Chapter 2: The Unspoken Reason

“I’m so handsome, so good, and so… *cough*.

Guan Qing, find me a partner, won’t you?”

Guan Qing looked up at him.

Xie Xu was more than half a head taller, and even his casual T-shirt and jeans couldn’t conceal his sharp, imposing aura. Yet, as he looked down at Guan Qing, his smile was remarkably hesitant.

Guan Qing’s mind was a whirlwind of confusion. He wondered, ‘Is Xie Xu truly this idle? When we were together before, if we wanted to travel, he’d have to clear his schedule two or three months in advance. Is his agent not managing him now?’

‘And he’s out alone, without even an assistant. Isn’t he afraid of being swarmed by his fervent fans?’

At the same time, another thought arose: ‘Why does Xie Xu insist on appearing right before me? Is he unwilling to accept being dumped? Is he celebrating an anniversary? Or… is he still hung up on our past love?’

‘Perhaps he simply wants to find a partner. After all, as a big star, it’s not easy, and you just happen to be an acquaintance here. Don’t flatter yourself, Guan Qing.’

But…

Guan Qing thought, ‘Just seeing Xie Xu makes this unruly heart pound so fast, a painful, joyous flutter. Every beat is excruciating, a pain that swiftly courses through my veins, a warmth mixed with an undeniable bitterness.’

He felt as if he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Xie Xu watched Guan Qing’s expressionless face, his smile stiffening. As time stretched on, it seemed almost ready to crumble.

Finally, Guan Qing walked around Xie Xu and opened the door to the matchmaking agency. Xie Xu followed behind him like a little tail.

Xie Xu instinctively opened the door to the first-floor reception room, sat down inside, and waited for Guan Qing.

Guan Qing busied himself tidying up on the first floor, watering the potted plants. After a moment, he approached the reception room and knocked on the door. Xie Xu looked up, his gaze expectant. “Shall we begin?”

Guan Qing cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, you might have to wait a bit. Xiao Deng and the others don’t start until nine.”

The light in Xie Xu’s eyes dimmed. “Why do I have to wait for others?”

Guan Qing couldn’t even meet Xie Xu’s gaze. He looked at the succulents on the table and said, “Xiao Deng and the others have good personalities, experience, and a richer pool of resources.”

Xie Xu stared at him stubbornly. “Guan Qing, wouldn’t it be better if you were in charge of me?”

Guan Qing felt that his words carried a hidden meaning, but he dared not dwell on it.

Moreover, he couldn’t bring himself to hand Xie Xu over to someone else.

He looked at Xie Xu and asked, “Are you serious about finding a partner?”

Xie Xu nodded, displaying complete trust and no reservations. Watching his candid demeanor, Guan Qing was instantly overwhelmed by guilt and jealousy.

He felt his throat terribly dry. “I’m sorry, I can’t do it.”

He could offer his blessings, but he couldn’t be the one to facilitate it.

He wasn’t rational enough; he couldn’t calmly stand by. He was even petty enough to wish… that Xie Xu would never find that person.

But Xie Xu stood up, took a step forward, and asked aggressively, “Why can’t you? I just want you. Can’t you do it? Or does the boss’s service require VIP treatment, a membership card? I don’t care about any of that.”

He lowered his gaze to Guan Qing, whose lips were pressed into a tight, straight line. Xie Xu softened his voice, a hint of persuasion in his tone. “So many people can do it, why not for me?

“Guan Qing, do you still…”

Guan Qing stared at the floor, interrupting him. “Fine.”

Xie Xu didn’t react immediately. “What?”

Guan Qing repeated, “Fine, I’ll help you. Is that enough?”

His voice trembled slightly at the end. Xie Xu froze, reaching out to touch his face, only to find it wet with tears. Xie Xu’s chest tightened, and he grew anxious. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Guan Qing, his eyes red, glared at him, then quickly pushed him away and walked towards the restroom.

Xie Xu slumped onto the sofa, looking at the dampness on his hand.

After a moment, he buried his face in his hands, utterly dejected.

****

When he emerged, Guan Qing had composed himself, though his eyes were still red-rimmed. He sat opposite Xie Xu, opened his laptop, and asked:

“May I ask what your requirements are for a partner?”

Xie Xu didn’t answer directly, instead asking, “Aren’t you going to ask for my personal information? Don’t you… usually ask for both requirements and personal details?” Having been the matchmaking agency owner’s boyfriend for so many years, he knew these basics.

Guan Qing glanced at him, then softly said, “I know everything.”

Xie Xu tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Then do you know who I like?”

Guan Qing’s heart skipped a beat. He looked at Xie Xu’s hands, expressionless – clean, with no rings or bracelets.

Xie Xu observed his expression, then conceded, “Alright, I like Kobe.”

Guan Qing: “…Mm.”

He typed expressionlessly on the keyboard. This time, Xie Xu was honest and didn’t mess around, answering each question:

“My requirements are: beta, not too short, and a bit fair-skinned.”

Guan Qing stated flatly, “I suggest you choose an omega, as you have a desire to raise children.”

Xie Xu looked into his eyes. “I want to raise children, but only with… my beloved. I want to do so many things with him, raise children together, take them to amusement parks, to school, have family picnics—”

Guan Qing’s grip on the mouse tightened. “I apologize, but to expedite the process, could we temporarily skip matters unrelated to the main business?”

Xie Xu lowered his eyes and smiled. “Alright. My requirement is a beta, because I… once had a very happy and fulfilling life with a beta.”

Guan Qing murmured, “Happy and fulfilling? Are you sure he also—”

Guan Qing realized what he was saying. He hastily looked up at Xie Xu, seeing Xie Xu’s face turn pale.

He hadn’t meant to hurt him. He hadn’t expected to utter such cutting words. It was as if his own extensive pain had made him petty, wanting the other person to share a little of it.

Guan Qing: “I’m sorry.”

Xie Xu forced a smile at him, tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It’s fine.”

A tense silence fell between them.

Guan Qing was about to ask about other requirements when he suddenly heard Xie Xu speak:

“You still love me, don’t you?”

That was a question he had absolutely not anticipated.

Guan Qing froze, as if struck by an unseen blow, feeling no pain at first. He clutched his collar and retorted, “What if I do?

“Xie Xu, let me ask you,” Guan Qing heard himself say, enunciating each word, “In this world, can all people who love each other truly be together? And… do *we* love each other?

“You just think you love me, don’t you? Don’t lie to yourself, and don’t lie to me.”

If he truly loved him, why would he stay away for so long? Why would he be so indifferent to the vicious words of family and fans? Why would he… not have a single thought of marriage?

Xie Xu’s lips lost all color. He asked, incredulous, “You think I don’t love you?”

Guan Qing did not answer.

Xie Xu’s hands were clenched tightly. After a moment, he looked at Guan Qing, laughing bitterly in his anger. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you love me much either.

“Weren’t you the one who broke up with me? You should at least give me a reason.”

Xie Xu recalled arguing repeatedly with his director, finally flying back despite their objections. Guan Qing’s tone on the phone had been normal, yet he repeatedly stressed the need for Xie Xu to be there in person.

He had thought Guan Qing had something important to announce, even imagining… that he wanted to give him a surprise.

He had once been so full of anticipation.

Xie Xu squeezed the necklace hanging at his chest, hidden beneath his T-shirt—it was shaped like a pair of rings. To this day, he remembered his nervous yet hopeful feelings at the time.

He thought, ‘My wedding isn’t fully prepared yet’; he thought, ‘Guan Qing and I will probably have two sets of rings’; he thought, ‘I have to propose first, I can’t let Guan Qing do it.’

He had even secretly grumbled that Guan Qing, being such a meticulous person, wouldn’t even pick a good day to propose…

Like him, he had specifically chosen the anniversary of their first meeting, arranged everything perfectly, taken leave, cleared his schedule, prepared the wedding. He never expected a little fool to unilaterally disrupt his plans. But it didn’t matter; he liked this nervous sweetness amidst the chaos, because it was Guan Qing, so everything was fine.

A proposal definitely needed a good day.

—But a breakup did not.

Every memory stopped there; he dared not recall what happened next.

“You just got tired of it yourself, didn’t you? Our relationship had problems, and you didn’t even try to fix it.

“You didn’t even tell me the reason for breaking up. You just thought it was something to be discarded, so there was no need to tell me why you abandoned it, right?”

He looked at Guan Qing, his chest heaving violently, anger and sorrow intertwined. He could barely breathe. “I didn’t let go; the one who left first…” He closed his eyes in pain. “It was clearly you.”

All the days of torment, confusion, and resentment poured out in that moment. He wasn’t afraid of Guan Qing being upset with him, wasn’t afraid of Guan Qing scolding or cursing him, and wasn’t even afraid of him suggesting a breakup.

What he feared most was…

Guan Qing not wanting him.

—If Guan Qing stopped loving him, if Guan Qing unilaterally withdrew and left him alone… he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

He thought, ‘I can pretend not to care.’ If Guan Qing didn’t want him anymore, he could wait, he could approach Guan Qing again, even with the most clumsy, awkward excuses…

He refused to let go, even though his heart had been trampled into the mud and repeatedly crushed, he still didn’t want to let go.

In just two weeks, he hadn’t even given himself enough time to heal. Guan Qing was so good; he was afraid that if he lingered, Guan Qing would disappear. He hastily stitched up his wounds, then urgently and shamelessly went back to him, like a pug that only remembers food, not beatings.

He never expected to lose control again.

It turned out the hastily stitched wound was still bleeding. It turned out Guan Qing held the sharpest knife. It turned out… that knife would truly fall.

He thought, ‘Since it’s inevitable, rather than waiting for Guan Qing to say it, I’ll do it myself.’

He had originally believed that the guillotine hanging over his head would eventually fall, and it was better to end it early than to live in constant fear. Yet, he never expected that doing it himself wouldn’t lessen the pain.

Instead, it intensified.

****

They seemed to be in a competition, vying to see whose words could inflict more pain on the other. Even though one point of pain for the other would return to them twofold, they couldn’t control it, sinking deeper into this agonizing vicious cycle.

Neither of them was having an easy time.

Guan Qing didn’t dare look at Xie Xu. He felt that crying was pathetic, and he was already pathetic enough.

He had desperately pushed away the person he most wanted to embrace; looking into Xie Xu’s eyes made him want to kiss him, and also to cry.

He hadn’t wanted to say harsh words, but he had; he wanted Xie Xu not to be so cutting, but he had no right to say so.

It was a complete mess.

It didn’t matter; he was the one who was wrong from beginning to end, so he didn’t care. Even if Xie Xu hated him because of this, it didn’t matter.

How could he reveal the reason for their breakup? Xie Xu was so good; how could he bear to?

He still liked Xie Xu, it was true.

But he didn’t like himself.

Guan Qing covered his eyes, hearing Xie Xu answer a phone call on the other side.

Xie Xu’s voice was very low. “Mom.

“What, introducing a partner? Jiang Lu?”

Guan Qing’s breath hitched. He buried his head very, very low, even wanting to cover his ears to avoid listening.

And Xie Xu, on the other end, said, “Who told you I broke up?”

Xie Xu looked at Guan Qing, seeming to want to touch the necklace pendant at his chest, but he restrained himself, stuffing his hand back into his pocket.

Something else was said on the other end, and Xie Xu paused, then said, “No need.

“I haven’t broken up.”

Guan Qing’s eyes widened.

It was unclear to whom he was speaking, but Xie Xu said stubbornly and firmly, “I haven’t broken up.

“Guan Qing, you said you wanted to break up before.

“My answer is—

“I don’t agree.”