Chapter 29: The Beginning of Us

Only the second time did Haesu properly notice his face.

A complete stranger.

Someone who felt entirely unfamiliar.

At the moment, that was all there was to say about him.

Because of his painfully shy personality — something that exhausted him whether at school or on filming sets — Haesu felt awkward now that this man had stopped him, and more than anything, he just wanted to hurry home.

“You can go now. I’m not upset.”

Since the conversation had fallen silent, Haesu politely gestured toward him.

Things like this happened in life.

He hoped the man wouldn’t think too deeply about it.

In a few days, it would probably be forgotten anyway.

That was how most things between people were.

“Then please get home safely.”

“……”

“Um… was there something else you wanted to say?”

Haesu truly had nothing left to say, but somehow the man’s expression didn’t seem finished.

It strongly felt like he shouldn’t simply pretend not to notice and walk away.

Even though that technically wasn’t Haesu’s problem at all.

Thinking back on it now, it was a little funny.

They were still far from their thirties back then, so something like this could be forgiven as youthful awkwardness.

Even Kwon Seha would later look back on this moment and say things like, “Wow, I really tried hard back then.”

A time when he didn’t know how to create deliberate little coincidences around someone who instantly caught his eye.

A time when he didn’t know how to stop himself from constantly looking their way.

And yet, despite all that, he still tried to speak to him one more time somehow.

When Haesu searched through the weight of his memories, this remained one of the fragments he could never forget.

The beginning of the memories people would later call love.

Seha was a strange person, but also someone overwhelmingly honest with his entire being.

As Haesu traced back through his memories, he began examining every impression from that time one by one.

Small glances and subtle expressions slowly slipped between those memories too.

“When I miss you while I’m home alone, I guess I can just watch your work.”

“Huh? Haha!”

That was what Kwon Seha had said after Haesu first introduced himself, not realizing he was an actor.

Of course, Haesu wasn’t disappointed.

He had simply been a little nervous and hoped it didn’t show.

After hearing Seha’s answer, Haesu lost every battle against the smile spreading across his lips and the way his face relaxed on its own.

And Seha, hearing Haesu laugh for the first time, stupidly started laughing too.

All over something so insignificant.

No matter how he thought about it, they were both ridiculous people.

Haesu wasn’t exactly someone completely without opportunities, but he had graduated among classmates who were exceptionally talented.

One classmate who filled in as an understudy during their graduation performance became famous overnight through word of mouth and sold out every seat.

Another suddenly passed the audition for a famous director.

It had been the winter of his twenty-third year, filled only with anxiety as he listened to those stories.

Even after signing with a good agency and receiving more care than he deserved, Choi Haesu was still just another rookie actor, another supporting role.

Like other students his age preparing to graduate, he was slowly beginning to waver.

“Haesu-ah. Are you even taking care of your condition? Minseong says you’ve been terrible lately. Are you at least exercising when you rest?”

“……”

“…I’ll believe you are, brat. Staying quiet whenever you don’t want to answer doesn’t solve everything.”

“Yes. Thank you for worrying about me.”

“If it’s not me or Manager Kim, then who exactly is going to worry about you? Minseong’s worked with me for years. You two fit well together. Just relax and do your thing.”

Relax.

Don’t worry.

And if he could somehow stay healthy too, even better.

Those were the things CEO Yoon always said to Choi Haesu, whom he’d practically picked up like pulling a radish from the ground.

It had been his first time signing someone in their early twenties who had only just graduated college, and despite all the concerns he must’ve had, he still did it.

CEO Yoon always tried to keep Haesu from collapsing as an actor.

The praise and exaggerated reactions disguised as feedback were a little embarrassing, but somewhere deep inside, they made him happy.

“A Haesu I’ll never get again in my life. I need to make full use of you.”

“CEO-nim, your eyes are scary…. I’ll work hard.”

Just two months earlier, Haesu hadn’t even landed the lead role in his university graduation production.

Many people acknowledged his handsome face, but even that was mostly treated as a barrier instead of an advantage.

Rather than being valued for that, he wanted to become a lead actor.

He wanted to shine through effort from the very center.

But every audition he attended ended in rejection, and just as his self-esteem was about to hit rock bottom, he met CEO Yoon.

Because CEO Yoon was such a good person, Haesu wanted to succeed even more.

He was the only person who believed in Choi Haesu when no one else did.

Since he was still young, every agency he met suggested becoming a singer instead.

They told him to gain popularity as an idol first and then transition into acting later.

Just as he was beginning to give up hope, CEO Yoon appeared.

The first time Haesu filmed an independent movie centered entirely around himself, he cried a little like the inexperienced rookie he was.

It was only forty minutes long and painfully heavy in atmosphere, but among all his future filmography, it remained one of the most meaningful works of his life.

‘Haesu-ah. At least be honest with hyung.’

‘What is it? Why are you being scary?’

‘These days… are you dating someone?’

‘That’s ridiculous. I’m still a rookie who barely finished one drama, hyung.’

‘Good answer. Seriously though, there’s really nobody, right? I’m not some idol manager trying to control every little thing about you.’

Kwon Seha had loved the Haesu in that movie the most.

The moment Haesu explained that the movie existed purely because of his own stubbornness without considering the budget at all, Seha immediately liked it even more.

In the poster, Haesu wore a white shirt and shorts, smiling brightly with slightly long hair brushing against the back of his neck.

Haesu even showed him the original version.

But he absolutely had to hide the fact that Manager Minseong — who already suspected Seha with all his might — had covered his mouth while staring at the main poster because he found Haesu too adorable.

Minseong had never been wrong.

Seha was not Haesu’s lover, and Haesu intended to keep it that way forever.

That was what Choi Haesu himself wanted.

A man two years older than him.

A young office worker still doing internships like everyone else his age.

The kind of relationship where they never would’ve met if even one of them hadn’t tried.

“I wish we could date….”

“Huh?”

“You and me, Haesu-ssi.”

The tone was almost pathetic enough that Haesu questioned his own hearing.

Kwon Seha really tried.

Every single time, trembling nervously.

And unlike his usual self, he often watched Haesu’s reactions carefully too.

He was lovable.

While Haesu had no confidence in anything because everything was new to him and there wasn’t even the smallest connection between them, Seha possessed such a bright future ahead of him.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“I can’t accept it. There’s nothing wrong with you, Kwon Seha-ssi. It’s just… me.”

That was why he rejected him twice.

He had to.

Just because Seha had fallen for him at first sight like in a movie didn’t mean the rest of the process would resemble one too.

People who weren’t used to receiving love always showed it somehow.

That was what Haesu believed.

And because of that, he didn’t think he could return the same feelings properly.

Sadly, not a single part of those words had been a lie.

Sometimes his parents told Haesu and his siblings that they had never truly wanted children.

After hearing those words, his thoughts naturally developed that way.

Could someone not even wanted by their own parents really be loved by another person completely unrelated to them?

Just because your heart reacted, did that automatically make it love?

Whenever someone showed interest in him, Haesu always questioned them first.

It had become a habit.

‘And how could I even date someone? On my days off I collapse completely, and I’m so absentminded I sometimes don’t even reply to Manager-nim’s texts. Someone like me shouldn’t date.’

‘Hey. What exactly is wrong with you? You won’t know until you try. If someone genuinely likes you, they’ll naturally treat you differently. Isn’t that what special treatment is?’

‘…Hyung. Pick one. Either scold me or encourage me.’

On the other hand, why would someone who looked like they could be loved anywhere want Choi Haesu this badly?

Those doubts and insecurities pushed Kwon Seha away over and over again.

‘Right now everything’s new for you, so of course you have to be more careful than others. But there’s nothing wrong with you.’

‘…….’

‘There are just people like that sometimes. If you want to love and date someone, then just do it. Just make sure you tell hyung first. That way there won’t be trouble later.’

Love.

Dating Kwon Seha.

It wasn’t as if he had never imagined it before.

Ever since meeting him, countless emotions stormed through him every day.

His gaze.

His gentle words.

The way he smiled whenever he looked at Haesu….

There wasn’t a single emotion hidden between those moments that Haesu failed to notice.

Seha approached him like he simply couldn’t help himself.

Whenever he was with Seha, memories from Haesu’s childhood naturally became clearer.

It was a chronic habit of his.

Ruining happy moments by dragging up painful memories from the past and comparing them mercilessly.

Choi Haesu’s life was filled with things he never wanted to explain in detail to anyone.

Parents who were alive yet incomplete.

Siblings who existed only in blurry childhood memories.

A loneliness that became routine once he learned to do everything alone….

No matter how he thought about it, there was nothing he wanted to show Kwon Seha.

He had always lived a predictable life.

That way, he never had to reveal anything to anyone.

If he lacked confidence, he simply avoided things.

And even if he regretted it, eventually he forgot.

So he thought Kwon Seha would become the same too.

That it would be better for Seha to eventually forget Choi Haesu as well.

Even then, Minseong’s words still didn’t feel real.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Was that really true?

Was Choi Haesu truly someone without problems?

When all he could see inside himself were things so unimpressive and broken.

“If I cling to you one more time….”

“……”

“Then that’s when you’ll really get tired of me, right?”

That was the answer he received after Haesu painfully forced out his rejection.

Haesu abruptly turned his head toward Seha in the passenger seat, wondering if he had heard him wrong.