Chapter 53: Kindness that feels like Surrender.

I knew that saying anything now wouldn’t mean anything.

All Yoojun had done since coming here was harass, insult, and ignore him.

But now he claims he came because he was worried.

What is that if not mocking a person even more?

Yet Yoojun, feeling wronged, kept adding words.

“I came because I was also worried… if you were okay after suddenly encountering that bastard at the audition venue today….”

“…….”

“f*ck… why do I feel like this every time I see you, Mr. Yoon Sayoung.”

I don’t know why I get this angry.

Yoojun swallowed the rest of his words.

Even if he spat those words out, Sayoung would probably just give an answer like it’s because he is originally a person who provokes anger in others.

In a sense, he thought those words weren’t entirely wrong either.

Yoojun had never seen anyone in his life who made his emotions run wild this uncontrollably.

“Mr. Yoojun.”

“If you’re going to say bullshit like Mr. Sayoung is originally that kind of person, just don’t say anything. Because I don’t want to hear it.”

“…I am grateful to Mr. Yoojun.”

At Sayoung’s words that followed at that moment, Yoojun’s expression, which had been frowning, relaxed blankly.

Wondering if he heard wrong, he was about to ask back when Sayoung continued.

“Right now, in this world, the only person who knows my situation and listens to my words is Mr. Yoojun.”

“…….”

“You are doing something you don’t even feel like doing, believing only in my ridiculous words… I think it’s natural to feel confused and unpleasant whenever you see me. Yet because you are trying without turning away or ignoring me… I am truly grateful.”

Suddenly, the memory of receiving comfort from his existence when he was fighting a lonely battle alone at the audition venue today came to mind.

It wasn’t just today.

Although Yoojun wouldn’t remember.

No, although it’s a memory that doesn’t exist for the current Yoojun from the beginning, he was the only person in that world who recognized Sayoung’s sadness and expressed such feelings even before Sayoung died once.

He had no intention of telling Yoojun everything now, but that day, that brief encounter was the only oasis in Sayoung’s desolate desert.

Sayoung continued.

“So if you are angry, get angry at me.”

At those words, Yoojun bit his lip.

He had always considered things like rehabilitating people with love or responding non-violently to forces trying to suppress with force to be utter nonsense in life.

He thought they were just specious excuses for the weak.

But listening to Sayoung’s words, Yoojun felt for the first time that he might understand what kind of influence the love and non-violence they talked about had.

Yoojun felt that it would be easier to endure him stabbing or hitting him with a knife than hearing those words right now.

“Get annoyed as much as you want and blame me.”

“…….”

“If by doing that, Mr. Yoojun doesn’t get tired and can be on my side… no, if only I can obtain Mr. Yoojun’s help, I don’t care about anything else. Really.”

Feeling like he wanted to surrender to a person holding neither gun nor knife nor anything, Yoojun despaired.

It seemed he had come to find Sayoung for no reason.

“I should get going now.”

So Yoojun had no choice but to leave that house as if running away.

****

The news that Sayoung participated in the audition for the movie Summer Solstice, where Kim Yoojun and Han Jaewoo were confirmed cast, spread quickly through various news outlets.

In the midst of all kinds of rumors about Kim Yoojun running rampant since the release of the hospital photo last time, the news of Sayoung’s audition participation inevitably became firewood.

People cursed Sayoung’s shamelessness for participating in the audition to play the role of ‘Seo Danwoo’ when it was already known that Yoojun and Jaewoo were participating.

Some said isn’t he doing that because he still has lingering feelings for Jaewoo and wants to hold onto him again somehow, and others said the next victim is Kim Yoojun, speaking as if Sayoung would immediately stick a straw in Yoojun’s neck and suck his blood.

Some people added words pretending to make a cool and objective judgment, saying the goal isn’t to get the person but to make a comeback, and he is using the two names for that.

In the words they poured out, Sayoung was an existence who seduced a king and ruined a country, an unfaithful person who could absolutely not be trusted, and a coldblooded person under heaven who considered both love and trust as trash.

However, there were definitely changes amidst that.

Although still too small and faint to be seen well amidst the tsunami of negative opinions toward Sayoung, there were definitely people who painfully brought out words they had held back for a long time.

People appeared saying they actually liked Sayoung’s acting, and were curious and looking forward to what kind of acting he would show if he really returned.

There were also people who said they just kept their mouths shut quietly because people spoke as if all that was established theory, but in fact, they didn’t believe all the rumors about Yoon Sayoung.

People who were fans of Sayoung, people who had held back unable to speak because of those who cursed Sayoung more if they refuted or protested, left posts saying they were still cheering for him and looking forward to this audition result.

Some stirred up controversy by writing that people seemed to be running wild more just because it was fun and exciting to drag someone with a good image down to hell, not because Yoon Sayoung was really a bad person.

Most of these opinions were cursed at endlessly.

With people making a fuss saying it seemed Sayoung’s company had unleashed part-timers.

Whether there was a company formally contracted with Sayoung or not was none of their business.

What was important to them was ‘my’ suspicion and ‘my’ feeling.

Han Jaewoo’s fans naturally frothed at the mouth.

It was natural for fans to find it terrible that that name was entangled again with the name of their actor who had spent years of pain because of Yoon Sayoung for so long.

Opinions sharply clashed between those arguing that they should formally protest to the director and movie production team who tormented their actor and committed secondary offense by becoming one group for the sake of issues, and those arguing that since these are people their actor has to work with face to face in the future anyway and the director is someone their actor respects, there is nothing good about escalating matters to that extent.

Anyway, there was no disagreement on the opinion that the tedious Yoon Sayoung was truly malicious and human trash.

On an anonymous site, someone identifying themselves as a staff member at the audition venue without verification left a review post and then deleted it.

The content was that the only one who worried about and took care of Han Jaewoo, who was troubled at that place, was actor Kim Yoojun.

Fans cried in sorrow, and some of them expressed gratitude to Yoojun.

Although the post was deleted quickly, captures spread to all kinds of sites in an instant.

People who couldn’t be identified as fans of Han Jaewoo or Kim Yoojun, antis of Sayoung, or just people who enjoyed cursing someone, chattered again with that post.

Saying that since rumors were widespread that Kim Yoojun was putting effort into this work, wouldn’t Yoojun be the one most annoyed and angry about shit getting on the work?

Saying that he must already feel uncomfortable because he approached him intentionally, so they wished he would step up as the lead actor and say something at this opportunity.

The posts pouring out, each with personal reasons attached like shadows behind them, swept through the sea of information pretending to be reasonable, plausible ‘opinions’ under the name of the ‘public’, not individuals, before long.

Soon, this matter appeared like a report with the grand title of ‘Yoon Sayoung Audition Incident’ just by searching for Yoon Sayoung.

And the time when that very lead actor, who was being pushed to step forward, received a call from Director Jung Myeong-cheol was while he was wasting his holiday getting angry over what kind of bullshit this was while looking into that chaos all day long.

****

“So what you mean is, Director….”

—”My thought is this. I found an actor who can perfectly express the character in my head… should I miss the opportunity because of unconfirmed rumors….”

“Ah….”

—”But then again, from the counterpart actor’s perspective, it might be uncomfortable. That’s why I’m asking once, me.”

Listening to Director Jung’s voice, Yoojun repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fist as his fingertips kept tingling.

He couldn’t even sit on the sofa and was taking the call standing up since earlier.

His heart beat crazily even though it wasn’t a story about his casting.

Director Jung was currently asking Yoojun for his opinion on how it would be to cast Yoon Sayoung for the role of Seo Danwoo.

Yoojun opened his mouth slowly, trying to judge and speak as objectively as possible.

“To speak honestly… among the actors I saw at the audition that day, there was no one as suited for the role of Seo Danwoo as Mr. Yoon Sayoung.”

—”Is that so?”

“Well… I also have plenty of bad rumors and such.”

At Yoojun’s following words, the director’s hearty laughter was heard from the other side.

It wasn’t wrong; as fitting for the hottest actor in Korea currently, Yoojun was also a figure living with sickeningly many rumors attached.

According to rumors.

The reason Yoojun succeeded this much is thanks to a beloved grandchild of a chaebol family falling properly for Yoojun and sparing no support for him both materially and spiritually.

According to rumors.

In return, Kim Yoojun has tremendous sexual relations with the third-generation chaebol who is an Omega.

And replacing the person in the position of ‘beloved grandchild of a chaebol family’ with a certain actor, a certain singer, or a certain political or business figure created another pile of similar rumors.

Rumors circulated simultaneously that he slept without exception with those having reasonably decent looks in the entertainment industry regardless of Alpha, Omega, or Beta, and that he actually had problems with sexual function so he liked to watch others do it instead of doing it himself.

The rumor that his genitals were absurdly small and unsightly compared to his perfect appearance was, well, not even worth mentioning.

One might wonder if there are people who really believe such nonsense, but no matter what absurd rumors circulated, there were always more than a certain number of believers.

So Yoojun didn’t care much about others’ rumors either, unless they were officially confirmed or criminal or anti-humanitarian issues he confirmed himself.

For Yoojun, whether the actor truly knew how to act properly was more important than such petty rumors.

In that sense, Sayoung had already proven that ability.

Instead, Yoojun decided to ask about what weighed on his mind more than that.