Chapter 10: The Nightmare’s Echoes

Guan Qing was trapped in a nightmare, his body breaking out in cold sweat in waves.

It felt as if he had returned to that snowy night when Xie Xu was absent. The power was out, the windows wouldn’t seal properly, and the northern wind, laden with snowmelt, howled in like a wailing ghost.

Trembling, he fumbled for his phone and called Xie Xu. Xie Xu answered. Before Guan Qing could even feel a flicker of joy, he heard Xie Xu say:

–What do you want? I’m busy. Don’t bother me if it’s nothing important.–

He stammered in a panic, –I’m not, I just—–

The line went dead.

Guan Qing stared blankly at the disconnected screen. He redialed, but this time, Jiang Lu’s voice came through:

–I told you not to bother him. Still calling? You’re so annoying… Who are you, anyway? What gives you the right?–

Guan Qing was momentarily stunned. He managed to say, –I-I’m Xie Xu’s boyfriend.–

–Ha,– Jiang Lu chuckled. –Didn’t you two break up? I’m Xie Xu’s boyfriend, actually.–

–We…–

‘Did we break up?’

Guan Qing gripped the receiver, sniffing, his eyes stinging.

–How shameless, monopolizing Xie Xu for so many years.–

–Exactly, what about him makes him worthy of Xie Xu? Xie Xu probably doesn’t even like him that much; he just maintains that ‘loyal dog’ persona publicly and feels too awkward to break up.–

–Guan Qing? Ha, he’s just a matchmaker.–

Guan Qing slowly raised his hands, covering his ears. He curled up on the small bed, whispering, –I’m not. Xie Xu and I love each other.–

–Hahaha, look at him, so funny.–

–He’s being overly sentimental. Isn’t it normal for an Alpha to mess around with a Beta before marriage? He really thinks he’s found true love.–

–Xie Xu isn’t that kind of person,– he retorted forcefully.

–Do you even believe that yourself?–

–I…–

‘I do.’

He couldn’t say it. Even if he could deceive everyone else, he couldn’t deceive himself.

–You are insecure and cowardly, inherently lacking ambition, capable only of clinging to others to survive. Admit it, someone like Xie Xu isn’t suited for you.–

It was Ye Zi’s voice, remarkably gentle and low.

He heard the sound of a lock turning. Ye Zi’s figure appeared backlit, delicately toying with a pair of glasses in his hand, a hint of an indescribable emotion in his gaze.

–A control freak and a coward. We’re a perfect match, aren’t we?–

His tone was clearly amused.

Yet, it sent a shiver down Guan Qing’s spine.

–Ye Zi, you…–

‘Don’t be like this. This is too unfamiliar, I can’t accept it.’

He recoiled, curling his body backward.

It was truly strange. Even though both Ye Zi and Xie Xu were causing him pain at that moment, when he had nowhere else to go, the first sanctuary he thought of was still Xie Xu.

Just like when they first lived together, placing things on a ladder, he had been certain when he fell—

Xie Xu would surely catch him.

No matter how high or how far, Xie Xu would steadily catch him and bring him back to the ground.

That version of Ye Zi made him feel like a stranger. One Ye Zi lured him with a smile from the shadows, while another gently guided him, dispelled his confusion, and paved his way forward in the afternoon. Caught between these two bewildering images, he felt as if he was splitting apart.

He kept retreating, and just a second before he fell, he saw the face of the person reaching out to embrace him. It was, unexpectedly…

–Ye Zi!–

Guan Qing’s eyes snapped open in the hospital bed, meeting Xie Xu’s gaze as he leaned over to tuck in his blanket.

Both of them froze.

Xie Xu’s face was deathly pale, looking somewhat unsteady. He released his grip, sat back in the chair, and pulled his lips into a sarcastic smile.

–You and Ye Zi are developing quite quickly, aren’t you? After such a short time apart, you’re even calling out his name in your dreams.

‘While before… you never called out mine.’

He was already in immense pain, whether from the dizziness of excessive blood drawing or something else entirely. Yet, he couldn’t control himself, continuing as if in self-abuse.

–I was wondering why you broke up so suddenly. Turns out you found a new place to go.–

Each word was another stab to his heart, yet from this repeated torment, he felt a strange sense of catharsis.

‘Look, Guan Qing,’ he thought self-deprecatingly, ‘this is the stubborn heart that loved you so desperately.’

‘Perhaps it’s also quite fragile, not as strong as you imagined.’

–Was it fun to toy with me? If you had just told me directly that you were breaking up for him, why would I have…–

‘Why would I have clung on, why would I have foolishly held onto a sliver of hope.’

‘Was Guan Qing secretly mocking him too, for being so overconfident, so wishful? What he had was always stolen, yet he truly believed he was the owner.’

He could pretend not to care, tear out his heart, and show it to Guan Qing. He could even join Guan Qing in mocking the scars etched upon it.

But that would be too painful.

He was afraid, afraid that one day in the future, this heart would truly ache so much… that it would no longer be able to beat for Guan Qing.

To drive Guan Qing out of his exhausted heart, such a thing…

How could he bear to?

****

–I didn’t.–

Guan Qing’s face was also pale. He didn’t know how long he had slept; his voice was hoarse, but his lips weren’t chapped—a result of Xie Xu moistening them little by little with a cotton swab.

He looked at Xie Xu, enunciating each word clearly:

–I’m not with Ye Zi. The breakup wasn’t because of him, and I don’t like him.–

Xie Xu forced a smile. –If it wasn’t for him, then why did you…–

‘Why did you leave?’

–Ye Zi helped me a great deal, and I’m very grateful to him—regardless of his true nature, he undeniably helped and encouraged me.–

As he spoke, he dared not look at Xie Xu.

‘Why does Xie Xu look so utterly heartbroken?’

Seeing Xie Xu like this made him feel distressed.

It also made him… harbor unrealistic fantasies.

The two sat in silent opposition. Sunlight streamed onto the floor, creating a quiet atmosphere, punctuated only by the noisy television program from the next room.

Xie Xu stared at the light reflected on the floor and asked, –You truly don’t like him?–

Guan Qing replied, –Mm.–

In this regard, Guan Qing never lied. If he said he didn’t like someone, it was genuinely true.

The afternoon sun was pleasant, neither too scorching nor too dim. Xie Xu’s eyes were slightly lighter, like a clear stream, bright and gentle.

He remained quiet for a long moment, his icy heart gradually warming.

He felt that he could still keep going.

Even a glimmer of hope was enough.

He had already lowered his moral bottom line considerably; not being a third party was his only remaining principle.

It sounded simple, but Xie Xu didn’t know what he would do if Guan Qing found someone else in the future.

At least for now, he was still the only person Guan Qing had ever liked.

How remarkable.

–I… even if I did like him, what then?– Guan Qing said, lowering his head.

Or perhaps it was Xie Xu’s possessiveness at play.

He knew that something he had possessed for a long time, even if he no longer liked it, he wouldn’t want to see it become someone else’s.

Xie Xu probably felt that way about him.

‘Tasteless to eat, yet a pity to discard.’

–If you liked him, I would be very sad,– Xie Xu said, all traces of his usual carefree expression gone as he looked at Guan Qing.

‘That’s not fair,’ Guan Qing thought.

–Then you like…– Guan Qing couldn’t continue. He felt as if he was being unreasonable.

‘If you liked Jiang Lu, I would be sad too.’

Both of them had calmed down now, no longer exhibiting the exhaustion and hysteria of last night’s heavy rain.

So, there were some things Guan Qing found difficult to say aloud.

–Who do I like?– Xie Xu looked at him seriously. –…Jiang Lu?–

Guan Qing’s heart ached, and he didn’t reply.

Xie Xu hesitated. –I don’t know why you have that misunderstanding.–

While Guan Qing was unconscious, he had thought a great deal, and this was the only explanation he could come up with.

–I never liked him. My mother gave him the room card. The latter half of that show—due to a broadcast error, the latter half isn’t available online—I very clearly rejected him.

–Here are my chat records with him, and the latter half of that program. If you… don’t mind the trouble, take a look.–

Guan Qing was stunned.

He hadn’t expected such a turn of events, a glimmer of hope when all seemed lost. He numbly took Xie Xu’s phone and read through everything, from beginning to end, without a word.

Xie Xu waited, his heart uneasy, unable to resist asking, –What’s wrong? If it’s still not enough…–

Unexpectedly, Guan Qing lowered his head, tears tracing paths down his cheeks.

Xie Xu instantly panicked.

He stood up, flustered and awkward, wanting to pull Guan Qing into his arms. –Don’t cry, what’s wrong?–

Guan Qing shook his head, still weeping.

‘Thankfully, Xie Xu isn’t that kind of person.’

‘Thankfully, Xie Xu… doesn’t love Jiang Lu.’

Guan Qing had always had terrible luck in life, but at that moment, he was suddenly grateful for all his past misfortunes.

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