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Join the Server“Come on…”
“Please answer…”
His breathing grew ragged.
It felt as though his heart might burst.
His chest ached.
Why did he and Haesoo keep missing each other like this?
The endlessly ringing phone made Doyoon’s heart sink.
For one absurd moment, he imagined himself breaking down in tears in the middle of the street.
If strangers stared…
If they pointed and whispered…
Would Haesoo turn around?
Even out of curiosity…
Would he look back?
Would that be enough?
Because if it meant seeing him again…
Doyoon really would do it.
“…Hello, Doyoon.”
The instant Haesoo’s voice reached his ears, Doyoon froze.
His frantic movements stopped.
The feet that had been running suddenly felt rooted to the ground.
The moment he heard that soft, quiet voice…
He could finally breathe again.
“Where are you?”
“Have you been waiting long?”
“Were you outside?”
“No…”
“Are you dressed warmly enough?”
“You’re going to hyperventilate.”
“You only just saw my messages, didn’t you?”
“You were probably surprised.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No.”
“No, don’t apologize.”
“Where are you?”
“Have you gone far?”
“Yeah.”
“Go back upstairs.”
“It’s already lunchtime.”
“Hurry and eat.”
Compared to Doyoon’s urgency, Haesoo sounded strangely calm.
Not calm in the usual way.
His voice wasn’t its normal quiet, slow rhythm.
Instead…
It was gentle.
Bright.
And that frightened Doyoon even more.
When someone who always carried quiet sadness suddenly sounded cheerful…
It was never a good sign.
“I’ll go after I see you.”
“Please.”
“Just tell me where you are.”
“No.”
“You’ve been working all morning.”
“This is your only break.”
“I only came because I wanted to see your face.”
“Where did you rush off to?”
“You disappeared this morning…”
“And now again…”
“Why?”
The moment Doyoon realized Haesoo wasn’t okay…
His anxiety exploded.
His patience disappeared completely.
For a brief second he wondered if he should have been more gentle.
If he should have loved Haesoo the way he had always wanted to.
But his fears had been right too many times before.
He couldn’t calm himself.
“I just…”
“I felt trapped.”
“Anyway…”
“Go back upstairs.”
“You must be tired, so today—”
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!”
Silence.
“So please…”
In his panic, his voice rose.
The words came out harsh.
Nothing about them sounded gentle anymore.
I just need to see you.
Then I’ll know you’re okay.
Compared to that…
How could Doyoon possibly care about something as trivial as his lunch break?
Knowing he would regret it…
He still lashed out.
Silence answered him.
“…Haesoo.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t trying to yell.”
“I…”
The heavy silence condemned him.
The coldness he had created tightened painfully around his own throat.
His eyes burned.
He pressed trembling fingers against them while waiting for Haesoo to answer.
Accepting the silence as punishment.
“I went…”
“…to get a prescription for emergency contraception.”
The shout had been half desperation.
Half pleading.
Haesoo’s answer crushed Doyoon completely.
A dry autumn leaf rolled across the ground before the wind carried it against his trouser leg.
The touch was feather-light.
Yet it felt as though something sharp had sliced straight through him.
As though his skin had split open.
As though blood were pouring down his legs.
His knees nearly gave way.
“I was scared.”
“That was the first thing I thought of.”
“So…”
“…that’s why.”
Since early that morning…
Haesoo had been alone with that fear.
Without Doyoon realizing it, the emptiness consuming Haesoo had driven him there first.
Doyoon had demanded answers.
Asked why Haesoo disappeared.
Why he had run away.
He had shouted until the frightened man finally answered him.
One person struggled desperately to forget.
Then quietly carried every consequence alone.
Meanwhile…
What had Doyoon done?
Could he honestly say he hadn’t resented the empty space Haesoo left behind?
“Doyoon…”
“You should go back now.”
“I’ve already come pretty far.”
“Bye.”
While Doyoon stood frozen…
Haesoo swallowed the pill alone.
He swallowed yesterday.
Digested it.
Locked every consequence inside himself.
As though everything belonged to him alone.
Even though Doyoon insisted the regret wasn’t Haesoo’s to carry…
Haesoo never blamed him.
The call ended.
Haesoo was the one who hung up.
It felt as though they were both slowly rotting away.
After returning home, Haesoo ignored the burning ache in his stomach.
Just sleep.
Go to sleep.
For one last time, he relied on medication to force himself to rest.
When he woke…
He felt even worse.
His body hung limply.
Cold sweat soaked his clothes.
His strength had completely vanished.
He couldn’t even bring himself to eat.
Every part of his body screamed.
Instead of fading…
The stomach pain only became worse.
The thought that all of this came from sleeping with someone for the first time in years made it too embarrassing to tell anyone.
Mistaking the hollow feeling inside him for hunger, he forced himself to eat a little rice porridge.
If he had known he would throw it all up immediately…
He never would have eaten it.
Thinking some fresh air might help, he opened the living room window wide.
The sunlight.
The breeze.
For a moment…
They almost tricked him into believing he felt better.
The cold wind dulled the burning pain inside him.
“It feels nice…”
As the pain slowly faded…
Different thoughts crept in.
He reached out unsteadily and gripped the balcony railing.
He replayed everything that had happened yesterday.
Like someone standing before an execution…
Confessing every sin before death.
Regret flooded him.
He had done something no decent person should ever have done.
If even a little reason had remained…
He would have stopped himself.
Instead…
What had happened?
Standing before someone who poured out love for him…
He searched for another man’s affection.
He hadn’t been able to endure it without seeking comfort in Doyoon’s embrace.
It was true that Doyoon’s words had tempted him.
Would everything disappear if I did this?
But it hadn’t.
Which made every excuse meaningless.
No matter whose idea it had been…
He never should have done it.
He had slept with someone who wasn’t Kwon Seha.
He had let another man fill him.
He wasn’t even sure anymore who his guilt belonged to.
Still gripping the balcony railing, Haesoo slowly sank to the floor.
His eyes kept drifting downward.
Toward the distant ground below.
Every uneven breath carried regret.
Fear.
He wanted to forget everything.
There were enough memories piled inside him that he would gladly trade his life just to erase them.
He wanted to smash his head against the ground.
The instant he realized that urge was a wish to die…
He crawled back into the living room.
His trembling hand reached for the balcony door.
Then he shut it firmly.
He wanted to go somewhere filled with strangers.
His feet carried him away from home without any destination.
As long as it was somewhere open…
Anywhere would do.
When he finally stopped walking, he checked the time.
Sitting on a bench, he looked around.
A giant clock tower stood nearby.
“…It’s already five?”
He had wandered without thinking.
Whenever he grew tired, he rested.
Then he walked again.
That was how he ended up here.
“There are so many people…”
Apparently they weren’t cold.
A long line had formed in front of an ice cream stand.
Even while rubbing their chilled arms, people happily continued eating.
It’s always been too sweet for me…
The thought made Haesoo smile to himself.
Families filled the park too.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying a quiet weekday afternoon.
It wasn’t an unpleasant sight.
“Mom.”
“See?”
“I told you to wear at least a light jacket.”
“When my daughter is holding my hand…”
“What do I have to worry about?”
“What are you going to do without me?”
Without thinking…
Without worrying…
Haesoo simply listened to the conversations around him.
He knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop.
Yet his ears instinctively caught every little sound.
That family seems close.
Just listening to them made him feel warm.
Before he realized it…
He laughed out loud.
Thankfully…
His mask hid his smile.
“Hey.”
“Should we eat over there?”
“Yeah.”
“The breeze feels nice.”
Some people were enjoying what was probably their last picnic of the year.
Once winter arrived…
They wouldn’t be able to do this anymore.
Eat well.
Have fun.
Go home safely before it gets too late.
For once…
Haesoo found himself worrying about complete strangers.
Among all those busy people…
He couldn’t even remember why he had come here.
Thinking about it now…
The park was nearly a fifty-minute walk from his apartment.
Even absentminded wandering had its limits.
He had come far too far.
I’ll take a taxi home.
Countless people passed in front of his bench.
Children laughing as they ran without destination.
Someone hurrying toward the restroom.
A man balancing four hot dogs in his hands for his family.
Heavy footsteps.
Hurried footsteps.
Carefree footsteps.
Mixed together…
They sounded strangely comforting today.
This place was full of people.
Yet…
There wasn’t a single person Haesoo knew.
Resting his arm on the bench, he leaned his head all the way back.
The stretch eased the stiffness in his neck.
Sleepiness slowly crept over him.
He felt as though he could fall asleep right there.
Tap.
Tap.
“Hey!”
“Please catch my child!”
Before Haesoo could even react to the desperate shout…
The person who had stopped beside him was already reaching out.
The excitement doesn't stop here! If you enjoyed this, you’ll adore Looking For My Child's Father. Start reading now!
Read : Looking For My Child's Father
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