Chapter 20: The Name That Remained

After waiting for a long time, Seha finally brushed a hand through his hair.

The wet strands settled neatly into place.

That only made his eyebrows stand out more.

Raised sharply and stiff with tension, they revealed exactly how foul his mood had become.

If Jiwoo kept sitting there lost in his own thoughts and anxiety while Seha stared at him like this, it honestly wouldn’t have been strange if Seha ended up yelling soon.

Jiwoo suddenly wished Seha would go deaf for just a moment.

Because once he said these words aloud, he had no idea what kind of wave it would create between them.

Even that selfish and ridiculous wish crossed his mind briefly.

“…I met Choi Haesu this morning.”

The chest Jiwoo had been leaning against all this time, always broad and steady enough to make him feel safe, suddenly drew in a sharp breath at his words.

Jiwoo’s own breathing tightened along with it.

“He’s the person you used to date. I didn’t know his name or his face… I only knew he existed. But I met him today.”

And I recognized him instantly.

He had been sitting in front of Lee Doyoon, blinking slowly.

Jiwoo had wanted to keep staring because he looked so beautiful, but the moment he saw him, he knew.

That face still carried lingering feelings for Kwon Seha.

Jiwoo, who had realized it in a single instinctive moment, finally forced himself to continue speaking.

Seha doubted his own ears.

At the very least, he wanted to believe Jiwoo had gotten the name wrong.

But he hadn’t.

His expression, his hesitant mouth, his restless fingers — all of it proved otherwise.

“You still seem to keep in contact with him… You met him yesterday, didn’t you?”

“……”

“I know too. I know it’s not something I should overthink too deeply. Don’t worry. I trust you.”

Yoon Jiwoo meeting Choi Haesu.

Choi Haesu meeting Yoon Jiwoo.

No matter which side he thought about it from, neither situation was something anyone could welcome.

If Seha had known Jiwoo would fill his head with pointless imaginings like this, he would’ve made sure the two never crossed paths in the first place.

“We don’t keep in contact. Neither of us. Yesterday, we just had something to talk about because of the wedding invitation.”

At Seha’s words, Jiwoo’s face drained in shock.

If he hadn’t met Haesu today, he never would’ve known.

Thinking about Seha discussing wedding invitations in front of someone who looked that unstable suddenly filled Jiwoo with guilt.

He didn’t think Seha had done it carelessly.

There had probably been a reason.

Maybe he had been trying to protect what they had together or something like that.

Jiwoo understood it, but still…

His thoughts stopped there.

Eventually, Jiwoo forced himself to accept Seha’s actions instead of drowning in useless thoughts.

What else could he do?

If Seha and Haesu were still contacting each other constantly and rumors kept surfacing because of it, that would’ve hurt even more.

Jiwoo continued speaking.

He convinced himself he had shaken off his anxiety.

At least, pretending to believe that felt healthier right now.

“That person was with Lee Doyoon.”

“…What?”

“At first, I thought maybe he was Doyoon’s boyfriend. But he wasn’t.”

Jiwoo had greeted Doyoon more brightly because he kept hoping he was wrong.

If Haesu had been Doyoon’s partner, then honestly, that would’ve been something worth celebrating.

A part of him had wanted that to be true.

As he walked closer and finally reached them, he read the emotions written across Haesu’s face.

That face, soaked in depression, had been trying very hard to pretend otherwise.

No matter how much Haesu hid it, everything fit together perfectly.

Seha’s name left Haesu’s mouth.

Those words reached Jiwoo’s ears.

Then Jiwoo asked a question, and the despair on Doyoon’s face answered everything instantly.

This person was Kwon Seha’s former lover.

The lover Seha had loved so desperately that, during the accident, he had instinctively turned the steering wheel toward the passenger seat like an idiot just to protect him from the impact.

The love so excessive that it had destroyed both of them in the end.

Since Jiwoo hadn’t experienced it himself, he had once thought the story sounded ridiculous.

Humans had instincts they couldn’t control.

And yet, even in that desperate moment, Seha had apparently wrapped himself around the person beside him to protect him until the very end.

A lie.

Or even if it were true, surely exaggerated.

That disbelief disappeared rapidly the moment Jiwoo saw Haesu.

He hated admitting it, but suddenly he understood why Seha had risked his life to save him.

“…Lee Doyoon was with that person since this morning?”

“We met at a café. That’s when I found out. I saw his face. Heard his voice.”

And the moment he realized who I was, he avoided me.

It was natural, but still…

To him, my existence was probably even crueler than his existence was to me.

There were many things Jiwoo swallowed instead of saying aloud, but Seha already looked dazed enough just hearing Haesu’s name.

Jiwoo himself was just as confused.

Thankfully — or maybe unfortunately — speaking about it out loud was slowly helping him organize the emotions and memories from earlier.

Everything that had happened right before their wedding filled him with unease.

Haesu had been just as perceptive as Jiwoo.

That was why he had desperately tried to escape the situation with his entire body.

His trembling movements.

His weak, unsteady legs.

The way his eyes shook without once looking directly at Jiwoo.

All of it said the same thing.

Haesu’s anxiety had been far greater than Jiwoo’s.

His despair too.

To the point where Jiwoo’s own fears couldn’t even compare.

“I always thought I’d find out eventually. It just happened to be today. That person…”

“Stop. I understand.”

“That person didn’t look okay at all, Seha.”

“Jiwoo.”

Yoon Jiwoo wasn’t Kwon Seha.

And he wasn’t Choi Haesu either.

So he could never fully understand the time those two had spent together.

Nor the years Haesu had endured while staying beside a Seha who had lost his memories.

Jiwoo couldn’t know how much Haesu must have suffered through all of that.

But after seeing his face today, Jiwoo knew he couldn’t pretend otherwise.

And now Seha sat before him completely unaware of any of it, while somewhere else Doyoon still looked at Haesu with heartbreaking longing.

This man — who must have desperately denied the existence of someone precious he suddenly woke up beside without understanding why — was Jiwoo’s future husband.

“Let’s sleep first… Then we can talk tomorrow.”

“……”

“You look exhausted. Let’s do that.”

Could he even sleep?

Jiwoo had spent the entire day haunted by Haesu’s face.

He wasn’t even confident he could close his eyes.

[Mr. Doyoon]

It was the fourth missed call from Doyoon.

Haesu still stood motionless without answering.

Even though he was right in front of his apartment building, he couldn’t bring himself to go inside.

Instead, he stood there like someone who had truly lost his mind.

Ironically, the apartment resident passing by him seemed more alarmed than he was.

The woman had been walking past naturally before suddenly noticing Haesu hidden beneath the rain and stopping in shock.

The cap clutched uselessly in his hand no longer protected him from anything.

His body and phone were completely soaked, yet he only stood there blankly.

Anyone would think something was wrong.

There was no life left in his unfocused eyes.

The woman even tried pressing a portable umbrella into his hands out of sheer concern.

It looked like she had been on her way to pick someone up in the sudden rain, so even in his dazed state, Haesu shook his head.

“It’s okay. Really…”

“But it’s raining so heavily. At least use this.”

“No. I live here. I was just about to go inside.”

At this point, standing in the rain like that almost looked self-destructive.

At first, the woman hadn’t even realized someone was standing there.

The rain had been thick enough to block her vision entirely.

But the man standing silently beneath it looked disturbed even after only a brief glance.

The moment she met his empty eyes, she realized her interference wasn’t unnecessary after all.

Unless someone interrupted his thoughts, he probably would’ve remained standing there forever.

She could feel it instinctively.

Haesu bowed politely before finally walking away.

It had taken dozens of minutes.

After walking all the way home without an umbrella, he had stood in the pouring rain like a broken person for so long that neither his body nor mind seemed intact anymore.

Only after seeing Haesu enter the apartment building by typing in the door code did the woman finally leave.

Bzzzt—

The phone still wouldn’t stop ringing.

Being soaked and clenched tightly in his hand had even made it warm.

Doyoon acted like someone prepared to keep calling until Haesu answered.

Haesu pressed the door lock and stepped inside.

As the hallway sensor recognized him and turned the lights on, he finally became aware of himself.

Water dripped steadily from his hair and chin, running down his body.

His clothes were completely ruined too.

Only after seeing his own condition did he realize there was no way he could lie down anywhere like this.

He headed straight to the bathroom first.

Without even checking whether the water was hot or cold, he turned it on.

The bathtub slowly began filling.

He planned to sit there for a long time, organizing his thoughts until exhaustion eventually dragged him into sleep.

If he managed to fall asleep at all, that would be even better.

“Seha.”

“……”

“Kwon Seha?”

Even though he knew there were no more illusions or dreams left, he still called out to confirm Seha’s existence.

Of course there was no answer.

The Kwon Seha he thought had walked home beside him had only been another illusion created by Choi Haesu’s broken mind.