Chapter 40: The Things We Love

“Wow.

I didn’t think you were that kind of person, Haesu.”

“…I already said I was sorry.”

I told you I’d buy you another one.

Haesu’s aggrieved voice practically dropped onto the toes of Lee Doyoon’s shoes.

He had lowered his head so much that he didn’t even notice Doyoon quietly chuckling above him.

“It’s fine.

I suppose it’s possible for Haesu to throw away my coffee while I’m in the restroom for a minute.”

“Let’s go buy another one.

I’ll get you two.”

“It’s okay.

Really.”

Doyoon waved him off.

Everything he’d said so far had been a joke, but Haesu’s reaction was amusing.

Watching him nervously tug at his sleeve and check his mood had become unexpectedly entertaining.

As a result, Doyoon had already spent several minutes listening to Haesu mumble apologies.

The place Doyoon had dragged him to today was a small Japanese restaurant with bar seating.

There were tables in one corner, but Doyoon had pushed Haesu into a seat deeper inside and sat right beside him.

Haesu truly wasn’t hungry.

And Doyoon had insisted he didn’t need to force himself to eat.

Yet somehow, slices of sashimi had continued finding their way into Haesu’s mouth.

Could a person really become full without lifting a finger?

By the time he realized it, Doyoon was already paying the bill.

Now they were walking side by side, patting their full stomachs.

Ever since leaving the restaurant, neither of them had drifted far from the other.

Walking together felt natural.

Before they knew it, it had become a stroll.

They chatted about trivial things.

Whenever they spotted a café, they wandered inside and bought drinks.

Everything became part of spending the evening together.

“Doyoon…

Are you mad?”

The moment they spotted the park restroom, Doyoon had handed his takeout coffee to Haesu.

His hands had felt sticky for a while, and he wanted to wash them.

After confirming Haesu nodded, Doyoon went inside.

When he returned, his coffee was gone.

And the conversation had continued like this ever since.

Doyoon grumbled playfully.

Haesu grew increasingly restless and watched his reactions anxiously.

“It was already more than half empty.

I thought you were giving it to me so I could throw it away.

But then I realized maybe I’m just a terrible person…”

“I’m joking.

Like you said, I was basically done with it anyway.”

Whenever Doyoon pretended to sulk so dramatically that Haesu couldn’t even see his face, Haesu would rise onto his tiptoes just to check his expression.

“Thank you for throwing it away.

And thank you for having dinner with me.

And for walking with me until the food settles.”

Every time Doyoon answered him, Haesu made an unreadable expression.

His eyebrows drooped low.

Yet a forced smile lingered at the corners of his mouth.

Haesu opened and closed his mouth several times.

No suitable response came to mind.

Instead, he hurried to catch up with Doyoon as the other man started walking again.

“Doyoon.”

“Walk slower.

We’re not in a hurry.”

Maybe silence wasn’t very welcome when left alone with your thoughts.

This moment was far too pleasant to be interrupted by memories he wanted to forget.

Especially memories of everything Haesu had gone through just a few hours earlier.

He had left the house with Doyoon.

Spent time with him.

And somehow arrived at this evening.

It was nothing extraordinary.

Yet Haesu hoped Doyoon would never become accustomed to it.

He didn’t mind if he himself did.

But he didn’t want Doyoon to.

“I wanted to pay for dinner.

I wanted to buy something delicious for you too.”

“Then you can pay next time.”

Doyoon answered every single thing Haesu said.

Casually.

Naturally.

As though there would definitely be a next time.

Without thinking, Haesu almost nodded.

For a brief moment, he forgot what he had originally wanted to say.

In many ways, Doyoon had a talent for stealing people’s thoughts.

In a good way.

Still, there were some things he shouldn’t forget.

Or perhaps he was simply pretending not to remember.

A hollow laugh escaped him.

“Next time.”

At those words, Doyoon stopped walking.

Something about the phrase felt strange.

But more than that, he wanted to see Haesu smile again.

Blinking slowly as though mesmerized, he answered.

“Yes.”

“……”

“Next time.

You can treat me then.”

Unlike his halted steps, his mouth rushed to respond.

He worked surprisingly hard to appear unaffected.

Apparently unaware that his smile looked awkward.

“Doyoon.”

“Yes?”

Haesu stared ahead.

Then he finally brought up the subject he had postponed for several hours.

His fist tightened as he spoke.

“Today, I met Yoon Jiwoo at the hospital.”

The words stole even the last traces of composure from Doyoon’s face.

In an instant, countless questions surged through his mind.

“…You met him again?”

“Yeah.

By chance.

We talked.”

Doyoon’s thoughts tangled together.

Like someone spotting a familiar face in a crowded sea of strangers, every bit of his attention locked onto Haesu.

“While we were talking, he cried because of me.

I wonder what Seha would’ve said if he’d been there…”

“There’s no way.

You didn’t do anything wrong, Haesu.”

“Aren’t you taking my side a little too much?

What if I yelled at him?

What if I cursed him out?”

“You should have.”

Haesu’s eyes widened.

Then he burst out laughing.

A moment later, he resumed walking.

Gently brushing his fingers across the back of Doyoon’s hand.

It had become difficult to tell him not to get so angry on his behalf.

So he settled for that instead.

“…You know Jiwoo didn’t do anything wrong either.”

Then whose fault was all of this?

What had Haesu done to deserve so much pain?

Had he committed some unforgivable sin?

How could someone spend years alone, only to find even the ending of that loneliness equally lonely?

Watching Haesu defend Jiwoo without even the slightest resentment made Doyoon want to argue with him instead.

For a moment, he wondered if Haesu himself was the one he should be angry at.

But then Haesu continued speaking.

And suddenly Doyoon had no words left.

Several times, he nearly interrupted.

Several times, he swallowed the words back down.

“I’ve decided to stop waiting for Seha.”

“…Haesu.”

“It isn’t right to keep holding onto someone who’s about to get married.”

He had gone out in Doyoon’s car.

Spent the day with him.

Completed things he had never managed to finish before.

Even bought sweets despite rarely liking them.

Strangely enough, repeating the conversation he’d had with Yoon Jiwoo helped organize his thoughts.

Right.

This was what he’d decided.

This was how things would end.

The things that once felt impossible had become possible.

Even if he was only pretending, he needed to learn how to move forward.

“I must be irritating.”

“No.

Don’t say that.”

Haesu recounted the unusual events of his day.

Even the empty lunchbox he’d finally managed to finish came to mind.

Perhaps nothing miraculous had happened.

Maybe all that had changed was that Haesu now had a few more things he needed to do.

His expression remained calm.

Yet Doyoon looked as though the world itself had collapsed.

That was simply who he was.

Kind.

So kind.

Someone who grieved for Haesu’s pain as though it were his own.

Or perhaps even more deeply.

The person who had spent years refusing to let Haesu abandon his life.

“And I think I definitely met Seha today too.

Even though I never saw his face.”

“……”

“Breaking up with Seha wasn’t such a big deal after all.

Once I made up my mind…”

His entire day had felt strange.

And at the end of it, he had finally let Kwon Seha drift away like a wave disappearing beyond the horizon.

Toward Yoon Jiwoo.

That was the choice he had made.

“Even knowing Seha was outside, I didn’t run after him.

It happened naturally.

Surprisingly.”

Just as he’d told Doyoon, it wasn’t as difficult as he’d imagined.

Haesu was timid.

A little foolish.

And perhaps that was why he needed to experience it himself before he could understand.

“But I don’t want to forget everything.

Memories don’t work that way.”

The one thing Haesu refused to give up was no longer called longing.

Once he truly made up his mind, even his most pathetic moments transformed into beautiful memories.

Ironically, it was Yoon Jiwoo who had helped make that possible.

Jiwoo was someone who would reclaim Seha from the version of Haesu trapped in the past.

Boldly.

Without hesitation.

He protected what belonged to him.

And he was right to do so.

No matter how desperately Haesu clung to it, Seha had never truly belonged to him anymore.

That would only have been greed.

“Memories become prettier over time.

We give them meaning…”

Once every memory became a memory rather than a wound, it finally belonged to Haesu.

He would no longer use them as a hostage while waiting for Kwon Seha.

There had already been a time when he drowned inside Kwon Seha.

Only after becoming a ghost of himself did he finally realize something.

What Choi Haesu wanted wasn’t very much.

“…Did you know Seha was there?”

“How could I not?

Who do you think I am, Doyoon?”

He might have spent years looking foolish.

Years waiting for something that would never return.

Years loving without being loved back.

But that didn’t mean he was blind.

The voice he had heard today through his one remaining good ear had unmistakably belonged to Kwon Seha.

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