Chapter 13: An Apology He Didn’t Owe

It was a natural reaction, considering he had almost no experience and had even fainted during his first Guiding.

Su-ha deliberately tried not to feel any unnecessary guilt and first checked Chaewon’s physical condition through the skin they were touching.

“…”

Chaewon’s face was so calm that it had been hard to tell, but his condition was still unstable.

The fluctuations were raging even more violently than the last time Su-ha had felt them.

Su-ha’s gaze flicked briefly to the bloodstain before returning to where it had been.

At this level of instability, the esper should definitely have been feeling discomfort bordering on pain.

Yet there was no such sign coming from Chaewon at all.

Su-ha wanted to ignore it, whether Chaewon was bleeding or not, but having confirmed his condition this directly, he could no longer pretend not to notice.

No matter how temporary a guide he was, there were minimum responsibilities he had to fulfill.

“Are you experiencing any pain or discomfort in your body? Things like a headache or nausea?”

Chaewon fell briefly into thought, then looked up at Su-ha and shook his head.

“No. I don’t think I have anything like that.”

“Given your current condition, you should be feeling something. Not being able to perceive pain or discomfort is also an abnormal symptom, so it would be best to inform the management team.”

“Ah, is that so?”

Like someone listening to a lecture, Chaewon widened his eyes and attentively followed Su-ha’s explanation, nodding before opening his mouth again.

“Maybe I’m just a bit dull when it comes to pain. Before awakening, I lived with daily pain because of my illness. So honestly, right now I feel almost too good… It’s been a long time since my body felt this light…”

“…”

“But still, just in case it causes problems, I’ll be sure to report it.”

His calm voice was like a lake on a windless day.

It had been less than a week since his awakening, yet his excessively composed tone sounded as though he were talking about a past life.

Did people normally become this detached after experiencing such dramatic events?

Feeling an emotion he couldn’t quite name, Su-ha replied briefly with a “Yes.”

The space suddenly felt stiflingly uncomfortable.

Thinking he should finish quickly and get out, Su-ha slowly drew up his energy and began carefully pushing it between the tangled fluctuations.

****

The moment Su-ha’s energy flowed in through the point of contact, Chaewon gasped sharply.

The sensation that gently seeped into his body began to stroke Chaewon’s energy, just like last time.

“Mm…”

Once again, his lips parted without him realizing it, letting out a low sound.

It was a reflexive response.

It felt like sinking into comfortably warm water while his entire body was tense.

It also felt as though the medicinal haze of a painkiller were spreading through him.

The pains he hadn’t even been aware of revealed their presence in an instant, only to be swept away as Su-ha’s energy pressed in.

Chaewon’s fingertips twitched before gripping the bedsheet.

Su-ha glanced briefly at the bony back of his hand, then withdrew his gaze.

He did not want to think of those hands, like dried branches, so pitiful.

Guiding was the act of an esper’s and a guide’s innate energies intertwining.

It was an act in which a being said to be the strongest in the world exposed his weakest part, and another peered into the deepest place of someone else and soothed his wounds.

No matter how grand the titles of esper and guide sounded, it was ultimately something done between people.

As long as Guiding, a uniquely intimate act, was involved, it was never easy to completely separate emotions, no matter how hard one tried.

That was why it was common for matched espers and guides to become lovers, and why awakened individuals who already had partners often cheated with their paired awakeners.

Unless it was an especially serious case, it didn’t have to go as far as kissing or intertwining bodies.

Still, in the field, situations that required Guiding beyond mere contact always existed.

It was difficult both for the awakened individual and for the partner who was not their pair.

That was precisely why Su-ha built such an excessive wall around Chaewon.

Although he didn’t like it, Su-ha had to be Chaewon’s guide for the time being.

He didn’t want to end up developing pointless feelings for him and jeopardizing his future role as Ihyeon’s esper.

Chaewon’s fluctuations were certainly more sensitive and troublesome than those of other espers.

Even so, this kind of preliminary Guiding, when Chaewon wasn’t in a severely depleted state, was not difficult enough for Su-ha to struggle with.

Su-ha’s expressionless gaze didn’t rest on Chaewon’s face at all, instead staring vaguely out the window.

He only wished for this time to end as soon as possible.

But none of this felt light to Chaewon.

With his eyes closed, receiving Su-ha’s energy throughout his body, Chaewon was experiencing firsthand why so many espers fell in love with their guides.

The places that had unknowingly remained tense began to loosen little by little.

The mental wall he had instinctively erected against an unfamiliar environment also started to crumble.

From the start, Chaewon hadn’t felt hurt by Su-ha’s stiff attitude toward him.

He understood that it wasn’t because Su-ha was a bad person or because he looked down on him as a human being, but simply because he had his reasons.

But now, Chaewon went beyond understanding Su-ha and even began to feel sorry toward him.

That was partly due to the effects of Guiding, but also because of Chaewon’s own inherent nature.

If only he had been able to handle things on his own.

If only he had awakened as a proper esper instead of this half-baked one.

Then there would have been no need to assign Jin Su-ha as his guide.

Chaewon believed that the warm and gentle energy Su-ha possessed was the essence of who Jin Su-ha was as a person.

That someone like him.

That someone with such mild energy had lost the goal he had long desired and been forced to take on unwanted duties because of him.

Beyond the dizzying sensation, Chaewon felt deeply sorry and upset.

Chaewon opened his eyes.

The ceiling spun as if he were drunk.

It was something that often happened to espers with little Guiding experience.

Trying to steady himself, Chaewon spoke.

“Su-ha….”

Su-ha, who had still been looking elsewhere, finally turned his head at the sound of Chaewon’s voice.

Chaewon’s cheeks, which had been pale all along, were faintly flushed from the Guiding.

The moment Chaewon noticed that the black eyes which always looked at him so calmly were slightly unfocused, he continued.

“Su-ha, I’m sorry…”

His small voice sounded somehow frustrated.

Caught off guard by the unexpected words, Su-ha could only open and close his mouth soundlessly as Chaewon spoke again.

“For making you do something you didn’t want to do…”

“…”

“I’ll find a way to make it right.”

Make it right.

It was absurd to the point of being laughable.

How could someone who had just awakened, an S-rank in name only, unable to properly use even one of his abilities, reverse a decision handed down from above.

If that were possible, Su-ha wouldn’t have been here in the first place.

Yet Su-ha couldn’t bring himself to sneer at Chaewon.

He simply couldn’t.

This was someone who had been waiting for death, only to suddenly awaken as an esper one day.

That alone was a drastic enough change to turn the world upside down.

On top of that, he was enduring unprecedented side effects on his own.

He must have felt terrified and lost.

And Chaewon had no one to confide in or rely on in this situation.

Su-ha should have been that person.

As his guide, it was Su-ha’s role to show him the way when he was anxious and lost, and as a companion, to stay with him through his lonely hours.

But Su-ha hadn’t done that.

He hadn’t merely done nothing.

He had acted badly enough to make Chaewon faint during their first Guiding, and even gone so far as to openly say that he disliked him and had been forced to take him on.

Sitting alone in this large hospital room all night, what must Chaewon have been thinking.

Su-ha had turned away from all of it, choosing not to care.

And yet Chaewon wasn’t blaming him.

Instead, he was apologizing, saying he would somehow compensate him.

No matter how much Su-ha disliked him, he couldn’t laugh at someone like that.

“…Please focus on the Guiding.”

It would have been better if he had at least said thank you.

Or said it wasn’t his fault.

Even if he couldn’t give the right answer, he could have said something to that effect.

Instead, Su-ha spoke a single cold line in the same stiff voice as always.

“Yes.”

Chaewon blinked rapidly, answered obediently, then closed his eyes tightly again and accepted Su-ha’s energy.

Before awakening, I lived with daily pain because of my illness.

The words Chaewon had spoken earlier rasped irritatingly in Su-ha’s ears like grains of sand.

But since Chaewon was someone who would amount to nothing of significance to him anyway.

Su-ha merely pressed his lips together and tightly gripped Chaewon’s wrist.

That was all.