Chapter 126: Letting You Go

Haeryeong stood by the window lost in thought, then turned his head at the sound of the hawk’s gurgling.

Chang-i, who had returned yesterday morning, was looking up at him with a tilted head.

At the short gurgle, Haeryeong broke into a wide smile.

“You must be hungry.”

As he opened the lid of the feeding box on the desk, Chang-i took a short flight.

With a flutter, the hawk landed on the desk and caused a frantic commotion, thrusting its beak into the box.

“Now, now. I know I failed to look after you earlier, but you must not act so undignified.”

“You must wait patiently for me to take the food out.”

“Ppi-i.”

With a long cry, Chang-i held his head high.

Even after the meat was offered, the hawk scanned its surroundings before finally accepting the pieces from Haeryeong’s hand.

Watching the bird grip the meat with its talons and tear into it, Haeryeong heard Iryeon’s voice from outside the chamber.

“Your Highness, the Chief Eunuch has arrived.”

Haeryeong let out a long sigh and replied.

“Let him in.”

The Chief Eunuch had been frequenting the Empress’s Palace incessantly for the past few days.

First it was purple flowers, then the next day it was yellow irises accompanied by a short letter.

Despite Haeryeong offering no reply, the Emperor continued to send flowers and letters the following day.

The letters contained nothing special; they only asked if he was eating well and how his shoulder wound was faring.

‘Has he sent flowers again today?’

Haeryeong stared at the chamber door with an expressionless face.

Soon, Manchul entered and bowed his head.

“Has Your Highness remained in peace today?”

“Has the Chief Eunuch also been at peace? Rise.”

In his hand, as expected, was a single blue iris.

Judging by the small folded paper, a letter was included as well.

Haeryeong asked Manchul involuntarily.

“Just what is His Majesty thinking, sending these flowers?”

Manchul lifted his gaze briefly, but upon meeting Haeryeong’s eyes, he quickly looked down and answered.

“How could your servant possibly fathom the depths of His Majesty’s vast heart?”

“I see.”

Just as Haeryeong was about to let it pass, Manchul continued.

“If I were to weigh it with my narrow insight… perhaps he sends them because he regrets being unable to visit in person.”

“He regrets it?”

‘Then he should just come himself. Though, even if he did, there is no one here to welcome him. I, for one, have no desire to see him.’

“Lately, whenever His Majesty has a spare moment, he visits the Buyeong Pavilion to enjoy the irises.”

“It seems he wishes for Your Highness to enjoy the flowers with him, yet he does not dare to request it.”

“Since when has His Majesty concerned himself with the feelings of others?”

‘Why is a man who would normally demand what he wants acting so ambiguously? Then again, if he heard the conversation from that night through Su-yong, it makes sense. He likely feels awkward facing me since he has no words to offer regarding my suspicions about the Consort.’

“I see. I understand.”

When Haeryeong reached his own conclusion and answered, Manchul bowed his waist in a fluster.

“Your servant has said nothing of the sort yet, Your Highness.”

“He must feel uncomfortable facing me because of the Consort’s matter. That is why I say I understand. Tell His Majesty not to exert himself so. I have no intention of questioning his actions.”

“You misunderstand, Your Highness. His Majesty simply…”

Haeryeong turned away from him and looked out the window.

“Tell him I shall receive no more flowers. The same goes for the letters. Tell him I want nothing more from him, so he should stop sending them.”

“Your Highness…”

Despite the elderly eunuch’s desperate voice, Haeryeong did not turn back.

He simply stared out the window as if he heard nothing.

Then, he felt something hard peck at the hand he had resting on the windowsill.

He knew it was Chang-i without even looking.

Chang-i, who had been gently pecking at his finger with his beak, looked up at Haeryeong and tilted his head.

Haeryeong offered a soft smile to the hawk as it rolled its yellow eyes.

“That’s right, I suppose one piece was not enough. I am sorry for constantly forgetting your food.”

Haeryeong turned to get the hawk’s food and gave a command to the restless eunuch.

“You may go.”

Manchul bowed deeply, his face reflecting a swallowed sigh.

“Your servant shall withdraw.”

While he backed away, Haeryeong returned to the window with the feeding box.

As he pulled out a piece of blood-red meat, the excited Chang-i shivered its tail feathers and let out a long gurgle.

“Good, eat your fill. Once your belly is full, I shall set you free. I remember the promise I made to you. Since the hunt is over, you should return to the mountains and find a mate.”

‘Though it ended before I could truly experience it, the promised time with Chang-i has passed regardless.’

Haeryeong forced a smile, barely suppressing the urge to sigh.

“Do not forget me when you return to the mountains. I shall be your friend until the day I die.”

The hawk stopped tearing at the meat and snapped its head up.

Haeryeong let out a small laugh as the bird bobbed its body, bending and straightening its legs.

“Yes, you feel the same, do you not?”

Haeryeong gently stroked the hawk’s head with a finger as it resumed eating.

The soft sensation made his eyes sting.

“If I tell you to come and visit sometime, will you listen?”

Haeryeong, speaking petulantly without realizing it, gave a small shake of his head.

“No. I do not know how long I shall remain here, so there is no need to come see me. Instead, my heart shall follow you. Take it with you on your journey. Fly freely through the vast sky and, at some moment, let the wind carry it away.”

‘If I let it fly away completely, would I finally be able to stop being hurt by anything?’

Knowing it was an impossible wish, he harbored it for a brief moment.

‘I have already cast aside my love; if I can cast aside my resentment as well, will I finally find a sliver of peace?’

‘But how can I uproot a heart that has taken such deep hold, spreading its vines everywhere? That is the first thing I must do before tying it to Chang-i.’

Having discarded one of the many intertwined threads of his heart, he felt he must pull out the rest as well.

Yet, strangely, neither the resentment nor the sorrow would budge.

A person’s heart was truly difficult to manage.

Even without desiring or expecting anything, one still feels the sting of neglect when the other person acts heartlessly.

Lost in those thoughts, Haeryeong fed Chang-i a bit more and then left the inner chamber with the hawk.

He stopped the court ladies from following him in a bustle, surprised by his sudden appearance, and strolled into the courtyard alone with the bird.

He had not put the hood on.

Consequently, Chang-i was busy peering around while perched on his gloved hand.

Once in the courtyard, Haeryeong carefully removed the identification tag from the tail feathers.

Unfastening it with one hand was not easy, but after a few fumbled attempts, it came loose.

In the process, the cord seemed to have pulled out one of the largest tail feathers.

“Oh dear. My hands were clumsy and pulled out your feather. Consider it a final gift for a friend and forgive me.”

Worried that Chang-i might fly off immediately, Haeryeong moved with extreme caution.

Perhaps because of that, Chang-i remained remarkably composed, gripping the glove without moving.

The bird simply blinked its round eyes slowly as if losing a feather were of no consequence.

Haeryeong also carefully untied the cords binding the hawk’s legs.

While he took his time to untie them, Changcheon stood submissively and accepted Haeryeong’s touch.

Even when the bird touched its beak to the back of his hand, it only tilted its head curiously.

“It makes me happy to see my friend so dignified. When you reach the mountains, find a beautiful mate and have many chicks. Then, one day, I shall be reborn as one of your children.”

‘They say hawks can live for twenty or thirty years, so perhaps it is possible. No matter how long I live, I am destined to die in four years. I shall die before Chang-i grows too old to breed.’

Gurgle.

As if telling him to go ahead, Changcheon cried out right on cue.

Haeryeong let out a small laugh and raised his hand high.

When he gave his extended hand a light lift, the hawk took flight gracefully.

Chang-i flew low, circling around Haeryeong.

It seemed as though the bird wanted him to offer his glove again.

But Haeryeong did not grant the hawk’s wish.

He simply watched Chang-i’s flight, keeping his gloved hand at his side.

After a few more circles, the hawk began to fly in a wider arc.

The flapping of Chang-i’s wings grew more vigorous as the bird ascended higher and higher.

“Go, hurry. Before you miss out on a good mate.”

‘Is the breeding season already over?’

He recalled how his brothers in Yeonseo used to find hawk nests and bring back downy chicks around summertime.

‘Even if it is late this year, he can find a new mate next year. Since hawks have long lives, one year should be fine. Besides, Chang-i is still young, so finding a mate might not be urgent.’

Haeryeong tilted his head back and looked up at the now much smaller Chang-i.

“Stay healthy. Do not get hurt, and do not fall ill.”

Chang-i landed atop the roof of the Empress’s Palace.

The hawk looked toward Haeryeong for a moment before taking flight once more with great strength.

Before even a few flaps of its wings, it seemed to catch the wind, soaring high into the air with its wings outstretched.

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