Chapter 21: Learning to Be Beloved

Haeryeong did not believe a word the Emperor said.

The pain he had felt during every heat cycle was still vivid in his memory.

Not difficult?

What a joke.

As a Yang-in, it might not be hard for him.

But for an Eumin like Haeryeong, it was a different matter entirely.

The sensation of living flesh tearing was a fresh agony every single time.

Every time the Emperor forced himself inside, moving only his waist as if he loathed even touching him, Haeryeong’s heart was ripped to shreds, and he shed tears instead of blood.

Must he truly go through that again?

If so, then there was no point in all the effort he had spent pretending to have lost his memory.

Perhaps because Haeryeong looked visibly dejected, the Emperor slowly caressed his waist.

That touch almost brought him to tears.

Recalling that the man had never once touched him so tenderly—let alone kissed him—during all those countless heat cycles, Haeryeong bit his lip and suppressed his sorrow.

“Look, Empress. I have planted many irises near the Buyeong Pavilion.”

The Emperor patted his back as they stood before the pond they had reached.

Looking up, Haeryeong saw irises—their flower stalks not yet risen—lining the gaps between the rocks and the water’s edge.

In that moment, tears burst forth.

Why was this so agonizing?

It was the sheer sorrow of being treated so tenderly by an Emperor who had never shown him a shred of interest, all just because of a lingering suspicion.

“What is the matter? Hmm? Empress. Why the sudden tears? If you were moved, you should be embracing me with joy.”

Haeryeong hid his face with his long sleeves and wept.

He felt wretched even for the hot breath escaping between his palms, and his shoulders shook involuntarily.

He ground his teeth to keep from wailing out loud, the friction of his jaw making a small, sharp sound.

“Oh dear. When you cry like this, I do not know what to do.”

The Emperor whispered as if he were truly tender and pulled Haeryeong into an embrace.

Haeryeong’s body trembled as he fought the urge to break free, but he eventually buried his face in the man’s chest.

Knowing that rejection would only lead to cold treatment, he let out a sigh of resignation, but that only made him more miserable.

“Were you that happy?”

“…Yes, Your Majesty. Your grace is as vast as the sea; I am at a loss for words.”

Saying words he didn’t mean right after crying from exhaustion left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Was the man trying to torment him into a slow death this time?

He felt ashamed for crying in the man’s arms.

When Haeryeong couldn’t lift his head, the Emperor took his chin and tilted it up.

Looking at his still-damp eyes, the Emperor smiled faintly and leaned in to kiss his eyelid.

“Your beautiful eyes have become swollen like a goldfish.”

“I apologize, Your Majesty.”

Haeryeong pulled away with a damp sigh and looked back at the pond.

One section was entirely filled with irises, where the original flowers and shrubs had been uprooted.

“Come and see them every day. I planted them for you, Empress.”

“Yes. I shall do so.”

He felt like sighing at the thought of walking here every day.

The Buyeong Pavilion was deep within the rear garden, quite far from the Empress’s Palace.

Telling him to come and see this every day—it truly was a form of torment.

How could he be so consistently cruel?

‘Did I have to stop breathing?’

‘Should I have just hanged myself instead of enduring?’

The words from their first heat cycle came back to him, and his gloom would not dissipate.

The Emperor strolled around the pavilion with Haeryeong for a long while before finally returning to the main palace.

Perhaps because the distance from the pavilion to the main palace was short, his retreating back looked remarkably light.

Only after he vanished with his tail of eunuchs did Haeryeong turn back toward the Empress’s Palace.

Recovery was still far off, and his stamina was clearly lacking; the way back felt incredibly long.

Every step felt as heavy as a thousand pounds.

‘He is definitely trying to torment me.’

Because he was wearing a thick overcoat for warmth, the weight of the garment made his pace even slower.

Feeling like a dog in midsummer with its tongue hanging out, Haeryeong finally stopped.

“Let us rest for a moment.”

While he was resting, he saw a familiar figure in the distance.

Approaching quickly while pretending not to be in a hurry was the Noble Consort.

“I greet Your Highness, the Empress. I trust you have been in perfect health?”

Watching the man bow gracefully, Haeryeong hid his fatigue and offered a smile.

“Rise, Consort. Have you been well also?”

‘I should have just hurried back to rest.’

He felt like a fool for stopping to rest because of his heavy legs, only to be met with this.

He was beyond exhausted from being badgered by people from both sides.

Except for the first greeting after entering the palace, the Consort had never set foot near the Empress’s Palace—until recently.

He would show up right before the Emperor arrived or just after he left.

It was a transparent tactic.

Seeing his flushed face, it was clear he had rushed here upon hearing news of the walk.

Haeryeong offered a greeting, intending to leave first.

“Enjoy your time here. I must return and rest.”

As he turned, something caught his sleeve.

The Consort had reached out to grab Haeryeong’s sleeve, looking like he was about to cry.

Haeryeong addressed him in a quiet but firm voice.

“Let go.”

“I apologize, Your Highness.”

The Consort let go of the sleeve and bowed his head.

Haeryeong didn’t want to deal with his desperate heart or his lack of sense.

When Haeryeong’s expression grew displeased, the man’s face became even more dejected.

He considered saying something but decided against it and hurried his pace.

He could feel a gaze burning into the back of his head.

“Sigh.”

A sigh escaped him.

Just what did the Consort want from him that he kept seeking him out?

The Emperor was the same.

It was unpleasant how they both rushed to him as if they were owed something.

Haeryeong clicked his tongue.

Why couldn’t they have their love spat or power struggle somewhere else?

He felt like a shrimp caught between whales.

He couldn’t understand why he was stuck between an Emperor showing excessive interest and a Consort desperate to take it back.

****

His mood reached its worst during dinner.

It was because the Emperor asked about the encounter with the Consort as soon as they sat down.

“I heard you ran into the Consort earlier today.”

Haeryeong, feeling that what was inevitable had arrived, replied calmly.

“Yes. I saw his face briefly on my way back.”

“Did nothing happen?”

“I was tired from the walk, so I returned after a simple greeting. Why do you ask?”

As he blinked with an indifferent expression, the Emperor gave a small shake of his head.

“Since I have only been frequenting the Empress’s Palace lately, he seems to have become dejected. Please understand if he bothers you.”

“Yes. I shall do so,” Haeryeong replied with downcast eyes.

Perhaps because a dry, disinterested tone had slipped into his voice, the Emperor approached and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“If it is true that the Empress has lost his memory, then it seems that is not so bad after all.”

When Haeryeong lifted his head, the Emperor was looking down at him tenderly with a faint smile.

“Lately, the Empress’s expressions have become quite rich. Had I known you were such a cute person, I would have cherished you more.”

The word “cherished” felt incredibly foreign.

‘Did the word change its meaning to “hatred” while I was sick?’

“Your Majesty… are you saying you cherish me?”

“Of course. You are my legal spouse. You ask the obvious.”

He was too tired to even feel aggrieved.

How shameless.

Haeryeong simply lowered his eyes and whispered softly.

“Your grace is boundless.”

He felt as if a long-held emotion was finally draining away.

‘Fine, let us do it your way.’

If feigning affection meant avoiding a sudden execution, he would do it.

But how should he act “cute”?

Haeryeong leaned submissively into the Emperor’s embrace and thought of the Consort.

Should he act like him?

Could he?

He stole a glance and tried a shy smile.

The Emperor’s reaction suggested it worked.

“Dinner is prepared,” Iryeon announced.

The Emperor walked while still holding Haeryeong’s shoulder.

Adjusting his steps to match the Emperor’s was so uncomfortable that Haeryeong found himself admiring the Consort’s patience.

To think the man did this every single time; perhaps his endurance was greater than anyone realized.

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