Chapter 59: No Apology

“So you’re not going to forgive me?”

“…..”

“Say it, Han-geon.”

His low voice was gentle, as if soothing and coaxing Han-geon’s heart.
Still holding Han-geon’s wrist, he applied a soft pressure and pulled.

Han-geon’s body was drawn along slowly, but he didn’t resist.
After seating Han-geon at the edge of the bed, Eun-gyeol released his wrist and tenderly stroked his cheek.

“I can’t do without you, Han-geon.”

“…..”

“It’s always been that way.
You know that too.”

Cha Eun-gyeol… spoke sweet words instead of apologizing.
Like lovers whispering endearments.
In truth, it was an act that dug straight into Han-geon’s weakest point.

“You like me, and I need you.
You know it’s not just as my manager.”

“…..”

“Then isn’t that enough?
Is there really any reason for there to be a problem between us?”

Rather than kneeling before Han-geon’s exposed wounds to apply medicine, he dug into the scars more obsessively and cruelly.
At the same time, he handed over something to numb the pain.
With the beautiful face Han-geon loved most.
Using that sweet voice he adored enough to make his chest ache.

His throat closed up.
He couldn’t refute Eun-gyeol’s logic.
As Eun-gyeol said, Han-geon liked him, and Eun-gyeol needed him.
Even if there were problems, Han-geon would protect him.
As the manager who knew him best.
As his bodyguard.
And… as his friend.

“…Don’t ever do something like that again.”

In the end, that was all he could say.
Han-geon’s gaze, its force broken, fell askew.
He curled his slightly trembling fingers.
For some reason, his throat kept tightening.

“Just because… I like you… doesn’t mean you can… use me.
My body.
However you want.”

“…..”

“So… from now on, please don’t touch me like that.”

This was all he had left to ask of Eun-gyeol.
A laughably shabby final piece of armor.
But Eun-gyeol casually picked it up and tossed it aside as if it were worthless.

“If you don’t want that.”

“…What?”

“If I say that from now on, I don’t want to hold anyone but you, would you still say that?”

He couldn’t read Eun-gyeol’s intention.
Even so, an ominous stirring rose instinctively in his chest.
No matter how many times he turned it over in his mind, it seemed the meaning he’d grasped was correct.

Not knowing what to answer, Han-geon stood there with his mouth slightly open, looking down at him.
Eun-gyeol’s gaze, meeting his, didn’t waver.

“I want to have s*x only with you, Han-geon.”

He stated it plainly, leaving no room for confusion.
Han-geon’s unsteadily trembling heart dropped all at once.
Afraid a rough breath might escape, he clenched his fist tightly.
It still felt like a suffocating lump was stuck in his throat.

“…Find someone else.
I’m not your type, you said.”

“My tastes changed.”

Eun-gyeol smiled as he said it shamelessly.
The moment Han-geon saw that face, he couldn’t endure it anymore.
At last, he forced out the words lodged in his throat.

“Then… if you’re going to do that to me….”

“…..”

“What… am I to you?”

His voice shook miserably.
The moment he asked, it felt as though he’d ripped out his heart and thrown it at Eun-gyeol’s feet, where it thrashed madly.

What kind of answer was he even hoping for?
He couldn’t wipe away a self-mocking smile.
And yet, somewhere in his heart, he secretly waited for words that would never come from Eun-gyeol’s mouth.
It would be fine if Eun-gyeol looked at him and called him pitiful, disgustingly desperate.

Eun-gyeol had said it again and again.
That he needed him.
That he only needed him.
That he didn’t need anyone else.
That no one would ever know him as well as Han-geon did.
Han-geon’s sly, secret feelings fed on those sweet words Eun-gyeol scattered so carelessly, growing like a monster.
Even if Eun-gyeol had never intended this outcome.

As Eun-gyeol said, he wanted Han-geon, and Han-geon wanted him.
Because he loved him.
Because he loved him enough to forgive even this Cha Eun-gyeol who had done such things.
So even if the beginning was a mess— even so….

But Eun-gyeol answered calmly, decisively.

“A friend.”

“…..”

“And my manager.”

It couldn’t have been more final.
The expectations that collapsed under that verdict were reduced to rubble, indescribably pathetic.

Right.
What had he even been expecting?
Like an idiot…
And yet, the small scrap of pride he had left forced his mouth to move.
In a voice nearly dead.

“…Most friends or managers don’t have s*x.”

“And most people don’t start dating just because they have s*x.”

His casual reply was like tearing open a snack wrapper.
Anger flared, and Han-geon glared at him.

“To you… is it really that meaningless?”

“Isn’t that how it is these days?
Especially for people like me.”

“I’m… not like that.
At least not to me.
So from now on, no more—”

“Han-geon.”

Eun-gyeol looked steadily at Han-geon’s face.
The tone with which he cut him off was no longer light.

“If, like now, my rut comes and I become dangerous….”

Eun-gyeol’s hand approached slowly and brushed Han-geon’s cheek again.
Han-geon pushed his hand away, but Eun-gyeol persistently returned, stroking his jaw and cheek.
Wherever his fingers touched, they left behind a searing heat like flames.

“I can’t film, and I can’t even go outside.
And I’m in agony.”

“…..”

“If that happens, would you still not do it with me?”

An endless silence followed.
Leaving his face blankly in Eun-gyeol’s hand, Han-geon couldn’t answer.

The silence had already answered for him.
Both Han-geon and Eun-gyeol knew that.
In truth, he should have shaken his head and said never again.
Otherwise, like stepping into a swamp, he would be dragged along helplessly by whatever Eun-gyeol wanted.
Because there was nothing Eun-gyeol had ever said with such certainty that hadn’t come true.

But ever since long ago, Han-geon had been exquisitely sensitive to everything about Eun-gyeol.
Most of all, to Eun-gyeol’s discomfort and pain.

Now he knew.
That the Eun-gyeol who had treated him roughly and acted recklessly last night was no longer weaker than him.
And yet, whenever Eun-gyeol spoke in this fragile way, the image of that white, delicate boy from their childhood inevitably overlapped.
The dirt-smeared boy who had taken Han-geon’s outstretched hand and stood up, tears shimmering like an angel’s.

That was why Han-geon couldn’t bring himself to say that Eun-gyeol’s discomfort was none of his concern.
Not even as an empty phrase.
Not even in a fit of anger.
At the same time, he didn’t have it in him to say Eun-gyeol could freely use his body.
Caught between the two, Eun-gyeol didn’t miss his chance and pressed into Han-geon’s silence.

“No matter how much you deny it, you like me, you’re my manager, and you’re my most precious friend.”

“…..”

“Han-geon.
You’re the most important person to me.
I can’t do without you.”

Eun-gyeol wasn’t like Han-geon, who had always hidden himself timidly.
He demanded things boldly.
That he needed him.
So let him use him as much as he wanted.
It was a posture Han-geon would never be able to show him, even until death.

“I don’t want anyone else by my side anymore.
Friend, manager, bodyguard… or s*x partner.”

In his calm words, there wasn’t a single term Han-geon had foolishly and secretly hoped to hear.
Instead, there was one unfamiliar word mixed in.
The others were titles he’d more or less accepted over the years, but the last one—

s*x partner.
That was what Cha Eun-gyeol wanted from him now.

In the heavy silence, something shattered.
Shattered, and shattered again.
His heart broke into countless fragments, scattering and leaving endless scars behind.
As if mocking him, asking whether there was still anything left to break.

“You’ll help me, right, Han-geon?”

Just like the day he’d first offered him the manager position, Eun-gyeol’s smile was captivating.
Han-geon couldn’t give him any answer until the very end.

Yet Eun-gyeol accepted even that silence sweetly.
With practiced hands, he gently wrapped an arm around Han-geon’s waist and pushed him down onto the bed.
The clothes Han-geon had thrown on were helplessly stripped away again.
A hot body overlapped his, pressing down over skin already covered with the marks Eun-gyeol had left.