Chapter 118: What Am I to You?

How shameful and piteous a master he must have been to his court ladies all this time.
It was not the heat of the fever, but the weight of shame that seemed to flush his cheeks.

“I have no face to show you all.”

“Do not say such things, Your Highness. Are we not your hands and feet? Who in this world would harbor such feelings toward their own limbs? Please, just put us to work with an easy heart.”

“Hands and feet do not have thoughts of their own. How can I compare a person to a limb?”

Iryeon furrowed her brow slightly and sent him a stern look.

“That is simply the life of a palace servant. From a young age, we are taught to use our heads only for work and never to gauge the worth of our masters. Even if we have ears, we hear nothing unless it is the master’s word; even if we have eyes, we see nothing. That is what a palace servant is.”

Iryeon told Haeryeong sternly that he must never feel sorry or walk on eggshells around them.
Having finished her lecture, her expression softened again as she apologized.

“Please forgive my insolence. I only spoke because I was distressed.”

“As if I do not know your heart. It is I who feel neglected when you speak like that.”

Haeryeong took Iryeon’s hand and forced a smile.
As the conversation deepened and he explained the gist of what had happened with the Emperor today, her eyes immediately grew red.

“How much your heart must have suffered all this time, Your Highness.”

In a reversal of before, she took Haeryeong’s hand and stroked it gently.

“Do not worry too much. Surely His Majesty would not truly bestow a heavy punishment upon Your Highness.”

Haeryeong let out a light sigh at her words.

“I intend to stop enduring now. Even if His Majesty remains patient this time, no one knows what will happen next. My life is like a lamp before the wind. Yet, even if I am extinguished by the breeze, I wish to live speaking my mind. I no longer wish to live like this.”

At Haeryeong’s words, Iryeon let out a damp sigh.

“I know that anger may fall upon you all as well. Perhaps you will be swept up in His Majesty’s rage even before I am. Therefore, if anyone wishes it, allow them to leave the palace or move to another post. I shared the truth of these events with you because I wanted to say that.”

However, he cautioned Iryeon not to tell the younger servants everything.
There was no benefit in allowing rumors to spread too far.
Iryeon gripped Haeryeong’s hand tight, saying she would handle it.

“Oh, my master, what shall we do? I ought to be a source of strength for you…”

Haeryeong shook his head toward the tearful woman.

“I always receive so much help from you. I cannot even put into words how grateful I am. So, you must also look out for your own life. Do you understand?”

Haeryeong wanted to prepare for his end.
He didn’t know what would happen immediately, and with the heat cycle approaching, he had to hurry even more.

He didn’t think the Emperor would seek him out again after being subjected to such humiliation and scorn.
However, if by some miracle the Emperor summoned him during the cycle, he intended to hang himself.
He had let go of Yeonseo, and he had explained the circumstances to Iryeon; now, he truly had nothing to fear.

‘No, that is not right.’
Haeryeong looked at the empty perch by the window and remembered that he still had one task remaining.

After barely managing to soothe and send away the weeping Iryeon, Haeryeong parted his lips toward the empty air.

“Han Su-yong.”

He wanted to ask if his brother and sister had safely left the palace, but for some reason, there was no response.
Even the air in the bedroom seemed to have stopped flowing, hanging heavy and silent.

“Han Su-yong.”

Haeryeong called his name once more just in case, but when the man failed to appear, he let out a long sigh.
‘Has he been taken away as well?’
He let out an involuntary chuckle at the sense of futility, only to cover his face with his hands the next moment.

His fingertips trembled with the fear of not knowing what the future held.
While sobbing quietly with his face buried in his palms, he suddenly sensed a presence and lifted his head.
The person seeing his now-drenched face knelt on one knee beside the bed with a look of distress.

“I am Kanggyu, a member of the Black Shadow Unit, Your Highness.”

Haeryeong blinked in confusion for a moment before finally regaining his composure and speaking.

“What is it?”

Despite his face being entirely covered, Kanggyu’s furrowed brow made his expression clear as he reported in a quiet voice.

“I apologize if I startled you. I stepped forward presumptuously because I feared you might be alarmed by Su-yong’s absence.”

He relayed the message that Su-yong had followed the Yeonseo delegation by the Emperor’s command to ensure they left the capital safely.

“Did His Majesty… know that the Yeonseo envoys had departed?”

“How could he not know…?”

‘That is true.’
‘Then why did he send Su-yong with them?’
Thinking Haeryeong could not bring himself to ask, the man answered first.

“He sent ten Black Shadow members and two units of the Imperial Guard, as there might be remaining assassins. Su-yong is among them… he will return once he confirms they have safely cleared the capital. The Imperial Guard is scheduled to escort the delegation all the way to the border before returning.”

Haeryeong listened to his story and asked blankly.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Kanggyu wrinkled one eye in distress again and scratched his jaw beneath his mask.
Only after a long silence did his answer come gruffly.

“Su-yong gave me strict instructions to look after Your Highness before he left.”

‘And?’
When Haeryeong asked with his eyes, the man’s voice grew even more blunt.

“His Majesty also cherishes Your Highness.”

‘What kind of nonsense is this now?’
Kanggyu, having blurted out a series of incomprehensible statements, clicked his tongue softly.

“I am only troubled because Your Highness suddenly called for Su-yong and started crying. No, why on earth did you cry after calling for him? If this reaches His Majesty’s ears, I wonder if Su-yong’s head will stay on his shoulders… sigh…”

Haeryeong finally understood his words.
The man had misunderstood the situation completely.
Haeryeong began to explain to correct his misconception.

“I do not know where to begin to fix your misunderstanding, but… First, you are mistaken in thinking His Majesty cherishes me. Second, I did not cry because I called for Han Su-yong; I cried because I was worried for the safety of my family from Yeonseo. And third—”

While he was speaking, Kanggyu vanished into thin air.
Haeryeong’s mouth hung open as he frowned.

“One should not leave in the middle of someone speaking. Etiquette dictates that—”

Haeryeong, who was delivering a lecture to the empty air, shut his mouth at the sound of a eunuch’s voice in the distance.

“His Imperial Majesty has arrived!”

‘Sometimes he comes and goes without a word, which was irritating enough, but now even his announced arrival is hateful.’
‘Moreover, why is he visiting again? Were my words that I didn’t want to see him not enough?’
Haeryeong let out a long sigh and rose from the bed.

No matter how much he hated him, the other was the Emperor, so he felt he should show proper respect; he dragged his heavy body to kneel below the bed.
Just as he thought he was getting used to the pain in his shoulder, it throbbed again, asserting its presence.
It was as if it were telling him never to forget how he felt earlier.

A moment later, the bedroom door opened and the Emperor entered.
Haeryeong kept his head bowed, looking only at the Emperor’s toes, so he did not know what kind of expression the man wore.
The Emperor stood still, and Haeryeong did the same.
He kept his mouth tightly shut and did not even offer a greeting.
‘Whether he comes or not, what do I care? Whether he leaves or stays.’

The Emperor was the one to break the suffocating silence.
He let out a long, intentional sigh and approached.
Stopping two paces away from Haeryeong, the Emperor spoke gruffly.

“What is a man who is not even whole doing here?”

‘Does he not see what I am doing with his own two eyes?’
‘Is this not an act of asking for my head because I dared to push the Emperor away?’

The Emperor flopped down into a crouch before the silent Haeryeong and flicked his fingers.
Drawn by the movement before his eyes, Haeryeong lifted his head, only for the man to withdraw his hand and let out a snort.

“You finally look at Me.”

Haeryeong simply stared at him with an indifferent gaze.
The Emperor, his brow slightly furrowed, propped his chin on his withdrawn hand.

“Rise. Since you told Me not to touch you, I cannot help you up.”

He offered a clumsy smile despite his still-scowling face.

“I came because I had something to ask, and I find you acting like this again. If your intent was to render Me speechless, it has worked quite well.”

“Ignore your servant and please, ask. What is it Your Majesty wishes to inquire?”

The Emperor shifted his gaze to the side and let out a long sigh.
His back, which had been bent while crouching, straightened for a moment before slumping down again.

Turning his gaze back to Haeryeong, he braced his hands on his knees and stood up.
Haeryeong followed his movement, tilting his eyes upward.
The towering height was dizzying.
Looking down at the quietly watching Haeryeong, the man narrowed his eyes.

“Get up before I force you. My mood is starting to sour.”

The moment he heard those words, just as he was about to lower his head due to dizziness, something boiled over within him.
Haeryeong snapped his head up and glared directly into the Emperor’s face.

“What exactly am I to Your Majesty? Am I a person who must always move like a puppet according to Your Majesty’s whims?”

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