Chapter 64: Blue

Doyoon had listened silently to Choi Young’s words.

Unable to look ahead any longer, he closed his eyes.

He tried hard to hold back the sigh that threatened to escape.

Enough.

Enough.

He scolded Choi Young deeply in his heart, yet he also envied him for naturally saying things Doyoon had never been able to say himself.

“I know Kwon Seha was a good person.

That’s why you couldn’t let go.”

“……”

“…Then he will surely be a good person to someone else too.”

Young continued in a quiet, careful voice.

Even while looking at his younger brother struggling right in front of him, he did not stop.

He was brutally resolute.

And he was someone who cherished Choi Haesu more than anyone.

Even as he spoke to Haesu, his hands did not rest.

He picked up the completely broken clock.

Then he reached toward the paper bag near Doyoon and began searching for something.

At last, Choi Young found what he wanted.

There were batteries in his hand.

Without saying anything, he dusted off the clock that had gathered grime.

As his palm swept across it, the blurred numbers appeared cleanly.

The clock hands were trapped over meaningless numbers, unable to move forward.

It resembled Haesu’s life, which had collapsed without warning in a single moment.

Doyoon wanted to cry a little.

Young soon opened the back of the cleaned clock and inserted the batteries.

It had not moved for a long time.

If it had broken beyond repair, it could not be used again.

But Young’s fearless hands did not hesitate.

“I know too.”

“……”

“I know that Seha loves that person now, not me…”

With Haesu’s quiet voice, the second hand began to move.

A small sound could be heard.

As though it had never stopped, it moved fifty-nine times and completed one minute.

It felt as if damp moisture were filling Doyoon’s chest.

The things Haesu had pretended not to know for so long were appearing now, taking shape and gaining names.

“Even if his memories return someday… Seha won’t come back to me.

Right?

That’s what you wanted to say?”

“……”

“Seha is kind and smart.

He won’t be able to hurt that person.

He’ll think about which direction is better…”

Haesu himself brought out what everyone had hidden because they were afraid it would hurt him.

Doyoon felt sorry for this person, who had not wanted to believe his love would not last forever.

He had always believed that if a day like this ever came, something inside Haesu would surely come to an end.

Doyoon feared that greatly.

“So was everything I did meaningless?”

“What are you talking about?

Absolutely not.”

Young gave a faint laugh.

He came closer to Haesu, gently held his face, and wiped down his damp cheeks.

As if he had been waiting for it, Doyoon slowly loosened his arms.

Haesu’s faint, tear-filled gaze turned toward Young, wanting to be comforted further.

“You were like this when you were young too.

Once you started liking something, you never knew how to give it up, even if it hurt you.”

Young pulled Haesu’s head into an embrace and continued whispering to him.

We are going there to live.

Remember that.

No one there will make you suffer, Haesu.

I will not allow it.

There was a certainty in his firm, hard sentences that left no room for doubt.

It felt like an act of calling life back into someone.

Haesu’s face was blank, but he did not seem to be ignoring Young’s words.

The moment Young whispered, Haesu’s chin twisted.

“You’re not saying I should do that again, are you?

Forget everything and live like a normal person.”

Five years was a long time.

But because it felt so distant, it tormented Haesu even more easily.

Because Doyoon had been there during that same time, he did not casually call Haesu foolish or persistent.

“You only waited a little longer because you loved someone.

Why would that be meaningless?

For you, it must have been the most natural thing…”

Perhaps the person begging for love was always slow to feel time passing.

With a self-mocking smile, Doyoon stole the comfort that had not even been meant for him.

9. Blue

“What is it, Yoon Jiwoo?”

At the sound of the front door opening, Kwon Seha walked out.

The stiff line of Yoon Jiwoo’s mouth melted the moment he saw him.

On the way back, Jiwoo’s steps had kept faltering.

He could not put strength into his legs.

After walking a few steps, he repeatedly collapsed.

People passing by glanced at him.

Some reached out to help him.

Some tried to pull him to his feet.

But Jiwoo could not bring himself to take their hands.

There was another hand he wanted to hold him.

Even while hesitating deeply, he wanted to see Kwon Seha.

“Where did you go so early in the morning?

I thought you had gone home.”

“Uh… Seha.”

Seha held his phone in his hand.

The moment he saw Jiwoo, he tapped the screen a few times and put it back in his pocket.

It seemed he had been calling because Jiwoo had disappeared.

Jiwoo’s nose grew hot, and he felt like crying.

He was happy that Kwon Seha’s missed call had been for him.

It hurt his pride.

It hurt his heart enough to make him want to cry.

The legs that had barely held him up began trembling again.

His arms, full of childish need, moved toward Seha on their own.

Seha’s eyes widened in surprise as he caught Jiwoo around the waist.

“Uh, uh…”

“What’s wrong?

Jiwoo, are you sick?”

The moment Jiwoo leaned against him, Seha’s hand naturally touched his forehead.

He muttered, wondering if Jiwoo had a fever.

His expression did not even look particularly serious.

Yet this small gesture made Jiwoo’s heart pound as though it were being struck.

Why was he doing things he usually did not do?

Unable to show his confusion, Jiwoo leaned against Seha out of habit.

“You went out wearing only that when it’s cold?

That looks like my shirt.”

“……”

“That’s strange.

You used to say loose clothes made you feel more uncomfortable.

You’ll catch a cold.”

It seemed Jiwoo was not the only one doing things he normally did not do.

The first thing he had grabbed to wear before leaving had been Kwon Seha’s shirt.

Seha was much larger than him, so Jiwoo had thought his clothes were fluttering around him strangely today.

Baggy clothes were not Yoon Jiwoo’s preference.

That was true.

He did not know why he had done it.

It was strange when there were plenty of his own clothes in Seha’s dressing room.

Embarrassed by his own actions, Jiwoo pushed away his thoughts and looked at Seha.

Seha was looking at him too.

“Where did you go?”

“Just… for a walk.”

“Of course.

Yoon Jiwoo’s personality, never being able to stay still at home, has not gone anywhere.”

Not sensing anything seriously wrong, Seha smiled and stroked Jiwoo’s hair.

Between his tousled bangs, Jiwoo found the remnants of his smile again.

“Still, it’s the weekend.

Get plenty of rest today.”

“Okay.

I will.”

There were too many things to resolve for him to enjoy the weekend without any problems.

That fact made Jiwoo uneasy.

But perhaps he could have just one hour.

For now, Kwon Seha’s hand touching his hair felt too good.

Just this.

A little longer.

Just a little more love…

As he kept postponing things, it became afternoon.

During that time, Jiwoo ate breakfast with Kwon Seha.

He tried to act as though nothing had happened.

Then, because he liked standing beside Seha, he ignored everything and brushed his teeth with him.

Feeling refreshed, they kissed, laughed, and talked.

“Seha.”

“Yeah?”

“…I just wanted to call you.

I want to marry you soon and go on our honeymoon.”

“You’re impatient, Mr. Yoon Jiwoo.”

Drunk on the moment, he enjoyed the weekend.

Before he realized it, he was spending his time freely leaning against Seha and touching him.

They tangled together on the bed like lazy animals.

Jiwoo laughed at himself for still not having finished sorting through his thoughts.

At this point, maybe he simply enjoyed being close to Kwon Seha too much.

It made him sad to think he might be more pathetic than he had expected.

He wanted to touch him, but he endured it.

If he lost his mind, he felt he might forgive everything about Kwon Seha while his thoughts were clouded.

He did not want that.

“Seha.

Should I dye my hair?”

“Did you want a change of mood?”

“Yeah.

I guess so.

I thought about it carefully, and…”

He deliberately thought of trivial things.

He said whatever came to mind to keep the mood going.

He had also seriously considered whether it might be nice to look different before the wedding.

“Jet black.

What do you think?”

This would be the only wedding of his life.

On that day, Yoon Jiwoo wanted to be the person Kwon Seha loved the most.

“Hmm… I don’t think it would suit you.

Your skin is a little on the darker side, Jiwoo.”

Seha’s answer drained the strength from him.

Would it really look that bad?

Jiwoo had thought black hair suited almost everyone.

More importantly, why had he wanted that hair color in the first place?

There were so many colors that would suit his skin better, just as Seha said.

Jiwoo had only thought Kwon Seha might like it.

Dark black.

Glossy.

He thought the contrast against a pale face and the delicate feeling it created might be Kwon Seha’s type.

That was why…

“…You’re right.

It probably would not suit me.”

“What does it matter?

Think about different things.

If there’s something you want to do, you should do it.”

If even one small thing made him look like something Kwon Seha liked, Jiwoo thought he would feel satisfied.

He should have been happy to hear Seha’s gentle answer.

But he could not.

His heart grew cold and empty.

How did I become like this?

What was I trying to change myself for?

A rough breath suddenly came over Yoon Jiwoo without warning.

Something felt deeply, impossibly wrong.

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