Chapter 28: Breaking the Myth of Han Jaewoo.

Han Jaewoo must have seen the article today as well. Seeing him with Yoon Sayoung, someone he detested so terribly, and imagining how he would react, it was true that he felt a bit vindicated.

At the same time, he was also anxious because he couldn’t guess how being exposed to Jaewoo before filming even started would affect his future plans.

Han Jaewoo was meticulous, persistent, and cunning. Sayoung worried that he might already be wary of him and try something.

However, Yoojun answered nonchalantly as if Sayoung’s anxiety were merely a speck of dust that would blow away with a breath.

“Should articles not be published?”

“I was just worried in case Han Jaewoo tried something.”

“So what if he tries something?”

Yoojun spoke as if dealing with an earthworm that, no matter how much it struggled, couldn’t affect him even a fingernail’s worth.

‘If a guy like him tries something, then what are you going to do about it?’

Sayoung looked at Yoojun with a blank expression as if he had been hit on the head with a large hammer. It felt as if a wall that had been blocking Sayoung for a long time had vanished entirely.

To Sayoung, Han Jaewoo was a world too vast and solid. No matter how hard he tried, he could never possess him, nor could he break him. He was an absolute god. Sayoung couldn’t escape him until the very moment of his death.

…Or so he thought.

But now, Sayoung saw how insignificant Han Jaewoo was in Yoojun’s world.

To Yoojun, Jaewoo was truly nothing. He was so trivial compared to Kim Yoojun that no matter what he did, Yoojun had no reason to be scared or afraid.

Minutely, the world began to overturn. Han Jaewoo, who had been the sole and absolute world to Sayoung, was just a tiny, minute planet within a vast universe.

Yoojun was right. Whether it was his position in the industry, his career as an actor, or any other influence, there was a distance between Kim Yoojun and Han Jaewoo that could not be easily crossed.

Realizing that, this moment felt both utterly miserable and thrilling.

Sayoung unwittingly let out a burst of laughter. It was at that very moment that Yoojun’s face hardened.

Sayoung’s laughter was clearly self-deprecating. It was not a smile that looked lovely or bright at all, and certainly not the fresh and lovely face Yoojun had seen in Sayoung’s past works.

Yet strangely, a corner of his heart sank heavily. Seeing a smile suddenly encountered after always seeing a face that seemed to feign indifference because it was submerged too deeply in sadness gave Yoojun such a strong shock that he couldn’t deeply consider whether it was mockery or something else.

He became curious about what it would be like if this person smiled genuinely. Not acting, not self-deprecation. He felt like he would go crazy wanting to know what a face smiling from true joy and happiness would look like.

“…If you’re ready, stop thinking useless thoughts and hurry out.”

So Yoojun hurriedly turned around. He knew it would be difficult for Sayoung, who had trouble with his leg, to follow immediately, but that wasn’t Yoojun’s concern.

****

Yoojun watched Sayoung sitting in front of him intently, as if observing him. Sayoung kept looking around with an ambiguous expression or adjusting his posture repeatedly, like someone very awkward in this setting.

Surely someone like Yoon Sayoung wouldn’t be awkward because of a high-end restaurant, so it was strange.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

Yoojun asked crookedly. Unless the space itself was awkward, there was no explanation other than that the person he was with was awkward and uncomfortable.

Considering how he had treated Sayoung so far, it wasn’t impossible to understand why he felt uncomfortable, but actually seeing him like this made his stomach twist.

If he couldn’t even shamelessly endure this much, how did he intend to hold out in front of Han Jaewoo?

At that moment, Sayoung, who had lowered his gaze briefly to choose his words, answered.

“Rather than uncomfortable….”

“If it’s not uncomfortable, then?”

“It’s been so long since I’ve had a meal outside with someone. That’s a bit awkward….”

This time, it was Yoojun who was at a loss for words. His mouth, which had opened to shoot back sharply whatever he answered, stopped just like that, unable to make a sound, and flinched. It was a ridiculous sight, but fortunately or not, Sayoung was lost in his own thoughts and didn’t see Yoojun’s state.

Jaewoo extremely disliked Sayoung meeting other people. It didn’t matter what kind of person the other party was. Whether a woman or a man, Alpha or Omega, or even a Beta, Jaewoo was wary of all of Sayoung’s friends and acquaintances.

At first, he thought it was jealousy. Indeed, in the days when their relationship was still good, Jaewoo would give plausible excuses saying he was doing it because he was jealous.

Sayoung learned very late that it was actually just a ploy to thoroughly isolate him, and by then, all human relationships had already been severed.

Perhaps if Sayoung had put his mind to it, restoring relationships even then might not have been that difficult.

Sayoung’s friends were grateful people who tried not to lose Sayoung until the end. If Sayoung had reached out again, even belatedly, some of them would surely have understood.

The only problem was that even then, Sayoung, who desperately wanted to win Jaewoo’s heart somehow, found it difficult to go against his words.

Hope was always persistently cruel to Sayoung in that way. If he had held no hope for his relationship with Han Jaewoo, Sayoung wouldn’t have been broken to that extent.

“What on earth was so good about him?”

Breaking Sayoung’s silence was Yoojun’s voice, sounding as if he truly couldn’t understand. Lifting his gaze, he saw Yoojun with an absurd face. In those eyes, the emotion of considering Sayoung pathetic was contained intact.

Seeing those eyes, unbefittingly, Sayoung felt like laughing. His past days of walking alone into a swamp without seeing something so obvious felt so pathetic and laughable even to himself.

Sayoung had never heard that he was stupid or foolish while growing up, so he couldn’t understand how he had lived a life broken so messily.

If Yoon Sayoung himself couldn’t understand it, it would be even more difficult for others, especially someone as accomplished as Kim Yoojun, to understand.

Although he couldn’t live an economically affluent life under a single mother, Sayoung’s childhood was far from unhappy. Sayoung’s mother tried to do everything she could for Sayoung even amidst hardships, and Sayoung grew up healthy, thinking his mother’s love was enough.

Then why couldn’t he escape Han Jaewoo until his life reached that state?

Sayoung still didn’t know the answer to that question. He could only guess that he wasn’t much different from an addict craving drugs even until the moment his life was completely destroyed.

Until receiving the help of death, escaping from Han Jaewoo was something Sayoung couldn’t even conjure in his mind.

Yoojun waited persistently for Sayoung’s silence. Sayoung knew he intended to hear the answer to this question no matter what. Sayoung slowly opened his mouth.

“At some point, there was definitely a reason. There was a certainty that he and I met by a fate that could absolutely not be crossed, definitely.”

Yoojun didn’t hide his sneer at Sayoung’s words. Yoojun tended to loathe words like fate or whatever. Despite clearly hearing Yoojun’s sneer, Sayoung continued without agitation.

“But now I don’t remember what that was. Actually, it’s been a while since I stopped remembering.”

“…….”

“From a certain moment… thinking back now, maybe I was more desperate because he was the only thing left for me.”

Sayoung scratched the back of his left hand with the fingernail of his right index finger. It was a habit he had before dying.

Whenever he felt unbearably cold and lonely, whenever his heart hurt so much he wanted to cry, Sayoung scratched the back of his hand, and numerous scratches were drawn over it like tattoos.

“I gave up everything to get that person, but if I don’t get even him… then I really have nothing left. All the pain I endured becomes worthless, and all the efforts of letting go of precious things become meaningless… So maybe I wanted to get at least Han Jaewoo somehow. Believing that would be the reward for giving up everything….”

Sayoung, who was speaking blankly, suddenly shook his head again.

“But maybe this is also an excuse. Honestly… I don’t know. Just… maybe I just really loved him that much until the end. I was just a pathetic piece of trash who fell in love.”

“…….”

“Actually, I also have the thought that maybe I’m adding other reasons because saying it wasn’t love and I was just used without knowing properly after falling for Han Jaewoo’s tricks makes me feel less miserable and less pathetic.”

It was easy to blame everything on Han Jaewoo. Then Sayoung could become the tragic protagonist who unluckily got involved with a truly bad man.

‘But is that really true?’ Sayoung couldn’t be sure.

‘Am I really just a pitiful victim? Didn’t I get this result simply because I’m a stupid loser?’

‘In the end, because I’m inadequate. Because I’m lacking. Because I’m creepy and frustrating. Was I not qualified to receive his love because I was such an inadequate person, just as Han Jaewoo said?’

Suddenly, his vision spun. The arrow-like words Han Jaewoo had poured on him buzzed in his ears like tinnitus. Eventually, even breathing became difficult, and as he shrank his shoulders, a strange voice tore through the tightening space and reached his ears.

“Yoon Sayoung, stop it!”

Only then did Sayoung startle, raise his head, and blink rapidly. A drop of tear rolled down his cheek even though he hadn’t cried. As Yoojun’s expression, distorted with shock, came into view, the senses that had drifted away as if not his own returned one by one.

Feeling the pressure on his wrist, he lowered his gaze and saw Yoojun holding his right wrist. The skin on the back of his left hand was scraped, and blood was welling up on the flesh.