Chapter 18: Too Close to Be Kind

At the sudden words, the Emperor turned toward him with a look of bewilderment.

“Is Sanghyo not to your liking?”

Sanghyo was the pen name of Seong Ichan, a Master of Calligraphy at the Gukjagam.

Though he held a low rank of the ninth grade, he was known to be favored by the Emperor, and he served as the Noble Consort’s tutor.

Haeryeong wondered why the Consort was suddenly asking for a change, as he recalled the man teaching Sirak for quite some time in his previous life.

At the Emperor’s question, the Consort pouted and grumbled.

“He is so strict that I feel as though I am suffocating during every lesson.”

“He looks down upon me and lectures me incessantly.”

“I am ashamed to say this, but he often casts strange, lingering glances at me… I fear he may harbor wicked intentions.”

The Emperor let out a soft chuckle and patted the Consort’s shoulder.

“I know his character well, and he is not the type to do such a thing, so set aside your groundless worries.”

“If that man were to harbor wicked intentions, it would be toward the water dropper or the inkstone you are using, not you.”

“Your concern is quite unnecessary.”

“But…”

The Emperor cut the Consort off with a firm tone, leaving no room for argument.

As far as Haeryeong knew, this was the first time the Emperor had acted so strictly toward the Consort.

Sirak, seemingly hurt by his firm attitude, clamped his mouth shut, his eyes brimming with tears.

Caught in a situation where it was awkward to either intervene or remain silent, Haeryeong quietly lowered his eyes.

He wished they would both leave now that the meal was finished, but they both remained seated as if their backs were glued to the chairs.

His fever rose steadily as they drank their tea.

While it wasn’t difficult to pretend everything was fine, he worried about the fever flush blooming on his face.

Then again, what did it matter if he looked feverish?

The only ones who would notice or care were Iryeon and the court ladies.

The Emperor, who had been leisurely sipping his tea, finally rose from his chair and called to the Consort.

Haeryeong rose along with him to see the Emperor off.

He expected to hear that the man was leaving, but instead, the Emperor unexpectedly moved to send the Consort away first.

“The Empress is still unwell, so you should return now, Consort.”

Sirak’s eyes went wide as he looked back and forth between the Emperor and Haeryeong.

Then, he bowed his head cautiously and replied.

“I thought I would see Your Majesty off before leaving.”

If they left together, Haeryeong would have nothing more to wish for.

He was desperate to lie down and rest.

However, the Emperor gave a small shake of his head and patted the Consort’s cheek.

“I intend to spend a little more time with the Empress, so you go on ahead.”

‘What a truly strange man.’

The Emperor never once did what Haeryeong expected of him.

He was a person who seemed to go out of his way to do exactly what was disliked, a man who was impossible to understand.

Seeing Sirak biting his lower lip, Haeryeong finally stepped forward.

“Your Majesty, state affairs are pressing; you must not waste your time like this.”

“My body has recovered significantly, so please do not worry.”

However, the Emperor possessed a stubbornness as hard as iron.

“How could state affairs be more important than the Empress’s health?”

“If you are so worried, then focus on recovering quickly.”

“Your grace is boundless.”

Haeryeong eventually declared his surrender by lowering his eyes.

When the man acted this way, it was best to retreat quietly.

It was better to endure for a moment than to unnecessarily hurt the man’s pride and make him grit his teeth in anger.

A silent breath he exhaled felt hotter than before as it warmed his nasal passages.

Just as he began to feel it was becoming difficult to even stand, the Emperor dismissed the Consort and scooped Haeryeong up into his arms right in front of him.

“Ah!”

Startled, Haeryeong let out an involuntary cry.

The Emperor, supporting Haeryeong’s weight, stole a glance at the hand clutching his dragon robe and let out a small laugh.

“Every time you act so clumsily, I find it strangely amusing.”

“You should not be grabbing my robe; you should be clinging to me, Empress.”

“Would that not make me happy?”

Haeryeong lowered his gaze from the Emperor’s face and looked toward Sirak, who was standing behind them, biting his lip.

‘What have I done?’

Sirak, who had looked dejected as if about to cry, was now staring at Haeryeong with a venomous expression before sharply turning his head away when their eyes met.

“Please set me down, Your Majesty. The servants will…”

“Find it scandalous?”

“…Yes.”

The Emperor didn’t even bother to reply to Haeryeong’s words; instead, he turned and gestured for the Consort to leave.

As the Consort finally offered a graceful bow and withdrew, the Emperor clicked his tongue.

“Your fever has risen again.”

“I noticed the flush blooming on your face earlier and was worried.”

“…I am ashamed. I thought my body felt light so I walked for too long; perhaps I caught a chill from the wind.”

The Emperor looked up at Haeryeong with a displeased expression.

“Then why did you lie and say you were better?”

‘Because I wished for you to leave.’

While swallowing the words that tickled his throat, the Emperor began walking toward the bedchamber.

“Summon the Imperial Physician.”

After commanding the following eunuch, the Emperor offered a smile as gentle as a spring breeze toward Haeryeong.

“Is there any other discomfort besides the fever?”

“No. I am fine.”

“The Consort whines and clings to me even when he is only slightly ill; why is the Empress so good at enduring?”

“…….”

Haeryeong remained silent, looking down at the Emperor.

He wished someone would tell this man that comparing one person to another only hurts the listener’s feelings.

He hoped someone would inform him that it was better not to speak of a concubine in front of the legal spouse.

But that was a useless wish.

The Emperor was a man who wouldn’t care about others’ feelings even if he died and was reborn.

He also had no need to care.

Haeryeong had lived considering this to be natural, so he had never thought of it as particularly offensive.

Yet, why did it feel so unpleasant now?

Was it because his feelings for the man had vanished and he no longer wanted to forgive him, or was it because some lingering attachment remained and he felt hurt?

Unable to find the answer, his mind became a tangled mess.

****

The Emperor carried Haeryeong to the bedchamber and remained by his side until the physician arrived.

Haeryeong, who had been helped into a fresh change of robes, obediently lay down on the bed as instructed.

Already exhausted from his walk, the effort of dealing with people who made him uncomfortable had doubled his fatigue.

Lacking the strength to even keep his heavy eyelids open, he closed his eyes as soon as he lay down.

He knew he should stay awake since the Emperor was present, but sleep pulled at him incessantly.

Perhaps because his fever was rising, his body began to tremble even beneath the quilt.

A cool hand touched his burning forehead.

Startled by the hand that enveloped his brow, Haeryeong opened his eyes to find the Emperor sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at him.

“Endure it a little longer, even if you are sleepy. You must take your medicine before you sleep.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. I am overwhelmed by your…”

“Enough. Drop those useless etiquettes at times like this.”

“I am…”

How could he suddenly drop the etiquette he had practiced since childhood?

The words were a reflex, something that came out even at the slightest touch.

Even if he truly had lost his memory, he didn’t believe he could lose the etiquette etched into his very body.

The Emperor seemed to have reached the same conclusion belatedly, for he said no more.

Instead, he kept placing his cold hand against Haeryeong’s forehead, turning it over and over as if trying to cool him down.

It was a strange feeling.

Back in Yeonseo, he was accustomed to everyone coming and going with concern whenever he caught even a slight cold, but now, he found the presence of anyone other than his serving ladies to be uncomfortable.

Perhaps it was even more so because that person was the Emperor.

Prompted by his train of thought, memories of his family in Yeonseo surfaced for the first time in a while.

In his previous life, he had been forced to sever ties with them, so from his perspective, they hadn’t been in contact for a very long time.

Since they were currently in a period where they still exchanged letters, he wondered if he should write one.

‘I wonder how Mother is doing, she who always fell ill during the change of seasons.’

As he thought of his family, his eyes began to burn hot.

Perhaps because his heart was sick and causing his physical illness, his heart also seemed to grow weaker along with his body.

When he sniffled, the Emperor leaned his face in close.

Burdend by the proximity, Haeryeong lowered his eyes.

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Pardon…?”

When Haeryeong lifted his gaze, the Emperor was smiling brightly as he made a joke.

“The way you closed your eyes… it looked as though you were making a face asking for a kiss.”

“It was not like that…”

He swallowed hard, trying to hide the fact that he was overwhelmed by the Emperor’s face being so close.

“Not like that?”

“I simply did not know what to do since you were so close.”

“Aha. Were you shy?”

“…Yes, Your Majesty.”

‘Let’s go with that.’

The Emperor let out a light laugh, seemingly finding it amusing, before kissing Haeryeong on the forehead and pulling away.

“It seems it is not so bad for the Empress to be ill. You are saying things you never used to say.”

“I am—”

Trying to force himself to stop the ingrained etiquette was incredibly awkward.

He stopped mid-sentence and searched the man’s expression to see how he would react, and the Emperor narrowed his eyes.

However, he didn’t seem to be in a bad mood; the Emperor’s face relaxed, and he tenderly stroked Haeryeong’s cheek.

“For a moment, I thought it might have been better if we had not met as Emperor and Empress.”

“If Your Majesty were not the Emperor of Yeoran, I do not know if we would have ever had the chance to meet.”