Chapter 55: A Reason to Live

Then her tongue came in.

“Mm…” I let out a sound that made even myself blush.

Here I was, being held down and force-kissed by a girl. She was even using tongue! I tried to push her away, but who the hell knows why she was so strong!

And then… there was no “and then.” I had no options. I could only take it.

I don’t know how long it lasted. I felt like I’d been drained of magic, my whole body going weak. In the end, I gave up resisting.

I stumbled over to the bed in a zigzag and sat down on the edge.

My eyes were full of terror as I stared at Anna. Her face was flushed, satisfied after kissing me.

‘What just happened? Did I just get… force-kissed?’ My head was a tangled mess.

‘My first kiss!!!’

‘Pfft… I’m filthy trash anyway. What first kiss? The demon took it long ago.’

I’d wanted to say that classic anime line out of habit. But then I remembered what I’d been through. Ha. My eyes dimmed despite myself.

‘Ah, right. I’m already ruined… Might as well die. Ha.’

With that thought, I got up to go jump off a building again, and said with a look of disgust, “Don’t stop me…” We’re done kissing, right? Let me die.

But the moment I stood, a glowing golden wall of energy appeared right in front of me.

“You?!” I pushed against it with my hands. It looked thin, but it was rock solid. Someone like me, without any magic, could never break it.

I stared at Anna in disbelief. “I’m just trying to kill myself. Is this really necessary?!”

Suddenly, she scrunched up her brows and yelled, “Waaah!”

It was like the “Kya!” you hear in Japanese anime. Her purple eyes, shining like a sea of stars, brimmed with tears.

“What do you want me to do?! Why do you want to die so badly?!”

The concern in that one sentence stung. And at the same time, we both noticed a huge change. Anna’s hoarse voice had turned clear and bright, like an innocent girl’s.

“Your voice?” “My voice?” We said it almost at the same time.

Uh… no way. After kissing me, her voice isn’t hoarse anymore?

????

A string of question marks swirled through my head. One thing after another was just making me more confused.

But this wasn’t bad. Now Anna was a full-fledged magical literary girl. I raised one eyebrow and looked at her with disdain.

“Tch.” Other people always get good things…

MMP. Why can’t I?! Damn it!

A flame of jealous anger rose in me. I said coldly, in a low voice, “Hmph. Yeah, I should still just die.”

“Waaah! Why would you do this! Please, don’t be like this!”

Her voice became even cuter. Still not as good as mine, but not bad.

But what reason did I have to live? Why should I keep suffering for nothing?

I gave her a puzzled look. “Hmph, not die? So just keep on living? Why? Give me one reason why I should live.”

I didn’t think my fate was going to get better. After all this time, I’d seen through this crappy isekai. I was definitely still going to get screwed over.

“Mm…” She was so anxious she looked about to jump. Her body kept bouncing up and down as she searched for a way to answer me. But she couldn’t find a good reason.

Looking at this young lady before me, one with status, ability, power, and magic to boot, I honestly… wanted to kill her so damn badly!

I glared with my blood-red eyes, forcing down my useless anger and murderous intent, and spoke with half-mocking sincerity.

“Hmph. All of you have reasons to live, no question. Take you, for example. You can use your magic to do whatever you want, toy with men to your heart’s content.

“General Cloud gets to live the glorious life of a battlefield commander, free and easy. And the Princess? She’s got a bright future ahead of her! She can also use me to get more Black Feather relics.

“Your whole Red Demon clan can use me too. But me? I’m nothing but a lackey. And don’t tell me you won’t have me locked away to hide my identity.

“So what future do I have? If there’s no future, then why should I keep living?”

I’d thought that after I said all that, she, someone with no connection to me, would understand what it meant to let go. Then she’d dispel the golden light barrier and let me die.

But instead, she cried.

“Mm, no! I can’t let you die! Mm!”

Her voice was so pitiful. Tears streamed down her cheeks in big drops.

Moonlight spilled into the royal chamber. The silver light, mixed with the golden glow, fell across Anna. The scene could rival a galgame CG, a one hundred percent authentic bishoujo.

But I couldn’t spare any more thoughts. I just wanted to die. Was there any need for me to live in this world? No! So of course she couldn’t give me an answer.

I was completely consumed by negative emotions and kept taunting her.

“Tch. Ha, right. If I die, you’ll definitely be severely punished, won’t you? After all, this concerns the future of the Red Demon clan. Even if you’re the nation’s top mage, you can’t compare to the Black Feather ruins. Ha~”

The more I talked, the worse her expression turned. She kept trembling in fear, and terror crept into her eyes.

If this were my old world, I might have felt a little concerned. She was a pretty girl, after all! But… in this damn garbage world, why should I give a damn?

Everything is pointless now! Death! That’s the smart move!

“Mm-mm! Please! As long as you don’t die, as long as you forgive me, I’ll do anything! Mm!”

She said this, her hands half-clenched like a kitten’s paws, rubbing at the big tears with her palms.

“Ha. Aren’t you the one who loves reading minds? Go ahead, read it.” I said with a mischievous grin, my eyes still as dead as a fish’s. “Of course, that’s if you can do it. Ha. I mean, I’m just a piece of trash. Can you accept the demands of a piece of trash?”

I was past caring about the word “trash.” It’s just an insult. So what? Once I’m dead, none of it matters. Even if I went down in history, I wouldn’t care.

“Mm…” She let out a soft hum, and a dark purple light began to glow from her body. I guessed she was only now turning it on.

After all, she’d just been scolded by General Cloud. What normal mind-reader would keep that thing running while being chewed out? Getting yelled at in one ear, and hearing everyone’s thoughts in the other? Ha. Yeah, right.

The purple light slowly faded. Looked like it was on. I stood in front of her and started thinking.

‘So you threatened me, tore my clothes, played with my body like that. Do you really think I’d be fine?’ I said this to her in my head.

But honestly, this wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t the first time my body had been used. It was just some touching. Sure, there was a bit of blood, but… it was still way better than the demon…

Tch. I should just die.

The moment I thought about that memory, my mind went into chaos. Anna had been so nice back then… but she was actually arrogant. Seemingly quiet and gentle, but really a sadistic queen.

Sigh… Might as well die. Who knows what misfortune is coming next.

I swear, even Touma had it better than me. At least he was a “normal high school student”!

Sigh… die, die.

I couldn’t stop the spiral of negative thoughts. I felt like everything in this world was hostile toward me. Even though I knew Anna was already reading my mind, I couldn’t stop sinking into the death loop.

“Mm… It’s just clothes, right? I… I can… Mm…”

Anna’s eyes were full of tears, and her face was even redder. With trembling hands, she began to unbutton her clothes.

‘Hmph. I can’t read minds either. Who knows if she’s serious.’

As if she’d heard my thoughts, her face flushed even more.

Suddenly, she ripped her clothes apart with her bare hands. Two buttons flew off.

Her snow-white skin was exposed. An unexpectedly black bra framed her two modest mounds.

The sight made my blood rush in an instant. My thinking speed hit a peak it had never reached before.

‘Damn… What do I do?!’ I felt like time itself had frozen.

‘I do kind of want to look. I mean… whatever, it’s not like I haven’t seen a girl’s body before (back when I was a meat s*ave)…’

I really didn’t expect her to actually strip! This wasn’t how the plot was supposed to go!

But I! I! I wanted to look! I wanted to look, and I wanted to touch! I wanted to do something perverted. Even if I hadn’t developed yet, I still had hands!

But then, images of the demon molesting me flashed through my mind.

My surging mood crashed straight to rock bottom.

‘Ha. Nice thoughts… but I’m going to die anyway. Why would a worthless piece of trash like me, someone already so filthy, want to take an innocent girl’s virginity?’

I was a normal guy. I knew how many guys would kill for an opportunity like this.

‘A girl you could have, and you’re not taking her? Are you stupid?!’

I’d fapped to so many hentai and galgames just like this. But when it became reality…

Because of my body, my curse…

‘I can’t accept it… I’m not worthy.’

My heart was torn.

All of these thoughts happened in less than two seconds after Anna tore her clothes open.

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