Chapter 40: The Quiet Between Us.

“……”

He was about to sigh deeply, but stopped himself. He was worried that the sound might wake Sayoung.

They were right in front of his house.

He could just wake him up and tell him to go inside and sleep, so he didn’t know what on earth he was hesitating for.

Yoojun took his hands off the steering wheel and leaned back comfortably.

He wanted to recline the seat Sayoung was leaning on a little more, but there was no way that was possible in a situation where he couldn’t even make the sound of breathing.

A deeper silence permeated the car.

Yoojun just sat still and appreciated the sight of the street trees outside the window swaying in the wind.

Sayoung was quiet, as if dead. In that silence, he could occasionally hear the sound of his deep breathing.

At those times, Yoojun would twitch the corners of his mouth and glance sideways at Sayoung, fascinated by the breathing sounds of someone with his eyes closed like a doll.

Because he liked that quietness.

Even though they didn’t know each other well, the fact that Sayoung, who seemed extremely sensitive, fell asleep defenselessly like this while knowing that Yoojun, an Alpha, had smelled his pheromones, seemed to mean that he trusted Yoojun that much.

Not knowing why he liked that, Yoojun enjoyed the sea of silence where only the sound of breathing rolled in like waves until Sayoung woke up, with a very relaxed face.

****

Unfortunately, Yoojun’s peace didn’t last very long.

Sayoung woke up less than ten minutes later. Yoojun felt both regret and relief at the same time.

He wanted to enjoy this time a little longer, but if too much time passed, he felt at a loss for what to answer if Sayoung asked why he hadn’t woken him up.

Watching someone sleep in another person’s car right in front of their house without any particular reason, between people who weren’t even close, could look quite strange depending on the circumstances.

“Mmm….”

“Are you awake?”

“……?”

“We’ve arrived.”

Yoojun spoke first, jumping the gun like a thief with a guilty conscience.

Sayoung, who blinked his eyes a few times with a blank expression for a moment, seemed to accept the situation without much suspicion.

It seemed he thought he had woken up just in time.

It was fortunate, but strangely, Yoojun still felt a faint regret.

While he never wanted to let it be known that he had been glancing at the sleeping Sayoung and waiting for him to sleep a little longer, at the same time, he wanted him to recognize his consideration.

It was a contradictory feeling.

In the meantime, Sayoung, having fully come to his senses, said to Yoojun.

“…I’m sorry.”

Yoojun frowned and looked at Sayoung.

He didn’t understand why he was suddenly apologizing again after sleeping well.

Sayoung continued.

“You took the trouble to bring me all the way here, but I fell asleep in the passenger seat… I shouldn’t have….”

Only then understanding the meaning of the apology, Yoojun was about to answer that it was okay but just closed his mouth.

He felt embarrassed about having watched him sleep, so he thought it would be better to just let him feel sorry.

So instead of saying it was okay, Yoojun said something else.

“Are you having trouble sleeping these days?”

“No. I’m sleeping well.”

Sayoung answered immediately without hesitation while unfastening his seatbelt.

Yoojun frowned sharply and reflexively asked back.

“Sleeping well?”

“Yes.”

Sayoung blinked and answered immediately again with a face that seemed not to know why he was asking back.

He thought Sayoung was answering so easily without even knowing what state he was in right now.

His mind, which had been peaceful for a very short moment, became dizzy again as soon as he woke up.

He also felt irritation rising.

He thought Sayoung could at least be honest about not sleeping properly.

Even if they weren’t affectionate with each other, he didn’t think it was to the extent that he couldn’t even say that much.

Yoojun, whose expression hardened in an instant, let out a short, hollow laugh and said.

“I think I said something similar last time, but do you know that you, Mr. Yoon Sayoung, really have a… talent for making people feel very unpleasant?”

Honestly speaking, Yoojun would have preferred if Sayoung got angry, or if he couldn’t go that far, at least showed signs of feeling bad.

Any emotion would have been fine.

Even if it was negative, anything that was a personal emotion was fine.

However, Sayoung answered with a calm face, as if not even flustered after hearing Yoojun’s words.

“Yes. I know.”

“Ha, seriously….”

Eventually, Yoojun lowered his head and muttered while gripping the steering wheel tightly with both hands.

He was annoyed that the mood, which had been good for a change, was ruined, but in fact, the fact that the mood was good was solely Yoojun’s own thought, and it was absurd and baffling that Sayoung still knew nothing.

“I don’t know what I’m really doing….”

The last words were closer to talking to himself than to Sayoung.

Yoojun literally couldn’t understand what he was really doing.

At first, it was clearly a slight curiosity about what this crazy person was trying to do, but now that curiosity had vanished without a trace, and only undefinable emotions were dizzyingly mixed, taking on an unpleasant color.

He didn’t want to cater to Sayoung’s whims. But he didn’t want him to get hurt either.

He had absolutely no intention of being affectionate to him, but after saying mean things like just now, his heart felt perpetually uncomfortable.

At first, he had no intention of creating personal feelings with him other than performing the acting he requested, but when he drew a line first, he got angry.

To put it bluntly, he didn’t think his mood swings were this severe even during puberty.

“…Get out.”

Eventually, Yoojun spoke in a weak voice like an exhausted person.

He didn’t want to say anything more here.

There was no self-sabotage quite like this.

No matter what he said, he was the only one who ended up confused.

“Yes. Then I’ll be going…. Thank you so much for today, Mr. Yoojun.”

Sayoung bowed his head lightly and said goodbye to Yoojun, who wasn’t even looking at him.

Yoojun was clearly looking ahead, but strangely, it felt as if that image of Sayoung was visible right in front of his eyes.

“Um….”

It was at that very moment that Sayoung, who had slowly opened the door to get out of the car, paused his movement and opened his mouth.

At the unexpected voice, Yoojun reflexively turned his head and looked at Sayoung.

With his gaze ambiguously lowered, Sayoung spoke.

“I know very well that I’m a person hard to endure.”

“…….”

“That I’m troublesome, selfish, and someone who becomes tedious the longer you’re with me. I know.”

Yoojun heard Han Jaewoo’s voice beyond Sayoung’s overly calm voice.

That he was sick of someone like him.

That the reason he couldn’t love him was entirely because he was selfish, unpleasant and unbearable.

Han Jaewoo’s countless words, pouring down violently in front of Sayoung who wanted love, filled the car where the two were.

Wearing those painful words like armor, Sayoung continued.

“Still… still, please pity me just a little more.”

At that moment, Kim Yoojun unknowingly wished desperately.

That he would rather cry.

That Yoon Sayoung would rather just weep in front of him right now, appealing for sympathy and compassion.

“Please pity and tolerate me just a little… just a little more, me who died coldly on the asphalt floor on a snowy day. I beg of you.”

Then, using those tears as an excuse, Yoojun could pull him into his embrace and stroke his back.

“Please return safely. Thank you.”

But Sayoung, didn’t shed even a single teardrop until the end, got out of the car without even waiting for an answer.

“Pity my ass, f*ck….”

Left alone in the car, Yoojun spat out a curse while watching the back of Sayoung, who had already moved far away without lingering attachment.

There was no reason to pity someone who only asked to be pitied with words but didn’t actually show him even a span of opening.

“…….”

But if that was really so.

If curiosity had passed and it wasn’t pity either.

Why on earth was Yoojun still playing along with his crazy talk like this?

Why did Yoojun take Sayoung to the hospital, get angry at Han Jaewoo’s bullshit, and not stop him, who was bound to be an unwelcome guest, from entering his anticipated project?

Because since meeting Sayoung, there hasn’t been a single thing where he could find a refreshing answer.

Yoojun stared blankly at the spot where Sayoung had already disappeared for a long time like that.

****

I heard Han Jaewoo sent a gift because Yoon Sayoung got hurt but got rejected? Lol

He seems like he has a pushover destiny too what’s with the meddling after getting divorced after going through that?

└ That’s why gaslighting is scary I thought he wouldn’t see that sight again after divorcing phew ㅜㅜ

└└ This Han Jaewoo is damn pitiful…. He has lots of money so hope he gets counseling

└ What’s pitiful they’re just hopeless meeting hopeless it’s not like they have Hollywood cool syndrome sending gifts because ex-partner got hurt…..

└└ Talking about hopeless to the victim? Hahaha

└└ Hopeless means your life is hopeless… not a Han Jaewoo fan but it’s just sad hope he forgets everything quickly and becomes happy

└ Right after divorcing coincidentally saving Kim Yoojun from danger and getting involved with Kim Yoojun and receiving a get-well gift from Han Jaewoo…. Yoon Sayoung’s life is the real deal you gotta live like that for a once-in-a-lifetime life with top Korean actors on both sides lol……

└└ Tell me about it.. Is there something in his destiny that men are twisting around him damn

└└ Isn’t it the face and not the destiny I hate Yoon Sayoung  too but his face…. Even if I were an Alpha…..