Chapter 108: Not Because of That

His head grew endlessly tangled.

How could he become someone Chaewon could trust completely?

How could he step inside the door that had been locked so firmly for so long and stand there with Chaewon?

How could he make the traces of the mistake he had once made fade from Chaewon’s heart?

‘If the spot for Chaewon’s pair guide ever opens up, there’ll be plenty of guides who’d want to take it. You know that, right?’

The words Ye-seon had said to him earlier came back to him.

There was no way that remark was entirely unrelated to Gong Tae-jun, the guide who had brought the unconscious Chaewon in today.

Why had Chaewon been with Gong Tae-jun?

Had Tae-jun simply happened to pass by and find him?

Or had he been with Chaewon from the start?

If they had been spending time together, what had the two of them talked about?

The thoughts he had pushed aside while tending to Chaewon returned one after another, filling his mind.

Looking back, Chaewon had had no choice either.

Just as Su-ha had been forced overnight to become Lee Chaewon’s guide against his will, Chaewon, too, had simply been assigned the guide chosen from above.

Usually, Espers and guides were first given temporary partners through testing to see if their wavelengths matched.

After spending time together and confirming that their differences aligned well, becoming an official pair was something decided by mutual choice.

That was why Su-ha had been angry at the higher-ups for ignoring all of that and abruptly assigning him as Chaewon’s guide.

But he wasn’t the only one who had been deprived of a choice.

Chaewon had been as well.

He, too, had lost the chance to find a guide who suited him better, lost the chance to meet a pair guide of his own choosing.

As that thought took hold, Su-ha felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

He leaned back deeply into the sofa and let out a long breath.

It felt as if someone were gripping his heart tightly and crushing it.

His gaze slowly shifted to the door behind which Chaewon was still asleep.

Chaewon had once promised that he would grow stronger quickly and let Su-ha go.

But what if the opposite were true?

What if, instead of letting Su-ha go, he reached a position where he could choose any guide other than Su-ha?

Even then, would Chaewon still want to remain Jin Su-ha’s Esper?

Holding onto a question he could never ask, Su-ha sank into silence.

Chaewon, just beyond the thin door, suddenly felt far away.

****

“Su-ha…”

At the small voice calling his name, Su-ha’s eyes snapped open.

Startled, he turned his head and found Chaewon standing right beside him, looking down at him with concern.

“Chaewon?”

“Su-ha, were you here the whole time…?”

“…Chaewon. Are you okay?”

As his foggy mind cleared, Su-ha straightened from where he had been leaning and cupped Chaewon’s cheeks in both hands.

Caught suddenly in Su-ha’s large hands, Chaewon blinked his round eyes.

Then he realized that Su-ha was checking his condition before even fully waking himself.

Chaewon gently lifted his own hands and placed them over the backs of Su-ha’s, smiling softly.

“I’m fine. I slept well, and I feel light. I feel really good.”

“Ah…”

“You’re the one who couldn’t even rest properly because of me.”

Chaewon wasn’t even a guide.

He couldn’t possibly provide guiding.

And yet, the moment Su-ha saw that gentle smile, that gaze, heard that voice, he felt an indescribable warmth wrap around him.

The emotions that had been sinking endlessly just moments ago were lifted into the light in an instant.

And Su-ha realized something.

He couldn’t lose this man.

He had made a grave mistake in the past, and if that led Chaewon to want another guide, he would have no excuse, but even so, he didn’t want to lose him. Not ever.

Giving up out of fear wasn’t his style.

Silently running toward what he wanted, that was what Su-ha did best.

Just meeting Chaewon’s eyes made courage well up inside him.

Perhaps it was nothing more than greed.

Because he liked the man before him.

Because he didn’t want to let him go.

Because he wanted, somehow, to hold him in his arms.

So Su-ha brushed away the doubts that had tormented him.

Whether it was Gong Tae-jun or anyone else, so what if others coveted Chaewon’s position as pair guide?

So what if he had made mistakes in the past? That didn’t mean they were beyond repair.

No. They weren’t.

Right now, in this moment, the guide Chaewon relied on most was Jin Su-ha.

If he lacked something, then he would simply do better from now on as Chaewon’s guide.

Even if not today, he wanted to win Chaewon’s heart.

And he would.

Having sorted out his thoughts, Su-ha smiled more lightly and pulled Chaewon closer, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

Then he said to the frozen Chaewon,

“Being by your side is rest for me, too.”

“But…”

“Does it make you uncomfortable, me being here?”

At the question, Chaewon’s face, already flushed from the kiss, turned even redder.

None of this felt natural to him at all, yet Su-ha acted as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world.

Chaewon felt confused about how to respond.

But after a brief pause, he shook his head.

“No. It’s not uncomfortable. I was just worried you might be tired.”

“Were you?”

“…Yes. I was.”

The way Su-ha asked, “Were you?” was so soft and tender that Chaewon once again missed the right moment to reply.

His voice brushed against him like a spring breeze, tickling the tip of his nose.

Since when had Su-ha spoken to him this gently?

Before he even realized it, Chaewon found that he had grown used to Su-ha’s kindness.

It hadn’t been that long ago that he had quietly accepted Su-ha’s cold tone as something he deserved.

Yet now it felt like a distant past.

If Su-ha were to become distant and cold again like before, Chaewon wasn’t sure he could accept it as calmly as he had the first time they met.

“Chaewon.”

When Chaewon’s gaze lowered slightly, his heart dipping at a scenario that hadn’t even happened, Su-ha suddenly called his name.

There was weight in his voice, as though he had something important to say.

Chaewon looked up again, tense.

Su-ha’s deep eyes were fixed on him.

After a brief silence, Su-ha spoke.

“Why did you refuse when Team Leader Min I-hyeon asked you to have dinner?”

Chaewon’s eyes widened in surprise.

He hadn’t expected that question at all.

Though he had brought it up, Su-ha was tense as well.

He couldn’t predict how this conversation would unfold.

But if he wanted to grow closer to Chaewon, to take a step forward, this was something he couldn’t avoid.

If he didn’t unfasten the button he himself had misaligned and set it right, they would keep circling the same place forever.

Su-ha didn’t want that.

Hoping his question wouldn’t feel threatening, he softened his voice as much as possible and continued.

“Of course, whether you spend time with someone or not is entirely up to you. I know it’s not my place to interfere.”

“Th-that’s…”

“But what worries me is… whether you’re holding yourself back for some other reason. I’m asking because I’m worried.”

Chaewon was skilled at pretending not to know, but he wasn’t oblivious.

With that single remark, he understood that Su-ha had already guessed why he had turned down I-hyeon’s offer.

He considered what to say.

To be honest, if it hadn’t been Su-ha, he wouldn’t have refused I-hyeon’s invitation.

By any measure, spending time with I-hyeon would have been beneficial to Chaewon.

Especially as a newly awakened Esper with much to learn.

If people had to pay to have dinner alone with I-hyeon, there would be a line of those willing to offer a fortune for that time.

It wasn’t limited to awakeners.

If others learned that I-hyeon had offered first and Chaewon had refused, they would be stunned.

Thinking that way, it wasn’t hard to imagine that Su-ha had guessed the reason was him.

There was no other reason to turn down such an opportunity unless he had been watching Su-ha’s mood.

As Chaewon struggled to choose his words, Su-ha, equally tense, swallowed and spoke carefully.

“Chaewon, perhaps…”

“…”

“If you thought I’d get angry just because you spent time with Team Leader Min…”

“No! That’s not it. I didn’t refuse because I thought that.”

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