Chapter 82: A Plea Rejected

“Did you say seeing me off?”

Haeryeong stood straight again and looked down at him.

He wore a smile similar to the one the Emperor had worn earlier.

“Now that you know my memory is perfectly intact, should you not return to the Noble Consort?”

“You should return to Your Majesty’s favorite concubine.”

The Emperor, who had knit his brows in confusion, soon smoothed his expression and laughed.

Haeryeong simply watched with a flat gaze as the man extended his hand.

“Were you that aggrieved? Seeing you act this way makes my heart uneasy.”

“Forget the times I treated you coldly. I shall do better from now on.”

The Emperor reached out further, but Haeryeong retreated two steps to avoid his hand.

“How could I say I was not aggrieved? However, since Your Majesty says so, I shall forget the past resentment.”

Haeryeong knelt where he stood and bowed his head to the floor.

“I beg of you, as Your Majesty said you would grant my wish with a heart as vast as the sea. Please forget me as you did before.”

“I shall live as if I do not exist, as if I were already dead, and pass away quietly.”

“If you tell me to step down as Empress, I shall do so. If you tell me to die, I shall do that as well. So please, stop seeking me out.”

The Emperor was simply silent.

Haeryeong shivered, feeling that silence pressing down on his back like a weight.

He accepted that even if the man truly turned murderous, there was nothing to be done.

It wasn’t as if it would be his first time dying, after all.

He felt that dying again wouldn’t matter.

In fact, simply dying felt like it would be more comfortable.

When he died by the man’s sword the first time, he couldn’t close his eyes due to the injustice, but this time, there would be no such resentment, so he could close them in peace, couldn’t he?

“Tell me the reason. Why are you suddenly acting like this?”

The Emperor’s voice, coming after a long silence, sounded somewhat bewildered.

Haeryeong rose from his prostrate position and folded his hands over his knees.

“Did you say ‘suddenly’?”

The Emperor let out a short, hollow laugh.

“What else is it if not sudden? Even a bolt from the blue has its limits.”

“I have made every effort to treat you with tenderness ever since you were ill; how can you be like this?”

Strength gradually entered the Emperor’s voice.

It was as if he were forcibly suppressing his anger.

Haeryeong lifted his downcast eyes and looked at the Emperor calmly.

With his face contorted in a scowl as if the previous smile had been a lie, the Emperor stared intently at Haeryeong.

Sigh. Haeryeong exhaled a long breath.

He hadn’t believed the hollow laughter of the “toothless tiger,” but seeing him harden his face like that, the fear remained.

Taking a deep breath to manage the body that was stiffening from tension, Haeryeong met the Emperor’s eyes and spoke.

“Does tenderness not mean giving to another without expecting something in return? Yet, Your Majesty has demanded something from me the entire time.”

“‘If you do this, I shall be kind,’ ‘If you do that, I shall cherish you.'”

As he spoke, a surge of emotion hit him again.

Haeryeong stopped speaking and pushed down the heat rising in his throat, shoving it deep into his heart.

“Your servant has no need for such false tenderness. Therefore, I beg you to withdraw it.”

Haeryeong prostrated himself before the Emperor once more.

Even as he thought he wouldn’t mind being killed, a part of him hoped he might live, given the man’s reaction was more moderate than expected.

Was it not truly pathetic?

Every time he resolved not to expect anything, something to hope for appeared on its own.

It was unspeakably sorrowful.

Why did he have to be the only one feeling this sorrow every time? Was it because he was the Emperor?

If so, Haeryeong wanted to go to a place where that Emperor did not exist.

He was so sick of it that he didn’t even want to see the man’s face anymore.

He felt it was better to die than to be deceived by fake kindness.

He had once pretended to have lost his memory just to survive, but that had only made him more miserable.

What was the point of living like that? What was the use of just staying alive?

What was the point of a life spent looking at the sky while trapped in a palace he could never leave?

Experiencing this heat cycle made him feel that way all the more.

Previously, Haeryeong had never reacted that way during a heat cycle because of his fear of the Emperor.

It had been the same in the life before his death.

Though they had spent heat cycles together for over three years, he had never once felt desire of his own will.

But what about this time?

Had he not spread his own legs, clinging to the man’s body and swaying his hips?

His mind had gone blank from the heat rising within him, making him feel as though he had become someone else.

Haeryeong was afraid of that.

Afraid that he would eventually forgive the man by falling deeper into such sensations.

He was afraid of the fact that he would grow used to the man and end up missing him again.

Therefore, he would discard the man first this time before being abandoned again.

Even if he died at the Emperor’s hand, it would be a death he chose himself, so there would be no resentment.

Haeryeong remained prostrate and waited for the Emperor’s punishment.

He felt the Emperor’s heavy gaze on the back of his head.

The man spent some time in silence before letting out a hollow sigh.

“So, your act of being gentle and shy before me was all a lie.”

After he finished speaking, the sound of a low chuckle could be heard.

When Haeryeong lifted his head, the Emperor’s lips were curled into a crooked smile.

“I tried to grant your wish out of the goodness of my heart, only to be stabbed in the back. I suppose I must have looked quite foolish to you.”

The Emperor rose from his seat and stood before Haeryeong.

Unable to look up at his suddenly elevated face, Haeryeong bowed his head, and mocking laughter poured down from above.

“I shall leave for today. However, Empress, keep this in mind: You are the one and only Empress of Yeoran.”

“I have no intention of taking that position from you, and as long as you occupy it, you have duties. For instance, the production of an Imperial heir.”

Since when had that been his duty?

How could he be so brazen after trying so hard not to leave his semen inside Haeryeong just yesterday?

Haeryeong held his head high and glared intently at the Emperor.

The Emperor leaned down, cupping Haeryeong’s cheek with one hand and whispering.

“You were quite pleased during this heat cycle as well. So, look forward to it. The next one will be even better.”

“I shall be sure to feed you plenty of the Imperial semen then.”

Haeryeong turned his gaze away, consumed by shame.

The Emperor, who had been rubbing his cheek, moved his hand to Haeryeong’s chin and tilted his head up.

“I have said it before, but I shall tell you once more: You have no right of refusal, as you well know. From now on, I shall visit your quarters every day, so receive me just as you did during your first heat cycle. This is not a suggestion, but an Imperial command.”

The Emperor’s hand pulled away, and Haeryeong bowed his head, bracing himself against the floor with trembling arms.

“I obey the Imperial command.”

“When I grow bored, I shall discard you just as you wish. So, endure well. You have endured well enough until now, so another three years or so should be easy, shouldn’t it?”

The Emperor exited the bedroom before Haeryeong could answer.

While the waiting eunuchs and court ladies were thrown into a commotion by the Emperor’s sudden appearance, Haeryeong remained prostrate on the floor, clenching his teeth.

‘Did I act in vain?’

Haeryeong, his eyes squeezed shut, bit his lip and shook his head.

It was for the best.

Since the man would no longer pretend to be kind, his own heart would not be swayed anymore, would it?

Being openly miserable was better than having his heart fluttered by the Emperor’s whims.

It was less wretched than craving an affection that may or may not exist.

After the Emperor left, Haeryeong spent the night awake alone.

Morning came, but his heart remained dark.

It was all the more so because rain had been falling since dawn.

Lacking an appetite, he sent back his breakfast untouched and curled up on the bed again.

Perhaps because of the atmosphere last night, even the cautious movements of Iryeon and the other court ladies set his nerves on edge.

“I am weary and wish to sleep, so please leave.”

“Yes, Your Highness. I shall clear your morning schedule. What should I do about the afternoon?”

Haeryeong was about to order word sent to the Bureau of Food, but then changed his mind.

He had been told the banquet preparations were already delayed; it would be shameful to make the Vice-Director, who was going out of his way to make time, wait any longer.

“I shall rise in the afternoon, so wake me before the Vice-Director arrives.”

After sending Iryeon away, lying on the bed felt stifling.

‘Should I have gone out to ride the horse instead?’

No. Even so, it wouldn’t be good to go out like that right after provoking the Emperor’s anger yesterday.

Although the Emperor hadn’t ordered confinement, he still needed to gauge the mood.

Haeryeong lay there like a dead man before suddenly bolting upright.

“Han Su-yong.”

When he called quietly, he felt Su-yong’s presence behind him.

“Did you call?”

Turning around, he saw Suyong kneeling with his head bowed in the room that had appeared empty.

He had wondered if the man would be withdrawn after what happened yesterday, but why was he still here?

Haeryeong stared down at Suyong and asked quietly.

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