Chapter 66: Promises That Wound

“Clearly…. We promised to live together for the rest of our lives, until we die.”

In order to never search for that reason again, he willingly chose to let the peace between Kwon Seha and Yoon Jiwoo be eaten away.

He brought up the promises they had whispered to each other like any other couple when they decided to marry.

Only then could he see the end of the fights they had already had countless times.

His chest felt strangely clear.

Only now did he think he could nod along to every word Kwon Seha had said to reassure him.

Only after things had come this far.

Yoon Jiwoo had no intention of backing down at this moment.

It was not his fault alone.

Perhaps this was the process of them growing sick together, but now he thought that even letting his heart die alongside Kwon Seha would be welcome.

“Only until today.

Tomorrow, I’ll live as if I know nothing.

In a week, I’ll marry you, and I’ll live well with you.”

“…….”

“You promise too.

Never meet Choi Haesu again.”

For a moment, he imagined he could smell a horrible fishy stench somewhere.

Within that brief illusion, the scenes changed.

Cold seawater washed over the bare feet of Yoon Jiwoo, standing on a sandy beach.

It felt as though his feet were becoming clean, but he was already standing on the sand, so it was all useless.

He was filthy already, so what did this matter now?

Kwon Seha, who had silently watched him, finally lowered his head.

It seemed that this situation was just as painful for him as it was for Jiwoo.

Jiwoo’s heart pounded at Seha’s agitation.

Because Seha was suffering too, Jiwoo felt as though he could finally close his mouth.

“I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“It’s all my fault.

That I failed to give you faith, and that I made you say…. that you wished someone would die.”

Seha nodded as if he had grown tired of everything.

What a relief.

At least this situation was not unbearable for only one of them.

A beastlike sound simmered between his teeth.

“It wasn’t you who pretended to be kind in a half-hearted way.

It was me.”

“…….”

“I’ll do as you say.

But you must stop trying to find out things too.

I’m not suggesting it.”

Did Jiwoo think saying such things was pleasant for him?

He could feel himself rotting away as well.

Looking back on this conversation, more than half of it had been a threat.

Even so, he did not regret it.

A broken clock sat on the dining table in a clumsy, makeshift form.

Haesu seemed unfamiliar with the fact that something which had stopped for years without being touched by anyone was moving again.

The loud ticking of the second hand was unfamiliar, so Haesu watched it for a long time.

Doyoon, who had been staring at him, smiled broadly and gently stroked Haesu’s hair.

“You feel sorry for the clock, don’t you?

You didn’t feed it properly all this time.”

“…I didn’t take proper care of my own meals either, so isn’t it okay?”

“…That’s true.”

He should not have said it.

The added weight in his heart was a bonus.

Haesu had spoken thoughtlessly, but it hurt Doyoon.

“Aren’t you sleepy?”

“Um, no.

I’ve slept a lot lately.

So much that it feels strange….”

His eyes seemed to say that too many strange things had happened over the past few days.

But then he trailed off.

There were things he had done with Doyoon among them, so he was probably embarrassed and regretful to speak about it.

Doyoon gave a bitter smile without answering Haesu’s attitude.

He had not crossed the line expecting anything.

He had not been craving physical affection, nor had he intended to use what happened as an excuse to hold Haesu back.

But if someone were to expose his shame by asking whether he had wanted to pretend to be Haesu’s lover, he would have nothing to say.

Doyoon wanted to bring this damp, aimless atmosphere to an end.

“Where is the house you’re moving to?”

Standing behind the two people seated at the dining table, Doyoon asked Choi Young, who was busy taking things out and sorting them.

He was clicking his tongue at the traces of Haesu’s life, where he had lived without distinguishing between what was usable and what was not.

He mercilessly threw away piles of expired food and kitchen utensils so rusted that they looked unusable forever.

It was obvious that Choi Young had no mind to answer Doyoon.

His nagging had risen all the way to the tip of his throat.

Doyoon, who had been quietly laughing, lightly covered both of Haesu’s ears with his hands.

Unable to scold Haesu, who had spent all his energy merely staying alive, Choi Young could only shake his head as if he had been defeated.

“Um…. I’m not sure.”

Without even looking at Doyoon, he answered.

Doyoon gave a hollow laugh at the unexpected response.

What kind of answer was that?

Lee Doyoon knew that Choi Young was not someone who would act without a plan.

It was practically the same as saying that he would not answer.

“I won’t tell Lee Doyoon.”

“That’s harsh.”

The answer was enough to make someone lose their temper, but because it was Choi Young saying it, Doyoon could only grumble.

Choi Young stood silently for several more minutes.

He even sighed.

At that sigh, Doyoon’s eyes shifted uneasily, as though a guilty thief had been caught.

It seemed Haesu was not the only person Choi Young wanted to lecture.

Whenever they met after a long time, or whenever something happened to Haesu, Choi Young had been the only person to ask whether Lee Doyoon’s heart was at peace.

Doyoon felt vaguely sorry for making him feel empty.

Without giving a proper answer until the end, Choi Young put his phone into his outer pocket and left the house.

His hands were full of trash.

Once he was gone, only silence remained between Doyoon and Haesu.

Haesu was looking out the window.

The sky was a blurry gray—not drizzling with rain, nor clear enough to hurt the eyes.

It seemed it might truly rain soon.

Autumn skies were unpredictably temperamental, so one could guess what would happen next just by watching them for a while.

Haesu’s face was faintly reflected in the enormous glass window of the veranda.

Doyoon happened to be sitting to the left of the person staring blankly ahead, so he did not need to raise his voice.

He spoke quietly to Haesu.

Even though he tried to sound casual, his words carried a serious air.

“Haesu.

I think it’s going to rain soon.”

“I think so too.”

It seemed Doyoon’s voice reached Haesu more easily than expected.

Haesu slowly nodded his head.

As if he had been waiting, Doyoon continued.

“When clouds are that color, always take an umbrella with you.

Don’t get caught in the rain.

Promise me.”

He was not sleepy, nor did he feel dizzy, yet his mind kept growing hazy.

He could not sit upright.

He wanted to curl up, cover his mouth with both hands, and let what was rising inside him burst out without resistance.

This heart, filled with bitterness, became a sharp resentment that stabbed at his heart again and again.

But there were things one could be confused about, and the name of the emotion rising inside him like madness was clearly love.

“And your phone.

Don’t lose it again.

Take good care of it.”

Doyoon took out the phone he had kept deep in his pocket.

Why was he so happy over something old and worn out?

Haesu’s eyes widened as he accepted the phone.

Of course, it was natural for him to be glad for now.

Still, with a childish heart, Doyoon scolded him in a deliberately petty tone.

Words he could never hand directly to Haesu accumulated in his heart like this, every time.

I hate you, Haesu.

You are foolish and stupid.

If it were me, I would not have left you alone.

I hate you for giving me an endless sense of defeat.

And yet, in the end, I will have no choice but to love you.

So I will retrieve what is most precious to you and place it back in your hands.

No one forced him to do any of this, and yet his throat felt dry.

“There are a lot of things Haesu likes in there, right?”

Haesu tightened his grip on the phone.

His dry, expressionless face crumpled deeply.

He bit down hard on his lip, and the tears that had become frequent over the past few days came again.

Wasn’t Lee Doyoon usually the first one to cry between them?

With that pointless thought, Doyoon wiped at the corners of Haesu’s eyes.

A person who looked far prettier when smiling did not even know how to use his face properly.

Doyoon cautiously reached out to Haesu.

Mumbling something under his breath, Haesu was easily drawn in and rested his head on Doyoon’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.

No matter how much I think about it…. I was wrong.”

Hearing Haesu apologize because he could not love him was worse than Doyoon had imagined.

He thought it might be better to be used and discarded by Haesu completely.

“What are you sorry for?

I just happened to find the phone on the street.

Do you think something this incredible happens twice?”

“…….”

“If someone finds your phone, don’t apologize.

You should say thank you.”

But because he had loudly claimed that regret was his own burden to carry, Lee Doyoon had to make an impossible thing sound like the truth.

Choi Haesu’s eyes scolded him as if asking whether Doyoon thought he was a fool again.

He seemed too exhausted even to breathe deeply enough to question him.

He let go of everything and only continued apologizing.

Even saying a few sentences looked difficult for him.

Choi Haesu’s mouth could only manage a simple answer.

“I promise.”

“Okay.

That’s enough.”

For some reason, it felt as though they were about to leave on a trip for several days.

Choi Haesu probably felt the same.

Doyoon hoped peace would settle over him.

That was why he did not ask whether, the next time they met, he could tell him that he loved him.

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