Chapter 6: The Unspoken Rift

“You think my circumstances are favorable?”

“Then, do you like them?”

Guan Qing’s lips parted, his gaze fixed on Ye Zi, utterly speechless.

Ye Zi clasped his fingers together, leaning forward to meet Guan Qing’s eyes directly. “You’re not satisfied with your current life, are you? Your ideals, your lover, even your mental state… you’re trapped in a failed relationship, struggling desperately to escape.”

Guan Qing looked into Ye Zi’s eyes, which were a soft, light brown, conveying a sense of gentle warmth. At that moment, Ye Zi rested a hand on Guan Qing’s shoulder, leaning in close, yet Guan Qing felt no discomfort whatsoever.

He wanted to say, ‘Ye Zi, stop analyzing me.’

Yet, the words simply wouldn’t come out. He felt a strange power emanating from Ye Zi’s voice, his movements, and even his gaze—a force that rendered him incapable of rebuttal, compelling him to involuntarily accept every assertion Ye Zi made.

“Guan Qing, I know you. You’re always indecisive, unable to let go of the past—which is why you’ve fallen into this terrible state. Have you ever considered starting anew? Or is it… that you’re afraid?”

“You’re always like this; when faced with a problem, your first thought is to escape—”

The door was suddenly pushed open.

It was Xie Xu.

Xie Xu was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, flip-flops on his feet, and sunglasses dangling from his hand. He dared not look at Guan Qing’s expression, instead glaring at Ye Zi with an anger that could only be described as furious.

“Ye Zi, don’t you dare use your—”

“My what?” Ye Zi’s brow furrowed briefly before he broke into a smile, opening his arms wide. “Xie Xu, how enthusiastic! I was just about to contact you later.”

Turning his back to Guan Qing, he mouthed something to Xie Xu. Xie Xu’s pupils constricted, unable to finish his sentence. He stiffly extended a hand and embraced Ye Zi.

Ye Zi leaned close to Xie Xu’s ear and whispered, “Thief.”

With a smiling release, he patted Xie Xu’s back.

A strange atmosphere settled between the two men. Guan Qing had no time to ponder it.

Xie Xu had grown thinner, his beard unshaven, and dark circles shadowed his eyes. Guan Qing wondered what kind of life he had been living.

‘Did… Jiang Lu not take good care of him?’ A bitter taste filled Guan Qing’s mouth as he thought, ‘If only I—’

That was too self-deceiving. He refused to dwell on it.

When Xie Xu looked over, Guan Qing quickly averted his gaze. He felt Xie Xu’s eyes linger on him for a long time, until Xie Xu’s assistant, Xiao Zhang, arrived, panting and clutching Xie Xu’s jacket, wiping sweat from their brow.

“Brother Xu, how could you suddenly get out of the car? It’s so dangerous, and many passersby took photos—”

Apparently, upon hearing of Ye Zi’s return, Xie Xu had immediately rushed over by car. When he got stuck in traffic halfway, he’d thrown his jacket to his assistant and sprinted the rest of the way in his flip-flops.

Now, a trending topic had already appeared on Weibo: “Man sprinting on the road suspected to be Xie Xu.”

Even more alarmingly, several people had already gathered downstairs, peering up at the building. One of them was even wearing a Xie Xu fan T-shirt.

In the past, Xie Xu always made thorough preparations before going out, fully armed with sunglasses and a hat to remain discreet. This was the first time he had been so blatant. Running through a busy downtown area in shorts during rush hour was already attention-grabbing, let alone for someone like Xie Xu.

Xiao Zhang quietly urged Xie Xu to leave. “Brother Xu, more and more people are gathering, and that person is waiting for you.”

‘That person.’

It was Friday, so a couple making evening plans… was normal.

Guan Qing froze, staring at the floor, and asked, “Is something the matter?”

It was a clear dismissal.

Xie Xu opened his mouth, looking at Guan Qing, then at Ye Zi. Ye Zi noticed his gaze, looked up, and slowly offered him a smile.

Guan Qing hadn’t even looked at him, nor had he asked why he had come.

After all this time, the first words they exchanged were to send him away.

Xie Xu tugged at the hem of his T-shirt, belatedly thinking, ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have dressed so casually, perhaps I should have shaved, perhaps I should have walked in as if nothing were amiss, looking dignified.’

Compared to Ye Zi, he did seem to fall short.

That was why Guan Qing wouldn’t even speak another word to him.

Xie Xu stood stunned for a moment, then forced himself to act nonchalant. “It’s been a while since we last met. How about the three of us go for a meal?”

Guan Qing shook his head.

Xie Xu tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Alright.”

Ye Zi curved his eyes at him, making a graceful ‘see you later’ gesture.

Xie Xu looked deeply at Guan Qing and said, “Guan Qing, can I speak to you alone?”

Guan Qing stiffened.

‘What did Xie Xu want to… say?’

‘I’m getting married on the eighth of next month?’

Guan Qing didn’t want to hear it. He wished he could bury his head in the sand, believing that never seeing Xie Xu again would be infinitely better than hearing news of his marriage.

A tremendous panic swept over him. At the end of a vast darkness, Xie Xu stood. Xie Xu’s expression was unfamiliar, watching him silently.

Guan Qing didn’t look up, shaking his head, but suddenly felt Ye Zi press his shoulder, offering a comforting smile and mouthing, “It’s okay, I’ll be right outside.”

Ye Zi’s voice abruptly pulled him out of his endless despair. He glanced up at Ye Zi, then finally looked at Xie Xu, and nodded.

Xie Xu’s hands instantly clenched.

The way Guan Qing looked at Ye Zi… it was complete, unreserved trust and reliance.

Guan Qing had never looked at him like that.

Ye Zi and Xiao Zhang walked out, thoughtfully closing the door behind them.

The room fell silent.

Xie Xu took two steps forward, not daring to get too close. His throat felt parched. “Guan Qing, are you that afraid of me?”

‘Why? I clearly… haven’t done anything.’

‘At most, I’ve only thought about it.’

‘Thought about locking Guan Qing away, so he could only see him, unable to speak to anyone else, unable to smile at anyone else.’

‘But if he did that, Guan Qing would surely come to hate him completely.’

Guan Qing didn’t answer, and Xie Xu didn’t expect him to. He continued, “Ye Zi… he’s not what you think. Be careful.”

Ye Zi’s intentions, in Xie Xu’s opinion, were far too obvious.

Or perhaps, he had never intended to hide them.

Yet, Xie Xu’s greatest fear had still come to pass. Guan Qing finally looked up at him, only to say:

“What do you know about him?”

Guan Qing’s tone was not aggressive, but remarkably calm. “When my mother fell ill back then, if Ye Zi hadn’t immediately given me two hundred thousand yuan without a second thought, I wouldn’t have been able to finish my studies. He is my benefactor.”

‘…So you can’t speak of him like that.’

Xie Xu’s nose stung, and he was speechless for a long time. He wiped a hand across his face and said, “…I’m sorry.”

He didn’t dare to look at Guan Qing, asking in a low voice, “Do you… not want to talk to me?”

Guan Qing didn’t know how to answer.

‘How could I not want to? Every day, I long to see him, to be held by him. In my dreams, I imagine him lazily calling me to wake up, only to open my eyes to an empty room, sleepless through the night.’

Loving Xie Xu had become a habit. It was like waking up every morning and still subconsciously pouring a cup of hot water onto the table.

That cup of water had yet to cool.

He couldn’t bear to let that bit of warmth, that belonged to Xie Xu, vanish, even if doing so might make him feel a little better.

‘Afraid to speak with Xie Xu?’

It was merely the fear of admitting that Xie Xu no longer belonged to him.

‘Since Xie Xu is already smiling at others, being good to others… could he show some mercy and not force me to witness it firsthand?’

‘That way, I could still live in my own illusions, in my memories—’

‘Scraping by.’

Seeing Guan Qing’s silence, Xie Xu didn’t know what else to say.

He could easily have persisted, forcing Guan Qing to look at him, forcing Guan Qing to speak to him. Just like when they were dating, when Guan Qing was focused on his studies, Xie Xu would cling to him day after day, whining about being ‘scalded by hot water’ one moment, or ‘bumping his hand painfully when he went out’ the next, always managing to get Guan Qing’s attention.

But back then, he had been emboldened by favoritism.

Now, he was no longer the favored one. He, too, felt fear, afraid that after this time, there would be no next.

Xie Xu said, “…Then I’ll leave now.”

‘I’m sorry, I made you unhappy again.’

Xie Xu came from a privileged background. Since childhood, he had never envied anyone, and his family’s upbringing had always taught him to be neither arrogant nor servile, neither conceited nor jealous of others.

Yet now, he found himself so jealous of Ye Zi.

He, too, wished to be spoken of by Guan Qing in such an intimate, special tone.

By now, he seemed to no longer understand himself. Was he truly acting for Guan Qing’s good, or for his own selfish reasons?

He spoke grandiloquent words, searching for a sufficiently righteous reason to push away everyone around Guan Qing.

On what grounds did he stand? What right did he have?

He was like someone immersed in a beautiful dream, his hands already empty, yet still under the illusion that he held something.

He wanted to protect the person in his arms, only to discover that his embrace had long been empty.

****

“When my mother fell ill back then, if Ye Zi hadn’t immediately given me two hundred thousand yuan without a second thought, I wouldn’t have been able to finish my studies. He is my benefactor.”

There was something Guan Qing hadn’t said—

‘Xie Xu, where were you then?’

That was likely the first crack in their relationship.

During a certain period in their third year of university, Xie Xu suddenly disappeared. He said he was going to film, but no new works ever materialized, and he only called occasionally, seemingly very busy.

It was then that Guan Qing first realized that without Xie Xu, he felt like he wasn’t himself. It was also the first time he perceived that Xie Xu didn’t trust him as much as he had thought.

He had once believed he was, at the very least, a significant person in Xie Xu’s life. It turned out that wasn’t the case.

Like a homeless person who, by chance, slept beside a mountain of gold, he had presumptuously bestowed upon himself the title of owner, foolishly arrogant.

He couldn’t recall where he had found such confidence back then.

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