Chapter 15: The Weight of the World

By the middle of his freshman year’s first semester, Guan Qing found himself isolated by those around him.

While university students were often called ‘half-socialized adults,’ they still retained a childish half. Those who didn’t fit in, or those who studied too diligently, were easily ostracized.

This alienation was subtle, almost imperceptible. They would smile and greet him normally, yet a WeChat group for their four-person dorm would only include three. News about new dorm rules would be withheld, and he wouldn’t be invited when they ordered takeout.

But these were merely minor slights.

Guan Qing had grown up in a single-parent household, his mother perpetually frail and ill. He had barely scraped through middle and high school. In university, he not only had to vie for scholarships to cover his expenses but also work as many part-time jobs as possible during his free time.

“Guan Qing, working again?”

Guan Qing tucked a CET-4 vocabulary book into his bag and nodded.

His three roommates huddled together, whispering and laughing as they watched him. One of them asked, “Working every day? Are you really that poor?”

“It’s fine.”

Guan Qing paused for a moment before replying.

They continued to whisper, in voices they *thought* were low, “He never studies, yet he scores so high. He probably uses his work money to cheat… Tsk, tsk, tsk.”

“With a face like that, he’s quite handsome for a Beta. Someone would probably help him for free.”

“Who knows what kind of job he works at night, hehe.”

Guan Qing’s grip on his book tightened until his knuckles went white. He bit his lip, seemingly oblivious to the pain.

He longed to retort. But at that time, Guan Qing was indeed both insecure and insignificant. His night job was, in fact, at a bar, and while he hadn’t done anything truly sordid, he did accept tips.

Moreover, one of his roommates’ uncles was the department head. This director held absolute power over scholarships, and a single scholarship could cover his entire year’s living expenses. He couldn’t afford to lose it.

Back then, Guan Qing lived a timid, stifled existence. He endured his roommates’ bullying in silence every day, forcing a smile when he spoke to his mother on the phone, pretending everything was fine.

His family circumstances had forced him to mature prematurely, yet no one had taught him how to properly extend his branches. Instead, the shadows of society had fallen upon him too soon, making him withdraw in grievance, despising himself while trapped in a cycle of endless concessions and retreats.

He had no capital to resist.

Guan Qing often thought that, even many years later, he remained cowardly and timid. That was why, standing before a man like Xie Xu, he would feel such self-reproach.

But at that time, he was even more wretched than he was now. Almost anyone could push him around or step on him. Everyone looked down on him; no one liked him.

He believed he was unworthy of love, yet he yearned for it so desperately.

In his life, almost everything was a luxury: his mother’s imported medicine, tuition fees, clothes for winter. But love was the greatest luxury of all, making him feel a mix of envy and sorrow even at the thought of it.

Among all the people who disliked him, his roommates stood out.

“Since you’re having such a hard time, we’ll tell the class monitor not to add you to the weekend outing—it’s for your own good.”

It was just a small outing. He already had to work and wasn’t particularly interested. Just as this thought crossed his mind, he heard another roommate say:

“Ugh, honestly, you really should come. There will be lots of pretty girls, and three or four Omegas.”

The man’s tone was smug, as if attending the outing would automatically grant him the person of his fantasies.

Another roommate laughed and cursed him, “Even if there are Omegas, they’re not coming for you. Anyone with eyes knows they’re coming for Xie Xu.”

“What did you say?” Guan Qing suddenly looked up, staring at the person, and asked.

The person was startled by him and retorted irritably, “I said Xie Xu, from the next department over. He’s the new campus heartthrob, always putting on airs, never participating in any activities. This time, I don’t know what got into him, but he agreed as soon as he heard it was with our department…

“If you ask me, he’s just average, just a bit taller. It’s mainly because his family has money, all these women.”

Guan Qing didn’t hear the rest of the man’s complaints. The name ‘Xie Xu’ echoed in his mind, carrying an indescribable mix of emotions.

He remembered this person.

Since enrollment, he hadn’t remembered anyone. Even these roommates were merely labeled ‘Idiot Number One,’ ‘Moron Number Two,’ and ‘Imbecile Number Three’ in his mind.

But he remembered that when he first arrived for university, he had taken an unregulated taxi from the train station to save money and was extorted for all the cash he had. In the small town he grew up in, people were simple, or perhaps timid; though he had faced many cold looks due to poverty, no one engaged in outright scams. He had reported it to the police, but, as expected, it had little effect.

That was the first lesson the big city taught him.

At the freshman registration point under M University’s archway, he watched the bustling traffic, remembering his entire summer spent working twelve-hour days, his mother’s late nights doing odd jobs, and the money she had saved by secretly stopping her medication.

It wasn’t just that he wanted to cry; he felt an urge to rush into the middle of the road and throw himself under a car.

He numbly dragged his suitcase to the registration desk, where he was informed of the various fees he needed to pay. He gazed at the university, one of the top-ranked in the country, a place he had dreamed of for so long, then sniffled and told the person:

“I’m sorry, I’d like to withdraw.”

At that time, student loans were not well-developed, and various subsidies were insufficient. For a poor person like him, reality was harsh. He and his mother had no means, nor the energy, to save that much money again.

The person paused, then said, “Uh, if you haven’t enrolled yet, you don’t need to formally withdraw. If you don’t report within ten days, it’s automatically considered a forfeiture of your student status. But, classmate, are you facing any difficulties?”

Guan Qing shook his head. “No, I just don’t want to study anymore.”

“Don’t want to study anymore? Why?” A clear, yet slightly low voice interjected from nearby. The voice was captivating; simply hearing it made one imagine the swaying shadows of leaves in the sun.

Guan Qing turned and saw the most important person in his life, apart from his mother.

But at that moment, he felt nothing.

Because it no longer belonged to him, everything about the university seemed hostile. He was bristling, like a porcupine. He even thought, ‘This person clearly looks rich. Is he here to show off?’

He involuntarily shifted away.

He considered himself a rat in the gutter, completely incompatible with someone born a favored child of heaven. Even a fleeting glance would scorch him.

Later events proved him right, but by then, he was already caught in its struggle, unable to extricate himself.

“No reason. I just feel like it,” he said indifferently, attempting to leave.

“Don’t go,” the person quickly said. “I’m Xie Xu. You look good, let’s be friends.”

“…” Guan Qing replied, “Sorry, I don’t have time.”

“Are you having a tantrum with your family? You dragged your suitcase all the way here, yet you say you don’t want to study. Is it because your family doesn’t want you to attend this university, so they’re not giving you tuition?”

Xie Xu was persistent.

Guan Qing paused, a little annoyed, then turned and said, “Why are you being so nosy?”

Xie Xu pulled out a bank card, entered the password, and asked the teacher, “Teacher, his tuition and textbook fees total this much, right?” The teacher nodded.

He then grinned playfully at Guan Qing. “Then from now on, I’m your guardian. Call me ‘Dad,’ alright?”

Guan Qing froze, his mouth agape as a surge of emotions overwhelmed him. He stepped forward quickly and told the teacher, “Teacher, don’t accept… What? You already accepted it?”

His eyes reddened as he glared at Xie Xu. “You have nothing better to do? Why? Are you helping the poor? Who asked for your pity, you—”

Xie Xu, a stalk of grass in his mouth, shrugged, throwing Guan Qing’s own words back at him: “No reason. I just feel like it.”

Guan Qing was enraged by his demeanor. He didn’t want to communicate with Xie Xu and turned to the teacher, asking, “Teacher, can this money be refunded? It’s not that I lack money; I genuinely don’t want to study anymore…”

Xie Xu quickly reached out, pulling him aside, and said, “You really don’t have to pay me back.”

He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. “Here, look, I bought this lottery ticket earlier, and I just checked—I won quite a bit. Your tuition is just a fraction of the prize money.”

Guan Qing didn’t believe him. Xie Xu then put on a troubled face. “Just do me a favor. My family believes in the old saying, ‘fortune is intertwined with disaster.’ If I win a big prize and don’t spend it, I’ll get into a car accident when I go out.”

“…”

Guan Qing hesitated this time, then said, “Whether you won the lottery or not, I have to pay this money back. What department are you in? Your name?”

“Xie Xu, Mechanical Engineering.” Xie Xu’s troubled expression vanished, replaced by a roguish smile. “Later, help your dad here cheat, okay? My math is terrible.”

“My dad died long ago,” Guan Qing said expressionlessly.

In just a few hours, Guan Qing had experienced the greatest ups and downs of his life. His face remained impassive, but inwardly, a storm raged, and he even felt a little like crying.

After all, he was only tough on the outside, but inside, he was utterly weak and timid.

“Sorry about that,” Xie Xu chuckled awkwardly.

Seeing Guan Qing’s tightly pressed lips, clearly trying to hold back tears, Xie Xu’s heart softened. He reached out and gently stroked Guan Qing’s soft hair, saying:

“It’s okay. This city isn’t great, but it’s not as bad as you think. There are bad people, but good people are definitely more numerous.”

“Like your dad… uh, like me.”

“The expression on your face when you looked at the traffic just now really startled me. You haven’t even experienced many good things yet; are you really so willing to leave?”

It was afternoon then, and the registration office was bustling with people. They stood under the shade of a tree, with light filtering through the leaves, falling into Xie Xu’s light-colored eyes, making them incredibly beautiful and gentle.

Guan Qing’s nose felt extremely sore.

Xie Xu, a little embarrassed, scratched his head and said, “Anyway, hang in there. I’m still waiting for you to help me cheat.”

Guan Qing: “…Okay.”

Xie Xu smiled at him again, handed him an account, and told him to add it as a friend if he needed to find him, then left.

After enrollment, Guan Qing tried to find Xie Xu multiple times but discovered that the other person was truly a busy individual. He thought he would first work and save money to repay him. Not long after, however, the police station called him—the unregulated taxi driver who had scammed him was caught, and his money was returned.

The police officer even remarked that such a small case of taxi fraud would never have been solved if it hadn’t been for a prominent figure mentioning it.

Guan Qing thought of Xie Xu again.

He recalled the sound of cicadas that day, and the gentlest smile he had ever seen in his life.

Guan Qing, in a subdued voice, asked his roommates, “Can I join your outing?”

The three were surprised, then quickly began to snicker. “What? Guan, the great scholar, suddenly has time?”

Guan Qing’s head was bowed very low. He nodded.

One of them rubbed his thumb and forefinger together at him. “It’s not easy to suddenly bring along someone nobody really knows. Show some appreciation?”

Guan Qing truly didn’t want to look up and see those ugly, dark smiles. His mind held such a brilliant smile; how could it be defiled by such filth?

But then he suddenly remembered that he wasn’t exactly clean himself.

These people were mud.

He, Guan Qing, was at best a small clump of weeds, pressed down by the mud, slowly crumbling.

Only, this weed of his had seen the sun.

Guan Qing’s hand crumpled the pages of his book. Keeping his head down, he said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any money.”

His mother had suffered from pneumonia a few days ago after a fever. Hiring someone to care for her there cost money, as did hospitalization and medication. His mother was ill, and he couldn’t rush back, which was already unfilial enough. How could he divert that money for his own selfish desires? His part-time work was already at its limit; if he took on another job, not only his studies, but his body would soon collapse.

“No money, huh?”

The three seemed disappointed. They huddled together, whispering for a moment, then one of them stepped forward:

“Aren’t you writing that paper, the one that’s likely to win an award?”

Guan Qing’s face was cold. He hesitated, then nodded.

He immediately understood what they meant—the prize money for a winning paper was far more than what was in Guan Qing’s wallet. Moreover, winning an award for a paper wasn’t just about money; it was a huge bargaining chip for bringing honor to the school, applying for scholarships, and even a major highlight for graduate school recommendations or studying abroad.

Guan Qing didn’t want to at all, but this seemed to be the only way.

He struggled for a moment, then finally compromised, saying, “You can add your names, but I must be listed as the lead author.”

He was the lead author; anyone with eyes could tell that the others were just trying to piggyback on the prize money…

For this paper, he would return from work at eleven at night, then stay up until three in the morning researching information and data, only to wake up at seven the next day for class.

The other person was clearly not a fool. He looked at Guan Qing as if he were strange. “I meant, add my name, and remove yours.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Guan Qing immediately found it absurd, almost laughing in anger.

The person’s eyes darted around. “I remember you weren’t interested at first… Oh, right, you said you wanted to go as soon as we mentioned Xie Xu.”

The three of them exchanged glances and laughed together. “You don’t like Xie Xu, do you? Tsk, tsk, tsk, wanting to eat swan meat. Look at yourself—you’re not even as good as a toad.”

Guan Qing trembled all over.

“Tell me, isn’t it true? You’re just a Beta, poor, not pretty, and so introverted. Xie Xu would probably find you disgusting.”

Guan Qing’s face was pale, his voice trembling. “Shut up.”

“What did you say?” The person was incredulous that Guan Qing dared to talk back. Relying on his family connections, he had been tyrannical in the dorm for a long time, even pouring foot wash water on Guan Qing’s bed, yet Guan Qing hadn’t dared to utter a peep.

He said, “Am I wrong? You’re just disgusting and cheap. Xie Xu wouldn’t want you even if you threw yourself at him.”

Guan Qing’s face was clouded with gloom. “Don’t be a dog relying on human power.”

“I’m a dog??” The person, with a jealous sneer, shoved Guan Qing hard. “I think Xie Xu is the dog, a horny male dog, cheap and stupid, day in and day out—”

His mind exploded with a *boom*. Guan Qing completely lost it.

He raised his fist and smashed it into the person’s face.

The person cried out in shock and anger, and the other two immediately surrounded them, pulling at Guan Qing. But Guan Qing was like a madman, only grabbing and hitting that one person, beating him until his nose bled profusely, and he even passed out.

Suddenly, the dorm room door was pushed open.

The department head smiled. “Principal, look, my nephew lives here. Their dorm atmosphere is especially…”

Upon seeing the scene inside, his words caught in his throat.

Guan Qing was covered in bruises. The two people who had been kicking him were now cowering in fear. And the department head’s nephew was being held by his collar by Guan Qing, taking punch after punch.

The principal was both shocked and furious, pointing at Guan Qing, unable to utter a single word.

****

“Guan Qing, you frequently miss classes, violate school regulations by working outside, and exceed eight hours a week.

“Now, you’ve again instigated trouble and injured a classmate…

“Sigh, I didn’t want this either.” The department head’s face, however, showed no regret. “Go back and pack your things from the dorm. Leave as soon as possible.”

Guan Qing sat in the chair, his back perfectly straight, saying nothing.

“That’s enough. You can go,” the department head waved his hand.

Guan Qing’s hand under the table clenched into a tight fist.

The department head turned back, puzzled. “What’s wrong? Go.”

Guan Qing heard his own words squeezed through his teeth: “C-can you…”

“I have a paper. I sent it anonymously to a professor abroad, and he praised it highly. This paper will definitely win first place in the competition.

“Sign… your nephew’s name.

“Don’t expel me. Just… put me on probation, please.”

Guan Qing stood up and bowed deeply to the department head.

Upon hearing this, the department head smiled:

“What kind of joke are you playing? Do you really think you’re that valuable?”

He held out his hand and made a gesture with his fingers. “One paper, plus this amount. Then I’ll put you on probation.”

As he walked out of the office, dark clouds gathered, and thunder rumbled. The moment he stepped out from under the eaves, the torrential rain began.

Guan Qing’s hands trembled. On his phone was the page he was searching: ‘M City Loan Sharks.’ As he descended the stairs, he wasn’t paying attention and missed a step.

He fell into the rain, into the mud. Everyone around him rushed indoors to take shelter, while he, amidst the clamor of the rain, finally, unreservedly—

Broke down crying.

He was only eighteen, yet he had already been battered to near death by the world’s rain. He was born a weed, destined to stand in the wind and rain, watching others from inside greenhouses, behind glass windows, looking at him with a mix of curiosity and disgust.

And he didn’t even dare to feel jealousy.

The mud pressing down on him was gradually seeping in; he, too, was becoming stained.

****

An umbrella shielded him. Guan Qing looked up and saw Xie Xu, frowning, reach out and pull him to his feet.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t bring an umbrella and fell while walking?”

The umbrella wasn’t big, but Xie Xu didn’t mind Guan Qing’s muddy state at all, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to keep him from the rain.

The rain was too heavy; having an umbrella was almost like not having one. Xie Xu quickly led Guan Qing under an eave. Seeing Guan Qing trembling all over, he assumed he was cold, so he took off his own jacket and draped it over him.

Guan Qing kept his head bowed low. He hadn’t stopped crying yet, and if he looked up, Xie Xu would surely see his red, swollen eyes.

“Wait a bit. We don’t know how long this rain will last. If it doesn’t stop in five minutes, we’ll just run out.” It was already late November, and Xie Xu, wearing only a T-shirt, sneezed.

“You wear it. I’m not cold,” Guan Qing’s voice was very low and soft.

He truly wasn’t cold.

The moment he saw Xie Xu, his entire being began to warm, transitioning from an icy world into a damp, rainy reality that still held sunlight. And, Xie Xu still remembered him.

Xie Xu shook his head, looked at him with a moment’s hesitation, then suddenly asked, “Your outing last week… why didn’t you come?”

He had asked Guan Qing’s class monitor, who said they would invite Guan Qing. Guan Qing was always working, and as class monitor, he wanted to help him integrate into the group.

But when he asked again later, the class monitor stammered and couldn’t explain.

If he hadn’t gone to inquire himself…

Guan Qing remembered that two weeks had passed since the fight. The school didn’t want to publicize it, handling everything discreetly. Xie Xu wasn’t in the same department, so it was normal for him not to know.

“I was working,” Guan Qing mumbled.

He felt a little nervous, his palms sweating slightly.

But in that instant, the burden on his heart lightened. Looking at Xie Xu, he had a sudden realization.

If he couldn’t study, then so be it. At worst, he could go home, work, and re-study for the exams. Loan sharks were absolutely out of the question. If he got involved with that, he couldn’t imagine what he would become.

Guan Qing looked up and smiled at Xie Xu. “I’ll go next time. This time, I really couldn’t adjust my work schedule.

“Oh, and thank you for what happened last time.” He was referring to the tuition fees. After his money was returned, he immediately paid Xie Xu back. But if Xie Xu hadn’t paid for him then, he would have already lost his student status.

Though even now, he was close to being unable to continue his studies.

Yet, he still felt very lucky, at least he had met Xie Xu.

Xie Xu froze.

He looked deeply at Guan Qing, speechless.

Guan Qing’s expression, how to describe it? It seemed incredibly fragile, as if it could shatter at a touch, yet it held a contradictory resilience and stubbornness, like a small sunflower firmly rooted in a storm. You always felt the next gust of wind would topple it, but it would slowly straighten up again after each bow, facing the sun.

…It looked beautiful.

Guan Qing pursed his lips. “The rain’s lighter. Let’s go.”

At the fork in the road, their dorms were in different directions. Xie Xu touched Guan Qing’s wet head and said, “Next time we go out, let’s go to the beach. You have to come.”

Guan Qing said okay, though he knew there wouldn’t be a next time.

Xie Xu seemed to want to say more. Guan Qing looked up at him and asked, “Hm? What’s wrong?”

Xie Xu motioned for him to lean closer, then whispered in his ear, “You haven’t actually met the strict criteria for expulsion. Your department head wouldn’t dare force you.”

Guan Qing’s eyes slowly widened.

“People like him are definitely determined to take advantage of you. Don’t fall for it. I just checked the surveillance footage of your dorm—before you hit him, your roommate even shoved you. It wasn’t you who started the trouble.”

Xie Xu blinked and said, “And even if he tries to make things difficult for you, don’t be afraid. My family has donated many buildings to this school.

“I asked a teacher I know to help you change dorms. For the next few days, you can come to classes and eat with me. They won’t dare do anything to you.”

Guan Qing nodded blankly.

Xie Xu put the umbrella into his hand, stepped back two paces, and stood in the rain, telling him, “My dorm is very close. You take the umbrella.”

Guan Qing quickly said, “No need!” Then he quietly asked, “Why are you…” so kind to me.

Xie Xu turned and ran a few steps, without looking back, merely waving his hand.

Xie Xu recalled their first meeting, when the young man’s expression was numb as he watched the traffic, which had startled him. But after teasing him a couple of times, he seemed to gradually come alive, like a puppet, exuding a distinct, vibrant energy. He didn’t want to see Guan Qing like a puppet again; he could be so beautiful.

‘Why am I kind to you?’

‘Because you’re pitiful…’

‘And adorable.’

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