Chapter 25: Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

Yoojun’s problem lay in the fact that even attributing everything to Sayoung’s fault didn’t make him feel any better. Upon returning home, Yoojun couldn’t shake the feeling that he had taken his anger out on the wrong person.

‘I apologize. I’ll be careful.’

Those last two sentences he heard hovered in his ears the entire way home.

‘Why on earth had Yoojun suddenly gotten so angry?’

His attitude of offering an apology first, without even thinking to question why he had to hear such insulting words, really drove a person crazy.

If Sayoung’s goal was to leave a deep impression on Yoojun by any means necessary, he wanted to tell him that the operation was a success. Because this feeling of discomfort was certainly an intense emotion.

“Why apologize?”

Yoojun, who had flopped down onto the sofa and was nervously ruffling his hair, lost his temper again, unable to hold it in. There was no one to listen, but if he didn’t let it out like this, there was no way to relieve this frustration.

“With that innocent face, acting like he knows nothing….”

With that gentle face that looked as if he had never even thought of something like revenge. How detestable.

Yoojun sighed deeply, grabbed the phone he had tossed aside, and checked his notifications. Various messages from many people were piled up on the screen, but none were from Sayoung.

If he had sent another apology here, he would have been furious in its own right, but the fact that he hadn’t contacted him at all was equally bothersome.

‘In any case, a guest he had invited—someone who was going to help him with so many things in the future—had gotten angry and stormed out, so did it make sense not to send even a single message?’

After pretending to be desperate. After clinging to him, appealing to his pity and compassion, saying it had to be him. He still hadn’t fixed that nasty attitude and was acting indifferent like this at times.

Yoojun moved his fingers again to open a portal site app. On the activated screen, the page Yoojun had been looking at before meeting Sayoung today appeared just as it was.

In the search bar, the names ‘Yoon Sayoung Han Jaewoo’ were written side by side.

[Congrats on the escape, Han Jaewoo! Congrats on the divorce!! I’m still moved by the divorce news cryingㅠㅠ . Seriously, for the sin of falling in love at first sight, that sick ill-fated relationship has finally ended. Yoon Sayoung, it was shitty being with you, let’s never meet again. My actor, walk only on flower paths cryingㅠㅠㅠㅠ]

Social media posts exposed along with the search results caught his eye. The numerous search results only differed slightly in how soft or strong the tone was, but the content was mostly similar.

‘Still, wasn’t he an actor who was once loved enough to have the word “syndrome” attached to him? How could someone who had an image like sunshine, spring, and flowers receive such an evaluation now?’

‘Just how long and meticulously had he been ruining a person’s image to get to this point?’

Thinking up to there, Yoojun suddenly burst into a self-deprecating laugh. Perhaps people thought so too. They must have wondered how such rumors attached themselves to someone so fresh and lovely.

However, rather than doubting, they probably chattered away with their own convictions because of that. Asking why Yoon Sayoung stayed still without any rebuttal if it really wasn’t true. As if that were some great deduction.

Yoojun threw his phone to the side and closed his eyes again.

The many words about Sayoung that could never be reconciled, his appearance reflected in his eyes, and the words he had spoken tangled dizzily like a knot that couldn’t be untied, suffocating Yoojun.

In the end, all day long, Yoojun was in a bad mood because of Sayoung’s voice answering, ‘I apologize. I’ll be careful,’ and his stubbornness in not making any contact until the end. In other words, Yoojun could not escape thoughts of Yoon Sayoung. Very annoyingly.

****

Sayoung opened his eyes only after it had become completely dark outside.

After blinking his eyes while lying down to gauge the time, Sayoung barely managed to sit up, but momentary dizziness struck, causing him to hold his head and close his eyes for a moment.

It felt like the world was rapidly contracting and then expanding.

Checking his senses that returned to normal after a long while, Sayoung recalled that he had eaten almost nothing today.

It was convenient in the hospital because meals came at set times, but now the fact that he had to take care of his own meals again felt bothersome.

Sayoung didn’t particularly like eating. He didn’t remember well if he had been like that since childhood. However, after marrying Han Jaewoo, Sayoung gradually lost the joy of ordinary daily experiences such as eating, wearing clothes, and seeing things.

The experience of eating a meal that had gone completely cold alone while waiting for someone who wouldn’t come in a space as large as a mansion was enough to make Sayoung lose the taste of food and the pleasure of eating.

Still, starving too much wasn’t good if he wanted to recover quickly from his injury and prepare for the audition without issues. The production team wouldn’t like the face of an actor who was nothing but skin and bones, without a trace of vitality.

Thinking he should buy some food that could be easily heated and eaten, Sayoung slowly got up from the bed to avoid getting dizzy again.

He thought of Yoojun when he came out to the living room and discovered his phone lying on the table. The memory that had been pushed far away returned in an instant.

Sayoung, who stood in the middle of the living room staring blankly at the phone for a moment, soon grabbed it and sat on the sofa.

He still didn’t know the reason, but since Yoojun had gotten so angry and left, from Yoojun’s perspective, he probably wouldn’t want to even see him, and even if he had business, it wouldn’t be easy for Yoojun to contact him first. Sayoung felt a sort of obligation.

This relationship was strictly a one-sided relationship where Kim Yoojun was the strong one. Whether Sayoung was actually at fault or not, Yoon Sayoung was the one who had to bow and go in first. That was correct.

‘I hope it’s not too late. I hope I haven’t blown the opportunity I barely got. If I knew this would happen, I should have called immediately and apologized blindly. It would be really troublesome if he had already made up his mind not to help me.’

Amidst the anxiety that sloshed and wetted his ankles, Sayoung found Yoojun’s number on his phone and laughed self-deprecatingly for a moment.

‘Why do I always end up forming such one-sided relationships? Why is it always my share to fret about being abandoned?’

Struggling not to think deeply about the questions that ultimately forced him to chew over his own incompetence again, Sayoung began to tap the screen mechanically.

****

Yoojun was sprawled on the bed, unlike him. He had no energy because he had exercised too excessively.

His workout intensity was usually on the high side, but it had been a really long time since he had done it as intensely as today. This was all because of Yoon Sayoung.

The mood that had become unpleasant because of Yoon Sayoung didn’t improve at all because Yoon Sayoung didn’t contact him, and since it only got worse every time he thought of Yoon Sayoung, he unreasonably increased the intensity despite the trainer’s concern to stop thinking about him.

Thanks to that, what remained for Yoojun was an exhausted body and a mind that was still thinking about Sayoung. In short, he had dug his own grave properly. It was fortunate that all filming had ended; otherwise, it would have nearly affected his filming condition.

Yoojun, who had been lying down like a dead person, barely managed to lift his body from the bed after a long time. Originally, he planned to watch a movie and sleep, but today it seemed better to wrap up the day like this. It was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to focus even if he turned on a movie now anyway.

If there were thoughts one couldn’t escape, resetting by sleeping and waking up was also a good method.

It was at that very moment that the phone placed on the nightstand vibrated briefly.

Yoojun snatched the phone with movement as fast as a streak of light. It happened before he even realized it himself. His heart raced for no reason.

There were plenty of people to contact Yoojun. Closely, there was his manager Jeongmin, and even if not close, Yoojun was overflowing with people trying to maintain a connection with him somehow by talking to him about trivial things.

So, it was clear that the contact that came late at night was also highly likely to be Jungmin or people who meant nothing.

Even knowing that, Yoojun slowly checked the phone screen feeling a vague expectation whose identity he couldn’t know.

‘Yoon Sayoung.’

At the name visible at the very top, Yoojun smiled without realizing it. And realizing the fact that he had smiled, he hurriedly hardened his face. But after looking down at the phone screen again and confirming the fact that the owner of the arrived message was Yoon Sayoung, the corners of his mouth twitched again.

Yoojun raised one hand to press down the corners of his mouth firmly and read the message.

[I apologize for making you uncomfortable after inviting you to my home. Honestly speaking, I don’t know exactly what mistake I made yet. If you tell me, I will not make the same mistake from now on. Then.. have a good night.]

The neatly written words were full of content he didn’t like, rambling on. Admitting it was his fault meekly without knowing the reason was pathetic, and asking him to tell him the reason was incredibly brazen.

Considering that he would have had an indifferent expression where not a single emotion could be read even while writing this message, it seemed he still felt disapproving emotions.

What was strange was that, despite that, on Yoojun’s face as he read the message repeatedly several times, a smile he hadn’t even realized had formed before he knew it.