Chapter 49: Running Away, Facing Forward

Thinking that yesterday’s argument had been more his fault than Seha’s made it easier to accept.

I shouldn’t have done that.

We love each other this much…

Just to ease his own conscience, Jiwoo had forced a reconciliation.

As a way of doing that, he had even asked for s*x.

Even though Seha never said it aloud, he had clearly been caught off guard.

“Okay.”

“I will.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You look exhausted.”

“Your face doesn’t look good.”

“If you’re too tired, don’t push yourself.”

“I’m fine.”

“Just do it.”

After asking first, Seha tried to pull away again as though he still had all the time in the world.

Jiwoo found that infuriating.

The moment Jiwoo answered, Seha continued.

Supporting the back of Jiwoo’s head, he gently laid him down in one smooth motion.

Before he knew it, Jiwoo was sprawled across the kitchen island.

He reacted instinctively to the hands gripping and stroking his hips.

His calves trembled on their own.

“Ah… Seha…”

“I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Why are you reacting like this already?”

Seha lowered his head and gently sucked at the side of Jiwoo’s neck.

It was the place where a person’s natural scent lingered strongest after waking.

He buried his face there, savoring it.

What if I don’t smell nice?

What if I sweated during the night?

What if I smell unpleasant?

Standing before the man he wanted to show only his best side to, Jiwoo worried about the smallest things.

“I like everything…”

“I like everything we do together, Seha.”

“…”

“I like you so much.”

There were no lies.

No embellishments.

The words escaped before they ever reached his brain.

Jiwoo felt like someone slowly sinking beneath the water without realizing it.

He wandered through the middle of a vast sea.

Sunlight shattered across the blue surface, sparkling endlessly.

He found himself captivated by the sight.

He didn’t even like the ocean.

Yet somehow it reminded him of Seha.

Once he made that comparison, his heart refused to settle.

“I like being with you too.”

“Do you know why?”

The warm water surrounding Jiwoo felt as though it were returning all the love he had poured out.

Seha’s calm, steady voice settled heavily against his heart.

The lips whispering words of love finally pulled him completely beneath the surface.

After hearing them…

He no longer reached upward.

He didn’t even try to swim back.

He wanted to stay there.

Even if it meant suffocating.

Jiwoo slowly turned his head toward Seha.

He couldn’t hide the shy smile spreading across his face.

Every time he realized Seha loved him…

His heart raced all over again.

“Tell me later…”

His gaze drifted away toward the view outside.

The sky was perfectly clear today.

Not a single cloud.

The bright morning sunlight streamed through the glass wall and settled across Jiwoo’s body, almost as though the world itself were silently judging two people embracing each other first thing in the morning.

Seha quietly stared at the light falling across Jiwoo’s skin.

Ignoring every little flinch that followed his touch, he leaned down and kissed him.

Perhaps because it was morning…

Instead of overwhelming sweetness, Jiwoo tasted only warm saliva lingering between them.

Haesoo forced open his heavy eyes.

The instant he saw Doyoon still asleep beside him…

He wanted to disappear.

His body wasn’t nearly as ruined as he had expected.

Instead…

It felt clean.

Smooth.

Comfortable.

At some point after he’d cried himself to sleep, Doyoon must have washed him and taken care of everything.

Thinking back…

He had made an absolute scene.

He had fought against Doyoon’s hands even while Doyoon tried to help clean him.

Strangely enough, Doyoon had refused to give in.

Meanwhile, Haesoo, completely out of his mind, had stubbornly resisted until the very end.

He must have fallen asleep sometime after that.

Even after everything Doyoon had done for him…

Nothing on his body didn’t ache.

His eyes burned.

At first, everything before him was blurry.

“My stomach hurts…”

The moment the words escaped his lips, he hurriedly covered his mouth.

Fortunately…

Doyoon didn’t stir.

“Ah!”

The instant he sat up, pain shot through his lower back.

His arms and legs tingled with numbness.

As soon as his feet touched the floor, his legs gave out beneath him.

He collapsed miserably.

His abdomen throbbed.

His lower body refused to support him.

Without even thinking about it…

Every ache reminded him that everything that happened last night had been real.

Turning around, he looked at the bed they had shared through that unbelievable night.

Doyoon slept so deeply that he hadn’t even noticed Haesoo getting out of bed.

Haesoo hurriedly threw on his clothes before sinking to the floor.

If Doyoon woke up now…

There would be a conversation he could no longer avoid.

He knew delaying it wouldn’t help.

Even so…

He couldn’t bring himself to face it.

His trembling hands hurriedly packed his belongings one by one.

Every step made heat spread through his lower body.

His legs shook beneath him.

Still…

He couldn’t stay there any longer.

He fled.

Dry breaths echoed inside the mask covering his face.

Every inhale.

Every exhale.

Made him feel sick.

At least he hadn’t forgotten what had happened last night.

That also meant he knew there was one medicine he absolutely had to take.

The emergency contraceptive pill felt unfamiliar in his hand.

He swallowed it mechanically before stumbling through the rest of the day.

He couldn’t even remember receiving the prescription.

By the time he realized where he was…

He had already walked out of the building.

If he delayed long enough…

Doyoon had probably already tried contacting him.

He finally turned on the phone he had been avoiding.

Six missed calls.

His heart dropped.

Was Doyoon working now?

Was he busy?

He didn’t even need to ask.

Of course Doyoon had been hurt.

His finger hovered over the call button.

After running away like that…

Calling only when it suited him felt shameless.

He worried his call would only interrupt Doyoon’s day.

Using those thoughts as excuses, he began typing a message instead.

Sentence after sentence filled the screen.

I’m sorry for putting you through this.

I’m sorry for making you feel that way.

I’m sorry for leaning on you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t let go of Kwon Seha.

I’m sorry…

Was that really all he had to say?

Anger suddenly welled up inside him.

“What is this…?”

Every word that left Haesoo’s fingertips only sounded worse than saying nothing at all.

He barely stopped himself from throwing the phone away.

After taking a deep breath, he erased everything.

Then he typed a single short message.

[Doyoon… could we meet for a little while during your lunch break?]

The only thing Choi Haesoo truly knew how to do…

…was postpone everything.

Now he was even too afraid to apologize.

By midday, Doyoon’s fingertips were already raw.

Whenever terrible thoughts surfaced, he bit down on his own lips until they bled.

Every single time.

Gyujin stared in horror before silently handing him another tissue.

“…Ha.”

“You think sighing that much is going to make the ground cave in?”

“What’s wrong with you today?”

The cigarette pack that had been full that morning now sat completely empty.

With every tick of the clock…

His anxiety only grew.

Bzzz.

Each vibration from his phone made him snatch it up immediately.

Anyone watching would have thought he was desperately waiting for someone’s message.

He looked like a man who had only recently fallen in love.

Except…

His expression couldn’t have been further from it.

It was terrible.

Someone who had lost something precious could never look any different.

An unexpected meeting dragged on until afternoon.

His coworkers busied themselves deciding where to eat.

Meanwhile…

Doyoon still wore the same grim expression.

Out of habit, he picked up his phone.

His brow tightened sharply.

[Doyoon… could we meet for a little while during your lunch break?]

[I’m near your office right now. If you’re busy, it’s okay to say no.]

A quiet sigh escaped him.

The messages had arrived over an hour ago.

Biting down hard on his lip, Doyoon shot to his feet and headed straight for the emergency stairwell.

Then he saw the newest message.

Sent only six minutes earlier.

His heart stopped.

[Sorry. You seem busy.]

[I only wanted to see your face for a moment, so don’t worry about it.]

How could I not worry?

After disappearing like that…

How was he supposed to ignore it?

He had no idea what Haesoo was thinking.

No idea what kind of state he was in.

Pretending nothing was wrong had never been an option.

From the moment he woke up, Doyoon couldn’t stop imagining how Haesoo must have felt walking out that morning.

He must have wanted nothing more than to run away.

From Doyoon.

From everything that had already happened.

Like an idiot, Doyoon had done nothing before leaving for work except touch the empty space Haesoo had left behind.

Only when he stood in front of the person he loved did his rotten, crumbling heart become even slightly bearable.

No matter what excuses he gave himself…

The truth remained the same.

He had failed to suppress the selfish desire to slip into the emptiness inside Haesoo.

Everything he had carefully built over the years had collapsed in a single moment of confusion.

The image of Haesoo crying until his entire face was soaked still refused to leave his mind.

He couldn’t stop himself.

He shoved past the people around him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Excuse me.”

“I’m sorry.”

The words came automatically as he repeated them over and over.

Finally, he burst out of the office building.

Without even knowing where Haesoo was…

He turned desperately, searching for him.

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