Chapter 5: The Weight of Regret and a Fateful Encounter

The leukemia scare had indeed been a false alarm, leaving Guan Qing immersed in the profound exhaustion of one who had narrowly escaped death.

A prolonged silence settled on both ends of the call.

Suddenly, Guan Qing heard Xie Xu softly mutter, “It really is his new phone number. And that’s definitely his voice.”

“…This dream feels quite realistic.”

With that, he hung up.

Guan Qing felt a pang.

He wanted to laugh, yet his heart ached for Xie Xu.

Guan Qing called Xie Xu’s agent, only to be told that the agent had already terminated their contract. When he inquired with Xie Xu’s assistant, the assistant revealed that Xie Xu hadn’t worked in over a week, staying home and refusing to let anyone visit.

Guan Qing’s heart pounded with anxiety.

Did he want to see Xie Xu? Yes, he did. But…

He couldn’t pinpoint the source of his fear.

Before he fully processed his actions, Guan Qing found himself standing downstairs from their old home. As Xie Xu was a superstar, the apartment complex boasted a robust security system. Guan Qing was only permitted entry because he had once been a resident, and the guards were unaware of his departure.

The scene of him dragging his suitcase away, step by painstaking step, remained vividly etched in his memory. At that time, he truly believed he would never return.

He had overestimated his own endurance. He thought he could grit his teeth and get through the rest of his life without Xie Xu.

Yet, after barely a month, he was already finding it unbearable.

He yearned to see him, a profound longing.

As the elevator ascended floor by floor, Guan Qing felt his heart slowly lift from its place, almost threatening to burst from his chest.

‘How pathetic,’ he chastised himself.

Xie Xu was the sole resident on the entire 28th floor. Guan Qing still possessed his old key card, which was required to access specific floors, unless the homeowner granted permission.

Guan Qing stepped out of the elevator and met a pair of astonished eyes.

—Jiang Lu.

The fair-skinned young man, his collar buttoned, looked over with a flustered, crimson face. His pheromones, sweet and potent, wafted out without restraint.

Guan Qing’s breath hitched, and his throat suddenly felt incredibly dry. “Hello…”

Jiang Lu smiled at him. Despite his pale and frail appearance, his lips were strikingly red, as if… he had just been forcefully kissed. He said, “Qing-ge, are you here to see Xu-ge?”

Guan Qing nodded stiffly.

Jiang Lu said, “What a coincidence, Xu-ge just fell asleep.” He then took a step forward, his eyes bright. “If I recall correctly, Qing-ge, you and Xu-ge have already broken up, haven’t you?”

Guan Qing lowered his eyelids. “So what if we have?”

Jiang Lu adjusted his collar, flashing him a polite yet subtly arrogant smile. “Then is it appropriate for you to still hold the key card to Xu-ge’s home?”

Guan Qing remained silent.

Jiang Lu continued, “After all, Xu-ge is a public figure. I hope you’ll consider him and not let your personal desires—”

Guan Qing stared at the floor. “It has nothing to do with you.”

Jiang Lu raised an eyebrow, seemingly surprised by Guan Qing’s retort. He shrugged and stepped into the elevator.

Guan Qing realized, ‘So this is what I was afraid of.’

He had been afraid that by the time he regretted his decision, Xie Xu would no longer be there.

Or perhaps… Xie Xu had never been waiting for him at all.

Those past embraces, kisses, the unconditional love and indulgence—they were never exclusively Guan Qing’s.

When he held Xie Xu’s hand, when he nestled in Xie Xu’s arms, when he was kissed awake by Xie Xu, he had always felt like a thief who had usurped the master’s home.

He could never feel truly at ease.

Guan Qing placed the card he held on the doorstep.

He pressed his hand against the cold metal door, allowing the chill to seep from his palm, little by little, into his heart. Finally, he smiled. “Xie Xu, I came by today…

“I won’t be coming again.”

—Xie Xu probably didn’t need him anymore either.

In their love, Guan Qing had always dodged, always tested, always fled.

All of this was simply because he dared not believe that Xie Xu loved him.

It was like a beggar, accustomed to a lifetime of poverty, who suddenly stumbled upon a windfall—constantly suspicious, perpetually uneasy. Only when the carefully cradled treasure in their hands finally shattered would they feel a fleeting sense of relief amidst their sorrow.

He wasn’t magnanimous, wasn’t thinking for Xie Xu’s sake. Just as Xie Xu had said, he was simply tired himself.

He was the one who let go first.

****

“Mom, why did you give Jiang Lu the key card to my house?”

After a prolonged argument with his mother, Xie Xu hung up the phone, seething with frustration.

Xie Xu was furious. He had come to realize that Jiang Lu’s intentions were incredibly obvious, and frankly, quite tactless. He had made it clear, yet Jiang Lu resorted to every means to get close. To be honest, Xie Xu found it somewhat contemptible.

After receiving Guan Qing’s call, Xie Xu’s drunkenness abruptly vanished.

He clutched his phone, unable to control his smile. He looked at his reflection in the glass French doors, thinking, ‘I look a bit silly.’

But—at least Guan Qing didn’t hate him yet.

Xie Xu got up and tidied the apartment, opened the windows, tossed several days’ worth of dirty clothes into the washing machine, and then sat on a small stool in front of it, watching.

If Guan Qing came and saw the house in such disarray, he would definitely disapprove.

Guan Qing was so meticulous.

If he found the house clean, if he discovered Xie Xu was a disciplined person, would he perhaps not find him so troublesome? Would he stay a little longer?

Would he… not leave?

Then the doorbell rang, but a different person entered.

Xie Xu shook his head, cutting off the unpleasant memory. He clumsily folded the clothes the way Guan Qing usually did, took out the cups and plates from the dishwasher, and arranged them neatly.

He tried his best to restore the home to how it was when Guan Qing was still there.

Guan Qing used to complain about his sloppiness, teaching him how to fold clothes and do housework, but he never seemed to learn. Back then, he would come home from filming and collapse into bed, while Guan Qing, wearing an apron, would scold him while washing dishes. Xie Xu would then pull him into a hug, rubbing his unshaven chin against Guan Qing’s, and say:

“With you here, why would I need to learn housework?”

Guan Qing was ticklish, laughing and pushing him away while saying, “What if I’m not here anymore?”

‘What if I’m not here anymore…?’

The words had become a prophecy.

Xie Xu placed the folded clothes in the most conspicuous spot and murmured, “Everything you taught me, I learned seriously.”

He wasn’t lazy; he simply loved the way Guan Qing loved him.

He also loved refusing his friends’ invitations to drink at night, saying, “It’s too late. My darling won’t allow it.”

His tone filled with pride.

Having Guan Qing was the most prideful thing in his life, far exceeding all his previous achievements.

After finishing the chores, Xie Xu watched television and waited.

The sky gradually darkened, then slowly brightened again.

Xie Xu gazed out the window, occasionally experiencing auditory hallucinations, hearing the doorbell ring. It wasn’t until noon that Xie Xu finally gave up hope. He opened the door and saw it pressed against the frame—Guan Qing’s exclusive key card.

“So you did come.” Xie Xu squatted down, picked up the card, and smiled a grimace that was uglier than crying.

“Do you hate me that much? You won’t even see me.”

He had said he would return, but it turned out he only came back to return the card.

“You… what do you mean by this?” Xie Xu’s eyes burned with unshed tears as he looked at the card, asking softly and aggrievedly, “Are you saying you’re never coming back?”

‘Then don’t tell me that.’

‘Don’t make me… hold onto hope.’

He covered his face. After a long time, he picked up the card. He opened his social media app and sent a voice message to ‘Qingqing’:

“You lost your card today. I’ll hold onto it for you for now.

“Whenever you want it… just come and get it.”

He thought for a long time, speaking to someone who wasn’t there, yet still couldn’t bring himself to say the next sentence:

“Next time you come for the card, could you take me with you too?”

That was too shameless; Guan Qing probably wouldn’t like it.

Xie Xu didn’t dare to say it. Now, with nothing left, he didn’t dare to ask for anything.

Though, what he wanted was actually not much.

Guan Qing was the carrot dangling above his head. He knew he could never reach it, no matter how hard he ran, but just seeing it was enough to make him run for a very, very long time.

He had reflected; he had been greedy before, and he regretted it.

He truly only needed a little bit of sweetness.

An occasional phone call, a meeting, and a smile like before—that would be enough. He would keep running.

But Guan Qing wasn’t even willing to give him that.

“I…” Xie Xu buried his face in his hands, murmuring, “I get tired too.”

Seeing Guan Qing would cause him immense heartache, yet not seeing him made him miss him terribly.

The guillotine that had hung over his head had fallen, transforming into a dull blade, haphazardly carving at his heart, little by little.

He could embrace the blade without hesitation, for a dull knife brought no pain.

But he clearly saw blood flowing out.

****

Guan Qing was an early riser. Although he was the boss, he was always the first to arrive. However, ever since he encountered Jiang Lu at Xie Xu’s place, he had been plagued by sleepless nights and nightmares.

He would fall asleep at four in the morning, only to have to drag himself out of bed at seven the next day.

He had started to dislike breakfast, too lazy to make it. Still, he continued to prepare fish and rice every day to feed the stray cats near the matchmaking agency.

The little furballs must have recognized him; every day at 7:30 AM, they would gather punctually in the alley, meowing and circling around him.

Keeping small animals was quite nice. If you fed them and treated them well, they would grow close to you and love you.

If only people could be like that.

After eating its fill, a small tabby cat padded over to Guan Qing, tilted its head to observe him, then lay down and rolled on the ground, exposing its belly.

Guan Qing smiled and scratched its chin.

He thought about adopting a kitten someday. Xie Xu used to be allergic to cat fur, but now that wasn’t a concern. He didn’t plan to settle down with anyone for the next few decades; being able to properly care for his mother and one or two small animals would be enough.

At least he wouldn’t die alone in a rented apartment.

Suddenly, a commotion erupted from outside the alley. Guan Qing rushed out to see a girl in a school uniform collapsed on the ground, a pool of blood beneath her. A group of elderly women stood around, pointing fingers, while some young people hesitated, unsure whether to help.

“She’s just a student, a perfectly good Omega, yet she had an abortion… and at a black clinic, tsk, tsk, tsk.”

“What should we do? Ah, don’t die in front of my house, it’s bad luck.”

“It’s her own fault for being so unchaste, she deserves it.”

A surge of anger welled up in Guan Qing. He pushed through the crowd, took off his suit jacket, draped it over her, and carefully picked up the girl. The young girl hadn’t completely lost consciousness; she was still groaning, her brows furrowed, constantly whispering, “Save me,” and “It’s cold.”

An elderly woman Guan Qing recognized tried to dissuade him. “Don’t bother with her, it’s bad luck. She might even turn around and accuse you of something.”

Guan Qing looked at her, saying earnestly, “Please, don’t appear near our matchmaking agency again. I find it unlucky, and I will refund your son’s money in full.”

“Don’t be afraid, the hospital will be here soon.” He softly comforted the girl, but then he suddenly remembered his car was parked two hundred meters away—the only parking spot in the area—and though the girl wasn’t heavy, he wasn’t particularly strong.

“Come with me.” A tall man beside him took the girl from his arms and quickly walked towards the parking area.

Guan Qing was grateful, but when he looked at the man, he realized—

“…Ye Zi?”

Ye Zi was their senior, studying psychology. Guan Qing had joined the psychology association in college and met him there. Ye Zi had once helped Guan Qing a great deal, and their relationship had always been very good.

Ye Zi and Xie Xu had known each other since childhood, seemingly through family connections. Later, Ye Zi went abroad to study in his third year of university, and Guan Qing missed him for quite a while.

In recent years, they had maintained contact with Ye Zi, but there was a time difference of several hours.

Ye Zi was handsome, with charming peach-blossom eyes that held a hint of a smile as he looked at Guan Qing. “It’s me.”

A thousand thoughts swirled in Guan Qing’s mind, but it was clear that the girl’s situation was more pressing. They performed some temporary hemostasis measures in the car, and upon reaching the hospital, she was immediately sent to the emergency room. He and Ye Zi sat outside, their hearts still racing, when Wu Gui emerged and said to them:

“Which of you is a family member? The patient has a rare blood type, and we… Guan Qing?”

Guan Qing greeted him, then quickly asked, “What blood type?”

Guan Qing also had a rare blood type, and he was surprised that the girl shared it with him. He quickly said, “I am. Draw from me.”

Wu Gui glanced at him. “Your last physical showed moderate anemia. I don’t recommend that.”

Upon hearing this, Ye Zi also frowned and looked over. “We have time to transfer stock from another hospital; your health is more important.”

“She’s hemorrhaging heavily, isn’t she? Every minute of delay increases the danger, and it wouldn’t be good for a young girl to have lasting complications.” He was a little anxious. “Just draw from me, I’m fine.”

“…Alright.”

Fortunately, although the girl had a severe hemorrhage, the hemostatic measures were timely. Guan Qing felt alright after donating blood, just a little dizzy.

The girl’s father arrived, profusely thanking Guan Qing and Ye Zi, and insisting on giving them money. Guan Qing quickly refused, saying he was rushing to work, and he and Ye Zi slipped away.

Ye Zi repeatedly suggested he go home and rest, perhaps eat some pig liver, but Guan Qing didn’t feel unwell. He took some medicine from Wu Gui, ate it, and insisted on returning to work. He had three clients scheduled for today.

Ye Zi had no choice but to agree. The two arrived at Guan Qing’s office and looked at each other, both feeling a bit like laughing.

Guan Qing’s suit jacket was given to the young girl to cover herself, and his white shirt underneath was stained with blood. Ye Zi, however, was fine. Guan Qing went into the lounge to change clothes and emerged to find Ye Zi waiting for him with tea.

“Long time no see, Guan Qing.”

Ye Zi said, then smiled and embraced him. Ye Zi was an Alpha, and though he controlled his pheromones well, Guan Qing was still unaccustomed to it. Ye Zi only hugged him briefly before quickly letting go.

After they chatted for a while, Ye Zi suddenly said, “You’re working in matchmaking?”

Guan Qing felt a little embarrassed; his current job was far removed from his major and aspirations. “Yes.”

Ye Zi’s peach-blossom eyes curved into a smile. “Why don’t you introduce me to someone?”

Guan Qing nodded, picking up his notebook. “Okay, what kind of person are you looking for?”

Ye Zi looked steadily at him and said, “Someone like you.”

Guan Qing froze, looking up at him, but Ye Zi laughed first. “Just kidding.”

As he spoke, he pinched Guan Qing’s cheek. “Ah, Qingqing is so adorable, who wouldn’t like him? I really wish I had a son like you.”

Ye Zi had a very comforting presence, perhaps related to his profession. Despite being an Alpha, he exuded a sense of peace and approachability.

Guan Qing took it as a joke and said, “With your qualifications, you’re going on blind dates? Seriously?”

“No,” Ye Zi lowered his hand, tapping it on the table. “You think my qualifications are good?

“Then do you like them?”

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