Chapter 53: Unspoken Feelings

“I hardly get to see you. I’m the worst son.”

“What a hurtful thing to say. Just the fact that you rush over after work is more than enough.”

“You two look good together, but let’s eat first.”

Only after hearing his father’s jokingly sulky voice did Doyoon return to his seat.

He had inherited his mother’s gentle nature and his father’s playful, cheerful personality almost perfectly.

He was the sort of affectionate son that was rare to find these days, so before sitting back down, he didn’t forget to give his father one more hug.

“See? Our son likes me more.”

“Weren’t you the one saying this morning that raising a son was pointless?”

“You know I live because of this rascal, so quit trying to turn him against me. Besides, weren’t you the one complaining that he’d never bring someone special home?”

“What are you two talking about?”

Only after settling into the warm atmosphere did Doyoon finally take his first bite of food, his first meal of the day.

He had been so weighed down by worry all day that he’d even forgotten he was hungry.

His chest felt unbearably restless.

Every swallow felt wrong.

It was like swallowing sand.

Before he could even finish chewing, his thoughts drifted back to one thing.

Has Haesoo eaten?

He couldn’t even make it through a single day without worrying about him.

He knew that if he left after dinner and searched long enough, Haesoo would eventually be somewhere within his reach.

He knew that.

He knew all of it.

Yet today, for some reason…

“Our son doesn’t have someone special?”

“……”

“Doyoon. Hey, Doyoon!”

“Ah… I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if there’s someone you like.”

Lost in thought, he had completely missed the conversation.

A stiff smile spread across Doyoon’s face as he tried to piece together the question.

“I was just thinking… it’d be nice if our handsome son had someone by his side. You’re old enough for us to ask something like that now, aren’t you?”

“Ah…”

“Hmm? Your father and I aren’t expecting anything. But if there is someone, you can tell us. If our Doyoon likes them, then that’s enough for us.”

Doyoon struggled to hide the color rising in his face.

Of all the things to ask…

His head had been completely filled with thoughts of Haesoo, and now they brought this up.

He couldn’t even think of a proper answer.

“No. I’m not seeing anyone.”

It wasn’t the first time they’d asked.

Ever since hearing about Seha’s marriage, they’d occasionally brought it up.

It wasn’t because they envied someone else’s son.

They were simply curious.

Everyone around his age was getting married, so naturally they wondered what their own son’s situation was.

Was there someone he was seeing?

Did he have no intention of getting married at all?

That second possibility always settled heavily on Doyoon’s heart.

Because he had gone so many years without ever looking like he was dating anyone, the middle-aged couple had quietly worried about him all this time without letting him know.

“But you once said there was someone you liked. Did it not work out? Who rejected our son?”

Someday.

Whether it was this year or the next didn’t really matter.

Doyoon also wanted to become someone precious to another person, just as much as his parents wanted that for him.

To become someone important to him.

To become lovers.

To become family.

It wasn’t as though he’d never dreamed of that vague future.

“Rejected? It’s not like that. I never even confessed.”

“Then what’s stopping you? I didn’t know our Doyoon could be this shy.”

“Hah… it’s just…”

He could feel his expression slowly stiffening.

It wasn’t something only he noticed.

His mother, who had been looking at him with obvious curiosity, quietly lowered her eyes to the dishes.

His father gave an awkward cough as the atmosphere gradually became heavier.

“Come on, eat. You both waited for me, so dinner’s already late.”

“Right. Let’s eat.”

“It’s work. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s always nice seeing our son work so hard.”

That person… was Seha’s former lover.

They didn’t break up because they fell out of love.

They were forced apart.

He couldn’t bring himself to say words that would completely shock his parents.

They wanted an honest answer.

But he couldn’t give them one.

At the very least, he didn’t want to shatter the peace of this home.

They had only asked out of innocent concern.

He couldn’t bear to repay that with a truth that would leave them speechless.

“Put your seatbelt on. Whether we’re going to the hospital or your place, let’s go. Right now, Mr. Choi Haesoo doesn’t look like someone who should be outside.”

Only after hearing the blunt voice did Haesoo remember who was sitting beside him.

Kwon Seha.

He was sitting next to Seha.

Inside Seha’s car.

For a moment, he couldn’t understand what felt so strange.

Then it hit him.

His body and mind both felt uncomfortable, as though he were sitting in someone else’s seat.

He couldn’t even remember how many years it had been since he’d sat in the passenger seat of Kwon Seha’s car.

The only reason he was there was because Seha had practically dragged him over.

When he said they should head back, he had meant it.

He was starting to feel exhausted, and the stomach pain that had been bothering him for a while still lingered, constantly irritating him.

It seemed better to go home before their conversation went any further.

“Mr. Choi Haesoo?”

The moment Haesoo stood up to leave, he staggered.

Without realizing it, he collapsed against Seha’s chest.

His whole body trembled.

His lips turned pale enough to look painted white.

“Are you alright? What happened all of a sudden?”

“Ah… y-yes…”

Haesoo nodded with all the strength he could muster.

“I’m okay… I’ll be up in a second…”

He whispered the words over and over.

He didn’t want to look like someone pretending.

Just because the atmosphere had softened for a moment didn’t mean…

It didn’t mean they had suddenly become close again.

If someone collapsed right in front of him, and that person happened to be Choi Haesoo, it was easy enough for misunderstandings to happen.

At least, that was what Haesoo believed.

“I’ll stand on my own.”

He finally managed to pull away from Seha and supported himself against the bench with one hand.

The awareness that Seha was still watching him only made him more tense.

“My body’s acting strange today.”

“You don’t look like you can even stand on your own.”

Haesoo waited for him to leave, or at least lose interest in him.

Once Seha was gone, he planned to leave this place somehow, whether he had to stagger away one step at a time or crawl until he could hail a taxi.

The fact that he’d lost the strength to walk so suddenly felt almost ridiculous.

“Take my hand. Stop trying to force yourself to stand.”

But instead of leaving, Seha reached his arm out toward him.

Helping someone who couldn’t even keep their balance was only natural.

Still, Haesoo didn’t like the idea of Seha doing it.

The thought that it might look like some pathetic trick to get Kwon Seha’s attention made his heart sink before anything else.

A thousand thoughts flashed through his mind in those few seconds.

Out of habit, he hesitated.

In the end, Seha frowned and firmly wrapped an arm around Haesoo’s waist.

“…Just take my hand so we can get out of here.”

“……”

“This is why I keep asking if you’re staging some kind of protest. You can pretend you’re fine all you want, but to everyone else, Mr. Choi Haesoo doesn’t look fine at all.”

Haesoo found himself even more flustered than when Seha had draped his jacket over him earlier.

Back then, it had been the familiar scent that unsettled him.

Now, it was the warmth of Seha’s touch that felt like a dream.

Why couldn’t you just treat me the way you always did?

Like when you coldly refused to drive me home on that rainy day.

Like the day you told me to leave even while I cried in front of you.

If you’d stayed that way from beginning to end, I could’ve convinced myself today was no different.

Even after coming back to his senses, he was still beside Kwon Seha.

Everything felt strange.

Everything about this situation was strange.

Held by Seha, he ended up sitting beside him in the passenger seat.

He’d always thought Seha was kind to everyone except Choi Haesoo.

Apparently…

That wasn’t true either.

“Bastard…”

“…So you really are sick. I’ll take you home.”

“No, no. It’s just… that word keeps popping into my head…”

Why wasn’t he pushing him away?

Why was he suddenly being so kind to Choi Haesoo now, of all times?

Seha never stopped confusing him.

The familiar yet unfamiliar version of him was enough to make Haesoo’s eyes sting.

Without thinking, he clenched his fists tightly.

His palms were slick with sweat.

The back of his neck had been damp and clammy for quite a while.

Standing in front of Kwon Seha always had a way of making Choi Haesoo feel like a complete fool.

“Relax.”

“……”

“Nothing’s going to happen.”

Haesoo couldn’t tell what Seha meant.

After saying only those few words, Seha turned his attention back to driving.

There wasn’t even a chance to ask.

Does he know?

Even if he doesn’t remember it, does he at least know that we sat together just like this five years ago?

Was that concern in his voice just now?

Did he notice how tense I became the moment I got into the car?

No.

There was no way.

There couldn’t be.

“…Actually, no. There is a problem. I started driving without even knowing where you live. I didn’t even ask where we were going. You must’ve been pretty confused.”

His thoughts scattered at Seha’s unexpected words.

Kwon Seha was strange sometimes.

One moment he seemed effortlessly cool.

The next, he was unbelievably clumsy.

Just when he became impossible to like, he would somehow seem endearing again.

He wasn’t even trying to joke.

Haesoo let out a weak groan as the flood of emotions became too much and rubbed a hand over his forehead.

I wish you weren’t still the same as before.

Because only then could I convince myself that you’d completely changed into the person who hurt me.

But every time Seha showed traces of the man he used to be, Choi Haesoo remained trapped in the past like an idiot.

Driving around without a destination had always been one of Kwon Seha’s favorite things.

If they could reach it by car, they’d go.

Sometimes, after seeing someone else do it somewhere, Seha would even fasten Haesoo’s seatbelt for him.

Maybe…

Maybe that day had been one of those days too.

They’d been planning to go on a date.

They were going to eat something good together.

If Seha had sighed and quietly admitted how exhausted he’d been lately, Haesoo would’ve comforted him the best he could as his boyfriend.

“It must’ve been hard.”

“Seha, making a living isn’t easy, is it?”

“You did well.”

“Whose amazing boyfriend is this?”

“Just hang in there a little longer.”

“When you come home, you’ll have Choi Haesoo waiting for you.”

If he’d said those things, would Seha have laughed in disbelief?

Even if it had been only a dry chuckle, Haesoo wished there could’ve been even the slightest hint of relief in it.

But they never got that chance.

Because too many things had been determined to tear them apart.

HOOOOONK—!

Just like the vehicle that suddenly came hurtling straight toward them.

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