Chapter 54: Come Now

There was no one in the classroom but Yoon Heesung.

The homeroom teacher had told us we could head home on our own after the consultations, so everyone had filtered out one by one. Now only the two of us remained.

“Did your consultation end?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

I nodded and slung my bag over my shoulder. He put the book he was reading into his bag too.

It was even colder once we got outside the school. I hunched into myself as I walked. Then Yoon Heesung opened his mouth, white breath curling from his lips.

“You decided to go to Seolhan University, right?”

“……Yeah.”

Lying to the homeroom teacher was bad enough, but adding Yoon Heesung to the list made my stomach churn. Still, it was the best plan I had come up with.

I forced a bright tone.

“I think I can meet the minimum cutoff, so I’ll be going through early admissions.”

“Good. Then we’ll end up at the same university.”

“……I guess so.”

Whenever Yoon Heesung talked about the future like that, guilt crashed over me in a wave.

I felt like I was doing something terribly wrong.

No, I wasn’t. This was for me, but it was also for Yoon Heesung. The words I muttered inside my head sounded like nothing but excuses. They even made me feel like I was hurting him.

I kept my expression steady and changed the subject.

“Oh, they said we don’t have to come to school starting tomorrow. You know?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tomorrow I…”

I asked him this impulsively, right as we were about to part at the alley that led to the villa.

“Want me to come over to the villa?”

“Why?”

“……If you’re asking why,” I said. “The CSAT is over, and I don’t have to go to school anymore.”

I had stopped going to the villa a long time ago, supposedly to keep my distance from him.

We even fought about it once. Yoon Heesung let it slide as if it had never happened, but after that, I didn’t go back, and he never invited me.

“……If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

So from his side, me suddenly wanting to come over now must have been strange.

But… he didn’t know this. This would be the last time we’d get to be together like this.

I couldn’t tell him that, so I just ached inside.

Yoon Heesung shook his head.

“You don’t have to come. We’re going to live together next year anyway, so why bother.”

“…….”

His words dragged me even deeper into guilt.

My mouth went dry.

He was still dreaming that we would live together. Meanwhile, I had made my decision long ago.

Every time I looked at his face, I thought about when to tell him. But I never imagined I would drag it out all the way past the CSAT without saying the truth.

I was truly pathetic.

But I was afraid of seeing the disappointment on his face. He might even get angry.

Just moments ago, I had lied to him about getting into Seolhan University through early admissions.

In the end, I couldn’t tell him the truth this time either. I just gave a small nod, even though I knew I couldn’t keep running away like this.

So when Yoon Heesung suddenly said,

“Yunwoo, hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

I didn’t think much of it then. I was still busy worrying about when I should confess the truth to him.

“Something to tell you…? No, nothing.”

At that, Yoon Heesung’s expression turned strange.

“…….”

He didn’t answer. He just went quiet.

I was the one caught off guard by his unexpected reaction. The warm feeling from a second ago evaporated.

Fear shot through me.

I was scared of him.

“……Then I’m, I’m going.”

In times like this, I inevitably thought back to the things Yoon Heesung had done. His arm moving too fast, blood splattering through the air. That kind of thing.

Yoon Heesung could be affectionate, but he could also be endlessly frightening.

He was the one who made me waver.

Even after I learned everything, he couldn’t blame me. He had no right to.

As I walked to the end of the alley, I felt like someone was pricking my back with a needle. But I wanted to tell anyone who would listen that I had done all I could. That I had chosen the best possible way.

Then even making excuses in my own head started to disgust me.

Everything was too hard. I just wanted to leave soon.

Before I knew it, the year had changed.

I thought I had wanted to do a lot of things once I turned twenty, but I couldn’t remember any of them. I became an adult feeling nothing but emptiness.

Even after the year turned, I lay around every day, sat around blankly, ate something half-hearted, and lay back down again.

When I truly felt that it was the middle of winter, I got accepted to college.

The admission fee and tuition for the first year were waived. I only needed to worry about living expenses.

But I wasn’t particularly happy. Even seeing the word “accepted” didn’t move me.

Maybe because I had expected it?

It felt as flat as if someone else had gotten in, not me.

I pulled my phone to my chest.

Rather than the acceptance feeling real…

“……It’s over.”

I finally felt like it was over.

Then my whole body went numb.

It hadn’t happened when I checked the results. But once I thought about it being truly over, the sweat came late. My back and palms were drenched.

At the same time, I was wrapped in relief, like someone who had just survived death.

It was really over.

I said it one more time.

“It’s really over.”

Then I rolled over on my side.

The homeroom teacher… well, if I told her I failed, she’d believe me.

Mom probably wouldn’t care.

The biggest mountain had been just one. Yoon Heesung.

What had happened to Yoon Heesung?

I had actually applied through regular admissions, and so had he. That meant the results should have come out by now.

Did he get in?

‘…He must have. It’s Yoon Heesung.’

Like I had thought once before, Yoon Heesung seemed to have a bigger total share of luck than other people. So he probably took easily the things other people had to struggle to get. College was the same.

I rolled over again. My palms were still damp.

‘Anyway, I’m leaving this place now.’

Realizing that hollowed me out.

Maybe it was because too much had happened in the past year. After putting a period on it, I felt empty instead. Why did I feel so lost even though I got in?

I felt like I was adrift on an open sea.

Even with a college acceptance, there was no one to tell.

I felt like I had been tossed into the world all alone.

And the thought that I still had a long stretch of life to live like this, alone, made it hard to breathe.

Then a flash blazed in front of my eyes.

“……Whoa.”

I blinked a few times, wondering if I had seen wrong.

But a thunderclap followed.

In an instant, a stain of darkness spread across the floor beyond the door. Then came a sharp, rushing sound.

“It’s suddenly raining…”

It had been cloudy ever since I woke up this morning.

I jumped up and went out of the room. I rushed to the balcony and brought the drying rack inside. It was pouring. The rain came down so hard I could hardly see.

Was it a shower?

I stared blankly for a moment, then went back inside, shivering from the cold that crept up on me.

I had felt a brief lift from the acceptance, but then I got unsettled for no reason. The weather made me sink even lower.

Lately, even when it rained, it was only a little at night. Why was it coming down like this?

Even with the balcony door closed, the sound clung to my ears.

Then an alien sound cut through it in an instant.

It was a sound I hadn’t heard in a long time. These days, there was no one who would call me.

I picked up the phone lying face down on the floor.

I glanced at the screen and froze.

“…….”

It was the person I had been thinking about just moments ago. But I hadn’t expected him to call.

I had wanted to see his face once before leaving, but I didn’t have the courage to make the first move.

While I was lost in thought, the call stopped.

I flinched, but then it rang again.

The name “Yoon Heesung” appeared on the screen.

A high school senior who had taken the CSAT had no reason to go to school anymore, except for the graduation ceremony next month. I no longer went to the villa either, so I hadn’t seen Yoon Heesung’s face in quite a while. I used that as an excuse to avoid bringing up the college topic.

I kept postponing it because I didn’t want to hurt him, and before I knew it, the acceptance day had arrived.

Imagining Yoon Heesung alone in the villa made my stomach turn even now. All I could do was hope the Madam was keeping a close eye on him.

‘Still, I should at least say goodbye before we part…’

My resolve came late. Maybe because the phone was still ringing.

With a solemn heart, I answered.

“Hello?”

A lot had happened, but from now on, I probably wouldn’t even get to see his face. It was right to tell him the news and say goodbye.

Because I still liked him. I still had feelings for him.

But there was no response on the other end.

It was then that I said “Hello?” once more.

– Yunwoo.

“…….”

He called my name. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in a while, but it was still familiar.

At the same time, it was ominous. It even sounded hoarse.

“……Did something happen?”

Hearing that bad voice, my head stopped working.

What happened? What is he doing right now? What could make his voice so bad?

Worry surged up too fast for me to put into words. I opened and closed my mouth several times.

– Yunwoo.

“What’s going on? What happened?!”

– Lee Yunwoo.

Without answering, he called my name one more time.

– Come now.

He said it out of nowhere. Then the line went dead.

“…….”

An unpleasant suspicion rushed up.

I pictured Yoon Heesung doing something I couldn’t even imagine, and not realizing anything was wrong with it.

“……No way. Not again.”

He’s not doing something dangerous right now, is he?

When I came to my senses, I was already grabbing an umbrella and stepping out the front door, just like I had that time before. The door slammed with a bang that I didn’t catch in time, but I ignored it.

I ran outside.

If I hadn’t answered the call, if I hadn’t heard his voice, maybe I could have ignored it. But I had already sensed something strange.

How could I ignore that?

I kept muttering to myself. I kept muttering excuses, not even sure who I was making them to.

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