Chapter 44: Where preparation ends and endurance begins

Sayoung fell silent.

Yoojun could easily feel Sayoung’s agitation in that silence.

It felt as if he could feel the vibrations of trembling breath.

He couldn’t know if it was really Sayoung’s breath or if Yoojun was projecting his own emotions.

“I’m telling you in advance because I think you might be flustered if you encounter him suddenly. So you can prepare.”

Sayoung still didn’t answer.

Yoojun felt impatient.

The scars lining the back of his hand flickered before his eyes.

“…Thank you.”

Sayoung answered only that after a long while.

Yoojun disliked his short answer, which seemed insincere due to being overly submissive, but right now, he couldn’t bear to blame him for it.

No, just the fact that he didn’t ask back, ‘f*ck, what kind of bullshit is that?’ was amazing in itself.

Of course, from Yoojun’s perspective, he would have felt more comfortable with that reaction.

Sayoung on the other end continued.

“If you hadn’t told me, I would have been really… really flustered. Thank you for telling me.”

“…Right. Then do well.”

“Yes. Goodbye.”

He could have given him something more like cheering.

But Yoojun just ended the call like that.

Yoojun had come strictly out of curiosity to see what kind of acting he would do, not to cheer him on or be on his side.

Relaying the fact that Han Jaewoo was here was enough.

However, it was true that there was something unsettling about it, so even after ending the call, Yoojun didn’t return to the audition room immediately but stood there for a moment looking out the window.

He wondered how things were turning out so cleverly.

As if someone had intended this situation.

“…….”

Yoojun rolled his phone around in his hand, lost in thought.

Thinking about it, the fact that things had progressed to this point was a bit strange in itself.

The staff must have known that Sayoung applied for the audition.

With Han Jaewoo cast, Yoon Sayoung joining here was unnatural to anyone’s eyes.

There’s no way they didn’t tell the director.

For Yoojun, except for the recent incident where Sayoung got hurt instead of him, they hadn’t been particularly entangled before, so he wouldn’t care whether he auditioned or not, but Han Jaewoo’s circumstances were different.

There was no one in the entertainment industry who didn’t know the terrible story of the two, and it hadn’t been that long since they divorced either.

If the production team wanted to reduce unnecessary commotion, they could have prevented Jaewoo from coming here as much as they wanted.

Yet Han Jaewoo was here right now, and Sayoung now had to act in front of him.

In front of the very person who made him quit acting.

Even if it was something Sayoung volunteered for and a situation he would have to face countless times anyway if he really got cast as per his ambition, facing it suddenly at an unexpected moment was a completely different issue.

A faint breath flowed from between Yoojun’s lips.

He couldn’t easily guess with what feelings Sayoung was controlling himself right now.

Still, it’s fortunate he bought time to prepare thanks to me, he tried to act smug, but beneath that, Yoojun was clearly worried about Sayoung.

“…If he can’t even overcome this, he probably doesn’t have the ability to take revenge anyway.”

As if trying to shake off his anxiety, Yoojun spat out words in a cold voice and turned his body.

Literally, a person who couldn’t even overcome this much wasn’t worth joining in their plan.

****

While Yoojun briefly left his seat, Jaewoo was staring blankly at the hand that had shaken hands with Yoojun a moment ago.

In fact, Jaewoo knew in advance that Yoojun would be here today.

When he requested to observe the audition, the staff coordinating the schedule with Eunseong mentioned that actor Kim Yoojun was also scheduled to observe.

Although the news of Yoojun observing the audition wasn’t announced externally in advance to be revealed as a surprise for promotion, they judged there was no need to hide it from Jaewoo, who was already cast.

The staff just asked that this news not leak out before the promotional article was released.

So Jaewoo looked forward to today very much.

He was already anxious to meet Yoojun in person, so hearing he could meet him a little faster, he couldn’t say how much he had waited for this day.

But now that it actually happened, Jaewoo’s expression didn’t look as happy or satisfied as he thought.

It wasn’t simply managing his expression.

Actually, Han Jaewoo wasn’t feeling very good right now.

It was an emotion so different from what he expected.

It was good when he first faced him and exchanged greetings.

Jaewoo was no longer a married man, and superficially, even the divorce had happened entirely due to Yoon Sayoung’s fault.

Finally. At last.

Overcoming all those obstructions, he met him in a position where he could confidently appeal his feelings.

So Jaewoo couldn’t understand the emotion he was feeling right now.

He had spent such a long time painstakingly to stand here and had the meeting he wished for.

He did, but why.

Why was Jaewoo chewing on such an unpleasant feeling right now?

“Excuse me, actor-nim. Is there something uncomfortable?”

At the voice suddenly heard from the side, Jaewoo quickly escaped his thoughts and turned his head.

A staff member stood next to him with a cautious face.

It seemed it showed too much on his expression.

Jaewoo naturally managed his expression, showed him a gentle smile, and shook his head.

“No. I was just thinking about something else for a moment.”

“Ah… I was worried because your expression didn’t look good. Please tell me if you need anything. The audition will start in about 15 minutes.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

At the flawless response, the staff member went back with a satisfied face.

Even after confirming he was moving away, Jaewoo looked toward the door Yoojun had exited, careful not to let his expression escape his control.

From a distance, the busy voices of those looking for Yoojun could be heard.

Suddenly, the image of Kim Yoojun supporting Sayoung on the day he met him at the hospital came to mind.

Things like the careful touch treating him like a very precious person and the voice saying he would wait for Sayoung.

Yoojun probably hadn’t even considered the possibility that Sayoung might have approached him on purpose to provoke Jaewoo’s jealousy.

Perhaps the unpleasantness he felt now was due to that.

Just that he remembered Sayoung was using Yoojun in that way.

Jaewoo calmed his mind, defining the unidentifiable emotion.

Now Yoojun and he would spend a lot of time together, and if Sayoung crossed the line further there, it would be enough if he got close enough to him to tell him the truth.

****

After finishing the call with Yoojun, Sayoung stopped by the restroom to wash his hands for no reason and returned to the waiting room.

Following his heart, he wanted to come back after calming himself down a bit more, but there wasn’t enough time for that.

Sayoung’s audition order was near the very end, but he couldn’t be absent from his seat.

The actors were assigned to several waiting rooms in numerical order.

However, due to the large number of participants, quite a few actors were together in one space.

Opening the waiting room door and stepping inside, Sayoung felt the gazes of people subtly clinging to him.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t intimidated.

The problem wasn’t that the gazes themselves were scary, but that those eyes made him recall his life just before death.

After rumors about his marriage spread in earnest, Sayoung had to face people’s gazes filled with hostile doubt and conviction wherever he went.

They didn’t ask directly.

Without asking, they found their own answers in Sayoung’s trivial and ordinary actions.

Even if Sayoung said nothing, they were each convinced of something as if they had heard some answer from Sayoung.

Perhaps Sayoung’s answer wasn’t important from the start.

They were just people contemplating what fact would make them feel more entertained and thrilled.

And the Sayoung before death had foolishly feared the eyes of such people.

Sayoung sat down and closed his eyes tightly to escape memories of the past.

Now wasn’t the time to be immersed in such petty self-pity.

The stupid and pathetic Yoon Sayoung before death was of absolutely no help in the current situation.

‘Really shameless. How can he come saying he’ll appear in this movie?’

‘Didn’t he come on purpose knowing Han Jaewoo was cast?’

‘No way… they divorced? I heard he even rejected the gift Han Jaewoo sent.’

‘It might be just to screw him over.’

‘No. I bet his goal is Kim Yoojun, not Han Jaewoo? I heard he’s hitting on him heavily these days.’

Whispering voices were heard outside his darkened vision.

He didn’t struggle to figure out if they were real voices or auditory hallucinations his mind created on its own.

He didn’t judge which was better either.

It was just something happening there, and Sayoung just wanted to distance himself from that commotion.

“Hello.”

Just then, a voice clear enough that it couldn’t be ignored abruptly dug into Sayoung’s silence.

When Sayoung reflexively opened his eyes and turned his head, the face of a man with bright blond hair waved in curls caught his eye vividly.

He was an actor who was active under the name Do-yul.

He was also a familiar figure to Sa-young.