Chapter 14: Should I get on my knees?

‘I couldn’t understand.’
Yoojun’s intention was clear.

There were sufficient reasons to refuse, and he had intended to.
And yet, the words that actually came out of his mouth were all the opposite of his intentions.

‘Am I really feeling pity for him?’
‘Is this man who died on the cold asphalt in midwinter, miserably abandoned, so pitiful as to make me make this choice?’
‘Is he?’

Feeling as if he were possessed by something, Yoojun wanted to let out a hollow laugh, but even that didn’t go as he willed.
Instead, Yoojun stared at Sayoung’s face a little more persistently.

Wanting to find the emotions revealed by his positive answer.
Wanting to see that face tinged with joy or relief, even just a little.

“…Thank you.”

But Sayoung’s face, after finally uttering that one word of thanks after a long while, was still devoid of emotion.
Like a doll designed to feel no emotions congenitally.

At this point, Yoojun felt a sort of stubbornness welling up.
He wanted to shatter that arrogant face of Yoon Sayoung’s, by any means necessary.

That’s right.
In Yoojun’s mind, this was arrogance.

‘If he is going to ask for a favor.’
‘If he is going to try and entangle me in his and Han Jaewoo’s affairs with an absurd excuse, then at least he shouldn’t be as stiff and proud in front of me’, Yoojun thought.

He wanted to see Sayoung cling to him a little more.
To see him plead.
To see him desperately beg for help, with tears streaming down his face.
Yoojun wanted to see that.

“I have a few conditions.”

Yoojun continued.
Sayoung blinked, giving a light nod.
His tone suggested he had naturally expected as much.
Suppressing the unpleasant feeling that wouldn’t be resolved no matter what he did, Yoojun continued.

“This is not like us entering into an equal contract. It is, to the end, a request made by you, Mr. Yoon Sayoung, and I am granting that request. Therefore, I can quit this act whenever I want to.”

“Yes.”

The answer flowed out instantly, without a moment’s hesitation.
Yoojun took a short, deep breath.
‘If he is doing this to provoke me, he is doing a damn good job.’
Trying not to show any obvious agitation, Yoojun continued.

“And… one very important thing.”

Yoojun’s voice sank very low.
From the moment he entered this hospital room until now, not a single thing had gone as Yoojun willed, but he couldn’t back down like this.

Towards Sayoung, who still had an attitude of accepting everything, Yoojun stated his final condition.

“If you really need my help that much, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop with that f*cking attitude of yours, as if it doesn’t matter whether someone like me helps you or not.”

“……”

“If you’re going to ask for a favor… no. If you’re going to beg, then beg properly.”

After finishing his words, Yoojun lightly clenched his fists, like a nervous person.
He wanted to maintain a calm demeanor just like Sayoung, but he couldn’t help but anticipate Sayoung’s reaction.

‘Did he get angry?’
‘Does he look flustered?’
‘Would his pride be wounded, and would he want to call off the whole proposal right now?’

‘Or would he be disheartened by his situation of receiving such treatment and shed tears?’

Either way would not be bad for Yoojun.
Anything was fine, as long as it wasn’t the expressionless, doll-like face he had maintained so far.

Sayoung just stared at Yoojun for a moment without a word, then very slowly closed and opened his eyes.
It was an act that could have been contemplation or resignation.
Finally, Sayoung’s mouth opened.

“…Should I get on my knees?”

“What?”

At Sayoung’s completely unexpected reaction, Yoojun asked back in a sharp voice.
He had made many assumptions about how Sayoung would react, but he had never imagined he would openly ask if he should kneel.

Facing Yoojun’s contorted face, Sayoung continued.

“I’m… that desperate.”

Yoojun let out a dumbfounded laugh.
If it had been a provocation or sarcasm, he wouldn’t have been this flustered.

If his attitude had been, ‘Are you offended by my words? Would you feel better if I knelt for you?’ he would have been satisfied.

But that wasn’t it.
It was closer to showing a resolve that he could do anything Yoojun wanted, because he really could, and because he wanted Yoojun’s help that much.

And it was precisely that point that made Yoojun even more bothered.

Desperate, gentle, calm, and indifferent.
Sayoung’s face, where emotions that seemed impossible to coexist were mixed together, was infuriating.

Not knowing how to react, Yoojun hesitated to answer, his face scrunched up, while Sayoung slowly rose from the sofa.
It seemed he had interpreted Yoojun’s silence as an affirmation.

Sayoung staggered and slowly began to kneel on one knee.
It wasn’t an easy movement, as his injured leg was still in a cast.

A single misstep could worsen his healing leg.
If he weren’t truly desperate, he wouldn’t try to kneel in such a state.

But Yoojun couldn’t feel even the slightest bit of satisfaction watching him.

“Ugh…!”

Yoojun, who had shot up from his seat in an instant, approached Sayoung, grabbed both his shoulders, and pulled him up.
At the sudden movement, Sayoung let out a low groan.

Forced to lift his gaze by Yoojun’s strength, he saw his eyes, glaring at him with a fearsome intensity.

Sayoung couldn’t understand what had made him so angry.
And Sayoung also didn’t know that it was precisely his expression of not knowing anything that was provoking Yoojun even more.

Staring straight into Sayoung’s eyes, which seemed to be made of emptiness, Yoojun finally understood his choice to accept his request.

Han Jaewoo didn’t matter.
Whether Yoon Sayoung’s revenge succeeded or not, that kind of thing held no meaning for Yoojun.

The reason Yoojun had said he would help Sayoung was solely because of these eyes, these unpleasantly dry eyes.
Unfitting for any emotion Yoon Sayoung claimed to have, be it love or revenge.

“You have a knack for pissing people off, Mr. Yoon Sayoung.”

Yoojun said so, letting go of Sayoung’s shoulders and patting his wrinkled patient gown to straighten it.
It was a rough touch, as if picking a fight.
Sayoung, wondering what on earth this person was angry about, readily bowed his head.

“…I’m sorry.”

“You don’t even know what you’re sorry for, do you?”

“……”

At Yoojun’s question, which hit the mark, Sayoung closed his mouth.
In truth, the reason wasn’t important to Sayoung.
What was important was that Yoojun was angry, and if Yoojun was angry, he had to apologize.

As Yoojun had said, he was the one asking for a favor.
He had to get his help, even if it meant begging.

Even without knowing the reason for his anger, Sayoung’s apology was sincere.

Yoojun, who let out a short sigh at the reaction that was no different from what he had expected, soon took a step back from Sayoung.
It didn’t seem like a problem that could be solved in a short time.

“For now, just get well soon. You won’t be able to do anything in that state.”

“Yes.”

“It’s late today, so let’s hear the detailed plan next time.”

“Yes.”

Sayoung answered obediently, as if nothing had happened.
Beneath the overly large patient gown, his white, thin body drew the eye.
His skin was so delicate that it seemed he might have bruised from the force with which Yoojun had grabbed his shoulders a moment ago.

Yoojun, who had been looking at Sayoung’s prominent bones for a moment, clicked his tongue and immediately turned around.
It was obvious that his own chest would only grow tighter if he looked at him any longer.

“Go safely. And…”

Sayoung’s voice was heard from behind Yoojun as he left the hospital room without any particular farewell.
Even though he wasn’t particularly curious about what he would say next, Yoojun’s steps slowed.
And just as he opened the hospital room door, Sayoung’s voice reached him.

“Thank you.”

A wind carrying the scent of winter blew from somewhere.
Thinking that this winter was unusually strange for some reason, Yoojun left without a word and closed the door.

****

“I can do anything for you, Seonhwa.”

Yoojun, sitting on the living room sofa with a thoroughly displeased face, was listening to the man on the TV screen.

“Use me. You don’t have to feel guilty. Just… just let me stay by your side. Please?”

The man on the screen clung to a woman who said she loved another man, with a truly pitiful face.
That man had the face of Yoon Sayoung.

“……”

Yoojun leaned deeper into the sofa and stared intently at the screen.
What Yoojun was watching was Sayoung’s debut drama, the one that had instantly propelled him to stardom.

In this drama, Sayoung played not the male lead, but a supporting role commonly known as the ‘second male lead’.
It was a devoted role, showing unwavering affection for the female lead.

Compared to the male lead, who showed a rough and manly charm, Sayoung had a weaker image, but he received tremendous attention for his unique, clear, and clean face and loveliness.

As the drama headed towards its latter half, he completely captured the hearts of the public with his desperate acting towards the one who wouldn’t look back at him.

In the end, he gained far more overwhelming popularity than the male lead, even boosting the drama’s initially sluggish ratings, and there was even a laughable incident where protests demanding a change of the male lead flooded in.

“I… I will never hurt you, Seonhwa. I will never do that.”

With a face that was clearly hurt, the man on the screen with Yoon Sayoung’s face forced a smile, swallowing his tears.
It was a sight that would make anyone want to hug him immediately.