Chapter 31: A Confession Under the Moonlight

“I hate Mom so much. I hate Lee Sunwoo too.”

A hot breath caught in my throat, choking me. It felt as though the damp, heavy humidity from the beach earlier was rising within me.

I held it in my mouth, muttering, “I just want to die…”

The deepest, most hidden part of my heart finally spilled out. Then I wouldn’t struggle anymore, and Mom would be at peace. Yes, that seemed like the best option.

My pent-up frustration erupted, like papers scattering when a paperweight is removed. Uncaring of what was breaking inside me, I sobbed uncontrollably. Yet, the thought that if I had only done better—whatever that ‘better’ might have been, anything superior to Lee Sunwoo—things might have been different, always pricked at me like a thorn.

That was when it happened.

“Don’t say things like that.”

Yoon Heesung, who had been listening silently, spoke with a resolute tone.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

With that, Yoon Heesung wore a slightly flustered expression as he gently brushed his thumb across my eyes. Though I knew it would only make them swell more, I didn’t stop him.

Perhaps this was the moment I had yearned for most. I needed a Yoon Heesung who would focus solely on me, who would only look at me. A Yoon Heesung who would tell me not to die when I said I wanted to.

Belatedly, I apologized again.

“I had nowhere else to go, so I came here. I’m sorry…”

“I’m glad you came.”

Yoon Heesung paused for a moment. Then, as if sharing a secret, he lowered his voice to a whisper.

“If you’re truly sorry…”

I found myself holding my breath, utterly captivated by Yoon Heesung’s voice.

“The next time something like this happens, come to me. Just like today.”

“…Is that really okay?”

“Yes.”

Yoon Heesung nodded earnestly.

“If anything happens, come to me. Tell me first. Always.”

His eyes, fixed solely and devotedly on me, made me forget any other regrets. That was why, even before the vast, open sea, I had thought of Yoon Heesung.

“You’ll do that, won’t you?”

Yoon Heesung asked, stroking my cheek. Just as he spoke, my tears gradually subsided. It was as if the torrent of tears that had soaked his large palm had been nothing but a lie.

While I babbled on without context, Yoon Heesung continued to nod, listening intently. No matter what I said, he wiped my tears, listened, answered, and nodded in understanding.

“Yes…”

I replied in a faint whisper, lifting my wet eyelashes to look at Yoon Heesung. A sudden question sprang to mind.

“I will.”

‘Why are you so kind to me?’

He had stepped in to help when Kim Youngseok tormented me in front of the whole class, invited me to his house, put himself first to protect me from getting hurt, and even got hurt himself. Yet, he always considered my feelings, noticed things before I did, and spoke to me first when I had no one to talk to after moving here.

“…Why are you so kind to me?”

Yoon Heesung seemed as though he would always put me first. Not second, but always first. At the very beginning.

‘Will you keep being kind to me?’

To my strained question, Yoon Heesung responded not with words, but by drawing closer. Our faces were so near I could count the fluttering lashes of his eyelids.

“You do what I ask of you too. Why do you think that is?”

“…”

“Yunwoo.”

‘Push me away if you don’t want this,’ Yoon Heesung whispered. I blinked in surprise, and he closed his eyes entirely. At that very moment, a tear, pooled in my eye, beaded and fell.

Something soft touched my chin. It was Yoon Heesung’s lips. The tear seemed to be drawn into the space between them, vanishing.

Soon after, Yoon Heesung opened his eyes. Our gazes met. Those dark, black eyes… the ones I loved…

“…”

I gripped Yoon Heesung’s shoulders. This time, I closed my eyes.

The wet skin collided, making a soft, damp sound. His lips were even softer than I had imagined.

Even though I was doing nothing but pressing, as if stamping a seal, my chest felt like it would explode. My heart pounded like mad, threatening to burst through my ribs. I felt breathless. Yet, I didn’t want to pull my lips away. With a newfound resolve, I tightened my grip on Yoon Heesung’s shoulders.

Then, a large hand cupped the back of my head. He pulled me closer, not just my head. Our bodies pressed together completely. His body heat seeped through my thin pajamas.

And then, I realized something I hadn’t known before. Some epiphanies strike like lightning.

It seemed I was, after all, in love with Yoon Heesung.

And Yoon Heesung… with me too.

“…Ugh, mm.”

Yoon Heesung suddenly moved more roughly. I squeezed my hands, gripping his shoulders tightly, unable to release my hold. It felt as if my mouth was completely sealed. Yoon Heesung tilted his head.

Just as I tried to breathe in the momentary gap, I felt breathless once more.

“Hmph, gasp, mm…”

Strange sounds escaped my lips. Though Yoon Heesung mostly muffled them, the nasal hum resonating in my throat felt alien. My head grew increasingly hazy, and my vision blurred. This first-time experience was both novel and delightful, yet also frightening. I realized that simply being close to someone I liked brought a sense of relief.

I pulled Yoon Heesung even closer. Our bodies pressed together without a single gap. My entire body tensed, and goosebumps rose on my skin. My toes curled constantly. Somehow, I couldn’t control myself. My mind went blank, and all the worries I’d had moments before evaporated. It felt as if only Yoon Heesung and I existed in this world.

“…Haah.”

“Ha, uh…”

Finally, our lips parted. I gasped for air, then muttered, “…I’ve never done this before.”

“Me neither.”

Yoon Heesung asked, a hint of urgency in his voice, “Can we do it one more time?”

“…”

Instead of answering, I pressed my lips against his. With my other hand, I frantically stroked his shoulders and back. I just wanted to keep touching him. Yoon Heesung seemed to feel the same.

My mind snapped back to reality when his broad palm tried to push beneath my pajama shirt.

“…!”

“Ah.”

Startled, I quickly pulled my lips away, and Yoon Heesung, his eyes still hazy, asked, “Is this not right?”

“…”

His tone suggested he wondered if he’d done something wrong. It wasn’t exactly ‘wrong.’ To be precise, it wasn’t an issue with the act itself, but rather… Hadn’t he just said it was his first time too? His movements were so natural, it surprised me.

Suddenly, a quiet stillness settled in the room.

Belatedly, I realized the position I was in. I was sitting on Yoon Heesung’s lap.

I awkwardly slid off. My face burned crimson, feeling as though it would burst. I was mortified, and I suspected that if we continued, we would surely cross some line.

I bowed my head, fidgeting. ‘Should I do it? Is it okay to do it…?’ Just as I was agonizing over this, Yoon Heesung stood up.

“I’ll sleep in another room tonight.”

His voice sounded awkward, but I blurted out his name without preamble.

“Y-Yoon Heesung.”

“Why?”

After calling him, I had nothing more to say and clamped my mouth shut. I was afraid to go further, but I also didn’t want to let Yoon Heesung leave like this. So, facing a bewildered Yoon Heesung, I impulsively uttered something foolish.

“…I don’t have your number.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking how absurd it sounded even to myself. But that was the only thing I could think of to keep Yoon Heesung here.

“I need your number so I can contact you first if anything happens…”

Eventually, I confessed my true feelings.

“And sleep with me. Don’t go.”

I didn’t want to be alone that night.

That night, I didn’t sleep in the same bed as Yoon Heesung. I stubbornly insisted on spreading a blanket on the floor. I worried that if we shared a bed, I might do something even more brazen.

In the awkward silence, sporadic conversations arose.

“Isn’t the floor hard?”

“Yeah. But I usually sleep on the floor at home anyway.”

“You can come up here.”

“…I can’t.”

“Yunwoo.”

“Yeah.”

“From now on, promise you’ll tell me first if anything happens.”

“Okay.”

Yoon Heesung’s request aligned perfectly with my own desires. Though he didn’t know it, those words allowed me to fall asleep feeling completely fulfilled. My swollen eyes no longer felt sorrowful.

Yoon Heesung had perfectly mended a day that could have been the worst, and even painted it with a brilliant luster.

****

The teacher clucked their tongue. “I’m putting this exact question on the final exam. Don’t tell anyone who’s dozing off right now. They’ll only learn their lesson if they get it all wrong.”

The final exams were just around the corner. Teachers would drop hints about exam questions like this in every class.

No sooner had the words left their mouth than the clicking of pens and the scratching of notes filled the room. I was no different.

‘I should tell Yoon Heesung too.’

Yoon Heesung hadn’t come to school today. Now that I had his number, he would text me in the morning on days he wasn’t coming. On school days, he would simply wait for me outside my house without needing a text. We always commuted to and from school together.

Yoon Heesung wasn’t perfectly consistent with his attendance, but he no longer skipped entirely as he used to. He still showed up about half the week. I was proud of him for that.

‘I can tell him this too.’

I diligently finished my notes. Today, as soon as school ended, I planned to go straight to the villa. I’d been doing that constantly recently. We’d have dinner and study together at the villa. Yoon Heesung had also been sitting beside me, quietly studying these days. While I’d always visited the villa often, now it was a daily occurrence, without fail. Since that day, continuously. Even on weekends.

Perhaps thanks to my staying out overnight, Mom reached out to me first the next day.