Chapter 32: The Space Between Us

‘I’ll think about it again. I’m sorry for springing this on you.’

This was what my mother had said when we met late at night at home.

Yet, I remained indifferent even after hearing those words. It felt as though a pillar within my heart had cracked.

No matter what I did, no matter how much I tried to patch it up and rebuild it, it would never be the same. Perhaps, even if my mother had simply left, I would have been equally unconcerned.

Once all my classes ended, I skipped afternoon self-study, a routine by now, and stepped out of the classroom. Just then, a message arrived from Yoon Heesung.

[Yoon Heesung] I’m behind the annex right now

I tapped the phone screen.

[Me] Why?? What’s there??

Yoon Heesung was always quick to reply.

[Yoon Heesung] Basketball court

A basketball court? I hadn’t known there was one. I hurried my steps towards the villa.

The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. A vibrant yellow light seeped through the clouds, and the air was as muggy as noon’s heat. I hastily climbed the uphill path, catching the scent of damp, fishy water.

Sweat beaded on my forehead, yet I rushed as if being chased. There was no other reason, save for the fact that Yoon Heesung was waiting.

Although I had never been to the ‘behind the annex’ Yoon Heesung mentioned, it wasn’t difficult to find. It was, quite literally, the space behind the annex.

“Hah, haah…”

Only after arriving, my heart fluttering with anticipation, did I finally catch my breath. Behind the annex, where I was for the first time, truly lay a small garden and a basketball court. It even had a hoop on a vibrant green court.

And amidst that scene, a person awaited me.

“…”

This was my first time seeing Yoon Heesung play sports. Though it was clearly dusk, I felt an illusion that the sunlight was rising anew. He was that dazzling.

He bounced the ball with a resounding thump, then tossed it upward. With a clean swish, the ball neatly entered the basket. Before it could roll away, Yoon Heesung lightly sprang to retrieve it.

For a moment, he seemed to waver, but a single bounce of the ball stabilized him, and he shot it again from the same spot. The creases in his short-sleeved T-shirt shifted with his movements. Once more, with a swish, the net swayed.

I settled into a shaded corner, watching Yoon Heesung from a distance.

Then, it happened. Yoon Heesung suddenly tossed the ball carelessly, sending it veering past the hoop. It rolled away, making soft thumping sounds.

Suddenly, a pair of gray sneakers appeared before me.

“When did you get here?”

“Just now.”

As if only just noticing my presence, Yoon Heesung plopped down beside me. A distinct scent of sweat wafted through the humid air, subtly fragrant when mixed with his usual body products. Even Yoon Heesung’s sweat smelled pleasant.

“Do you play basketball often?”

“No, just sometimes.”

“Right…”

I awkwardly tried to make conversation, then quickly gave up. He was too close. Yoon Heesung, he was just too close. Despite having rushed to meet him, I hesitated.

Our knees kept brushing, forcing me to nearly curl into myself.

Then, as if telling me not to pull away, Yoon Heesung firmly grasped my hand. Slowly, he intertwined our fingers.

“…”

Since that day, the day ‘that’ happened, we had often held hands like this.Yoon Heesung’s face, slightly flushed—perhaps from bouncing the ball moments ago—caught my eye. I swallowed hard for no reason. Even now, it felt like the perfect moment for a kiss.

They say a late bloomer in thievery doesn’t know when to stop, and it was true. We had truly developed a taste for this act, experiencing it for the first time at this age. It was a blessing that the madam used a different building than Yoon Heesung.

Yoon Heesung, who had been idly stroking the back of my hand, asked,

“Can I kiss you again?”

“…Why would you ask something like that?”

“Because I thought you might dislike it if I just did it.”

That was a funny thing to say. He had never asked before. And for me to dislike Yoon Heesung? That was absurd.

“I don’t dislike it. Why would I dislike you?”

“Even with tongue?”

“…”

Come to think of it… it seemed like he was teasing me. Or was he not? Was he truly asking innocently? He’d inserted his tongue often enough already. Yoon Heesung had a somewhat robotic side, making it hard to tell if he was joking or serious. Regardless, his words were certainly enough to make my face flush.

A wave of heat enveloped my face. Even with the clouds obscuring the sun, summer was still summer. My body felt feverish.

“Hurry and give me permission.”

Yoon Heesung slowly blinked, waiting for my answer. His long eyelashes fluttered. His eyes, with their subtle double eyelids, curved as his glass-bead pupils were half-hidden. His lips formed a beautiful arc. He smiled as if intent on making my heart pound.

It was a smile potent enough to charm two or three people at once.

I cupped Yoon Heesung’s cheeks. As I turned my body, our knees overlapped. An irresistible force seemed to control me. Yoon Heesung received my touch obediently. I pressed my lips to his. They were soft, tender, and hot.

‘This feels good…’

Is this what kissing is usually like? Since Yoon Heesung was my only experience, I had no basis for comparison.

Before I knew it, I was clutching at Yoon Heesung’s clothes, clinging to him in a daze.

When my lips felt swollen, my tongue parched, and my jaw sore, Yoon Heesung finally pulled his lips away.

“Hah…”

The world remained blurry even when I opened my eyes. Only belatedly did I realize tears had welled up in them. My hands were still tightly gripping Yoon Heesung’s clothes. Yoon Heesung, likewise, held my face, his forehead pressed against mine. I could feel his gaze unfocused, and the heat within them was palpable.

I wanted to do more, yet I didn’t. Thinking about what came next made my heart pound, but also filled me with fear. What was Yoon Heesung thinking? Was he thinking something similar to me?

I bit my lip, then released it. I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible,

“How do guys… do it?”

“You can just rub it.”

But… unexpectedly, Yoon Heesung seemed quite knowledgeable.

“Or put it in the back.”

“…Have you done it?”

“No.”

I’d wondered if he knew so much because he had experience, but that didn’t seem to be the case. …I suppose I had that old-fashioned desire for my partner to be a first-timer with me, too. The question felt embarrassing in hindsight.

Then, Yoon Heesung asked quickly, his tone quite fierce.

“Have *you* done it?”

“Ah, no. Never.”

“…That’s a relief.”

When I shook my head, Yoon Heesung let out a sigh of relief, then buried his face in my shoulder, just as he had before. His straight nose touched the line where my neck met my shoulder. Yoon Heesung liked to hug me like this, as if clinging. The soft sensation against my shoulder felt pleasant. The summer heat felt nothing but good. I rested my cheek on top of Yoon Heesung’s head.

Then I whispered,

“…Actually, you’re my first kiss too.”

“I know. You told me last time.”

“You really are… Never mind.”

If I truly looked closely, Yoon Heesung often acted without much tact. No, he did it quite often. But it wasn’t something I disliked.

In any case, I gave up on beating around the bush.

“Anyway, everything is my first with you. Friends, this… even liking someone.”

It felt embarrassing to say such things after we’d already done almost everything. Unable to overcome my shyness, I squeezed my eyes shut. Then Yoon Heesung grasped my hand.

“Me too.”

Every time Yoon Heesung spoke, his breath tickled my neck.

“Everything is my first with you too. Liking someone…”

“…”

“And inviting you here.”

As he said that, Yoon Heesung rubbed his cheek against my shoulder. I stroked the back of Yoon Heesung’s head. For some reason, it made me feel a pang of pity for him. I felt as though I shared his loneliness. Perhaps no friends had come to visit Yoon Heesung here, following his ailing madam to the villa. He must have been very lonely.

I continued to stroke him. Yoon Heesung let out a languid sigh.

“…”

Again, the atmosphere subtly shifted in an instant. Even without experience, I knew what this mood implied. First time or not, it seemed we were about to do something outside.

I pushed Yoon Heesung away and abruptly stood up.

“I’m, I’m hungry.”

“You’re hungry?”

I nodded. Even though no one was watching… we shouldn’t be doing this outside, not inside.

“You haven’t had dinner either, have you? Let’s go inside and eat.”

Making that excuse, I quickly pulled Yoon Heesung inside. Fortunately, Yoon Heesung docilely followed wherever I led.

Yoon Heesung quickly washed up, then led me downstairs. Setting the table was always Yoon Heesung’s task. Ever since I’d broken a dish once, I knew that simply staying put was the most helpful thing I could do, so I remained still.

The familiar scent of Yoon Heesung wafted from across the table. Even his eating was elegant; his use of chopsticks was neat and precise.

I glanced at him, chewing the food in my mouth. Then, I cautiously asked,

“By the way, final exams are soon… are you preparing?”

“I’m solving the problems you told me to.”

“And you’ll take the exam?”

“Exam…”

Yoon Heesung murmured, as if hearing the word for the very first time. He idly stirred his soup with his chopsticks, then asked something absurd.

“Do you want me to take the exam?”

“Is that even a question?”

“So you want me to?”

Yet, the face that asked again seemed genuinely curious about my intentions. I hesitated, then nodded. Yoon Heesung said lightly,

“Alright. I’ll go.”

“Do you know the date?”

I hastily informed Yoon Heesung of the exam dates, adding that he absolutely shouldn’t miss them this time.

While I was at it, I should tell him the scope of the exam when we went upstairs later. And also what the teacher had just mentioned would be on the test.

Even with just that, time seemed tight. I found myself regretting the thought of going home.

“Yoon Heesung. But…”

Since that day, I had come to the villa every day, but I had never stayed overnight.

“Can I stay over tonight? I have a lot of notes to show you.”