Chapter 40: The Capricious Waves

“G-get off me. What’s wrong with you?”

I thrashed in alarm, pushing Yoon Heesung away. It was as if he had become an entirely different person. His face was Yoon Heesung’s, yet it felt more believable to say he was a complete stranger.

“If me hitting them is the problem,”

Yoon Heesung began slowly, his words deliberate.

“Then you hit me once. That’ll even it out, won’t it?”

“…”

Then, as if truly demanding to be struck, he thrust his face closer. His thought process was utterly unfathomable, and it terrified me. Yet, he seemed serious as he grabbed my wrist and pulled it towards his face.

I strained against him, refusing to be dragged, but it was no use. My hand was mere inches from striking him when I shrieked.

“What’s wrong with you! Why would I hit you? How could I ever hit someone?”

I had never struck anyone before. While I might have impulsively muttered ‘I want to hit him’ when Lee Sunwoo was being infuriating, those were just words born of anger. I had never truly wanted to throw a punch.

Even with Im Namwoo’s group, though I knew fighting back would be futile, I still didn’t want to resort to violence. Yet, Yoon Heesung was telling me to do exactly that.

“I can’t do something like that.”

“…”

Yoon Heesung stared at me with silent, sunken eyes. I flinched like an animal caught in a trap. Still, I thought this ordeal must surely be over as I cautiously watched him.

“Hey… hey! Are you crazy? Seriously?”

Suddenly, Yoon Heesung seized both my wrists simultaneously, pinning them above my head. He pressed his thighs firmly against my legs, leaving me utterly immobile no matter how much I struggled. It felt as though I was crushed beneath a boulder. Cold sweat beaded on the back of my neck.

My face drained of color at the abrupt turn of events. Yoon Heesung’s upturned face was terrifying beyond measure. The fear I had felt recently, and just yesterday, slowly crept up my shoulders to the crown of my head. I froze, like an insect impaled by a pin.

“G-get off me, I said…”

My voice dwindled to a whisper.

Throughout it all, Yoon Heesung gazed down at me, much like a child observing an insect. Droplets of water dripped from his pitch-black hair. Beneath them, his eyes gleamed with an unnerving intensity. I had often been captivated by them, but I had never found them chilling before. The day I had dried his hair felt like a lie.

“Why?”

It was as if I was staring into the yellow eyes of a beast, incapable of understanding human speech.

“Why should I get off you?”

“…”

“You’ve been doing this all along, haven’t you?”

It was then that I realized Yoon Heesung wasn’t planning to hit me.

Yoon Heesung and I had held hands, we had kissed. But now, I hated it. More than hate, I was paralyzed by terror, my mind a blank. I struggled once more.

“A-are you out of your mind?”

“Am I not allowed to do anything with you anymore?”

“…”

“Why? Because I hit Yeon Hoyoung? But I got hit too, back then, didn’t I?”

Yoon Heesung couldn’t even remember Kim Youngseok’s name.

“Or is it because of them… what was their name again? Is that why you’re like this?”

He then asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.

“But you still like me, don’t you? What exactly is going on?”

My mind went blank for a moment. Did I still like Yoon Heesung? Even I found it difficult to answer, yet he spoke with such certainty. I had, indeed, formed a new image of Yoon Heesung.

I couldn’t help but do so. Because of this, I felt I could no longer kiss him, hold his hand, or caress his shoulder as we once did. I gritted my teeth and spoke.

“Stop it. I’m not doing this with you anymore.”

“What will you do if I force you?”

Yoon Heesung looked down at me, his eyes filled with a strange curiosity. Yes. This must be the real Yoon Heesung. A sense of resignation washed over me. If this was how it truly was, why had he deceived me? Why had he pretended to be a good person? I resented Yoon Heesung.

“If you do…”

However, I had no suitable threat. What could I say? That I wouldn’t let him get away with it? Yoon Heesung would only scoff. Someone like me was no match for him. I had no leverage, no weakness of his to exploit.

My eyes welled up. Yet, I didn’t want to simply give in. I didn’t want to resort to head-butting him and fleeing, as I had with Im Namwoo. I simply didn’t want to.

Ultimately, I redirected my threat.

“If you do anything more… I’ll k-kill myself.”

Even as I spoke, I felt pathetic. Not ‘I’ll kill you,’ but ‘I’ll kill myself.’ I squeezed my eyes shut, unwilling to see Yoon Heesung’s mocking face.

Sure enough, Yoon Heesung spoke with a bewildered tone.

“Now, of all times… that’s a funny thing to say.”

“…?”

Surprisingly, however, the grip on my wrist slowly loosened. Had he actually listened? I didn’t know what whim possessed him, but it was clear he no longer intended to proceed. I seized the opportunity, pushing off the sheets with my feet and scrambling backward.

But Yoon Heesung was faster.

“Ah!”

“Sleep here.”

He commanded, his large hand firmly gripping my side.

“I told you not to go downstairs, sleep here.”

“…”

“I just let you off the hook. Don’t push it.”

Yoon Heesung said this, frowning as if he had a headache. I was the one who should have a headache, but… I didn’t argue. Partially because I was still reeling from what he had just done, and partially because I was afraid of what else he might do. If he wanted me to stay and sleep here, then I had to.

It would be better to just sleep and escape this villa as soon as dawn broke tomorrow.

“A-alright, I get it. Just let me go…”

Yoon Heesung looked at me with a suspicious gaze, as if he found my pleading hard to believe. For some reason, I felt unfairly treated again.

Only after he saw me curl up in the corner of the bed did Yoon Heesung turn off the light. I heard him lie down, but for a long while, my ragged breathing refused to calm. Yoon Heesung’s mere presence kept me on edge.

The Yoon Heesung who had brutalized Kim Youngseok, the Yoon Heesung who had mercilessly beaten Yeon Hoyoung, the Yoon Heesung who had held my wrist and interrogated me… I couldn’t believe any of it. My mother was upset, and Yoon Heesung was… nothing was going my way.

‘Why did I even come here…’

I regretted it once more, then eventually pushed everything aside. If I didn’t get at least some sleep, I would only suffer tomorrow. I clutched my pounding heart and forced myself to think of other things. But my chest still throbbed like a drum. The sound of my own heartbeat roared in my ears. It seemed I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight.

*Tap, tap.*

Footsteps. In the profound silence, it was a sound one had to strain to hear, but since I had only drifted in and out of sleep, I easily detected his presence.

Even after the presence vanished and the door clicked shut, I counted silently to myself.

One, two, three, four…

…Nineteen, twenty.

Only after reaching twenty did I quietly rise from the bed. I moved quickly, making as little noise as possible. I hastily changed my clothes and packed my bag. Then, I hurried, yet silently, down the stairs. Halfway down, I turned around, gripped by a sudden fear that someone might be watching me, but thankfully, no one was there.

Yoon Heesung had probably gone to the exercise room. If I thought about it, Yoon Heesung had several hobbies. He enjoyed reading and working out. As for movies, perhaps he truly avoided them so as not to disturb my studies, but I hadn’t seen him watch one since that day.

‘To act so nonchalant and just exercise after what he did last night…’

I wanted to dismiss last night’s events as just another nightmare, but I couldn’t. It had already happened. My wrists were bruised and splotchy with finger marks—Yoon Heesung’s cruel handiwork from yesterday.

“…It’s hot.”

Outside the front door, the air was muggy. A wave of hot air, like stepping into a sauna, rushed into my nostrils. It wasn’t even midday, yet the sun was already scorching the top of my head.

They had said the monsoon season would be late this year, and indeed, it hadn’t rained for days. Despite the sweat, I walked with my hands resolutely tucked into my pockets. Even though no one seeing me would know what had transpired between Yoon Heesung and me, I still felt self-conscious.

I descended the sloping road at a slightly less frantic, but still brisk, pace. Soon, sweat beaded in my hair. The weather was oppressively hot. That was why, without realizing it, I had turned towards the beach. I needed the cooling breeze.

From my house to the villa, it was only a five-minute walk, even at a leisurely pace. In this town, where the sea was visible from almost anywhere if you craned your neck, one had to walk alongside the ocean. Though I saw the sea every day, every moment I had found it beautiful was connected to Yoon Heesung.

The sight of sunlight shattering on the water’s surface had seemed beautiful when I was riding on the back of his bicycle. The dazzling waves had caught my eye on the uphill path to the villa. And the thought that this place was quite livable had come to me when I gazed out at the sea from the villa’s window. All of it was intertwined with Yoon Heesung.

Filtered through Yoon Heesung, the sea was always beautiful.

It was the same now.

‘The area in front of the villa is pretty…’

I sank my feet into the soft sand, walking closer to the shoreline. The waves approached, then receded without regret, repeating the cycle. When the light struck the highest part of a wave, reflecting white, it looked like crushed jewels spread across the water.

The sea my mother and I had seen on the day we found a house in this town hadn’t looked like this. Why was it that only the sea in front of the villa seemed beautiful, despite being the same ocean? It was too different to be the same sea.

As different as Yoon Heesung and I.

“…”

The foamy lace of the waves swept across the sand. The waves scattered as if breaking apart, then reformed. I knew how unpredictable they were. Waves had no heart, no conscience; they could change their stance in the blink of an eye. They might appear to merely lap at your ankles, only to suddenly drench you to the knees. They startled people without a hint of guilt.

Yoon Heesung was not the night sea. Such a gloomy time didn’t suit him. Nor was he the daytime sea. Yoon Heesung simply resembled the capricious waves.

Thinking back now, his dark eyes were less like the night sea and more like murky foam, impenetrable to reflection. What exactly was his true nature, I wondered.