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Join the ServerXie Xu’s eyes widened. He was fully awake.
Guan Qing kissed him for only a brief moment before gently patting Xie Xu’s cheek. “Wash up, eat, then it’s off to the set,” he said.
Xie Xu’s assistant had called several times just now, urging him to hurry. Xie Xu had a scene at ten that morning and needed to arrive by at least nine-thirty.
Xie Xu reluctantly rose, toothbrush clenched between his teeth, and ambled out. He trailed behind Guan Qing, his gaze fixed on him.
“Wifey, what are you doing?”
With a mouth full of white foam, Xie Xu leaned in front of Guan Qing, peering at his study materials. After a moment, he declared, “…I don’t understand it.”
‘It would be a miracle if you *did* understand,’ Guan Qing thought.
To Guan Qing’s surprise, Xie Xu looked at him and repeated, a hint of grievance in his voice, “I don’t understand, Wifey.”
“Huh?” Guan Qing was perplexed.
“So, can you give me a kiss?” Xie Xu wheedled, leaning in as if to kiss him, his mouth still full of foam.
Guan Qing raised his study materials, blocking Xie Xu’s face, and laughed, scolding him playfully, “Stop messing around.”
He gently pushed Xie Xu back into the bathroom, handed him his rinsing cup, and made sure he finished brushing his teeth.
Only then did he point to his own lips and say, “You may.”
Xie Xu, beaming foolishly, wrapped his arms around him.
Having finally managed to get Xie Xu ready enough to leave, Guan Qing saw him off. The house felt empty once more. Guan Qing picked up his political studies notes, lowering his head to review the knowledge points.
‘Stop thinking about it. What’s meant to come will always come. If it hasn’t arrived, it’s simply not time yet.’
‘Xie Xu is the sweetest cherry atop the cake; how could he be so easily within reach?’
****
The weather grew colder day by day.
Guan Qing’s life had largely settled into a routine: studying during the day, talking on the phone with Xie Xu in the evenings, and then, on weekends, the two would go on sweet, clingy dates.
A few days before New Year’s Day, the tutoring center scheduled a mock exam. Guan Qing emerged from the test feeling deeply disheartened. Though diligence could compensate for shortcomings, those competing with him for that spot were all recent graduates, or at least had a bachelor’s degree in psychology, while he had nothing.
When everyone’s effort levels were similar, the importance of the starting line became starkly apparent.
Every day, Xie Xu would call at half-past eight in the evening. They would chat until ten, after which Guan Qing would study for another hour before going to bed.
Guan Qing was already feeling down today. He waited and waited for Xie Xu’s call, but it never came. Instead, while browsing Weibo, he stumbled upon numerous posts like, ‘Shocking! Xie Xu suspected of having an affair!’ and ‘Solid proof: Xie Xu seen entering hotel with famous movie star.’ Guan Qing casually clicked on one, which had been filmed and posted just this morning at nine.
Xie Xu had sent him a selfie this morning. From the clothing and build, the person in the photo was indeed Xie Xu, and… Jiang Lu.
That familiar sensation returned.
‘You said you would trust him. You said you weren’t afraid of pain. You cannot go back on your word,’ Guan Qing thought.
“Beep—”
“Hello, Wifey? Ah, I’ve been a bit busy today. I forgot to call you. I’m still occupied right now, I’ll call you back later—”
“Mm,” Guan Qing nodded, trying to keep his voice calm. “What have you been busy with tonight?”
“Filming, of course. I’ve been here at the film studio all day,” Xie Xu replied without hesitation.
Guan Qing’s fingers, clutching the book page, stiffened. The film studio and the hotel address in the photo were an entire S City apart. He paused, then said, “Don’t call later then. You’re so tired. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Alright,” Xie Xu said indifferently. “Then, Wifey, I’ll hang up. The director’s looking for me.”
“Mm.”
It was too much of a coincidence. Xie Xu was clearly filming a low-budget movie, and Guan Qing just happened to remember this director, as well as the director’s little-followed Weibo account.
On that Weibo, a new post had appeared at four in the afternoon: ‘Celebrating Xie Xu’s wrap-up.’
Why would Xie Xu act this way, telling blatant lies without a change in expression?
Guan Qing couldn’t tell anymore. He knew he shouldn’t be like this; he knew he needed to trust Xie Xu. He also knew he should be like Chris and the others, always maintaining equality in love.
But he couldn’t control it.
Guan Qing read for a while, unable to absorb anything, and decided to go to sleep. Suddenly, a car horn blared from downstairs, followed by a loud commotion. This was a densely populated residential area, and many elderly women would lean out to empty their foot-washing basins.
He had just been about to sleep, and being disturbed like this irritated him. He opened the window and looked out, spotting a familiar figure standing downstairs, gazing up in his direction.
It was Xie Xu.
All the gloom and unhappiness of the entire day vanished in that instant. The unpleasantness hadn’t truly gone, of course; Xie Xu’s appearance was merely a temporary painkiller.
‘But I can’t live on painkillers forever,’ Guan Qing thought as he descended the stairs.
However—
S City in late December was bitterly cold. Guan Qing saw Xie Xu rubbing his hands under the streetlamp, his tall, imposing figure hunched in a somewhat pitiful manner, exhaling plumes of white mist like an old farmer tilling fields in the dead of winter. As Guan Qing approached, Xie Xu smiled at him beneath the streetlamp.
Xie Xu’s gaze was incredibly tender, brimming with an overflowing affection that instantly made Guan Qing want to cry again.
Xie Xu first hugged and kissed him, then said, “Wifey, come here.” He glanced around to confirm no one was watching, then pulled up his overcoat and sweater, revealing a section of his abs.
“…?” Guan Qing was bewildered. “What are you doing? Aren’t you cold?”
“It’s warm here,” Xie Xu said, pointing to his stomach. “Your hands are freezing. Come on.”
‘This fool,’ Guan Qing thought, his nose stinging slightly. He pulled Xie Xu into the car. “Why did you come looking for me?”
“Is it wrong to come see my partner?” Xie Xu retorted, his tone righteous.
“Well, you’ve seen me. Can we go now?” Guan Qing made to open the car door, but Xie Xu quickly stopped him.
“Hey, do you remember? You owe me a meal.”
Guan Qing thought for a long, bewildered moment.
It traced back to… a distant August. During their breakup, Xie Xu had forced him to sign a ridiculous contract.
At that time, Xie Xu had also said, “Mr. Guan, please cook one more meal for me.”
He hadn’t expected it to come back to this. Guan Qing could only say, “Alright, where to?”
“Our home.”
Xie Xu whistled, started the car, and drove towards the home where he had always lived, their former home.
The furnishings hadn’t changed at all; only Guan Qing’s belongings were gone. When Guan Qing had left, he had packed everything, departing without a word to Xie Xu beforehand.
He had feared that if he left anything behind, he wouldn’t be able to resist turning back.
The clothes were neatly folded, the floor meticulously clean. Guan Qing surveyed the room, casually tossing his bag onto the sofa, and met Xie Xu’s expectant gaze. He stood on tiptoe, ruffled Xie Xu’s hair, and smiled.
“So capable, waiting for me to praise you.”
Xie Xu nodded, proudly lifting his chin.
Guan Qing put on an apron, rummaged through the fridge for ingredients, and headed into the kitchen to cook. Xie Xu ambled in after him, intending to help—though most of the time, he simply stared blankly at Guan Qing in his apron.
The meal was ready.
Xie Xu opened a jar of wine, and the two of them drank and ate, carrying the dishes to the balcony. They chatted and sipped their wine.
Guan Qing had words bottled up inside him, yet he couldn’t find the right moment to ask.
‘What were you doing this evening? Why did you lie? Why did you go to see Jiang Lu?’
He didn’t dare to ask.
What if Xie Xu felt wronged if he asked? He couldn’t bear for Xie Xu to be upset.
Moreover, having come this far, he couldn’t believe Xie Xu wouldn’t love him.
Yet, a slight imbalance persisted.
“Darling, is there anything you want to ask?” Xie Xu held his teacup in both hands, taking a sip. He dared not drink too much wine, nor would he allow Guan Qing to overindulge.
Guan Qing glanced at him. Xie Xu was looking up at the starry sky outside, a smile playing on his lips, appearing to be in a mood for casual conversation.
“I will always trust you, and I hope you won’t hide anything from me,” Guan Qing said, picking up a piece of food with his chopsticks, his words hinting at something more.
Xie Xu put down his teacup and looked at him.
His gaze was incredibly serious, devoid of any smile. “Darling, my greatest weakness is already in your hands—I love you. You can do anything to me.”
He didn’t directly answer the ‘hiding something’ part. Guan Qing’s heart sank a little.
“Then… is there anything you’re hiding from me?”
“Qingqing,” Xie Xu smiled helplessly. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
So there was something.
“Can’t you tell me?” Guan Qing felt a little disappointed, just a tiny bit.
He knew that even the most intimate lovers kept things from each other; he knew that clearly. But that feeling of imbalance surged forth again.
Before Xie Xu could answer, Guan Qing shook his head, opening his arms. “Hold me.”
Xie Xu walked over and lifted him entirely from his seat. Guan Qing wrapped his arms around Xie Xu’s neck, meeting his gaze under the early autumn starlight, nose touching nose.
Xie Xu looked at him with fascination, as if his entire being was completely dominated by him.
Guan Qing, as if venting, gently bit Xie Xu’s nose, then said, “Kiss me.”
Xie Xu tilted his head and kissed him fiercely.
When the kiss finally ended, both were breathless. Xie Xu moved to put him down, feeling himself about to lose control. He said, “Darling, come down first. I’m going to take a cold shower—”
But Guan Qing held him tightly, forcing him to meet his gaze. Guan Qing’s eyes were very serious, possessing an alluring innocence and purity in that atmosphere.
Xie Xu seemed mesmerized, momentarily forgetting what he was about to say, simply staring back at him in a daze.
Guan Qing whispered, “Mark me.”
In that instant, the fuse was finally lit.
Xie Xu gripped the edge of the table tightly, veins bulging on his arms. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and he forced a smile. “Darling, another day…”
“Are you afraid?”
Guan Qing lowered his eyelids, then slanted his gaze up at Xie Xu, with a hint of disdain and a touch of seduction. Like a snake, slowly coiling around him, intimate, drawing him into ruin.
“Or perhaps, you’ve already done it today, so…”
Guan Qing gently released Xie Xu’s hand from the table’s edge, lifted it, and slowly licked along the gaps between his fingers.
Something exploded in Xie Xu’s mind with a deafening roar.
This was different from the Guan Qing of before, who was docile, gentle, and compliant. Now, he was aggressive, even possessive. Guan Qing rarely displayed such a degree of possessiveness directly to him, that intense jealousy so obvious even a fool would hear it.
“Darling, whatever you suspect me of, you shouldn’t suspect *this*.”
Xie Xu smiled softly, then his lips curved downwards. He reached out, clasping the back of Guan Qing’s head, and kissed him in a fierce, prolonged embrace. Then, he lifted him horizontally, carried him inside, and carefully locked the door.
In that moment, his long-suppressed pheromones erupted without reservation.
Unlike before, Guan Qing, enveloped within it, could more directly feel the overwhelming—
Possessiveness.
‘Something is wrong tonight,’ Guan Qing thought hazily as Xie Xu bit his nape.
Xie Xu spoke, almost grinding his teeth, into his ear, “You brought this upon yourself.”
What exactly was wrong? Was it his abnormal mood from the start, or shouldn’t he have had that first sip of wine, or was it the momentary frustration upon realizing Xie Xu’s refusal, followed by a surge of self-abandonment? At that time, he thought, ‘If love isn’t enough, s*x can be.’
Indeed, he had brought this upon himself.
But Xie Xu’s state was clearly not right either—not gentle, not restrained, overly impulsive. From Xie Xu’s pheromones, he could almost immediately feel that overwhelming, almost desperate love, and an abnormal possessiveness.
This was…
Guan Qing closed his eyes, feeling a sense of disbelief.
This was a rut.
He had no time to think further, pulled back by Xie Xu’s arm around his waist, tumbling into a whirlpool of frantic desire.
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