Chapter 59: The Scissors

“People don’t die easily.”

“The stairs got dirty.”

“Because I don’t like the sound of your voice.”

The woman thought for a moment, then asked.

“…Have you never felt sorry?”

Even as she spoke, she seemed to know what the answer would be. She covered the back of Heesung’s hand with her own. Warmth seeped in. It was an unwelcome touch for Heesung.

But he didn’t pull away. He only moved his eyes, looking down at her hand, then met her gaze again.

“Not at all.”

Honestly, if he used this well, he could be free from annoying things.

The next time he saw the woman, she brought a laptop. This time, they didn’t sit across from each other in the reception room. They went to a room with a full home theater system. Even Heesung, who lived in the house, had never set foot in it.

She connected her laptop and played a movie. Then, as the movie went on, she asked here and there.

“What do you think of that scene?”

“The puppy is pitiful. It was his dog, and he loved it.”

“So it’s okay that he killed a person?”

“He did something wrong. And he wasn’t close to the person.”

The woman was quiet for a moment, then said.

“You must not kill people. You must not hurt them. You must not harm them either. You have to find another way.”

Ah. He understood what the woman wanted. Heesung thought.

She left after exactly two hours. Unlike other adults. He was used to adults who dawdled while packing their instruments, who tried, even clumsily, to get a few more words out of him. So she was new to Heesung.

Also, when he gave her the answers she wanted, the sessions became much easier. If he answered well, the number of questions went down.

“What do you think?”

“He could have resolved it by talking. He shut his mouth for no reason, so misunderstandings came up.”

“Right. I think so too.”

The time with the woman gradually became easier to put up with.

“What do you think that man is thinking?”

“He seems sad.”

“Right. The person he loves was hurt.”

It wasn’t like someone died; he just got hurt a little… He didn’t say that out loud. Heesung just stared at the screen.

For a while, she brought a new movie every day. Then one day, she started bringing books. She didn’t tell him to read them in advance. She said they should read together during the two hours. Even while reading, she kept explaining to Heesung.

“The woman here is empathizing with the man.”

“Empathy…”

“Feeling the same feeling.”

Movies were easier than books. When there were faces, it was easy to tell. Text made of letters was often hard for Heesung to understand.

“If you put emotions into words, they become clearer. Even I, an adult, am not good at this. We need to practice.”

But the woman said they had to read books too.

“Before you speak or act, it’s good to organize your emotions first. Like, I’m upset, or that person’s behavior hurt my feelings. You sort those out inside. Then the way forward becomes clear.”

Time with her passed faster than he expected. Half a year had already gone by.

Heesung thought. ‘Maybe I like people who don’t bother me.’ Unlike other adults, she was clean and said only what she needed to say, then left. She was fairly comfortable. Sometimes Heesung asked questions first.

“So why does that man act like that? It’s weird. He’s doing pointless things.”

“He wants to make a good impression. When you want to make a good impression, you become that way.”

“What’s making a good impression?”

“It means I hope that person thinks well of me, and that they like me as much as I like them. So you only show good behavior in front of them. Even if it looks awkward.”

Heesung sank into thought. He hated people. He had never liked anyone, never wanted to impress anyone. So he couldn’t imagine what it felt like to want to impress someone.

But if he ever did like someone, he thought, it would probably be someone irresistible. Someone he couldn’t help but like. A person he’d fall for like lightning. Someone unavoidable. That person would have to be memorable, someone you could fall for in an instant. Unless it was someone like that, he would never like anyone for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, the woman took his hand.

“Heesung. Find someone you want to impress. Then you’ll change. Wanting to impress someone creates a conscience, and it creates standards.”

“…”

Everything was fine except when she took his hand. That annoyed him. It was warmth he didn’t want.

It was time to wrap things up. Heesung decided.

So, just before the session ended, he let a remark slip.

“After this, I have to go to art class. I’m hungry.”

She was packing her bag and stopped, surprised. It was the first time Heesung had started a personal conversation. Was it a sign he was finally opening up? Two hours and a minute had already passed, so she hesitated, then asked.

“Aren’t you going to eat dinner?”

“I’ll eat after class.”

Heesung answered obediently. This was different from before, when he treated her like a ghost the moment time was up. The woman’s face relaxed, and she looked sorry.

“The time… You’ll be hungry if you eat after class.”

He could have eaten first and then gone to class, but he deliberately said that.

Actually, Heesung didn’t care much about eating. He ate if he felt like it, skipped if he didn’t. Even hungry, if he couldn’t be bothered, he skipped. But in every movie and book he’d seen, meals were a big deal. When describing a pitiful person, there were always images and phrases about starving. And people fell in love just because they shared a meal.

Heesung looked at her steadily.

“I think I’m most comfortable with you. Actually, I don’t really want to go to art class. It’s boring. Watching movies, reading books, talking like this, that’s better.”

Then he slowly lowered his eyes, as if he were upset.

“I wish your classes were longer. But because of other classes… it’s not possible.”

Trailing off made it sound like he felt bad. He found it funny. These were all things you could memorize. Why did this woman keep showing him things? Showing, asking, bringing the same kinds of things over and over until they were seared into his eyes. All of it suddenly felt like a silly little play.

And Heesung knew he was handsome.

“I like our sessions the most.”

At school, most of the people who talked to him were girls. The boys, once he’d punched a few in the beginning of the year, called him crazy and stayed away.

The girls were more delicate than the boys, and if he hit them wrong, it might cause trouble, so Heesung just ignored them. When the girls got no reaction, they’d turn away, saying, “He’s just trading on his face.” Hearing that over and over, Heesung naturally realized his face was handsome.

“If I didn’t have other classes, I could see you more often.”

“…”

“Could you tell my mother about that?”

So Heesung decided to use his face. He blinked and looked up at her with a pitiful gaze. He was sitting, and she was standing, getting ready to leave, so it was easy.

“Then I’ll listen to you better.”

Heesung smiled as he said it. It was the first smile he had ever shown her.

She looked startled, but a blush spread across her face.

Heesung was fifteen this year, and he was nearly 180 cm tall. His face was still youthful, but his body had been built up with exercise. He was as big as a grown man. He could do whatever he wanted now. But he also knew that doing whatever he wanted would only cause more trouble.

So he used the woman.

The tactic worked right away.

Heesung was freed from the pointless classes. The woman must have said something to Wonhwa and Gyeongshin. Now, except for the sessions with her, all his time was his own. He asked his driver to take him to the mountains and rode a mountain bike. He rented a pool and swam.

“…This is nice.”

Heesung floated on the water, blinking. The water lapped at his ears. Every time he blinked, droplets fell from his lashes. His floating body seemed to tell him he was alone in the world, and he was glad.

He wanted to savor this freedom for as long as possible, forever.

Now he just had to get rid of the woman. Heesung decided to handle her.

The woman was clearly important to Gyeongshin and Wonhwa. On the days she came for counseling, Wonhwa always came out to see her off. Sometimes on weekends, she met with Gyeongshin and Wonhwa separately. They’d sit in the reception room and talk quietly. Heesung knew it was about him. What else would they have to talk about?

If he dealt with her, Wonhwa would be quiet for a while. She’d be too busy cleaning up whatever mess he had made. Actually, the employees and other kids Heesung had ruined when he was younger weren’t enough to make Wonhwa panic. A bit of money settled it. But this woman was different.

The woman still brought Heesung books, still showed him movies. Now Heesung instantly gave the right answers to her questions. Whenever he did, she looked deeply satisfied. She seemed to believe she was properly reforming him.

“Heesung. Well done. That’s right.”

The woman covered his hand again. A feeling of disgust rose up inside Heesung.

Today the session was in the reception room because they were reading a book. The book they were reading was, of all things, a thick hardcover. Heesung kept his eyes on the book.

Next to it lay the woman’s pencil case. She took notes often. When she asked Heesung questions and heard his answers, her hand was always moving. A notepad filled up quickly, so she always carried extra ones in her bag.

And in that pencil case, there were scissors.

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