Chapter 29: Softness he didn’t mean to show

“Ah… ah, I’m sorry….”

Only then did Sayoung realize he had momentarily fallen into a panic. Even after all this, he hadn’t expected to grasp the words Jaewoo had spoken like a blade and stab himself with them.

Sayoung was experiencing that some memories, habits, and self-deprecation formed by brainwashing couldn’t be escaped even through death.

Awkwardly pulling his hand out of Yoojun’s grip, Sayoung hid both hands under the table and said,

“I made you lose your appetite for no reason….”

Yoojun withdrew his empty hand and bit his lip.

Sayoung’s words, apologizing for making him lose his appetite, were too unusual and specific to use in front of others.

They weren’t words that just came out. He must have heard them so often that they were embedded in his brain and popped out habitually. Those words. From someone.

Yoojun barely suppressed a sigh that was about to burst out. He was worried that if he sighed openly right here, Sayoung might even have a seizure.

His previous sneer was definitely directed at Sayoung, but now he had absolutely no intention of sighing to attack him.

A suffocating silence flowed over the table. Sayoung sat like someone awaiting punishment from Yoojun for committing a sin. Seeing that, he kept imagining Sayoung curling up and begging for forgiveness in front of Han Jaewoo, making his mood even messier.

At that moment, fortunately, a waiter approached their table with the ordered menu. Yoojun barely listened to the explanation about the food and spoke up immediately.

“Could we get something like a band-aid to put on a wound?”

“Are you injured?”

“Yes, it’s not severe, so a band-aid should suffice… but if there’s an ointment to apply, that would be even better.”

At the unexpected request, Sayoung blinked his large eyes and looked at Yoojun. Yoojun paid no mind. The waiter bowed slightly, replied, “Please wait a moment,” and walked away. Sayoung asked in a cautious voice.

“Where are you hurt?”

“…Are you kidding me?”

He hadn’t intended to react so sharply, but Sayoung’s question was so absurd that the words slipped out unwittingly. Yet, Sayoung still wore a face that said he didn’t understand the reason.

Sudden fatigue washed over him, and Yoojun roughly swept his face with his palm once before speaking.

“Look at your own hand before you speak, Yoon Sayoung.”

“…….”

Only then did Sayoung check the back of his hand, which he had been holding down, and belatedly let out a gasp, “Ah….” Yoojun couldn’t suppress his rising irritation again and spat out words.

“Yoon Sayoung, really… why do you exhaust people like this?”

He knew in his head that he shouldn’t say such things. Since he was someone who had received all sorts of negative evaluations from Han Jaewoo throughout his life, he didn’t want to add to it. That was definitely true.

However, seeing Sayoung’s behavior right now, anger surged, and he couldn’t choose his words at all. If he didn’t spit them out like that, he felt he would storm out of this place right away.

There was no one like Yoon Sayoung in Kim Yoojun’s life. Because Yoojun absolutely never let such people inside his boundaries.

Before Sayoung could open his mouth further, Yoojun hurriedly added.

“If you’re going to say sorry, just keep your mouth shut.”

“…….”

“Because you don’t look sorry at all anyway.”

Whether Sayoung really intended to apologize or not, he quietly closed his mouth. Even that appearance was annoying to the point of driving him crazy.

In the meantime, the waiter returned to the table. Handing Yoojun the ointment and band-aid for the wound, he said to let him know if they needed anything else and left.

Yoojun roughly pushed the food in front of him aside and said to Sayoung.

“Give me your hand.”

“Ah, it’s okay. I’ll do it.”

“I told you not to make me say it twice.”

The reason his words kept coming out sharply was that Yoojun was also in a sort of shock state. It would be hard to find anyone who could remain calm after seeing Sayoung lose focus in his eyes and tremble while scratching the back of his hand right in front of their nose.

At Yoojun’s coercive tone, Sayoung only then meekly extended his hand. In the meantime, perhaps because he had rubbed roughly over the wound, blood had spread faintly.

He briefly thought he should have asked for another wet wipe, but he suppressed it because he didn’t want to make a fuss by calling someone again.

Yoojun slightly moistened an unused napkin with water and first roughly wiped the blood on the back of his hand. He was concerned it might sting. However, Sayoung only showed awkwardness and embarrassment, not seeming to be in particular pain.

The thought suddenly occurred to him that he might be making a big deal out of a trivial wound. But thinking it would be more embarrassing for both of them to stop midway now that it had come to this, Yoojun squeezed the ointment roughly onto the wound and began to rub it very carefully with his finger.

Around the fresh wound made today, he saw old scars with similar textures. Perhaps noticing Yoojun’s gaze on those scars, Sayoung cautiously opened his mouth.

“I was trying not to do it. I had been enduring well since coming back, but I don’t know why I was like this today….”

From Sayoung’s perspective, it was meant to reassure the startled Yoojun, but to Yoojun’s ears, it sounded exactly like he was blaming him. It was he who had upset Sayoung, who had been enduring well, with unnecessary words.

He knew Sayoung wasn’t blaming him. He was just feeling guilty himself.

“You know it’s a really foolish thing to do, right?”

“Yes….”

“If it’s difficult to control yourself, I don’t think it would be bad to get help from a professional.”

Speaking in a much softer voice, Yoojun carefully applied the band-aid over Sayoung’s wound where he had applied the ointment.

Setting aside personal feelings about Sayoung, he couldn’t help but worry about things like this. Sayoung really had to return to the entertainment industry soon, win roles on his own, and eventually act on a set where Han Jaewoo was.

When that time came, he would be exposed to stress and pressure incomparable to now, and it would be trouble if he crumbled frequently like this.

“Yes. I’ll think about it.”

Fortunately, Sayoung answered meekly without being uselessly stubborn. Yoojun rubbed his finger a few more times unnecessarily over the well-attached band-aid and soon took his hand away.

Sayoung hastily withdrew his hand and hid it under the table again.

Yoojun spoke as if he no longer cared about that wound.

“Let’s eat now.”

Sayoung nodded slightly without answering separately and quietly held the fork and knife placed in front of him. And after slicing a piece of appropriately grilled steak, he opened his mouth again.

“Yoojun.”

“Yes.”

Yoojun answered while fixing his gaze on the food on his plate without looking at him. Sayoung spoke regardless.

“Thank you.”

It was the first time someone had treated a wound on the back of his hand. But he didn’t want to make Yoojun uncomfortable by explicitly stating that fact. So Sayoung just said it again to Yoojun, who still didn’t answer.

“…Thank you.”

Sayoung quietly put food into his mouth, thinking it was fascinating that the back of his hand, which he didn’t even know hurt when he let it bleed, started to sting once medicine and a band-aid were applied.

He still couldn’t tell well what the steak touching the tip of his tongue tasted like, but it wasn’t bad.

****

“When do you get the cast off?”

Yoojun, having parked the car in front of the house, asked as he watched Sayoung standing with crutches quite familiarly now. After finishing the meal, Yoojun drove Sayoung, whose leg was uncomfortable, back home again.

Because of Sayoung’s slow eating speed, they ate much more leisurely than usual, but since they met early, the sun hadn’t set yet. It was a situation where they could spend more time if they wanted.

However, neither Yoojun nor Sayoung brought up such words first. Sayoung had no intention to do so, and Yoojun thought there was no need for him to propose it first when Sayoung didn’t bring it up.

Sayoung, who looked down at his leg briefly and raised his head, answered.

“I think I can take it off next week. Thank you for continuing to care even though it must be cumbersome.”

“If you take it off hastily just because the pain is gone, it might get worse again. To not affect the audition, stay put and maintain it well until the end as the hospital instructed.”

“Yes. I will.”

Sayoung answered, even nodding dutifully. Yoojun’s gaze briefly touched the band-aid on the back of Sayoung’s hand, then soon headed toward the house behind him.

Suddenly, he recalled how desolate and barren the scenery inside the house, which looked quite nice from the outside, was. Yoojun unwittingly furrowed his brow.

Having barely escaped Han Jaewoo and secured a nice house, it was annoying anew to see him acting so pathetically. Yoojun said,

“Get some furniture for the house. How is that a house for people to live in?”

“……?”

“Are you only going to do revenge this time? Will it end after just doing that? Yoon Sayoung-ssi, you are living right now. So live like a human being.”

He said he was so painful because of Han Jaewoo. He said he would take revenge on him this time. Yet he hated Yoon Sayoung acting as if there was still no one but Han Jaewoo in his life. It was displeasing.

But if he peeled off all those negative emotions, ultimately, he was a pitiable person.