Chapter 37: The Things Left Unsaid

“Haesu.”

“…You’re back?”

“Sorry.

You were alone when someone came by, so it must have startled you.

It was nothing important.”

Doyoon set down his coat as though nothing had happened.

Then, the moment his eyes met Haesu’s in the empty space between them, he smiled.

As if absolutely nothing had happened.

“I see.

A guest came by at this hour, so I naturally assumed it was Seha.”

“…I can see why you’d think that.

You’re still not hungry, Haesu?”

He changed the subject.

He said the person outside the front door had not been Kwon Seha.

After leaving that answer behind, Doyoon turned away.

Haesu could no longer see his expression.

It almost felt like a desperate plea.

A plea asking him to simply accept things as they were since they had not met.

Was he biting down on his lip?

Or squeezing his eyes shut?

Haesu knew that even telling a lie would not have come easily to Doyoon.

Because of him.

Because of Choi Haesu.

And because he was the only person who still remembered those memories with Kwon Seha.

Thinking about everything Doyoon must have endured for those reasons made Haesu feel deeply sorry.

“I’m really not that hungry, Doyoon.”

“Your appetite is way too small, Haesu.

I thought you’d be starving by the time I got back.”

“Yeah.

I guess so.”

Among all those things was Doyoon’s habit of hiding anything good.

And once Haesu realized that, he felt overwhelmingly sad.

When Doyoon returned, Haesu had planned to thank him for lunch and tell him about meeting Yoon Jiwoo.

He believed that, if no one else, Doyoon deserved to hear it.

He had also wanted to tell him something else.

That he had let Kwon Seha go.

And that he was sincerely grateful for everything Doyoon had done by staying beside him all this time.

After changing into more comfortable clothes, Doyoon approached him.

The closer he came, the more Haesu’s hands trembled.

His eyes stung again.

Haesu shook his head a couple of times, trying to brush the feeling away.

Soon, Doyoon stopped right in front of him.

After studying him for a long moment, his expression grew serious.

Without thinking, he raised a hand toward Haesu’s eyes.

But the hand lost its destination before it could touch him.

“Were you crying?”

“……”

“Haesu.”

Just as Doyoon was pretending everything was fine, Haesu found himself unable to do the same.

He simply stared at him.

Now he understood those worried eyes.

And the hand that could never quite bring itself to rest on him.

“I wasn’t crying.”

“…Really?

That doesn’t seem true.”

“Really.

Should we go?

Even if I’m not hungry, you still haven’t eaten dinner.”

He reached out toward Doyoon.

Grasping the sleeve that still lingered near his face.

Then he rose to his feet and stood directly before him.

When Haesu tilted his head toward the door, Doyoon finally smiled as though surrendering.

“Alright.

Let’s go.”

I wanted to tell you that your kindness gave me strength.

That having you beside me all this time meant more than I can express.

I really wanted to say it.

But now, it terrified me.

Because those words were no longer just a simple farewell.

Because I had finally realized that, after this moment, things between us might never return to what they once were.

“I just like him…”

The hand tapping lightly against the steering wheel reflected an emotion he could not identify.

Perhaps it was guilt.

Or perhaps it was an inexplicable anxiety.

Maybe it was the car freshener.

His neck had been aching for some time now.

Pulling over onto the shoulder, Kwon Seha stepped into a nearby convenience store and grabbed the first chocolate bar he saw.

Yoon Jiwoo had teased him about the habit enough times that he had considered changing it.

Yet whenever moments like this came, he always reached for something sweet.

Sitting at one of the outdoor tables, he stretched his stiff back.

His head tilted backward, revealing the shape of the dark night sky above him.

Hardly anyone passed through this area.

Voices were rare.

Even the sound of passing cars came only occasionally.

“I just like him.”

As he sat there absentmindedly staring into space, the words kept resurfacing.

Seha gathered the scattered fragments of his day one by one.

He had no intention of pretending he never knew Doyoon liked Haesu.

Even if he had not known the person’s name, there had once been a time when Seha had seen someone else’s feelings floating plainly in the open air.

The curiosity in his voice was unmistakable as he repeated Doyoon’s words.

He had simply realized it.

Simply noticed.

That was why he had never asked directly.

How long had Lee Doyoon loved Choi Haesu?

Had those feelings continued even while Kwon Seha had lost his memories?

Had that span of time now become longer than Seha’s own?

“Ha…”

To be honest, he had no desire to experience the emotions Doyoon must have lived with all this time.

He knew they were likely made up almost entirely of painful thoughts.

Whether for better or worse, today had been the day Seha finally gained certainty from Doyoon.

After letting out yet another quiet sigh, he unwrapped the chocolate.

The moment it entered his mouth, the familiar scent spread across his tongue.

As he chewed slowly, the chocolate melted into his saliva and slipped down his throat.

Sweet.

He had always loved this taste.

As a child.

As an adult.

Whenever stress piled up, he always seemed to seek it out.

Bzzzz—

“……”

His phone vibrated.

The device in his pocket suddenly became noisy, as though refusing to grant him even a moment of peace.

Every nerve in his body tightened instantly.

The continuing vibration.

The fragments of the day he had passed through.

Everything blended together into noise and lodged itself in his ears.

After ignoring it for so long, he could no longer pretend not to hear it.

Closing his tired eyes tightly, he sat motionless.

There was desperation hidden in the corners of those shut eyes.

The truth was, Seha no longer knew what he was supposed to do.

Who was calling him?

Maybe it was Yoon Jiwoo.

Whatever the case, he didn’t answer.

Choi Haesu looked as though he might shatter at any moment.

Yet somehow, he never broke.

To Kwon Seha, that appearance was heartbreakingly desperate.

And beautiful.

When he first woke without his memories, Haesu had approached him.

Just before Haesu’s hand could touch him, Seha instinctively recoiled.

It had been bewildering.

Perhaps he had even thought it impossible.

It hadn’t felt real.

Yet he remembered one thing clearly.

He had never considered striking away the skeletal hand reaching toward him.

Because that would hurt him.

A hand that looked as though it might break from the slightest pressure.

How could he?

They said we loved each other.

For two years.

A length of time far from short.

I loved him.

And he loved me.

And because of that, we…

“You’ve taken off your seatbelt?”

Together, they had endured that horrific accident.

Seha understood none of it.

Yet everyone around him spoke naturally about the time he had spent with Choi Haesu.

They told him what they had done.

What promises they had made.

How Seha had often bragged endlessly about Haesu even when nobody had asked.

“…To be precise, someone must have unbuckled it.”

It sounded ridiculous.

But that was only Seha’s opinion.

The truth was that Seha had knowingly thrown himself toward death.

With his own hands.

Right before the accident, he had unfastened his seatbelt.

Then he had turned toward the passenger seat.

The oncoming vehicles had already been too close.

There had been no point trying to avoid them by turning the wheel.

How could anyone do that unless they were insane?

Unless they genuinely wanted to die.

Seha’s bewildered gaze settled on Sunjun, Chairman Kwon’s longtime aide.

“So.

Was that person badly hurt?

Are they alright?”

“……”

“You said I went that far for them.”

To keep someone alive.

The person who had unfastened their seatbelt.

Reached out.

Turned their body.

And used their entire body as a shield.

Were they living well now?

He couldn’t remember them.

But if possible, he hoped they were healthy.

“Well…

Not exactly as a joke…”

“……”

“I heard they lost most of the hearing in one ear.”

Apparently, they had not escaped unharmed.

Even after shielding them with his entire body, Kwon Seha had not managed to protect that small person completely.

The thought filled him with both pity and regret.

Not as long as Seha himself had remained unconscious.

But that person had reportedly spent a long time hospitalized as well.

Whether physical or emotional, their wounds must have taken a long time to heal.

He understood.

Even Seha struggled to believe the amount of time he had lost.

How much harder must it have been for someone forced to watch it happen?

“That’s unfortunate.

You said they’re younger than me, right?”

“…That’s right.”

“I think you mentioned they had a specialized career too.”

Even if they overcame everything else, Seha was the kind of person capable of sympathizing with someone who acquired a disability later in life.

People always said losing something you had once taken for granted hurt the most.

Thinking about that made him feel guilty.

Perhaps arrogantly so.

If they had passed through that intersection five minutes earlier.

Or five minutes later.

If they had never gone outside.

If they had never gotten into that car.

He felt sorry for a life that might have turned out differently.

“Besides that?

Are they hurt anywhere else?”

“…I doubt anything could be more painful than that.

Like you said, they’re young.

And they were an actor.

Anyway, that’s enough.

I’m leaving, so get some rest.”

So absorbed in his thoughts was Seha that he failed to notice someone hurrying away moments later.

He was too busy imagining the person who had awakened long before he did.

The person who had therefore suffered that much longer.

One day, he would have to meet Choi Haesu and have a long conversation.

Even if his memories never returned, they had undeniably loved each other.

And because he had spent an entire year unconscious, Choi Haesu had suffered far more than necessary.

Whether they eventually separated.

Or somehow revived a love that had lost half of itself.

Something had to be done.

That was why Seha pitied Haesu.

The happiness that should have belonged to him for the rest of his life had vanished all at once.

What had Haesu waited for?

Why spend four seasons waiting for him?

The man who woke up did not even remember him.

He should have moved on.

Forgotten.

Given up.

Every time Haesu crossed his mind, Seha grew melancholy.

And the greatest reason was guilt.

The legs that had once struggled to take even a single step could now wander through the hospital lobby.

He had completed rehabilitation.

Lived through today.

And was trying desperately to walk forward into tomorrow.

Then a familiar voice reached him.

“Haesu.”

Lee Doyoon often called him that.

Seha had heard that the three of them shared a long history.

That they had spent many happy times together.

Yet Doyoon still used that embarrassingly affectionate nickname.

Then again, Seha supposed that suited him.

Lee Doyoon had always been an exceptionally considerate man.

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