Chapter 14: Disowned Memories

“Mr. Haesu.”

Was this still part of the dream?

Probably not.

He could tell from the voice alone.

Even the very first word sounded different.

The boundary between dream and reality — the thing he had desperately searched for while wandering through that dream — must have been the voice.

Haesu opened his eyes halfway.

As if proving he had escaped the dream, the familiar scent of the house reached him.

Even the warmth against his skin repeated the truth over and over again.

This place was cold and cool.

Even after regaining consciousness, he stayed lying there without getting up, and the same voice called out to him once more.

“Mr. Haesu. Did you sleep well?”

“…What time is it?”

“Not even ten yet. At least eat something before sleeping again.”

The one who pulled Haesu back to reality was Doyoon.

The moment he heard Doyoon’s voice, everything inside his head sorted itself out.

Meeting Kwon Seha yesterday.

Being told of an endless goodbye.

Lee Doyoon coming to pick him up.

And…

“Seha…”

“…Hm?”

“I wonder if he got home safely.”

Seha, who had stayed with him all through the dawn, came to mind.

Even while realizing his hazy mind was speaking nonsense, Haesu couldn’t stop the words from slipping out on their own.

He wasn’t talking about the Kwon Seha he had met yesterday.

He remembered meeting Seha inside the dream he fell into after crying himself to sleep.

There, Choi Haesu had touched him.

Called his name.

Talked with him.

Held him in his arms.

And they had made a promise.

That even if they broke up, even if they became strangers who would never see each other again, Haesu would live well enough to show Seha.

A cruel promise like that.

The moment had been brief, and the time inside that place unknowable, but the memory itself remained painfully vivid.

Did Seha get home safely?

Did I speak too quickly for him to hear me properly?

No.

That probably wasn’t it.

At the end of his memory, Kwon Seha had smiled, and Haesu had smiled back at him.

So the Seha he met at dawn must surely be wearing a happy expression now.

Reality separated itself from the dream completely.

Hearing Doyoon’s voice made Haesu realize he still had to live through today.

He lifted his head and met Doyoon’s eyes.

Doyoon was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“I said something weird again, didn’t I? Sorry.”

“No. I guess you had a dream.”

“Yeah. I did. It was a good dream.”

Even though they hadn’t spent enough time together to create entirely new memories, it was still a good dream.

For the first time in a long while, he hadn’t had a nightmare.

Even after waking up, his head didn’t hurt.

He felt hungry.

He wanted to wash up too.

Getting out of bed, Haesu quietly stared down at the wrinkled blanket.

He reached out and smoothed it back into perfect shape.

“Good morning.”

“…Yeah. Mr. Haesu, good morning. Aren’t you hungry?”

Straightening his bent back again, Haesu turned toward Doyoon, who was still standing beside him.

With a bright smile, he greeted him.

It had been a long time since he last said good morning to someone.

“I’m hungry. I want breakfast. How much earlier did you wake up than me, Doyoon?”

“A lot earlier. I woke up when I heard the birds. Want breakfast?”

“Sounds good. Let’s eat together.”

The one who waited until Haesu woke up was Doyoon.

Unlike the dream, reality had not changed at all.

Even if he still had no certainty about the future, at least right now, he felt alright.

Leaving the bedroom, he walked into the living room.

The rain that had pounded endlessly against the ground until well past midnight had stopped, and sunlight filled half the room.

Standing beside Doyoon in the kitchen, Haesu opened the refrigerator before quickly shutting it again with a startled expression.

But embarrassment already rushed over him because Doyoon had been standing behind him watching everything.

As expected, the refrigerator — unnecessarily large for someone living alone — was completely empty.

“Uh, I was just thirsty… I was trying to get water.”

“Mr. Haesu. Want to go out for brunch?”

But Doyoon didn’t ask further questions.

Looking at Haesu desperately guarding the refrigerator door, he simply smiled like he already understood and made the suggestion instead.

At some point, Haesu had stopped eating proper meals altogether, not just breakfast.

Before his embarrassment could deepen further, he nodded quickly.

Before he knew it, Doyoon had already dragged him into getting ready to leave.

It had been years since he last left the house early in the morning just to eat something.

Wrapped entirely in unfamiliar feelings, he reached the shoe cabinet.

Without saying anything to Doyoon, Haesu shoved his feet into his shoes.

The backs were slightly folded down, but he ignored it.

Eventually, he walked all the way to the elevator like that, until Doyoon noticed and slipped his fingers between Haesu’s heel and the crushed shoe to fix it for him.

“Let’s go. Friday mornings deserve good food.”

“…Today’s Friday? Why aren’t you at work, Doyoon?”

“I took a half day off. I wanted to have breakfast with you.”

Now that he thought about it, there were too many things he had forgotten while living like this.

Yesterday had been Thursday.

Which meant today was still a weekday.

That realization startled Haesu slightly.

Not only had he dragged home someone who had worked all day, he had also made him stay up late listening to everything he said.

Realizing just how terrible he’d been, Haesu bit down on his lip and sighed softly.

Doyoon was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

Haesu wondered if waking up a little earlier might’ve made him feel less guilty, but the time had already passed.

And honestly, even if he could go back, he doubted he could’ve forced himself awake from that dream any sooner.

Thinking that way only filled him with self-loathing.

“I’m sorry. I completely forgot yesterday and today were weekdays.”

“That’s not something you need to apologize for. I’m the one who chose not to go home after seeing you asleep.”

“You should’ve gone home… You could’ve rested comfortably, at least. I’m really sorry.”

At Haesu’s repeated apologies, Doyoon only smiled as though it were nothing serious and placed a hand on top of Haesu’s messy hair.

Following the movement of Doyoon’s hand, strands of hair lifted and scattered repeatedly.

They left Haesu’s apartment in Doyoon’s car.

Once Haesu settled into the passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt, the car started moving smoothly.

Sunlight poured over the vehicle as it emerged above ground.

The brightness stung his eyes, but the world around him felt warm and clear.

It felt like standing on the border between morning and afternoon.

The entire drive, Doyoon remained quiet.

Whenever Haesu mumbled random comments while looking out the window at dogs being walked by their owners, Doyoon answered immediately, but he never started a conversation first.

After quietly watching him for a while, Haesu eventually fell silent too.

Doyoon didn’t seem particularly happy or upset.

The place Doyoon brought him to was a brunch café in the middle of downtown.

Through the glass windows, there didn’t seem to be many customers inside.

Probably because it was still a weekday morning.

Haesu gave Doyoon a small bow of gratitude before stepping out of the car.

He hadn’t been paying much attention to his hands until he glanced down belatedly.

His palms were completely fine.

Not a trace of sweat.

There were too many sensations today that felt strangely unfamiliar after so long, and it left him confused.

Doyoon, having apparently finished parking, approached him.

Seeing Haesu staring only at his hands, he simply led him inside the café.

There were many things written across the menu board, but nothing particularly caught Haesu’s eye.

“What do you want to eat, Mr. Haesu? It’s okay to pick everything from the left side of the menu all the way to the right.”

“…Who eats everything from one end of the menu to the other?”

“Too little?”

Judging from the fact that Doyoon had started joking around again, it seemed he had spent the drive organizing whatever thoughts were on his mind.

Realizing that made Haesu feel relieved.

Ever since morning, he had felt endlessly sorry toward Doyoon, and unnecessary worries had bloomed during the long silence.

After ordering whatever Doyoon recommended, the two sat by a sunlit window.

As always, they exchanged trivial conversation.

When the buzzer rang, Doyoon immediately stood up, stopping Haesu from getting up with him.

Thankfully, he hadn’t gotten indigestion yesterday.

When he woke up, the thing bothering him wasn’t his stomach feeling heavy, but his swollen eyelids that refused to open properly.

Thinking that was fortunate enough, he took another large bite of egg and sauce without much expectation.

The still-warm yolk was far richer than he expected.

It didn’t taste bad.

Eyes widening slightly, Haesu pressed the unexpectedly delicious egg against his tongue.

Doyoon, who had set down his fork for a moment, quietly watched him.

“This is good.”

“Eating breakfast isn’t as bad as you thought, right?”

“Yeah. You must’ve been shocked seeing how empty my fridge was… I think I bothered you too much this morning, Doyoon.”

Doyoon simply said they could buy groceries and fill it up later.

Haesu had been about to apologize for making him drive here early in the morning too, but the words got blocked before they could leave his mouth.

Whenever he listened to Doyoon speak, nothing felt overly embarrassing or difficult anymore.

Trying to live properly again only made him realize how many things he lacked, and those realizations kept giving birth to pointless worries.

He also realized that getting used to things he no longer did would take time.

After a few more bites, he stopped feeling curious about the taste of anything else.

Doyoon seemed to notice that Haesu had finished eating too.

After taking a sip of water, he met Haesu’s eyes.

The silence between them quietly confirmed that both of them had finished their meal.

Still gazing out the window, Haesu finally opened his mouth.