Chapter 22: The Quiet Death he still carries.

At that moment, Yoojun recalled the man he had spoken of—the one lying on the asphalt in the dead of winter.

He was miserable, in pain, lonely, and desperate to live. Yet, his tattered, broken body likely would not have permitted even the slightest struggle.

Without a scream or a thrash, the man must have died simply watching the snow fall upon his own blood. That death was so silent that it became no one’s memory, vanishing without a trace.

Yoojun’s gaze traced Sayoung’s face, which was cast downward. If so, then the stillness of this man before him—every breath, look, tone, and gesture that appeared so composed—was it, in truth, a desperation resembling his death?

Once his thoughts reached that point, his mood soured significantly. Yoojun quickly shook off the emotion, refusing to feel any needless guilt.

He took a few steps back from Sayoung and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“The reason I came today is….”

Fortunately, Sayoung responded immediately to Yoojun’s words and raised his head.

“Like you said, whatever happens from now on won’t exactly be irrelevant to me… So, I suppose I need to know a bit more about you.”

“Ah….”

“Han Jaewoo isn’t going to be an easy opponent. For better or worse, he lived with you for years… Even if this is just an act, how can we coordinate properly if we’re this uncomfortable with each other?”

It wasn’t that he had no hesitation in linking Han Jaewoo’s name with Sayoung’s. However, Yoojun consciously ignored that hesitation.

After all, this was a situation he had brought upon himself. If his mental state wavered at mere words like these, it would be better to quit revenge or whatever else right now.

Whether it was fortunate or not, Sayoung nodded without any visible agitation.

“That’s true. Because that person knows me well.”

The vague reference of ‘that person’ snagged on Yoojun’s ear. He couldn’t guess the magnitude of emotion contained within those syllables. Finding that somehow displeasing, Yoojun hurriedly continued speaking.

“And….”

“……?”

“Since things have turned out this way, it wouldn’t be bad to properly raise the stakes while we’re at it.”

As he said this, Yoojun smiled for the first time since entering the hospital room. It was a confident, charming face that would force anyone to name him South Korea’s top male actor.

Sayoung wore a puzzled expression.

“I’m not sure what you mean….”

“Even for the same article, there’s a huge difference in attention depending on whether there’s a photo or not.”

“Ah….”

Only after the brief explanation did Sayoung understand the meaning and let out a gasp. It meant he would willingly provide photos to amplify the issue

. Although Yoojun had said he would help, Sayoung hadn’t expected him to step up this actively.

Yoojun’s voice, warning him to cling more desperately and urgently as befitted someone begging for help, surfaced in his mind again. Sayoung bowed his head politely toward the man sitting on the bed.

“Thank you so much for caring this much… really, thank you.”

However, with his head bowed, Sayoung failed to see just how foul of an expression Yoojun made at that gratitude.

****

Sayoung was gazing out the car window. As he stared blankly at the winter scenery rushing by, it suddenly didn’t feel real—which timeline he was currently traversing.

Sayoung’s memories were still stranded in death, yet the Sayoung who held those memories was still breathing, living day by day. The weight of that disparity was something those who hadn’t experienced it could hardly imagine.

The scenery outside the window, where the city center had been flashing by, had become secluded before he knew it.

Struggling consciously not to forget where he was right now, Sayoung turned his head slightly to look at the man driving with an expressionless face.

Sayoung was currently in Yoojun’s car, heading home.

It was Yoojun who insisted on driving him home, despite Sayoung saying he could take a taxi alone. The reason was simple.

If you’re going to do it, do it right. Yoojun said he always approached new endeavors with that attitude, and this was no exception. If one had chosen to take a risk, one had to ensure the best possible outcome.

Sayoung’s hands clenched as he stared blankly at Yoojun’s profile, which was as beautiful as a great work of art. It was an appearance one couldn’t help but admire, even knowing it didn’t fit the moment.

What did Han Jaewoo like about him? Sayoung thought he liked people who were docile, obedient, and quiet. In fact, he had said so himself.

After their relationship soured following the marriage, there were many days when he openly forced him to obey and not to talk back.

So Sayoung tried harder to become that kind of person. The further his heart drifted, the lower Sayoung bowed and the quieter he acted. He believed that was the only way to hold onto him, even if it was just through pity or compassion.

However, Kim Yoojun was a man far removed from words like ‘obedience,’ no matter how you looked at him. He was dignified, overflowing with confidence, and certainly not someone who would be subservient to others.

It was hard to guess whether Han Jaewoo’s taste had been that type from the start and he had lied simply to win Sayoung over and break him, or if his taste had changed while living with Sayoung.

“Did you buy a house in the outskirts on purpose?”

Sensing Sayoung’s gaze, Yoojun, who had been silent until now, asked in a tone that suggested he wasn’t particularly curious. Sayoung took a short breath like someone released from a spell of thoughts, then answered while looking ahead as if he hadn’t been watching him.

“Yes. I just wanted to be alone in a quiet place.”

“…….”

“It’s bound to get noisy once the divorce becomes public… I wanted to go somewhere where I wouldn’t have to face people if possible.”

Sayoung had bought a country house with a yard, not very big, somewhat far from the city center. It helped isolate Sayoung from the noisy world to some extent, even if not perfectly.

Yoojun didn’t bother adding a response to that. He hadn’t tried to remember them, but strangely, the nasty rumors about Sayoung wouldn’t fade and kept flickering before his eyes.

Sayoung himself seemed unaffected by the situation, but it was impossible to know what real emotions lay hidden behind that ice-like face.

Was he actually in pain? Was it all so overwhelming that he wanted to hide where there were no people?

Or had he become numb? Had he suffered from so many words before his death that this much could no longer evoke any feeling in him?

To stop his useless thoughts from deepening, Yoojun hurriedly changed the subject.

“Do you plan on joining an agency again?”

“Pardon?”

Fortunately or not, Sayoung also responded naturally to Yoojun’s topic right away. Sayoung seemed not to pity himself, even while saying he wanted to stay away from people.

Feeling frustrated that he couldn’t properly examine Sayoung’s expression because they were sitting side by side looking forward, Yoojun spoke.

“Aren’t you trying to make a comeback?”

“Hmm… That’s right. It is a comeback.”

“Are you planning to work alone without an agency?”

Yoojun asked with a feeling of ‘surely not.’ Putting aside the basic assistance needed for contracts and acting life, considering Sayoung’s personal circumstances, an agency was essential. A very large and powerful one at that.

In other words, Sayoung absolutely needed a shield to deal with the hostile press.

Sayoung answered in a monotone voice, as if talking about someone else’s business.

“I didn’t plan on doing it alone, but in this situation, would there be any company willing to sign with me?”

At that moment, Yoojun realized that Sayoung’s indifference stemmed from a bottomed-out self-esteem.

It wasn’t that he truly didn’t care what happened. It wasn’t that he was calm because he didn’t pay attention to anything. It was simply that he held no expectations for life or himself.

Because Yoon Sayoung is unlovable. Because he is a person without that much worth or charm. Because he is such an incompetent existence that he cannot even exact revenge on his own and must appeal to Yoojun’s pity and compassion.

It was clear that the curse-like insults Han Jaewoo had planted in Yoon Sayoung had taken root and were still blooming, even now after he had died once and was living again.

In a way, it was natural. Sayoung had merely died and come back, deciding to change the direction of his life; he hadn’t received treatment. He still possessed his memories as well.

There was no way the sickness that had long settled inside Sayoung would have disappeared.

“Then it would be difficult to even participate in auditions….”

Yoojun pushed back the rising thoughts and spoke while maintaining an insensitive attitude. Even if Sayoung still considered himself a worthless existence, that was not Yoojun’s concern.

Sayoung nodded and answered as if he understood Yoojun’s concern.

“Fortunately, the CEO of my former agency agreed to help me participate in auditions.”

“…….”

“Several times in the past… he suggested I make a comeback, but I refused back then. Yet I shamelessly contacted him again. Asking him to help me just this once.”

Yoojun’s grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly. He wondered what kind of attitude Sayoung had used to ask that agency CEO for help.

“…Did you tell that CEO person everything, too?”

At Yoojun’s question, Sayoung silently turned his head to look at him.