Chapter 62: The Question That Remained

“Do you love me?”

The image of you not answering comes back to me.

As I stood on the ground, I replayed that scene dozens of times.

The strength left the tips of my feet just as I barely managed to stand.

My body threatened to collapse again.

Yoon Jiwoo almost crawled back into the house.

He sat on a stool far from the master bedroom.

With blank eyes, he rummaged through his pocket.

He placed the old phone before him again and unlocked it.

The things that had frightened him and weighed on his conscience earlier now somehow came easily.

As if he had nothing left to fear.

At some point, Jiwoo had bitten his lower lip so hard that it bled and swelled.

He thought of Choi Haesu, who had been unable to throw away the old phone and had only stored memories inside it.

Without hesitation, his hand opened the gallery.

Every photo inside was from years ago.

The videos were the same.

There was not a single record from the past few years.

The moment he faced that fact, sadness washed over him.

Choi Haesu lives in the past.

That person is dreaming a long dream.

With stiff fingers, Jiwoo pressed through one thing after another.

He entered the time they had kept tightly hidden.

Only now did he dig into the things he had tried so hard to ignore.

[I’m going crazy, seriously… Hey, Kwon Seha.]

[Haesu, we’re in big trouble… For the next week, we have to eat nothing but vegetable side dishes for all three meals.]

[What were you thinking, buying all of that?

You’re such a picky eater too.]

[That grandmother was selling them even though it was raining.

I asked for everything she had, but I didn’t know she had several more baskets in the back.

But Haesu, you’re filming me right now, aren’t you?

Caught you.]

I have never seen you like this.

I had never seen you timid, cautious, or acting cute.

It was difficult even to imagine.

He had always shown Jiwoo only a version of himself that stood so confidently above him it was almost irritating.

Seeing the younger Kwon Seha appear so suddenly made uncontrollable tears spill from Jiwoo’s eyes.

[Haesu, I love you.

Good night.

I love you.]

[How many times have you said you love me already?

Go to sleep!]

[Forty-three times.

And you’re filming because you like hearing it too, aren’t you?]

Those words he had been so stingy with toward Jiwoo came so easily in front of this person.

Jiwoo knew it was not the same moment or the same situation.

But he no longer had any composure or objectivity left.

[Haesu.

Since you’re recording anyway, don’t forget that you promised you’d accept my proposal when you turn thirty.]

[Fine, fine.

When I’m thirty, I’ll make a lot of money and buy Kwon Seha a house too, so please go to sleep.]

[Okay.

I love you.

See you in my dreams.

Don’t get lost.]

Yoon Jiwoo stared blankly into empty space.

In the direction of his gaze stood the tightly closed door to the master bedroom.

A cold wind seemed to blow in from nowhere.

Overwhelmed by the sudden chill, he let all strength leave his body and rolled onto the floor.

No thoughts came to him.

The question he could not bring himself to ask, left only inside his heart, circled through his mind.

The phone slipped from his hand.

The sounds from the shrinking video clashed against one another.

A low buzzing continued for a long time.

Then, as if he were trapped underwater, he could hear nothing.

Maybe it was a sign that he was going deaf.

He hoped it was.

He lowered his head weakly.

Tears fell onto the floor in heavy drops.

His vision blurred.

“Ah… haah… ngh…”

He could not even let himself groan freely.

He did not want Kwon Seha to wake up to the sound of him sobbing.

Right now, he did not have the courage to face Seha.

If he saw him, he felt he would be unable to kill what they had together and would stab himself instead.

The shoulder that had hit the floor sagged.

He felt as though he had lost the person he loved, even though Seha was only a few steps away.

The despair repeating like a machine made everything feel empty now.

You should not have lost your memories in the first place.

If you loved someone this much, then just…

You should not have forgotten.

[Sleep for now.

I have no idea where you lost your phone again.

I searched everywhere, but I can’t find it.]

During his meal at home, Doyoon did not know whether he had swallowed the food through his throat or his nose.

He had just come out after vomiting when he checked Choi Young’s message.

Before he could even stretch out his exhausted body, he reacted to the vibration coming from the sofa.

He walked quickly toward it, reaching out with his hand at the same time.

“…He’s asleep?

How is he?

Is there anywhere he says hurts?”

[Mr. Lee Doyoon.]

Only after answering the call did Doyoon realize how hoarse his throat had become.

The other person seemed to hesitate at the sound of Doyoon’s cracked voice.

Doyoon did not care at all.

He kept asking about Haesu without pause.

After a brief silence, the other person greeted him in a gentle, composed voice.

[Thank you for taking care of Haesu.]

“……”

[Come see Haesu after daybreak.

Once he wakes up, he’ll be okay.]

It sounded like he was telling Doyoon to stop worrying and let today end.

Doyoon understood it with his mind, but his body did not want to obey.

His stubborn body was already preparing to leave so quickly that it made the other person’s nagging feel pointless.

He picked up his coat and car keys and stood at the entrance.

Had today not been full of obstacles preventing him from seeing Haesu?

Now that he had done everything he could, he did not want anyone to stop him again.

He reached for the tightly closed doorknob.

[And if you fought, apologize to each other and make up.]

He was stopped before he could even open the door.

Doyoon blinked heavily.

The feelings scattered messily inside him settled back into one place.

[If it’s not Lee Doyoon, our Haesu doesn’t even have friends.

I’m sure Haesu was the one who said something mean.]

The man’s words continued as Doyoon’s steps became more urgent, yet they made him unable to move at all.

He needed to say that it was not like that.

But his mouth closed shut.

His chest hurt as though someone had squeezed it tightly until it burst.

[Come after daybreak, when you feel ready.

Just contact me before you come.

He’s a bit… messy.

I couldn’t wash him.]

He was right.

Doyoon could not argue.

He could not take another step.

Besides, if he went to see someone who was asleep…

Would he only end up stealing something again in a pathetic way?

Doyoon knew better than anyone how shameless he was.

He had decided to go to Haesu immediately just because he wanted to see his face and feel reassured.

“This is Mr. Choi Haesu’s phone.”

Lee Doyoon met Yoon Jiwoo on a weekend morning.

The recipient of the message he had thought might have been sent by mistake was indeed him.

The first line had said, “Mr. Doyoon.”

He had intended to ignore the request asking if they could meet briefly.

But after the call that followed, he could not.

Like Doyoon, Yoon Jiwoo’s voice was completely hoarse.

In an exhausted voice, he politely asked him for a favor.

They met at the café Doyoon had once visited with Haesu.

Jiwoo had already arrived.

He wore his cap pulled low, and his face was badly swollen.

He looked like someone who had gone through something the night before.

The moment Doyoon saw Haesu’s phone in Jiwoo’s outstretched hand, the thoughts that had been tormenting him cooled sharply.

“…Why do you have this, Mr. Jiwoo?”

“It was in Kwon Seha’s car.”

Only then could Doyoon understand Jiwoo’s condition.

Even Doyoon himself felt desperate.

He could only imagine how Jiwoo must have felt.

A hollow laugh filled the empty space inside him.

He had wondered where Haesu could be, and Haesu had truly run away to a place that suited him.

Even if he had not intended to reach Kwon Seha, he must have wandered the streets thinking about him.

“I don’t know how they met.”

“He probably wandered around.”

“…I see.”

“Sometimes… he walks for no reason.

He even goes to neighborhoods on the opposite side of his home.”

Choi Young would feel hurt.

Chairman Kwon would scold Doyoon and tell him not to let it happen.

But even Doyoon, who had spent the most time beside Haesu, could not stop him from wandering around like someone out of his mind.

He simply could not.

As long as Haesu found something with his own hands, that was enough.

“More than half the time, it isn’t even his own choice.

He just walks wherever his feet take him.

He’s always been like that.”

Thinking it through, Doyoon realized Haesu must have been exhausted yesterday.

He must have felt unwell.

His body must have been aching and hurting.

Yet that foolish person had walked all the way there.

So part of Doyoon felt relieved that Haesu had eventually met Kwon Seha.

He gave a meaningless laugh.

His expression was heavy, but the corners of his mouth kept lifting strangely.

“Yes.

I know what you mean.”

“……”

“But I don’t want to understand.

I don’t want to.

And I probably never will.”

Doyoon turned his attention back to the person sitting before him.

Jiwoo stared out the window with a dark expression.

The ends of the sentences he spoke one by one were damp with emotion.

His bitter eyes could not overcome the feelings rising in them, and tears fell one or two drops at a time.

“Mr. Choi Haesu hasn’t done anything wrong, but…

I can’t help disliking him as a person.

He makes me into a bad person.”

What Jiwoo said to Doyoon was half confession.

Even as he spoke, pieces of the patience he had been holding onto seemed to fall away.

He forced out every word, taking deep breaths and swallowing them back between sentences.

He was enduring this moment and this conversation with great effort.

Why?

Had he wished last night that Choi Haesu, who tormented him, would simply die?

“Even when he does nothing.

Even when he’s just breathing… even when I only think that he’s alive.”

“……”

“No one knows how much it hurts me…

But you know, Mr. Doyoon.”

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