Chapter 118: The Call Beneath the Blanket

Chaewon sat on the bed, endlessly repeating those thoughts to himself.

It almost seemed more realistic to say that he had fallen asleep alone in a park and dreamed the whole thing instead.

But whenever he tried to believe that, he remembered Su-ha’s hand holding his, the touch that had gently brushed his cheek.

Su-ha’s voice lingered in his ears, steady and firm as he looked straight into Chaewon’s eyes and said he liked him.

The way he had comforted Chaewon again and again when he struggled to believe it, reassured him, and eventually drawn close as if he could no longer restrain his affection, pressing their lips together, every moment replayed vividly before his eyes.

The trembling breath that scattered against the tip of his nose.

The careful yet desperate way their tongues tangled, the hands that pulled him tightly into an embrace as they drew in each other’s breath.

None of it had been light.

At no point had Chaewon failed to feel the anguish Su-ha must have carried alone all this time.

And when he went over it again, when he replayed each of those moments one by one, Chaewon could no longer dismiss Su-ha’s feelings as a simple misunderstanding or mere pity.

Hugging his knees tightly, Chaewon stared blankly at the place beneath the blanket where he had hidden his phone.

He wanted to pull it out immediately and call him.

He wanted to hear Su-ha’s voice and confess this confusion he was feeling.

Su-ha had been the one to tell him he could call anytime, no matter what.

At this late hour, whether he needed comfort or advice or anything at all, there was only one person Chaewon could turn to, Su-ha.

After awakening as an Esper and facing the most serious problem of his life, Chaewon wanted to confide his worries to Su-ha and ask for guidance.

The problem was that Jin Su-ha, the very person he wanted to contact, was also the one who had caused this turmoil in the first place.

It struck him anew, truly anew, just how important and irreplaceable Su-ha had become in his life.

He had met many people after entering the Center.

Most of them had been kind to him, and he felt affection and familiarity toward them as well.

But none of them were Su-ha.

None of them could be.

A man who had not existed in his life for nearly all of it had, in such a short time, burrowed so deeply inside it.

Chaewon found that astonishing, almost unbelievable.

What if he accepted his feelings?

It was only natural to imagine it.

If they truly became “lovers.”

If they grew closer than now, becoming so intimate that they could fulfill something in each other that no one else in the world could.

Even imagining it made his heart pound as though it would burst.

When he placed himself and Su-ha into those small, ordinary scenes between lovers, scenes he had always thought had nothing to do with him, things permitted only to others, his fingertips tingled and his chest ached.

It felt good.

He was happy.

It was a happiness too clear to mistake.

He had never allowed himself to desire becoming that kind of partner to Su-ha, but that was only because he had cut the thought away, believing it to be impossible, something he must never hope for. It was never because he disliked the idea.

Then did that mean he felt the same as Su-ha now?

If he accepted his feelings, would a beautiful future like those in fairy tales truly unfold for him too?

“…”

Yet even after thinking that far, Chaewon’s expression did not soften.

If anything, it darkened further.

Fairy tales always ended with “and they lived happily ever after,” but Chaewon had learned very early on that his life was far removed from such happy endings.

Many people became lovers when their hearts aligned, but only a small fraction lasted.

And when lovers fell apart, they often became worse than strangers, disappearing from each other’s lives entirely. Chaewon knew that well.

And in his own estimation, he had a particular talent for ruining everything.

For a very long time, Chaewon had endured life convinced that he was someone far removed from happiness.

That he had been designed that way from the beginning.

No matter how desperately he struggled, no matter what choices he made, he was destined to lose what was precious and live in loneliness and pain.

He had survived by severing every desire for happiness.

So this couldn’t possibly turn out well.

Good things could not keep happening like this.

His once terminal body had been cured.

He had awakened as an extraordinary S-class Esper.

He had entered the Center and done good work alongside good people.

And now he would be loved by Jin Su-ha and live happily as his partner?

Impossible.

It couldn’t happen.

Chaewon feared that accepting Su-ha’s heart might mean overstepping the limit of what was permitted to him, greedily wanting more when he had already been given far too much.

What if, as punishment, someone took all of it away?

And what if the price was drifting apart from Su-ha just as they had finally grown closer?

What if they ended up like countless lovers who separated in hatred and resentment, if he disappointed Su-ha and was hated in return, never even able to remain friends?

If that happened, could he calmly accept that misfortune as something that had always belonged to him?

If it was going to end that way anyway, wouldn’t it hurt less to give up now before nurturing false hope?

Wouldn’t that at least prevent him from losing Su-ha completely?

Chaewon clutched the blanket tightly with both hands, breathing hard.

The more his thoughts spiraled, the warmth he had felt moments ago while thinking of Su-ha vanished, replaced by a cold, aching fear that pressed in on him.

Just as his eyes reddened, lost in the image of being thrown back alone into darkness, a vibration suddenly buzzed beneath the blanket.

His phone.

With a faint mix of anticipation and hesitation, Chaewon carefully moved his hand and pulled it out.

The name glowing brightly on the screen was Jin Su-ha.

His pulse raced as if he were drowning.

How had he called just now?

Had he somehow sensed Chaewon trembling in fear?

He knew that was impossible, yet his emotions flailed desperately as though searching for a hand to pull him out of deep water.

The truth was, he didn’t want to return to a life without expectation or hope.

He had always pretended to be fine, to be unaffected, but living as someone who could never be happy was not something anyone could simply accept. Every breath he drew and released had been painful.

Rejecting him would be easy.

Giving up was one of the things Chaewon did best.

If he pushed Su-ha away like he always did, he would no longer have to fear losing him.

“…Su-ha, this is Lee Chaewon.”

Even so, with trembling hands, Chaewon pressed the call button and answered.

He did not imbue that single act with any grand meaning.

He was not choosing a life path or reaching the conclusion of some enormous concern.

He simply wanted to hear Su-ha’s voice right now.

Because he hated being cold and alone.

Because he didn’t want to endure it by himself anymore.

Because he had already felt too much of another person’s warmth to keep convincing himself he was fine.

In this moment, Chaewon desperately wanted to see Su-ha.

“Chaewon, did I wake you?”

A deeply gentle warmth flowed through the line.

Unaware that this single call might have rescued Chaewon from something, Su-ha was there.

Though he couldn’t be seen, Chaewon shook his head while gripping the phone tightly with both hands.

“No. No, I wasn’t asleep…”

As he spoke, tears threatened to spill.

He couldn’t clearly define whether they came from fear of what he had just been thinking, or from happiness at hearing Su-ha’s voice.

But one thing was certain, Su-ha’s voice was an absolute comfort to him right now.

“Actually, Su-ha… I wanted to call you too…”

So he said it.

Even though it felt as if someone were scolding him for being shameless, for wanting even more after receiving so much, Chaewon shut out that voice and focused only on Su-ha’s.

“…You did?”

“Yes. I did. But… I thought I shouldn’t… so…”

“You were hesitating because you felt sorry toward me. Right?”

Silently, tears fell as Chaewon nodded again and again.

“Yes… yes…”

He liked this gentle man.

He wanted to stay by his side.

He didn’t want to yield him to Min I-hyeon or anyone else.

Would it really be alright?

Would it truly be alright to honestly accept these feelings?

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