Chapter 13: The Promise That Hurt More Than Goodbye

“No use staring at me with that swollen face today. Calling you cute only works for a day or two. You’re getting spoiled at this rate.”

“……”

“Even if Choi Haesu wakes up, don’t come over here. I think you look way too much like a pig-rabbit right now. If I see your face, I’ll lose.”

Cute even without looking.

This is a disaster.

What am I supposed to do with Choi Haesu?

The man standing there muttering to himself was busy doing something in the kitchen.

Haesu stared blankly at him.

As if a single beam of light had passed through empty eyes, his gaze slowly regained focus.

What he was seeing felt far too unreal, and yet it resembled every reenactment created from the memories inside his head so perfectly that all the unnecessary fog clouding his mind seemed to clear away.

Maybe because the dream felt so vivid, Haesu found himself even less capable of approaching him.

He never wanted to go through it again — wanting that back so desperately, only to wake from the dream the moment he reached for it.

That man was undoubtedly the person Choi Haesu had waited for, begged for, longed for more than anyone.

He could tell just by looking at his back.

But this dream felt different from the ones he always had.

Unlike the previous dreams, where Kwon Seha couldn’t wait for the still-unconscious Haesu and left outside, leaving Haesu unable to stop him, this one was different somehow.

This felt like the next scene after those nightmares — the ones where no matter how desperately he shouted Seha’s name in the darkness, Seha never appeared.

“Seha…”

So, cautiously, Haesu reached out a hand.

It trembled faintly.

Forcing strength into legs that refused to move, he slowly walked toward him.

Then, wrapping his arms around the waist beneath the back that had always been stolen away the moment he grew greedy for it, Haesu embraced him.

Even after waiting nearly ten seconds, his vision didn’t suddenly flash white like it always did.

Everything that had once vanished the moment he touched it now remained fully within his grasp.

Confusion and relief washed over him together.

It had been so long since he last hugged this back.

“Huh? Choi Haesu, you’re finally awake?”

“Seha…”

“Since you wouldn’t wake up, I ended up making all the food myself. How are you going to repay me, hm?”

You little pig-rabbit.

With those words, the man who had only shown his back turned around to face him.

It was Kwon Seha.

It really was Kwon Seha.

The person Haesu had spent countless dreams trying to reach, yet never managed to give up on no matter how hopeless it became.

The person he loved.

Now they were facing each other in an embrace.

Without realizing it, Haesu lifted a hand and gently touched Seha’s face.

The blurry warmth of that touch made him think his tears might burst out at any moment.

But he didn’t want to cry.

Even if he had to bite his lips bloody just to hold it in, he didn’t want to cry.

If tears blurred his vision, it felt like something terrible would happen.

“Haesu, why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

“…Seha. Seha…”

“Did you have a bad dream? Why are you crying the moment you wake up?”

The playful smile on Seha’s face quickly faded into seriousness.

He had always been like that.

Like a character from a comic, his expressions changed instantly.

If Haesu smiled, Seha smiled with him.

If Haesu looked upset, Seha became deeply serious and tried desperately to fix whatever was wrong.

He had always been that kind of person.

Maybe the person in this dream really was Kwon Seha.

And then, despite all his effort to hold back, warm tears finally rolled down Haesu’s face.

Joy, sorrow, longing — they all spilled out together.

“Nothing happened.”

“Then why are you crying? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“No. Nothing hurts.”

He wanted to say it was because he was too happy.

Because he could meet Seha in a dream, hug him, touch his face.

He wanted to say that simply being able to feel this warmth was enough to make him happy now.

But the painful tightness in his throat wouldn’t let him speak.

Soon, strong arms wrapped around Haesu, who silently swallowed his tears.

Seha was flustered in his own way, confused by the fact that Haesu had burst into tears the moment he woke up.

For Haesu, this was the first dream where he could actually speak with Seha and show his emotions freely.

That alone felt astonishing.

“Do you want to sleep more, Haesu? If you’re crying because you’re mad I kept waking you up, tell me now. I’ll beg properly.”

“It’s not that. I had a bad dream. That’s why.”

“What kind of dream made our Haesu cry this sadly?”

It was such a simple question, yet impossible to answer easily.

Countless words passed through his mind, but none could leave his mouth.

Maybe because every time he spoke those words aloud, he only ended up hurting himself.

“We didn’t exist.”

“…What?”

“In the dream, everything was already over.”

I dreamed that we broke up, Seha.

That you forgot me.

That all the time we spent together disappeared.

That we became strangers who would never see each other again.

Resting his head against Seha’s chest, Haesu spoke quietly.

As if touching this warmth made him capable of saying anything.

And it wasn’t only the emotions of this moment.

It resembled every grief he had hidden and suppressed all this time.

The man holding Haesu stayed silent for a long while.

Yet it didn’t feel frightening.

Even while saying nothing and simply breathing quietly, this Seha was exactly the Seha Haesu knew best.

That alone was enough.

Soon enough, Seha would probably start making a fuss.

He’d complain that Choi Haesu overslept and then nearly gave him a heart attack by saying something ridiculous.

And if he did, Haesu planned to soothe the heart Seha must’ve briefly frightened.

“Haesu.”

“Yeah, Seha?”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry…

He wanted to apologize.

To heal their wounded hearts, even just a little.

Everything was Haesu’s fault, so from now on they should only talk about happy things.

But before he could continue, Seha’s hand warmly wrapped around his.

“Even though it’ll never happen… if we ever break up…”

“……”

“Then live well enough to make me jealous.”

Don’t get hurt.

Live happily.

And even if we become nothing to each other someday, still live well.

Kwon Seha spoke words that were worse than hearing nothing at all.

Dream and reality.

Haesu still couldn’t distinguish between them.

When Seha’s touch felt real, it seemed like reality.

But talking to him and loving him like this felt too much like a dream.

Maybe this was what it meant to go insane.

A desperate desire not to wake up crashed over him.

And even if the two worlds truly were separate, Seha’s words remained the same in both.

“Live well.”

He said it here too.

In the place Haesu believed was reality.

Even if they became nothing to each other.

Even then, why did Seha have to be so kind?

“How can you say something like that to me?”

“……”

“Why are you doing this to me, Seha…?”

How could he say so easily that Haesu should live well without Kwon Seha?

The cruelty of those words hurt just the same.

Still, here, at least, Haesu could suffer honestly.

Breaking down in front of Seha didn’t feel embarrassing right now.

He didn’t have to watch himself carefully.

Seha, standing before him, looked startled by Haesu’s reaction and sank down with him to the floor.

Watching Haesu cry miserably while collapsed there, Seha sat down too, unconcerned with the cold floor, and hugged him again.

“The idiot who forgot you and let us break up is obviously trash, so why are you this sad? Wait… what if that bastard isn’t me? Should I go take care of Kwon Seha for you?”

“……”

“I’m just saying. Our Haesu should always live well. I really want that.”

The Seha in this place spoke exactly like the Seha Haesu knew.

He was asking him not to lose his happiness, if only for the sake of the Seha who loved him so much.

At that moment, every sound and every scene froze.

Only Kwon Seha and Choi Haesu still moved within that world.

“For my sake too. If you understand, answer me.”

The dishes still dripping water from being washed moments ago.

The food cooking in the frying pan.

Everything turned gray, signaling that time itself had stopped.

Only Kwon Seha remained vividly colored.

This dream had no continuation anymore.

Haesu’s instincts told him so.

He quietly stared at Seha, who waited for an answer.

Seha probably didn’t realize this was the last moment of every scene they had ever shared.

Only Choi Haesu would wake from the dream.

Even Haesu didn’t know what would become of Seha afterward.

If everything stopped forever with no continuation, then this moment — waiting for Haesu’s answer — would become Seha’s final memory.

Haesu hated that thought.

“Okay. I will.”

“……”

“I’ll live well. Even if we break up, I’ll do that.”

“Yeah.”

So he forced every remaining bit of strength into his voice.

He gathered words and spoke them clearly.

Clearly enough for Kwon Seha to understand.

Clearly enough to say the words Seha wanted to hear.

And then a sense of relief gently wrapped around his entire body.

Now he truly had to live well.

At least he wouldn’t wake up feeling like he had lied to Seha.

Seha smiled.

And so did Haesu.