Chapter 11: A Question Without Blame

“What are you curious about, Hae-soo?”

“What do you resent?”

“…There’s nothing I resent.

It’s just that everything feels sudden.

Everything….”

The fact that he was getting married.

All the words he heard from him today.

All the trivial things had been passed along through other people’s mouths until now.

Yet the one thing Choi Hae-soo had resisted the most, the breakup, was something Seha chose to say himself.

And the fact that Seha stepping forward to end things and Hae-soo being forced to accept the breakup were nothing alike.

These past two days had been overwhelming and exhausting, as everything he never wanted to experience came crashing down at once.

“Seha has been preparing for his wedding since last year.”

“…I didn’t know.

I never asked either.”

“And there was no place for you in it.”

“…….”

“The only people who care about you are those who aren’t Seha.

And if you start to truly realize that…

I thought it wouldn’t be good.

I was just worried.”

Every word Doyoon spoke made Hae-soo’s shoulders stiffen.

Even though he spoke gently and carefully, the words only landed in Hae-soo’s ears as blunt, broken fragments.

Through the rearview mirror closer to the passenger seat, half of Hae-soo’s face was visible.

Rain poured endlessly outside, yet his face remained clear.

He showed no sign of fatigue.

He simply sat there expressionless, lips tightly pressed together.

His brown eyes blinked once.

Disappearing beneath his pale eyelids before reappearing again.

Then his gaze met Doyoon’s.

“I think I made a mistake.”

“No.

You didn’t make any mistake, Doyoon.

My question was strange.”

“…That’s why I did it.

Even if I could go back, I would still keep everything a secret.”

Because if it was going to hurt no matter when he found out, it was better to delay it for as long as possible.

At least, that was what Doyoon believed was best for Hae-soo back then.

Hae-soo understood what he meant.

From the beginning, he had never felt anger toward Doyoon.

Nor had he ever wanted to confront him.

A sudden breakup would shake anyone.

So he believed Doyoon would understand his scattered questions and words.

And as expected, Doyoon apologized despite having done nothing wrong.

The exhaustion that had been weighing on him vanished completely.

He was no longer sleepy.

Everything returned to the beginning.

After that, they did not speak much.

Doyoon did not try to start a conversation either.

Perhaps because of the rain, he seemed more focused on driving than usual.

Hae-soo did not want to disturb him.

The tires scraped against the wet road, letting out a damp cry.

Startled by the splash of water as the car slowed down, Hae-soo paused with his hand on the door.

His eyes widened.

Then he leaned his forehead and hand against the window, quietly observing the heavy rain.

Doyoon unfastened his seatbelt and turned toward the back seat.

He picked up an umbrella.

When he offered to walk Hae-soo to the apartment entrance, Hae-soo shook his head quickly.

“Or you could come inside for a bit.”

“It’s okay.

You should rest, Hae-soo.

You said you had rehab this morning.”

“I think I’ll worry.

The rain is getting heavier too….”

By the time they reached his place, the rain had grown even stronger.

Though Hae-soo had stayed silent the whole ride, he couldn’t ignore how difficult it seemed for Doyoon to drive in such heavy rain.

It made him uneasy.

What if the water rose too high and flooded the tires.

Even if Doyoon had offered to drive him, sending him off like this felt wrong.

The rain showed no sign of stopping.

Hae-soo wanted him to stay until it eased.

After refusing a few times, Doyoon finally gave in to Hae-soo’s insistence and drove into the parking area.

Standing together at the building entrance, Hae-soo finally felt at ease.

He didn’t carry a card key, so he entered the password.

Only then did he notice his palms were damp with sweat.

He turned to Doyoon with an awkward smile.

Doyoon returned it gently.

“I’m sorry.

My hands are sweaty.”

“You always seemed fine.

I didn’t know.”

“…No.

I’m really okay now.

It just happens sometimes.”

He rarely rode in cars.

So saying “sometimes” was not wrong.

After the accident, he had gotten rid of his car and relied on public transportation.

Perhaps that was why being in a car still felt unfamiliar and faintly frightening.

Even after years had passed and he occasionally took taxis when tired, his body remained too honest.

Maybe the heavy rain made it worse.

He worried Doyoon might feel guilty again.

“I forgot to say.

My place isn’t very clean….”

“What.

Haha!”

Trying to ease the awkwardness, Hae-soo spoke lightly.

Thankfully, Doyoon laughed.

They stepped into the elevator together.

“It doesn’t matter.

I’ll leave quietly when it feels right.

If you’re sleepy, go rest.”

“Thank you for understanding.

I insisted for my own comfort.”

“What.

You said that because you were worried about me.

Wasn’t it?”

Looking at him, Hae-soo thought again how kind this man was.

Doyoon, much taller than him, had never once been anything but gentle.

Whenever their eyes met, Hae-soo felt an inexplicable sense of guilt.

“Let’s go.

Get inside and rest.”

[22nd floor.]

The mechanical voice cleared his mind instantly.

Hae-soo entered the passcode and opened the door.

He breathed in the air of the house he had left empty for too long.

Though it wasn’t messy, he felt embarrassed.

He hurriedly picked up scattered items from the sofa and table.

Doyoon told him it was fine, but Hae-soo stubbornly continued.

With his arms full of clothes and towels, he gently pushed Doyoon toward the sink.

“Doyoon.

I’ll make you something nice to drink.”

“Thank you.”

He opened a drawer he rarely used.

But he hesitated, worried the tea might be expired.

While searching, he found a container of cocoa.

“…Ah.”

The expiration date had passed by four years.

His hands froze midair.

Memories surfaced.

Of Seha, who loved sweets.

Of keeping this even after moving.

He emptied the hardened powder and threw it away.

The clumped contents dissolved down the drain.

Then he moved on immediately.

He rinsed the tea strainer and poured hot water over the leaves.

Focusing on something else.

Forgetting.

Pretending not to see.

“It smells good.”

“Really.

That’s a relief.”

“Then why is there only one cup?”

“I feel like if I eat anything more, I’ll get sick.”

He handed the tea to Doyoon.

Doyoon smiled and took a sip.

Silence followed.

Hae-soo sat beside him, simply watching.

Not for praise.

Yet Doyoon commented on the pleasant aroma anyway.

His slightly damp hair softened his appearance.

Under the warm light, his features stood out even more.

Hae-soo found himself recalling a younger version of him.

Doyoon had always been kind.

He was Seha’s childhood friend.

And now, someone who remained by Hae-soo’s side.

“…Are you watching because you want some.

Or do you have something to say?”

“…What?”

“I just can’t read your expression.”

Hae-soo hadn’t realized how intensely he had been staring.

Feeling apologetic, he looked away.

But Doyoon didn’t mind.

Instead, he gently took Hae-soo’s right hand.

Then he pressed lightly into the space between his thumb and index finger.