Chapter 21: The Weight of Favoritism and a Friend’s Absence

My mother habitually told me she had no money. It was a subtle way to silence me, to prevent me from asking for any. I was largely unbothered, understanding that she wasn’t refusing out of spite, but out of sheer necessity.

Before we moved, I would work part-time myself and use the money for my own needs. There was a reason I kept the study room job I was lucky enough to find for almost three years.

However, as I grew a little older, I realized that most of my mother’s earnings went to Lee Sunwoo. This meant there was nothing left for me.

Living in such cramped quarters, one learns everything, even things they’d rather not know. Initially, I felt a pang of betrayal.

Though I’d been silenced by the argument that it was ‘Mom’s money, her business,’ I still felt deeply hurt knowing she even borrowed money to support Lee Sunwoo.

At this point, I genuinely wondered: if I had been the one to borrow money instead of Lee Sunwoo, would Mom have so readily paid it back? Would she have even considered coming to this remote village just to earn money for me?

If it were Lee Sunwoo, would she have told him to keep wearing his old uniform from his previous school, simply because he was already in his third year? Would she have made him attend school, slowly spending the money he earned from part-time jobs, and agonize for days over something as simple as applying for school dinner? Would she have told him not to be greedy when he expressed a desire to go to university?

My mother loved Lee Sunwoo more than she loved me.

Why was I always relegated to the background? Why could I never be the first?

Jealousy, hatred, envy… why did I have to feel such emotions, even though we were family?

“…”

Yet, I knew speaking these thoughts aloud would only invite rebukes about being childish, about not hating my brother. They would surely say that during difficult times, family should support each other.

I no longer wanted to fight with Mom because of Lee Sunwoo. I yearned to preserve the peace in this house, even if it was a fragile one. The true culprit was someone else, and I didn’t want my feelings to be hurt further.

As I gasped for air, trying to calm myself, an ominous suspicion flashed through my mind.

‘No way…’

There was only one reason Lee Sunwoo, the recipient of all my mother’s affection, would contact her first: when he needed money.

Now, I nervously gnawed at the skin around my thumbnail, lost in thought.

Could he truly have contacted her for money again, after creating such a mess? But Lee Sunwoo was a man devoid of common sense; if he possessed even an ounce of it, things would never have spiraled to this extent.

My thoughts cycled endlessly, returning to the same point again and again.

It was utterly out of the blue, sudden even, but Yoon Heesung’s mother came to mind.

‘Please take good care of my Heesung.’

There were mothers in this world who, concerned about their sons, would overcome their shyness to ask a son’s friend about them. Such a kind mother existed.

Was it because he received such unconditional love that Yoon Heesung was so unconditionally kind to me?

“…”

Suddenly, an absurd impulse seized me. I desperately wanted to see Yoon Heesung right now. I longed to burst out the door, run to the villa, and rush into the annex to speak with him.

He would undoubtedly greet me with a smile, just as he always did.

Yoon Heesung, who always held me back with reluctance whenever I tried to leave, insisted on us eating dinner together, asked why I was upset, risked hurting his hands to clear dishes so I wouldn’t step on them, and listened intently to my every word, no matter how trivial.

Yoon Heesung, who, at a single mention of something being ‘interesting,’ would turn his bicycle around and retrace our path with me on it… He was the only one in this world who could dispel this nameless sense of floating, the only one who could offer proof that I still had my feet on solid ground.

But that was impossible.

When I came to my senses, I was already standing before the sliding door. It was a door that would open with a gentle push, yet it felt like an impregnable fortress.

I glared at the tightly shut door, a torrent of words swelling within me, words that overflowed, desperate to be spoken.

Yet, not a single one of them could be uttered. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything aloud.

After all, what would change if I did?

I regretted not staying at the villa a little longer. It would have been good to spend more time with Yoon Heesung, and good not to have overheard any of this… everything would have been better.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

It was a long while later before I finally gave up and went to wash my hands.

****

Ultimately, I tossed and turned all night, waking repeatedly from a fitful sleep. My body, barely having drifted into slumber, felt heavy as waterlogged cotton.

I rubbed my stiff eyes and rose. It was earlier than usual, but there was no point in staying in bed any longer.

“Time for school…”

I lifted my sweat-dampened body, managing to extricate myself from the bedding.

The weather was now undeniably summer. As expected for a seaside town, the humidity was rapidly soaring day by day, hinting at the oppressive tropical nights to come.

Our house, receiving little sunlight but casting double the shadows, would surely feel far muggier than others. I was already worried about how we would endure the summer with only one old electric fan.

‘He’s not here today…’

As I descended the villa stairs, a subtle hope had flickered within me, but Yoon Heesung was absent today. For some reason, my spirits sank even further. It wasn’t just the restless night.

I arrived at school, feeling drained. I planned to correct the errors from yesterday’s work that I hadn’t gotten to.

With the intention of finishing the Korean and math sections before the first period began, I gripped my pen, yet I kept glancing towards the classroom door, wondering when Yoon Heesung would arrive.

At first, I assumed he was just running late today. However, even after the preparatory bell rang, Yoon Heesung’s seat remained empty.

‘Is something wrong?’

He had promised me he would come to school now. Yoon Heesung… he wasn’t someone who lied.

Come to think of it, he had mentioned leaving the classroom during homeroom yesterday because he felt stifled. Though he hadn’t explicitly told me, it was impossible that he hadn’t been hurt by the openly hostile class atmosphere.

It made sense he wouldn’t come to school today. I, too, would probably not want to come if I were in his shoes—the victim, yet treated as the perpetrator.

“…”

Just then, as if on cue, Park Byungjoo walked through the front door, and our eyes met.

Yes. It was precisely because of guys like him that Yoon Heesung couldn’t come to school. That felt incredibly unfair, and my insides began to boil.

Even before I did, Park Byungjoo quickly turned his head, as if he’d seen something he shouldn’t have.

‘What a joke…’

Annoyance surged within me. I, too, scrunched up my face in disgust.

What had Yoon Heesung done wrong? Why? I rested my chin in my hand, barely containing my anger. Somehow, I felt even angrier now than when I myself had been bullied.

I let out a deep sigh, my mind a chaotic mess, compounded by the events of last night.

‘Still, I’m worried.’

What thoughts were occupying Yoon Heesung, alone in the villa right now? He had said he watched movies, read books, and exercised when he was by himself, but there must be moments of emptiness.

Everyone experiences such moments when they are alone—moments when endless thoughts chase each other, and their heart sinks.

I dropped the pen from my hand. My head, too, slumped forward.

I wasn’t his mother; I was just a friend… so why was I so worried?

Perhaps it was because I had endured last night, holding onto the thought that I would see Yoon Heesung at school today. My mother was secretly continuing to communicate with Lee Sunwoo, and Lee Sunwoo would never feel even a shred of regret towards me.

It was obvious he had contacted Mom for money, and Mom would undoubtedly give him whatever he wished. This meant there was no one here I could lean on; Yoon Heesung was my only support.

“…”

I, too, needed someone in this world who considered me the most important person. I needed someone who would put me first, above anyone else.

I had truly held on, sustained by the thought of seeing Yoon Heesung today—the one who listened intently to my every word, scrutinized my expressions, and told me he wanted me all to himself…

‘But he wouldn’t come to school.’

I wanted to try calling him, but then I realized I didn’t have Yoon Heesung’s number. We hadn’t even exchanged numbers, simply because there had never been a need.

Whenever I went to the villa, Yoon Heesung was always there.

My insides became a tangled mess. My worry for Yoon Heesung, my selfish desire to meet him and be comforted—these feelings swirled together in a tumultuous vortex.

Even after class began, my mind continued to churn with violent waves. My patience quickly wore thin.

I couldn’t concentrate at all.

Even sitting in school like this felt foolish.

Ultimately, right after lunch, I headed straight to the faculty office. I had utterly succumbed to an uncontrollable impulse.

“Teacher.”

“Yunwoo, what brings you to the faculty office at this hour? Is something wrong?”

“My stomach hurts a bit today. May I be excused early?”

This was the first time in my life I had ever lied to leave school early. I had no time to gauge my homeroom teacher’s reaction; as soon as they handed me the early dismissal slip, I bowed quickly and fled the faculty office, breaking into a run.

Inside, only the urgent thought of seeing Yoon Heesung right now surged like a tide.

‘I must be truly insane.’

I thought this all the way to the villa, directly under the midday sun. Soon, sweat began to trickle down my back. The closer I got to the seaside, the heavier the oppressive humidity became, as if clogging my airways.

Driven by the singular desire to arrive before I was completely drenched in sweat, I hurried my steps. When I finally reached the villa, a strange anomaly had intruded upon the otherwise familiar scene.

An unfamiliar car was parked in front of the villa.

“…”

It didn’t seem to belong to the madam; the car model was different from the one I’d seen before. Given that the engine was off, it appeared someone had already entered the villa… Could it be a guest of the madam’s?

Yet, I had never once seen guests coming and going from this villa until now.

If there was a guest, should I really go in now…?

That thought lingered for a moment, but I quickly rationalized that it would be fine since Yoon Heesung and the madam used separate buildings anyway. With that justification, I stepped through the wide-open main gate.