Chapter 15: To Endure His Embrace

The unfamiliar sensation of swaying with each of his steps made his heart tremble.

He was afraid he might fall.

Haeryeong stole a glance up at the tip of the chin of the man who walked looking only forward, before closing his eyes.

When he closed his eyes, the sound of his footsteps brushing against the wooden corridor felt desolate.

Perhaps that was why his chest felt as if it were tightening.

It was surely because he was afraid of him.

The memory of being struck by his sword made him fearful.

With his eyes squeezed shut, Haeryeong resolved to believe it was so.

Upon reaching the bath, the Emperor stepped into the warm water without setting him down.

Haeryeong remained cradled in his arms until then.

The sensation of the thin silk sleeping robe growing wet and clinging stickily to his fevered skin felt different than usual.

Especially the parts where he touched the man.

The Emperor, keeping Haeryeong on his thighs, used a water-drenched hand to wipe away the traces of medicine on his chin.

Haeryeong could not offer any reaction and simply blinked his eyes.

The steam filling the bathhouse seemed to tangle in his eyelashes, making his eyelids feel heavy.

The Emperor poured warm water over Haeryeong’s shoulders, which were exposed above the water’s surface, and asked a question.

“Is the water too hot?”

Submerged in the water and breathing with a stifled chest, Haeryeong inhaled sharply and replied as if vomiting the words.

“It is hot.”

Strangely, his entire body felt so hot it was as if he were being seared.

Each time the Emperor poured water over him, it felt as though layers of burns were being stacked upon his skin.

Despite having asked if it was hot, the Emperor ignored Haeryeong’s answer and let out a chuckling laugh.

When Haeryeong’s long hair floated to the surface, the Emperor gathered it and swept it back.

He even used his wet hand to smooth back the fine hairs clinging to his forehead, as if tidying him up.

Gazing blankly at the man who still wore a smile, Haeryeong asked.

“Did Your Majesty and I always enter the bath together like this?”

Filling the steam-filled bath with the scent of peach blossoms, the Emperor’s masculine lips stretched into a grin.

“Of course.”

“Is that all? There are so many memories in this place, yet have you forgotten them all as well?”

Haeryeong lowered his eyes shyly and gave a small shake of his head.

“I do not remember.”

Beneath the water, the Emperor reached under the hem of the sleeping robe and slowly caressed Haeryeong’s lower abdomen.

Haeryeong looked down at the movement before lifting his gaze to meet the Emperor’s.

“Have you even forgotten the words you spoke while sitting like this, holding what belongs to me within you?”

In an instant, Haeryeong’s eyelids trembled faintly.

The way his touch clung to his skin, caressing it with a viscous intensity, was as slippery as the movement of a snake, making his body shiver instinctively.

“I… do not know.”

The Emperor moved his hand slightly higher, fiddling with his gaunt ribs, and whispered as if sticking to his ear.

“How could you forget everything, after crying for me to pour my affection into you every single time?”

With a troubled expression, Haeryeong lowered his eyes and slightly twisted his upper body.

It was an action meant to shake off his hand, but it seemed to have appeared as shyness to the Emperor.

“Do you not even remember how you would always be so shy at the start, only to cling to me and cry out how good it felt once I stirred your depths?”

Beneath his lowered eyelids, Haeryeong’s eyes laughed coldly.

“There is… no way I could have… done such a thing.”

“I could make you remember right now, if you wish.”

Giggling, the Emperor pressed his lips to a cheek where steam was gathering.

“Since your body is so exhausted, I shall wait until your strength has returned a bit, then I will make you remember every single detail.”

Haeryeong fixed his gaze on the Emperor’s shoulder as the man moved his lips between his cheek and temple.

It was harder than expected not to let his misery show.

Thinking of the person who must have heard these whispered words all this time, he finally squeezed his eyes shut.

“During the next heat cycle, I shall stay by your side until your memories return.”

“If you truly cannot remember, can we not simply create new ones? So, Haeryeong-ah, do not worry about a thing and recover quickly.”

“…Yes, Your Majesty.”

Haeryeong barely managed a short reply, forcing his lips to move.

A heat cycle.

Haeryeong quietly scanned the Emperor’s face while recalling the first heat cycle they had spent together, which in this timeline, had not yet occurred.

The memory of that day—where there had been not a single tender smile or gentle touch—surfaced vividly.

When he had been prostrate on the bed like a dog, exposing his lower half, and had burst into stifled sobs as the man’s member pierced him brutally, what was it he had said?

“Live as quietly as a dead mouse until the next cycle, since I have given you what you desired.”

“Do not let yourself be seen, do not let word of you reach me, and remain silent.”

“Ensure that not even the sound of your breathing reaches my ears.”

Recalling that cold voice, Haeryeong quietly rested his cheek against the Emperor’s shoulder.

It felt as though the sensation of the viscous fluid being poured over his naked back was coming back to life.

The hand that had been caressing his lower abdomen moved to his back, making the memory even more vivid, and Haeryeong parted his lips to let out a silent, scattered sigh.

It was something he still could not understand.

To the Haeryeong who had been nothing but joyful at the message that the Emperor would visit his quarters for his first heat cycle at twenty, it had felt like a bolt from the blue.

Even as he could not stop weeping from the pain, he had spent the night awake, worrying if he had done something wrong.

The memory of his body aching from the tension of an unfamiliar intimacy was still clear.

He remembered vividly how he had suffered for two days afterward, constantly fretting over what his mistake might have been.

Haeryeong still did not know why he had acted so coldly.

Three years after that. Throughout the cycles they shared intermittently, his attitude had always remained the same.

If he had asked then, would he have received an answer?

Now that it had become a thing that never happened, would he ever know the answer he could no longer ask anyone?

As Haeryeong leaned quietly against him, the Emperor leisurely poured water over him and rubbed the surface of the wet sleeping robe.

Without opening his mouth to say anything mischievous, only the sound of the water splashing softly flowed past.

Was it because of the warm water?

Was it because the tension had finally left the body that had been contorted from vomiting?

Even while cradled in his arms, sleep began to pull at him.

Contrary to his belief that he would never be able to sleep, the brief rest he tasted was incredibly sweet.

He slept in the man’s arms until morning, and at some point, his consciousness returned with a snap.

The cool dawn air was not felt at all; instead, a body heat as warm as a tangpa enveloped him.

The Emperor opened his eyes the moment Haeryeong’s breathing changed.

Having unintentionally come face-to-face with him, Haeryeong inhaled sharply.

“You slept well. How is your body feeling?”

Seeing as the question wasn’t “Did you sleep well?”, he wondered if the man had stayed awake the entire time.

Looking at the eyes that held not a trace of sleepiness, he thought it might be true.

Why had he stayed awake all night, holding him like this?

Haeryeong let out a stifled sigh, unable to guess his intentions.

“It seems the fever has broken.”

“Yes… It is thanks to Your Majesty’s grace.”

When he barely managed to append the latter part of the sentence, the man let out a faint chuckle and rose.

Haeryeong, who had been cradled, was forced to rise with him.

“Eat your early morning gruel and rest a while.”

“I shall return to have breakfast with you once the morning assembly is over.”

“Yes. I wish you a safe journey, Your Majesty.”

When he offered the greeting as if seeing him off, the man smiled softly.

The Emperor quietly rubbed Haeryeong’s cheek and then stood up from the bed, leaving only the instruction not to get up.

Inside the canopied bed, Haeryeong watched the Emperor being attended to as he changed his robes, and then he pulled his knees to his chest.

He was still at a loss as to where to begin, but one thing seemed certain.

As long as Haeryeong did not try to refuse him, the man would show him kindness, even if it was feigned.

Since provoking him would only lead to further constriction, it was better to remain quiet until the Emperor’s interest faded.

‘I shall live like this for the time being.’

‘Let us play along with him while pretending to be ignorant, Haeryeong-ah.’

The man seemed to bring up matters regarding the Noble Consort as if testing him, but if he continued to feign ignorance, the Emperor’s suspicion would likely decrease.

‘Let us do that for now.’

‘Let us be careful so that the sensitive Emperor does not grow more suspicious.’

Haeryeong buried his face on his knees and quietly closed his eyes.

The rustling sounds had ceased, indicating the Emperor had left the bedchamber.

Sensing the presence of the court ladies moving without a sound, Haeryeong let out a sigh over his knees.

The Emperor, who had returned just before dawn, visited the Empress’s Palace again by the time Haeryeong had finished his early gruel and received a new decoction.

Whether new ingredients had been used, the fishy smell from the previous medicine had significantly diminished in this one.

However, as they say, once bitten, twice shy.

Having suffered so much from the medicine yesterday, he was hesitating to touch it.

For some unknown reason, the Emperor—who had appeared without announcement again just like yesterday—saw Haeryeong merely staring at the medicine bowl and offered a smile as gentle as a spring breeze.

“This is the first time I have seen the Empress act like such a child.”

“Do you really hate taking your medicine that much?”

Haeryeong nodded quietly.

His brow was furrowed with a troubled expression.

Since this was a strange experience even for Haeryeong, it was only natural that it was a first for the man, with whom he had shared no interaction.

The words ‘It must be your first time seeing it’ rolled around in his mouth before being swallowed along with a gulp of dry saliva.

“Did you conclude the morning assembly without incident?”

The Emperor narrowed his eyes as if he had noticed Haeryeong was changing the subject because he didn’t want to take his medicine.

He pulled the small dining tray set before Haeryeong toward himself and made a light joke.

“Since you are acting so pampered, I suppose I must feed you again today.”

Haeryeong looked at him with a resentful gaze and then reached out his hand.

“I shall eat it myself.”

After taking the medicine bowl from the chuckling man and drinking it in one go, a confection was placed in his mouth as soon as the bowl left his lips.

The Emperor fed Haeryeong the confection and then licked the grain syrup from his own hand.

Haeryeong watched the sight and then called for Iryeon.