Chapter 106: Podo

When Han-geon came down to the first floor and stepped outside the building, the unmistakably warmer air brushed against the tip of his nose.

As he walked slowly toward the bus stop, large magnolia blossoms in full bloom could be seen here and there.

The winter that had been especially cold had truly passed.

Even so, he made sure to wear at least a thin windbreaker every day, just in case he caught a cold.

After getting off the bus, Han-geon entered a large hospital building.

Today was the day of his obstetrics checkup.

The OB-GYN clinic, which offered evening hours, was as crowded and bustling as ever.

After checking in, he sat blankly in the waiting area.

Some people, like Han-geon, had come alone, while others were there with their families.

Watching toddlers toddle around and the guardians caring for them, Han-geon’s lips curved into a faint smile.

“Welcome.

Have you been doing well?

Alright, let’s take a look at how our Podo has been doing.”

The doctor he had seen two weeks ago greeted Han-geon with a bright smile.

What had once felt endlessly awkward now felt at least a little familiar.

When Han-geon lay down on the examination bed and lifted his shirt, the ultrasound probe coated in cold gel pressed against his abdomen.

The stomach that had once been packed tight with solid muscle was still fairly gradual in its curve, but it had clearly begun to round.

“Let’s see.

Today makes thirty-three weeks and two days, right?

Our Podo is growing very well and looks very healthy.”

As the doctor moved the probe around to check the screen, he continued cheerfully.

“It seems your spouse must be very tall.

The legs are extremely long.”

“…Ah, yes.”

“The head is really small too.

Long legs and a small face.

They could be a model someday.”

The baby’s nickname was Podo.

The reason for the name was simple.

In the very first ultrasound image, the baby’s round shape had reminded him of a grape.

He had also dreamed of vividly green, beautiful green grapes.

And every time he said the nickname, a certain person who loved green grape drinks inevitably came to mind, but that much could not be helped.

For months, Han-geon had neither the heart nor the mental space to come up with a nickname.

Because the name had only been given recently, calling it aloud on his own or hearing someone else say it still felt awkward.

Still, it no longer felt as uncomfortable as it had at first.

Before deciding to stay with the baby, Han-geon had agonized endlessly.

He had fled Jinwoo’s house as if running away and wandered without a destination.

He searched for a place where Cha Eun-gyeol could not follow.

After first going to the beach in Gangwon Province where Jinwoo had been, Han-geon moved down to the southern regions this time.

In a quiet town where he had no connections at all, he rented a tiny boarding room and settled into a temporary refuge without a plan.

After staying there for about a month while working short-term jobs, he moved again.

He moved once more, and this place was where he had finally settled for now.

Because he kept changing residences and phone numbers, there was no longer any chance of running into Cha Eun-gyeol.

In unfamiliar territory, Han-geon moved simply to survive.

Wherever he went, he quietly lived out his days.

Building a daily life in strange places turned out to be more manageable than he had expected.

Keeping busy cleared his head of stray thoughts, which helped.

Han-geon mainly worked daily security guard shifts.

At times, he worked at convenience stores or as serving staff.

He knew that if he wanted to earn a lot of money quickly, he would need to do delivery loading or heavy labor.

Still, he hesitated to push his body too hard.

So even if the hourly wage was lower, he chose work that was easier on his body.

In truth, Han-geon knew the reason behind this irrational choice.

Even while mechanically moving his body through work, he constantly thought about what to do with the presence inside him.

What decision would truly be right.

As he struggled fiercely with the choice, a storm of emotions swept through him like a roller coaster several times a day.

One day, he steeled himself and even called an OB-GYN clinic to schedule a procedure date.

Yet once again, Han-geon ran away from that choice.

After making it all the way to the bus stop, he could not bring himself to board the bus heading to the hospital.

He trudged back to the boarding house instead, drowning in endless self-reproach.

That’s why he had been used for so long.

That’s why…

If he shut his eyes and made the decision, everything after that would become a fading past.

Of course, he might feel empty and hollow after the procedure, but that would only be temporary.

Those uncomfortable feelings would soon be shaken off, and he could start anew.

Yes, he should have been able to do that.

But still.

For reasons he could not understand, he simply could not make that decision.

The pulsing sound that had echoed in his ears refused to fade.

A powerful vitality, like someone beating a drum right beside him.

That sound had completely captivated Han-geon, as if he had been put under a spell.

His inability to make a rational decision left him endlessly frustrated and depressed.

After agonizing again and again until he was utterly exhausted, Han-geon began to deliberately avoid thinking about it.

A day passed, then another, as he postponed thinking about the baby.

To clear his head, he worked even harder on purpose.

In his spare time, he exercised within reasonable limits.

He cleaned, did laundry, listened to music, and slept.

Before he knew it, a week passed, then another.

Even while trying to clear his cluttered thoughts, he could not truly stop thinking altogether.

While Han-geon hesitated, the baby continued to grow, and his body responded accordingly.

What had initially been simple nausea gradually changed.

At first, he craved sour flavors.

Now, he constantly wanted spicy, hearty food.

If his stomach was empty, he felt nauseated, yet once he ate, he could not eat much.

Occasionally, he even vomited.

Though he thought it was noisy and fickle, Han-geon faithfully followed what his body wanted.

He avoided excessive strain and paid close attention to staying warm so he would not catch a cold.

At some point, he found himself even taking supplements meant for pregnant people, which made him let out a dry laugh.

It’s good for the body anyway…
He made these half-hearted excuses even as he knew how ridiculous they sounded.

Time slipped by quickly.

As winter deepened, the baby grew.

He moved once more, and again found a similar boarding room and similar work.

During that time, the presence inside him quietly put down stubborn roots, not only in his body but in his everyday life.

He could not deny it.

While struggling to survive in an unfamiliar place, the only being that endured that lonely and grueling time alongside him had been the baby.

Though he had spent his days wondering what to do, he knew that with each passing day, he was unconsciously making a decision.

And it was not a rational one.

While he agonized over what to do with the baby more than a hundred times, the child gained the nickname Podo.

To the presence he had tried so hard to ignore, Han-geon sometimes spoke softly.

Hey, Podo… hang in there today too.

The words themselves were nothing special.

Simple encouragement.

Asking whether the food he was eating tasted good.

Telling the baby to curl up warmly because the weather was cold.

As Han-geon gradually opened his heart, Podo faithfully did what he was meant to do.

He responded with gentle taps, as if answering Han-geon’s words.

And whenever Han-geon visited the OB-GYN, hesitantly but without fail, he was always told that the baby was growing very healthily.

When he reached twenty weeks, he underwent a detailed ultrasound at the doctor’s recommendation.

The baby, once no bigger than a grape, now had a fully human shape.

Watching the small arms and legs twitch inside his belly, Han-geon broke into a wide smile without realizing it.

And in that moment, he knew.

He would never forget this sight for the rest of his life.

That was how Han-geon decided to stay with the baby.

The fierce and exhausting concern vanished the moment the decision was made.

After seeing the baby’s fully formed human shape and vigorous movements with his own eyes, all of his doubts fell away.

Once he made the decision, his heart felt strangely calm.

All that remained now was to live his life together with the child.

“Ahh, home really is the best.”

After finishing his appointment and returning to the boarding house by bus, Han-geon muttered as he opened the door.

At some point, he had started talking to himself a lot more.

Inside, the neatly organized room came into view at a glance.

After hanging up his outerwear properly, he took a shower.

The room was barely about six square meters.

The window was no bigger than his palm, and the soundproofing was poor.

Still, for Han-geon, who kept moving from place to place, this was the best option.

It had felt suffocating at first, but now he had grown used to it.

After spending the day teaching taekwondo and driving the pickup routes, he returned exhausted, and the boarding house was simply a place to sleep.

As he finished dressing after his shower, his stomach growled.

He took out side dishes from the refrigerator and scooped rice from the communal rice cooker.

He wanted to just make instant noodles out of laziness, but thinking of the presence inside him, he pushed past the inconvenience.

After quickly finishing the meal, Han-geon brushed his teeth and flopped onto the bed.

As he relaxed, his belly suddenly became lively.

One side bulged sharply, then rippled visibly as something slid across.

The strength of the kicks, whoever the baby took after, was like that of a bull.

Maybe a soccer player someday.

Han-geon chuckled as he wrapped his hands around his belly.

“Alright, alright.

Ow, that hurts my ribs.

Take it easy.”

Looking at his noticeably swollen belly, Han-geon suddenly felt the passage of time.

Come to think of it, it would soon be time to move again.

Once he finished the instructor job he was enjoying, he planned to relocate right away.

Until now, he had moved with relative calm, but this time felt strangely different.

It made him feel a little lonely, as if he had made a promise to Jiye that he could not keep.

…It was only supposed to be two months anyway.

Before his mood could sink further, Han-geon quickly steadied himself.

He needed to consciously clear his head and carefully manage his emotions.

Otherwise, it would be easy to slip into depression.

Once his thoughts turned negative, it was hard to climb back out, so he needed to prevent it in advance.

Where should he go next.

No matter how much he tried to stay positive, whenever it came time to choose the next destination, a sense of emptiness inevitably washed over him.

It felt as though he had become a stranger in the world where he had lived for twenty-seven years.

The fact that there was no place he could truly call home felt deeply sad.

Family, friends, workplaces.

The precious connections he had built while staying in one place now existed only in memory, tinged with longing.

Of course, he had not cut ties with them.

If he wanted to meet them, he could.

Still, it was different from the past, when he could see them whenever he wanted.

Someday, he would settle down.

He could survive however he needed to on his own, but he had to build a warm nest for the baby.

Perhaps after moving one more time from here, he would finally be able to put down roots.

Before that, there was something he had to do.

Han-geon squeezed his eyes shut, clearly picturing his mother’s face.

Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to see his parents.

Thinking it would be best to sleep early, Han-geon got up and turned off the light.

He slept far more than he used to, and emotionally, he would likely be drained as well, so it was better to stock up on rest.

As drowsiness washed over him, Han-geon closed his eyes without resistance.