Chapter 39: Promises That Couldn’t Silence Fear

The sound of the door lock disengaging made him rise from his seat.

His head had been throbbing for hours, and the moment he stood up, dizziness washed over him.

With an irritated sweep of his hand, Yoon Jiwoo pushed his hair back.

The phone that had died after lasting only a few hours seemed strangely similar to him.

All his energy had been spent being angry, trying to understand, and forcing himself to calm down.

As he stood, he braced himself against the edge of the sofa and steadied his breathing.

After glancing briefly at Kwon Seha, he still remembered to walk over and greet him as though nothing were wrong.

“You’re back.”

Only one person would enter Kwon Seha’s house that confidently.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the man pressed the familiar sequence of numbers and opened the door.

It was Seha.

Even after seeing Jiwoo swaying unsteadily, Seha simply stood there like an idiot until the entrance sensor light switched off.

Unable to tolerate it any longer, Jiwoo stormed toward him.

“Seha.”

Neither of them knew what had happened to the other during their time apart.

But one thing was certain.

The hours Jiwoo had spent alone after Seha left had been unbearable.

He had called Seha several times.

Left messages.

And all he received in return was an automated voice and silence.

Smack!

A sharp crack echoed through the room.

Seha’s head turned with the force of the slap.

Anger, hurt, and self-loathing bloomed in the place Jiwoo’s hand had struck.

His face was completely red with emotion.

Yet Seha didn’t even blink.

“How could you leave like that?”

“……”

“How could you do that…?”

His shoulders trembled violently.

Despite the shaking in his voice, Jiwoo was smiling bitterly.

Was this the face of someone who enjoyed this moment?

Quite the opposite.

The normally gentle curves of his eyes now brimmed with hostility.

The atmosphere in the living room froze solid.

When Seha still offered no answer, Jiwoo clenched his teeth and let out a disbelieving laugh.

Eventually, he found himself speaking in short, broken bursts.

“What…

What do you think…

I was thinking while I was alone?”

“Jiwoo.”

“Was running away really the answer?

How far are you planning to push me?!”

When a person spills too many emotions at once, their whole body begins to shake.

Jiwoo learned that for the first time.

These feelings were unfamiliar to him too.

Why am I even experiencing this?

No matter how many times he thought about it, the answer remained the same.

Because he loved Kwon Seha.

Seha watched him quietly.

Looking at Jiwoo’s trembling form, he understood exactly what emotions were spilling out.

His face was full of anxiety and worry.

No words came easily.

Was Jiwoo hoping that even if Seha’s memories returned, Seha would still love him?

That Jiwoo would continue loving Seha too?

That nothing between them would ever change?

Hadn’t they already promised that?

More than once.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“I was wrong.”

The words Jiwoo wanted to hear were words Seha had already repeated many times.

Words that only someone who had lost his memories could say so easily.

And because of that, Seha was willing to say whatever Jiwoo needed to hear.

“Leaving like that was wrong.”

Looking down at Jiwoo, who still trembled with anger, Seha slowly blinked.

He didn’t want Jiwoo to cry.

Didn’t want him to be angry.

Didn’t want him to suffer.

“I understand why you were worried.”

And honestly, he felt too tired to keep arguing.

Seha’s arm lifted through the air.

After a brief hesitation, it settled on Jiwoo’s shoulder.

Carefully, he pulled him into an embrace.

As though holding the head that had undoubtedly been filled with too many thoughts all day.

“Yoon Jiwoo.”

“……”

“Nothing should change.

I’ll make sure of that.”

The words came with a deep sigh.

Confident.

Certain.

Jiwoo stared blankly before clutching tightly at Seha.

Words he could never bring himself to say aloud continued circling inside his head.

Even if your memories come back?

Even if you compare the person you loved to me?

Would you still choose not to leave me?

“If memories buried for years suddenly return—and even if they did—I don’t think Mr. Choi Haesu and I would ever…”

Fall in love again?

The relationship between that person and me had already been killed by my own hands.

Their gazes tangled silently.

Neither of them found certainty.

Jiwoo let his eyes close.

This time, he didn’t even try to resist.

“That won’t happen.”

“Ha…”

The voice remained stubbornly confident.

Filled with conviction from some unknown source.

But Jiwoo no longer found reassurance in it.

Even so, he couldn’t leave.

Once he had chosen Seha, once he had decided this man was the person he wanted, he couldn’t abandon his desires.

He didn’t want to give up what belonged to him.

“Right.”

“……”

“Of course…

You’re right.”

For now, all he could do was nod and release the breath trapped inside him.

With the wedding drawing ever closer, Jiwoo had to admit something.

His anxiety had grown far beyond reason.

And that anxiety would only poison the future awaiting them.

He regretted how foolish he had been a few hours ago.

His trembling hand reached up and touched Seha’s reddened cheek.

Only afterward did he allow himself to feel guilty for hitting him.

Only afterward did his heart ache.

Those few minutes while Seha was gone had felt like hell.

But what hurt even more was knowing he could no longer scream or lose control.

“…Does it hurt?”

“Forget that.

Just do one thing for me.

This is ridiculous.”

Seha never once thought about the sting in his cheek.

Or the heat left behind by the slap.

It barely registered.

He admitted that he had briefly forgotten the storm of negative emotions Jiwoo must have gone through.

The more he thought about it, the more it felt as though his mind was crowded with strange thoughts.

And all of them seemed to lead back to Choi Haesu.

Considering he had spent the entire trip thinking about Haesu and his friend Lee Doyoon, perhaps that wasn’t surprising.

“Did you go see Doyoon?

Where were you?”

“No.

I was alone.”

“…I see.

I couldn’t get in touch with Doyoon either.”

As though waiting for an opportunity, Jiwoo forced his way into Seha’s crowded thoughts once again.

Perhaps he had been thinking about the same people.

When Seha told Jiwoo nothing else could change, part of him genuinely meant it.

Things had to stay that way.

Any other outcome simply didn’t exist in his plans.

Leaving Jiwoo behind, he crossed the living room.

By the time he entered the bedroom while removing his jacket, Jiwoo had already followed him.

Two arms wrapped around his waist from behind.

They stood close enough to feel each other’s breath.

Facing him directly, Jiwoo tilted his head without hesitation and moved closer.

“Kiss me.”

“That’s not difficult.

I’ll do it, so calm down.”

Their lips met.

The kiss deepened immediately.

Jiwoo’s eyelashes trembled as warmth spread between them.

Their lips never truly separated.

Yet somehow his mouth felt unbearably dry.

There was sweetness here too.

And for some reason, Jiwoo hated that sweetness.

More than anything.

“Mm…!”

The strength left his legs.

He collapsed backward onto the bed before Seha could even catch him.

Unable to tolerate even the slightest distance, Jiwoo wrapped both arms tightly around Seha’s neck.

Despite already feeling breathless, he couldn’t stop.

The desperation driving him wasn’t desire alone.

It was anger.

Jealousy.

Fear.

When the fierce kiss had gone on long enough, Seha eventually pulled away first.

As naturally as breathing.

“Haah…

Even so…

I’m not sorry for hitting you…”

“Haha…

I wouldn’t expect you to be.”

The lingering sweetness left an unpleasant taste in his mouth.

After stepping back, Seha casually ran a hand through his hair.

Watching him pull away again made Jiwoo feel sick.

Without bothering to hide the dazed look in his eyes, he tilted his head back and squeezed them shut.

Everything that had happened moments ago felt like a dream.

Had he assumed things would naturally continue from there?

That if they slept together—

If he drowned himself in enough pleasure—

Then everything would be fine?

That tonight’s events could be reduced to nothing more than a minor lovers’ quarrel?

The moment he saw Seha stepping away before he could even reach for his belt buckle, it felt as though his heart dropped straight to his feet.

“Get some rest.

You must be tired.

Sleep first if you’re sleepy.”

“…Seha.”

“I’m going to wash up.”

Seha headed toward the kitchen for a glass of water.

His throat had been dry for some time.

Since he had turned away, he couldn’t see Jiwoo’s expression.

“I want you.”

“……”

“Can’t you shower later?”

The voice that stopped him was painfully desperate.

And heartbreakingly sad.

Seha was perceptive enough to understand exactly why Jiwoo was asking.

That was why his broad shoulders stiffened.

Why he hesitated.

Perhaps he would turn back.

Jiwoo found himself wishing desperately for those few steps.

Instead, gentle words settled over him.

Words so considerate they nearly brought tears to his eyes.

Words that cared only about him.

“Today was hard on you.”

“……”

“On a day like this, don’t think about anything.

Just get some sleep.”

That was exactly why he wanted reassurance.

He wanted proof that Seha was his.

His love.

His future.

This wasn’t new.

Seha had always been like this.

If they both wanted the same thing, they would do it.

If not, they would simply spend time together.

That was the kind of ordinary relationship Jiwoo had wanted them to have.

But not today.

Today was different.

He was afraid.

And in an attempt to quiet that fear, he begged.

Perhaps in a way that felt pathetic.

Yet somehow, even now, Kwon Seha never once allowed himself to yield.

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