaving one of them unused.

Now, curling up tightly together with Eun-gyeol on the narrow bed had become a habit.

I wanted to fall asleep quickly, using the fatigue weighing on my body as a pillow.

Before the intrusive thoughts that always laid traps to keep me awake could grow stronger.

But the moment I closed my eyes, I had to open them again.

Because of the hand subtly groping at my side and stomach.

Maybe because the day of departure was drawing closer.

Tonight, his touch felt especially uncomfortable.

Not just emotionally—my stomach genuinely churned, queasy and unsettled.

“…Don’t.

I want to sleep.”

“Okay.

Go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep if you keep touching me.”

“I’ll just hold you like this.”

Something surged up inside me.

As I reflexively tried to swallow the heat rising to my throat, it burst out against my will.

“…I said don’t!”

The sound of bedding and skin scraping against each other tore sharply through the quiet room.

When I came to my senses, I’d already slapped his hand away.

“…..”
“…..”

What followed was an unbearably awkward silence.

In the darkness, the two of us just lay there, unmoving.

My heart thrashed wildly, like a fish skewered through the body.

I didn’t have the courage to turn around and face him.

I heard Eun-gyeol draw in a deep breath right by my ear.

His pheromones—now far too distinct—stirred restlessly through the room.

Soon, his breath scattered close by.

The chest pressed against my back rose and fell heavily.

Unbelievably, it was clear he was trying to control his emotions.

That in itself was unexpected.

Whenever I’d refused his advances before, Eun-gyeol had always gone berserk.

Grabbing my wrist when I pushed him away, pinning me down, forcing kisses onto my shaking face—that had been his usual behavior.

Even if he hadn’t done that lately, the physical relationship etched into my mind was still one of suppression and coercion.

“…Sorry for getting angry.”

Still facing away from him, I apologized in a subdued voice.

But Eun-gyeol didn’t reply.

As the silence stretched, anxiety crept in.

Just as I started to turn toward him—

His hand suddenly grabbed me and flipped me over.

“…Ugh!”

Of course.

Here we go again.

I froze mid-breath, about to force down the emotions boiling inside me.

But that was all he did.

After turning me to face him, Eun-gyeol made no further move.

He simply looked at me in silence.

When our eyes met, I couldn’t help but flinch.

“…Cha Eun-gyeol.”

His face was horribly twisted.

Like someone being chased, he was openly baring his anxiety.

He’d been biting his lips until they were bloodshot red, and only after a long while did he speak.

“…I won’t do anything else.

If you don’t like it, I won’t touch you anymore.”

“…..”

“Just…”

His deeply sunken voice hummed through the darkened air.

I could see his pale throat bob unsteadily.

“…I’ll just hold you.

Can’t you at least let me do that?”

His tone was still impatient and sharp.

But I could read the extreme anxiety woven into it.

Looking at the tense corners of his eyes fixed on me, I remembered the first time I’d met Eun-gyeol.

A ten-year-old boy bristling like a hedgehog, rejecting all contact—yet in truth starving for love, famished for affection.

I rolled my lips inward and bit down.

The sensation of soft flesh caught between my teeth cleared my head.

Right.

I’ve made it this far…
We’re really almost there.

I nodded calmly.

“…Okay.

Come here.”

The moment the words left my mouth, Eun-gyeol burrowed into my arms.

He buried his face against my chest and wrapped his strong arms tightly around my torso.

He didn’t say anything more, but there was no ease in his grip—
as if he were desperately trying to confirm something, and be reassured of it in return.

The breath spreading hotly against my chest was uneven.

Rough, trembling slightly.

I carefully stroked Eun-gyeol’s back as he curled up like an animal in my arms.

From experience, I knew this usually calmed him quickly.

In the darkness, only our breathing filled the room.

Tracing the window with my eyes, I blinked slowly.

I wanted to fall asleep fast to block out the flood of thoughts, but tonight, it seemed that wouldn’t be possible.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

My heart beat heavily.

Slow, yet powerful—its rhythm felt strangely unfamiliar.

Just a few months ago—no, even just weeks ago—I’d take off my watch so it wouldn’t alert me whenever Eun-gyeol touched me.

Now, the widened gaps between my own heartbeats were being filled by another sound.

A heartbeat I’d never heard before, always buried beneath my own—
Eun-gyeol’s.

Yet he pretended not to hear how worryingly loud it was, stubbornly pressing his face into me.

His arms were still tight around my body.

A tangle of emotions mixed together, turning into sighs that kept welling up in my chest.

What are you thinking right now?

How far… have we really come?

If I asked you what I mean to you now,
would your answer be even slightly different from before?

Would it change by even the thickness of a sheet of paper from “a friend, a manager, a s*x partner”…?

……

A dry, hollow laugh crumbled uselessly inside me.

Of course not.

In his head, I was probably still nothing more than an easy mark—
a sucker he could use without effort.

Someone who came running the moment affection was tossed his way, wagging his tail like a dog, and even spreading his legs without a shred of pride.

For seventeen years, the emotional shield I thought I’d been using to block the wounds he gave me had never seemed to crack, no matter how hard Eun-gyeol struck it.

My blind love had kept repairing that shield, no matter how badly it shattered.

That’s what I’d believed.

But in truth, I’d been bare all along.

There had never been a shield to begin with.

I’d realized it far too late.

There was no such thing as a shield that repaired itself no matter how many times it was attacked.

For all those years, I’d simply been taking every blow he dealt me head-on—
blinded by the desperate, foolish self-justification that it’s fine because I love him.

With a body riddled with blades, I could no longer face him.

Even now, I should turn my back and run.

Even if it was already too late…
before I was broken beyond the ability to stand again, I had to escape to somewhere his attacks couldn’t reach me.

“Choi Han-geon.”

A hoarse voice quietly called me.

“…Mm.”

“You’re still…”

I waited, but the rest never came.

When I asked what he’d been about to say, Eun-gyeol didn’t answer.

Small sighs slipped from our lips and dissolved into the air.

In the still silence, the only loud thing was the rapid beat of Eun-gyeol’s heart.

My eyes slowly closed.

Sleep crept in, wrapping tightly around my body.

Within the familiar warmth that always enveloped me, I slid gently down into sleep.