Chapter 47: The Misunderstood Sanctuary

Except for a single trip to retrieve my workbooks, I hadn’t stepped foot outside the villa. I remained so utterly secluded that even the typically oblivious Yoon Heesung couldn’t help but notice.

“Come to think of it, you haven’t been going to school, have you?”

“It’s vacation now. Of course, you wouldn’t know that, always skipping school yourself.”

I rebuked him openly, but then a realization struck me. ‘Had I spoken to Yoon Heesung so casually recently?’

Yet, Yoon Heesung showed not a hint of being offended.

“Even during vacation, there are supplementary classes.”

“……”

“And you signed up for them.”

So he knew. In any case, supplementary classes were optional, and attendance wasn’t mandatory. I set down the problem I was working on and looked at Yoon Heesung, who was seated across the table.

“I told my homeroom teacher I couldn’t go.”

“Why? Are you afraid to go outside because of those men?”

“……”

‘I almost wished it were true, that I couldn’t go out because I was afraid of those men.’ I started to correct him, to say, ‘It’s because I’m worried about you,’ but stopped myself.

“……I suppose so. I guess I’m too scared to go out.”

My voice was barely a whisper. It was better for him to misunderstand and think I was afraid of people, unable to leave the house.

I still hadn’t sorted out my feelings for Yoon Heesung. He was Yoon Heesung, unaware that what he had done was wrong. I felt both gratitude and fear toward him simultaneously. These conflicting emotions always left me disoriented.

He hummed, then tilted his head. He snapped shut the workbook he had been idly flipping through, asking,

“Did what I say upset you? I only asked because there’s no other reason for you to be here.”

“How could something like that upset me? I’m not upset.”

Whenever Yoon Heesung, who seemed to fear nothing, paid attention to my feelings, I felt as though I were floating in mid-air and simultaneously plunged deep into the earth.

“Yunwoo, I actually have to go out today.”

“You do? Where to?”

No less of a homebody than myself, Yoon Heesung rarely left the house. He was the kind of kid who skipped school as often as he ate meals. The answer he gave, however, was a destination I hadn’t even considered.

“The hospital.”

“The hospital…? I, I’ll go with you.”

At his words, I immediately slammed my book shut, ready to follow him out. It was an involuntary reaction. It was just that I couldn’t imagine Yoon Heesung going to the hospital with the madam, and he didn’t have any other friends besides me.

The thought of Yoon Heesung going to the hospital alone suddenly made my stomach churn. My head ached at the idea of him seeing a doctor alone with his bandaged hand, and I felt inexplicably angry imagining him amidst the throngs of people, all by himself.

Then, Yoon Heesung acted innocently.

“Are you scared to be home alone too?”

“……”

The misunderstanding spiraled out of control. Still, I didn’t feel inclined to correct him. I nodded. ‘What did it matter?’ For now, it seemed fine to let Yoon Heesung believe what he wished.

****

Adapting to this new life with Yoon Heesung proved to be anything but difficult. The long drive to the university hospital, which was quite a distance away, was easy enough.

Following him, assisting him, and handling all sorts of odd jobs was no trouble at all. To be honest, lately, I wanted to embrace all of Yoon Heesung’s flaws.

It wasn’t just because he had been injured because of me. If only there had been only bad things, it would have been easier to hate him. But Yoon Heesung wasn’t like that.

I liked him so much that my desire to die had faded… I wanted to pretend all the past events never happened. I wished to erase them and live with Yoon Heesung as we once did.

Then, inevitably, I began to dislike myself again.

This cycle repeated endlessly.

Even as the short summer vacation drew to a close and the new semester loomed, Yoon Heesung still hadn’t had his stitches removed. He continued to wear gauze.

“This?”

“Yeah.”

“Want more?”

“No.”

Yoon Heesung eating the side dish I placed on his rice always felt awkward, no matter how many times I saw it. When I thought about it, I even dried his hair for him, so what was the big deal about putting a side dish on his rice?

Still, the feeling of awkwardness persisted. “Are you coming to school the day after tomorrow? It’s the first day of the new semester.”

Perhaps it was why such an ordinary question, reminiscent of old times, emerged. When we were together at the villa, the complex issues between us seemed to vanish. Sometimes, it felt as though those events had never happened.

It was as if we had returned to those days when I worried about Yoon Heesung, who couldn’t adjust to school, and he, unable to resist me, would eventually show up. But that wasn’t true at all. How could it be?

Yoon Heesung hadn’t even been bullied; he had simply chosen not to come to school on his own accord… I forcibly swallowed the memory that suddenly surged from deep within me.

“I don’t think so,” Yoon Heesung replied indifferently.

“I always skipped school when you were here, and I went when you weren’t.”

I asked if he would come to school, but he changed the subject.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I went to school to see you.”

“……”

I was speechless for a moment, then belatedly regained my composure. In my memory, that wasn’t necessarily the case. Or, perhaps it was, in a way.

I tried to ignore my thumping heart and shook my head. “No, that’s not exactly how it was. You just did as you pleased—”

“If not, it was because you told me to go.”

Unlike my flustered state, Yoon Heesung remained perfectly calm. “But now you’re not scared to go outside anymore? You used to be afraid.”

“……Uh, well. I’ve gotten used to it now. And I don’t think they’ll come looking again.”

“Still, stay here. You never know. They might not come to school, but they could come to the house.”

‘So that’s why he’s asking such pointless questions.’ Yoon Heesung was still under a misunderstanding. It must be my imagination that I could subtly detect worry beneath his words. Unless he was just making fun of me, who couldn’t even go outside.

‘A person should be consistent; you can’t be both gentle and violent, can you?’ However, when Yoon Heesung asked this:

“Should I go the day after tomorrow?”

“……”

“Alright. I’ll go to school the day after tomorrow.”

And then smiled like a boy, all my thoughts ceased. I was weak to this smile.

“Let’s go together.”

I remained silent. Somehow, I had achieved the result I wanted, yet I felt as if I hadn’t even broken even. But now, I no longer felt excited. Instead, it felt like I had reached an inescapable crossroads.

True to Yoon Heesung’s nature of only half-listening, he came to school on the first day of the new semester but didn’t show up afterward. Was it true that he came to school to see me? Yoon Heesung had no reason to lie, nor did he seem like the type to, but… I couldn’t believe it. It made it seem like he genuinely liked me.

‘Someone who beats people up like that couldn’t possibly feel something like liking…’ It was a thought that only brought a sigh.

Thanks to Yoon Heesung’s absence today, the space behind me felt empty. It was because the glaring eyes were gone.

I continued to stay with Yoon Heesung at the villa. It still wasn’t because I feared those men would return, but because I was worried about Yoon Heesung. He still hadn’t had his stitches removed.

Even though I wanted to avoid Yoon Heesung as before, it wasn’t easy. Every time I saw the wound on Yoon Heesung’s palm, it felt as if I had been stabbed deep inside.

‘Anyway, it’s almost time to get his stitches out.’ They had said two weeks after the surgery, so it seemed like he would get them removed tomorrow or the day after. It felt like an incredibly long time had passed, yet it hadn’t even been two weeks, which surprised me anew.

Enough of that. I just hoped Yoon Heesung would take off his bandage soon. Then my guilt would subside, and I would stop having these futile fantasies.

‘I feel like I’m becoming strange when I’m next to Yoon Heesung.’ Solving problems was my only escape. It was fortunate that the college entrance exam was just around the corner. That way, I didn’t have to think about anything else.

It was just as the afternoon self-study session was about to begin.

Someone murmured, “It’s raining.”

As soon as the words left their lips, the rustling sound of pencil lead on paper, which had been the only sound in the classroom, was suddenly mixed with a rumble. A flash of light quickly passed through the window, making me blink, followed by the bone-chilling sound of rain.

*Swoosh—*

It had been scorching hot since early morning, feeling as though I would melt, and the shadows stretched beneath my feet were as sharp as at noon. Yet, the weather forecast hadn’t mentioned anything unusual until lunchtime. Then, as the fifth period began, the sky became heavily overcast, and by the last period, rain finally poured down from the heavens.

Listening to the rain, I felt troubled.

‘I don’t have an umbrella…’

This wasn’t the kind of rain one could simply brave. Nor did it seem like it would stop anytime soon. Everyone seemed to have similar thoughts, as they all packed their bags before the afternoon self-study began.

“Anyone have an umbrella?”

“I do.”

“Let’s share.”

The students left the classroom in small groups. One by one, they departed, and soon, I was the only one left in the classroom.

‘What should I do?’ After a moment of contemplation in the dimly lit classroom, even with the lights on, I first contacted the one person who would be waiting for me.

[Me] I don’t have an umbrella, so I’ll stay for afternoon self-study.

Normally, I would skip self-study and go straight to the villa, but today was an exception.

The ‘1’ next to the message quickly disappeared. I waited for a reply.

“……”

However, there was no response.

‘Does that mean he understands?’ I flipped my phone face down on the desk.

“Yunwoo, are you alone? Did all the others leave?”

“Yes.”

“The college entrance exam is so close, and these kids…”

The homeroom teacher, who had entered midway, clicked their tongue at the empty classroom and left. It seemed they wouldn’t supervise since I was the only one there. Being alone in a classroom filled only with the sound of rain made me feel a little eerie.

I tried hard to concentrate on my problems, passing the time.

But the rain didn’t stop even after the afternoon self-study session ended.

“……”

For a while, I gazed out the window, waiting for the rain to subside, but there was no hope. I knew that even if I waited longer, I would eventually have to walk through the rain, so I stood up from my seat.